I'm My Niece's Confidant

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day – Episode: "I'm My Niece's Confidant"

Release Date: January 9, 2025

In this compelling episode of Dr. Laura Call of the Day, Dr. Laura Schlessinger addresses a sensitive family situation brought forth by a concerned caller. The discussion delves into the complexities of adolescent identity exploration, familial responsibilities, and the balance between respecting privacy and ensuring the well-being of young family members.

---

Caller’s Dilemma: Navigating Family Confidentiality

The episode opens with a caller reaching out to seek Dr. Laura's guidance on a delicate matter involving his niece. The caller, a 76-year-old gay male in a longstanding relationship, expresses his concern over his 14-year-old niece who recently confided in his partner about identifying as bisexual. The niece has requested that this revelation remain confidential within the immediate family.

Key Points:

• Caller’s Background: A 76-year-old man in a 40-year relationship.
• Family Dynamics: Close relationship with his niece, who has four children.
• Niece’s Disclosure: Confessed to being bisexual and wishes to keep it private.

Notable Quote:

“I'm just about your age. I'm 76 and I am a gay male in a relationship for 40 years with my partner. And I have a lovely niece who has four kids and I'm close to all of them. And the last, the small youngest girls, 14.”
— Caller [01:16]

---

Dr. Laura’s Initial Response: Assessing the Situation

Dr. Laura responds promptly, seeking clarification to fully understand the context and gravity of the niece's disclosure. She probes whether the niece is engaging in any self-destructive or sexually acting out behaviors, which would necessitate immediate intervention.

Key Points:

• Age of Disclosure: Emphasizes the significance of the niece being 14 years old.
• Behavioral Concerns: Queries if the niece is exhibiting any destructive or sexually inappropriate behaviors.

Notable Quote:

“The only concern I would have, and the only concern I urge you to have, if she's acting out sexually at 14, that's a problem because that's going to disturb her, distress her, cause problems for the rest of her life.”
— Dr. Laura [02:32]

---

Balancing Privacy with Protective Measures

Dr. Laura underscores the importance of respecting the niece's privacy, provided she is not engaging in harmful behaviors. She advises that disclosure should only occur if there are signs of self-destructive actions or if her well-being is at risk. According to Dr. Laura, mere identification of sexual orientation or gender identity at a young age, without accompanying negative behaviors, does not warrant breaching confidentiality.

Key Points:

• Privacy Respect: Maintaining the niece’s confidentiality unless harm is evident.
• Behavioral Indicators: Differentiates between identity expression and destructive behaviors.
• Supportive Environment: Encourages creating a supportive space for the niece to explore her identity safely.

Notable Quote:

“If she's announcing that at 14 she thinks she's gay, trans, confused, whatever it is, as long as we're not acting out on it and her behavior is not self-destructive in any way, then it's none of your business to share this information.”
— Dr. Laura [03:10]

---

Addressing Societal Influences and Long-Term Impact

The conversation progresses to a broader discussion about the societal pressures and the prevalence of identity exploration among adolescents. Dr. Laura comments on the phenomenon, suggesting that many young individuals may experience fluctuating feelings regarding their sexual orientation or gender identity, which often stabilize over time.

Key Points:

• Societal Influence: Acknowledges the "pandemic-like" spread of identity labels among youth.
• Temporary Nature of Adolescent Feelings: Highlights that many identities explored during adolescence may change with maturity.
• Parental Guidance: Advises gentle guidance rather than immediate disclosure to extended family, ensuring the niece's feelings are respected while monitoring for any negative behaviors.

Notable Quote:

“Notions kids have at that age may very well not last the test of time. So taking a kid's word for something... is really absurd and destructive to kids.”
— Caller [08:14]

---

Final Recommendations and Emphasis on Well-being

Dr. Laura concludes by reaffirming her initial stance, emphasizing that intervention should only occur if there is evidence of harm. She encourages the caller to remain supportive and observant, ensuring that the niece feels safe and understood within the family environment.

Key Points:

• Reiteration of Privacy: Reinforces that confidentiality should only be breached if necessary for the niece's safety.
• Supportive Approach: Advocates for a balance between respect for privacy and vigilant care for the niece's well-being.
• Open Communication: Suggests maintaining open lines of communication to support the niece effectively.

Notable Quote:

“The most important part of this discussion is that at 14, you not act out sexually.”
— Caller [08:53]

---

Conclusion: Upholding Ethical Responsibility in Family Support

Throughout the episode, Dr. Laura emphasizes the ethical responsibility of family members to support young relatives while respecting their privacy and autonomy. She advocates for a measured approach that prioritizes the niece's emotional and psychological well-being, encouraging the caller to be a reliable confidant without overstepping boundaries unless warranted by the niece's actions.

This episode serves as a valuable resource for listeners navigating similar familial challenges, offering nuanced advice on balancing support, privacy, and proactive care in sensitive family matters.

---

Note: This summary intentionally omits promotional segments and advertisements to focus solely on the substantive content of the episode.

Transcript

[Dr. Laura]

When I had a kidlet living at home, the technology did not exist to tell me where he was at any given time. But it does today, thanks to Life360. Coordinating your family's activities and keeping them safe has never been easier. Life360 is a location sharing app that works on your mobile phone, letting you see the real time locations of your family members. Got a kid in college? Life360's roadside and emergency response programs here can give you peace of mind. Teen driver in the family life 360 lets you easily monitor their driving speed. Plus you can attach a Life360 tile tracker to bikes, keys, soccer bags, and more. When I get mine, I just may attach it to Lily's collar. Whether you're in the carpooling phase, raising young adults, or keeping an eye on elderly parents, you can stay connected to the ones you love. With Life360, visit life360.com or or download the app today and use the code DrLaura to get 15% off. That's life360.com code DrLaura thanks for listening.

[Caller]

To my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Al welcome to the program.

Okay, thank you Dr. Lahr. Always appreciate your rational advice. So here's my situation. It's very simple. I'm just about your age. I'm 76 and I am a gay male in a relationship for 40 years with my partner. And I have a lovely niece who has four kids and I'm close to all of them. And the last, the small youngest girls, 14. And she, she texted my partner and they talked and she texted my partner saying that she, she's bisexual and it was okay to tell me but she doesn't want anybody else in the family to know. And I have a conflict. I mean I feel like, you know, I know my, my niece, my, the mother and you know, I feel like I should tell her or her grandmother, my sister in law and first of all, there is no father.

[Dr. Laura]

I'm kind of like, how, sir, how.

[Caller]

Old is this, how old is this young woman?

14.

Is she acting out sexually with males and females? Is she? Actually.

No, I don't think so. No, no.

Oh, I don't, I don't know. I don't do well with what we think is happening. But the only concern I would have, and the only concern I urge you to have, if she's acting out sexually at 14, that's a problem because that's going to disturb her, distress her, cause problems for the rest of her life. So if she's announcing that at 14 she thinks she's gay, trans, confused, whatever it is, as long as we're not acting out on it and her behavior is not self destructive in any way, then it's none of your business to share this information.

Okay?

The only reason information like this should be shared is if it is in her best interest because something destructive is happening. But in this day and age, for 14 year olds to think they're the wrong gender, they're gay, they're straight, they're bi, they're. It's, it's like, it's like a pandemic. Almost like it's viral.

Acting out or playing out some kind of role model.

So basically, what if she confided in the gentleman you've had in your life for 40 years? Then urge him to say, well, you may have these thoughts now, they may change later. Acting out sexually though at your age is inappropriate. That's the sort of support and help, not oh, let's all get into gear and support her being bi with a 14 year old kid. No, I would not know that may ridiculous. Well, I'm glad, but I was just describing what I would not do and urge you to tell him what he ought to do. Curling up on the couch for a movie is one of my favorite ways to end the day. Lily's always right there with me. And we have a new addition to our movie nights. The fluffiest pretty rosewater pink Lola blanket. Lola blankets are unbelievably soft double sided faux fur blankets with a huggable stretch that molds to your body. Lola blankets come in a beautiful array of colors and three different sizes so you can find just the right fit for your family. They even offer weighted blankets for better sleep and relaxation and super cute knotted faux fur pillows. With thousands of five star reviews, Lola blankets are the must have upgrade your home and comfort deserve. So go to LOL. Use my code DRLAURA at checkout for 40% off. An incredible discount just for you my listener. What are you waiting for? Go to lolablankets.com today and experience the life changing softness for yourself. Let's be real, doing laundry stinks. Except the folding. I actually find that pretty meditative. But those heavy detergent jugs that spill and all those chemicals you don't really need. No thank you. Earth Breeze has changed the game with their detergent sheets. It's like a dryer sheet but for your washer. Just toss in an Earth Breeze laundry sheet. Walk away. You get a powerful clean without the unnecessary chemicals. It's hypoallergenic, so no irritation or itching. Earth Breeze is all about making life easier, and they do so by keeping things simple. So here's the deal. Go to earthbreeze.com drlaura for 40% off with your subscription. If you don't love it, they'll give you your money back, no questions asked. Just go to earthbreeze.com drlaura if you want 40% off with your subscription. Once you try Earth Breeze, you'll never go back. See for yourself.

[Advertiser]

Netcredit is here to say yes to a personal loan or line of credit. When other lenders say no, apply in minutes and get a decision as soon as the same day. If approved, applications are typically funded the next business day or sooner. Loans offered by NetCredit or lending partner banks and serviced by Netcredit applications subject to review and approval. Learn [e-mail] partner netcredit credit to the People.

[Dr. Laura]

When I had a kidlet living at home, the technology did not exist to tell me where he was at any given time. But it does today, thanks to Life 360. Coordinating your family's activities and keeping them safe has never been easier. Life360 is a location sharing app that works on your mobile phone, letting you see the real time locations of your family members. Got a kid in college? Life360's roadside and emergency response programs can give you peace of mind. Teen Driver in the family life360 lets you easily monitor their driving speed. Plus you can attach a Life 360 tile tracker to bikes, keys, soccer bags, and more. When I get mine, I just may attach it to Lily's collar. Whether you're in the carpooling phase, raising young adults, or keeping an eye on elderly parents, you can stay connected to the ones you love. With Life360, visit life360.com or download the app today and use the code DRLAURA to get 15% off. That's Life360 code DRLORA.

[Caller]

So let me reiterate the message that you think I should say is you're doing great. You can always talk to myself or my partner, but I want to reiterate, I hope you're not getting active sexually. How did you word it?

Well, notions kids have at that age may very well not last the test of time. So taking a kid's word for something and then lopping off penises and breasts like they're doing now with trans situations is really absurd and destructive to kids and I think abusive in addition, stupid. So I think it's reasonable to say to her, you may think that now it may change. Sometimes it just changes as you get older and know yourself more either which way, sweetheart? The most important part of this discussion is that at 14, you not act out sexually.

I because that's the message I would get. And I certainly don't want to violate her privacy unless I thought I privacy.

I appreciate that, but her privacy should be violated if she's doing something destructive to herself or someone else.

I don't have that information.

Excellent. All right.

[Dr. Laura]

I do appreciate your call.

[Caller]

My number 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

[Dr. Laura]

Sweetheart, what about this one? Um, nah, fam, that's a little sus.

[Advertiser]

Shopping with teenagers can be hard between figuring out what they like and what they mean. But with Walmart, at least shopping for their next pair of glasses is easy. With the Walmart app, you can virtually try on frames at home, upload prescriptions, and get new glasses delivered right to your door. An easier way to get stylish glasses they'll actually like.

[Caller]

Now these new glasses, Total vibes.

[Advertiser]

Buying new glasses has a new look. Welcome to your Walmart. Valid prescription required.