I'm An Over-Sharer!

Summary

Podcast Summary: "I'm An Over-Sharer!"

Podcast Information:

• Title: Dr. Laura Call of the Day
• Host/Author: Dr. Laura Schlessinger & SiriusXM
• Episode: I'm An Over-Sharer!
• Release Date: February 9, 2025

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Introduction

In the episode titled "I'm An Over-Sharer!", Dr. Laura Schlessinger addresses a listener's concern about oversharing in the workplace. This detailed discussion delves into the challenges of maintaining professional boundaries, the psychological underpinnings of oversharing, and practical strategies to foster healthier communication habits at work.

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Caller’s Situation

At [01:22], a 54-year-old professional reaches out to Dr. Laura with a career-related dilemma. She shares her growing realization that she may be oversharing or lacking appropriate boundaries in her interactions at work. Specifically, she recounts an incident where a colleague persistently inquired about her one-on-one meetings with her boss:

Caller (B) [01:33]: "I just turned 54 this year and I realized that maybe I'm over sharing or I don't have any... I was at a, I had a colleague who asked me a lot of questions about my one on one meeting with my boss... I just realized this at 54, that I was doing that when she kept asking me questions..."

The caller expresses concerns about unintentionally sabotaging herself by being overly transparent and seeks guidance on how to navigate these professional interactions more effectively.

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Dr. Laura's Initial Response

Dr. Laura immediately acknowledges the caller's newfound self-awareness:

Dr. Laura (A) [02:46]: "Well, you are more aware you are. I don't care about the why, okay?"

She emphasizes the importance of focusing on actionable changes rather than delving into the reasons behind the behavior, suggesting that excessive introspection can be time-consuming and counterproductive.

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Strategies to Combat Oversharing

1. Shift Focus from "Why" to "What"

Dr. Laura advises the caller to prioritize the "what" over the "why" in her professional conduct:

Dr. Laura (A) [02:55]: "You don't stop and think. Oh, okay, and now you're aware of that... Just repeat that to me. Stop and think."

By interrupting the reflex to overshare, the caller can begin to establish healthier communication patterns without becoming bogged down by self-analysis.

2. Maintain Professional Boundaries

Addressing concerns about appearing paranoid, Dr. Laura reiterates the necessity of professional demeanor:

Dr. Laura (A) [03:31]: "You have to behave more responsibly and maturely at work."

She underscores that maintaining boundaries is a mark of professionalism and maturity, regardless of underlying insecurities or the desire for validation.

3. Respond Proactively to Inquiries

When faced with intrusive questions, Dr. Laura recommends turning the tables by asking thoughtful, professional questions in return:

Dr. Laura (A) [09:25]: "Just started. They asked the first question. ... So make believe you're back with that person... What’s your question to them?"

Caller (B) [09:31]: "Why."

Dr. Laura (A) [09:31]: "How can that information help you? That sounds professional."

This technique not only deflects unwanted probing but also encourages a more meaningful and purpose-driven dialogue.

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Overcoming the Fear of Perception

Dr. Laura addresses the caller's fear of being perceived negatively:

Dr. Laura (A) [08:03]: "I don't spend any time thinking about how somebody thinks about what I'm doing when I'm doing my job."

She advises focusing on one's responsibilities and not being overly concerned with others' perceptions, which can often be more detrimental than beneficial.

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Empowering the Caller

Throughout the conversation, Dr. Laura empowers the caller by reinforcing her ability to implement the suggested strategies:

Dr. Laura (A) [10:08]: "Good for you. See? You can do it."

This affirmation serves to bolster the caller's confidence in taking control of her professional interactions and setting necessary boundaries.

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Conclusion

By the end of the episode, the caller expresses gratitude for Dr. Laura's practical and concise advice, highlighting the effectiveness of addressing the issue without resorting to prolonged therapy:

Caller (B) [10:12]: "Thank you, Dr. Laura. I was getting ready to pay six months of psychotherapy... We saved a little time, don't you think?"

Dr. Laura concludes by reinforcing the importance of taking immediate, responsible actions to improve one's professional life, leaving listeners with actionable insights on managing oversharing in the workplace.

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Key Takeaways:

• Self-Awareness: Recognizing the tendency to overshare is the first step toward change.
• Focus on Action: Prioritize "what" you do over "why" you do it to foster behavioral change.
• Maintain Boundaries: Establishing professional boundaries is essential for career growth and personal well-being.
• Proactive Communication: Respond to intrusive questions with thoughtful inquiries to guide conversations.
• Confidence Building: Trust in your ability to implement strategies that enhance your professional interactions.

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This episode provides valuable guidance for professionals struggling with oversharing, offering clear, actionable advice to cultivate a more balanced and respectful workplace presence.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

Hi Dr. Laura.

[A]

Hi.

[B]

Hi. Thank you for having me. Have a career question.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I just turned 54 this year and I realized that maybe I'm over sharing or I don't have any. Maybe I lack boundaries. I was at a, I had a colleague who asked me a lot of questions about my one on one meeting with my boss and by the third question I was like why is she asking me this and why am I answering? Like how? What is your one on ones like what are you asking? What did she say? And at the third question sort of had an out of body experience and I'm like am I, am I sabotaging myself? And you know, because in the past my careers I felt like maybe I was just trying to be a team player or gain trust in my colleagues and the information may have been used against me in a weird way. So I just realized this at 54, that I was doing that when she kept asking me questions and I'm like, what is going on and why am I doing that? You know, I should be more aware of what I'm saying or what I'm doing or, you know, so that's what happened. So I'm just trying to figure out.

[A]

Well, you are more aware you are. I don't care about the why, okay? A lot of people go to therapists and spend a lot of time with why.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

That just takes up an Inordinate amount of time. And you don't have to know the why. You already know the that. The that you just expressed to me beautifully. You don't stop and think. Oh, okay, and now you're aware of that. So in that meeting where somebody's asking you a lot of questions, you don't start answering, you stop and think. Stop and think. Just repeat that to me. Stop and think.

[B]

Stop and think.

[A]

Good.

[B]

But am I going to be paranoid?

[A]

I don't care if you want to go to the what, the why. I don't care about the why. If you want to go why, spend six months in psychotherapy. Okay, we don't have time for that. You have to behave more responsibly and maturely at work. There's a certain amount of insecurity, there's a certain amount of anxiety, there's a certain amount of wanting validation, feeling like people can relate to you. There are a lot of reasons oversharing happens. But you're a professional woman now. We don't have time to analyze which one is particular to you because it doesn't matter which one is particular to you in order for you to stop it. Curling up on the couch for a movie is one of my favorite ways to end the day. Lily's always right there with me. And we have a new addition to our movie nights. The fluffiest pretty rosewater pink Lola blanket. Lola blankets are unbelievably soft double sided faux fur blankets with a huggable stretch that molds to your body. Lola blankets come in a beautiful array of colors and three different sizes so you can find just the right fit for your family. They even offer weighted blankets for better sleep and relaxation and super cute knotted faux fur pillows. With thousands of five star reviews, Lola blankets are the must have upgrade your home and comfort deserve. So go to Lola blankets.com use my code DrLaura at checkout for 40% off. An incredible discount just for you, my listener. What are you waiting for? Go to lolablankets.com today and experience the life changing softness for yourself.

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[B]

Okay. Okay. And do you think. Do you think if I. Okay, if I sort of pause or whatever, 30 seconds will. Okay, will it come off like I'm paranoid or will it.

[A]

It doesn't matter what you are, see which. You're doing this all in your own head.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

Oh. People are going to think I'm dead and they're going to think I'm dead and I'm going to think I'm dead. This is not how a professional woman thinks. Let me give you. Let me say the following.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I don't spend any time thinking about how somebody thinks about what I'm doing when I'm doing my job. I don't spend any time thinking about it unless somebody has inspirational good idea for me. I don't spend my time thinking, worrying about what you think about what I'M saying I'm just trying to help you. If you think I'm being tough, belligerent, too wishy, I don't care. I am focused in on helping you. All right?

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So if I spent my time imagining how this might be going on in your head, then I wouldn't be able to focus on my job. So you come out of a situation, somebody starts querying you. Clearly they have anxieties about what happened. They want background information, they want a leg up in knowing more stuff, and they see you as easy.

[B]

Got it.

[A]

You want to know how people see you Easy?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

No more. You're going to stop and think, and the first thing you're going to do is ask a question. So make believe you're back with that person. They just started asking you questions. Just started. They asked the first question. But what's your question to them?

[B]

Why.

[A]

Is that a sentence on its own?

[B]

Yeah. Why do you want to know? Or what do you. What do you recommend?

[A]

Well, why do you want to know is a little hostile.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

How can that information help you? That sounds professional. How would that information help you? Well, then I wouldn't be worried when I went in for the meeting. And what would be your answer to that?

[B]

Well, we are. Everybody's different. I guess my questions might not be the same as yours.

[A]

Good for you. See? You can do it.

[B]

Okay. Awesome. Thank you, Dr. Laura. I was getting ready to pay six months of psychotherapy.

[A]

Yeah, we saved a little time, don't you think?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Thank you so much. I appreciate you.

[A]

Thank you. I appreciate you saying that. My number, 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course. I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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