I'm So Upset About My Husband's Mistake

Summary

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Podcast Summary: “I'm So Upset About My Husband's Mistake”

The Dr. Laura Podcast
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Date: December 15, 2025

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Overview: Main Theme & Episode Purpose

This episode of The Dr. Laura Podcast features Dr. Laura Schlessinger responding to a caller, Brian, distraught over her husband’s behavior during a work trip. The central focus is on relationship expectations, emotional reactions to disappointment, and the deeper roots of emotional dependency within marriage. Dr. Laura uses her trademark direct approach to challenge Brian’s intense response, ultimately diagnosing unmet emotional needs beyond the husband’s "mistake."

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting the Scene: Brian’s Marital Concern (02:26 – 06:03)

• Caller Brian describes having a "rock solid marriage" and credits Dr. Laura for being a good wife despite lacking a role model.
• Situation: Her husband recently received a promotion, requiring temporary travel. During a recent trip, he failed to check in—didn’t call to say goodnight or communicate with Brian or their kids.
• Brian’s Feelings: She admits to being upset, handling it with passive-aggressive remarks, feeling hurt when her husband revealed he went out drinking with a friend and simply "fell asleep."
• Brian’s Struggle: Despite attempts to discuss this with her husband, she cannot understand his thought process and feels stonewalled.

Notable Quote:
“I was passive aggressive in how I handled it. I could have been better. ...I was so upset with him, I just hung up the phone.” — Caller Brian (04:29)

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2. Dr. Laura’s Response: Is This Reaction Proportionate? (08:19 – 11:00)

• Seeking Guidance: Brian asks Dr. Laura for help—some “language” to communicate with her husband.
• Dr. Laura’s Challenge: Dr. Laura questions the magnitude of Brian’s reaction, highlighting that this is a single incident in an otherwise strong marriage.

Notable Quote:
“If you’ve never ever had a problem and this was a one-time deal, why are you being so melodramatic?” — Dr. Laura (08:55)

• Directness: Dr. Laura expresses little patience for Brian's ongoing emotional distress and tears, pointing out the disproportion of the response to the actual event.
• Comparisons with True Crisis: Dr. Laura references callers dealing with tragedies, setting a tone for emotional context.

Notable Quote:
“People have called me. They have cancer, their children have died. This is crying. One time he didn’t call or text when he was away... and you think the whole marriage is fake?” — Dr. Laura (10:19)

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3. Digging Deeper: The Issue Beneath the Surface (11:11 – 12:56)

• Pattern Recognition: Dr. Laura suggests Brian’s difficulty is less about her husband’s lapse and more about her own lack of a support network.
• Isolation Highlighted: Brian admits to having only "superficial friends."
• Dr. Laura’s Diagnosis: She asserts that Brian’s unraveling is triggered by loneliness and over-dependence on her husband for emotional connection.

Notable Quote:
“I think your problem is then you’re... I can’t talk to you. ...You’re just being annoying right now. ...If he disconnects with you for any tiny period of time, you unravel because you’re alone.” — Dr. Laura (11:28-11:49)

• Advice for Brian: Dr. Laura urges Brian to build stronger friendships and seek counseling, cautioning against total emotional dependence on a spouse.

Notable Quote:
“Honestly, it’s not him, it’s you.” — Dr. Laura (12:39)

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4. Dr. Laura’s Personal Reflection on Empathy & Crying (12:56 – 17:07)

• Professional Experience: Dr. Laura recounts an early career experience with a crying client, revealing her introspection about what triggers her empathy.
• Lesson Learned: She learned to question whether visible emotion (like crying) always signals true anguish—or whether it may mask deeper issues, such as loneliness or existential discomfort.
• Therapeutic Insight: With her client, she shifted perspective by inviting self-awareness (using the tissue pile as a symbol), which led to addressing the real issue.

Notable Quote:
“…sometimes I don’t buy it. Because it means something else. And that’s my job as a therapist. I’m supposed to be able to figure that out.” — Dr. Laura (17:03)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

| Timestamp | Quote | Speaker | |-----------|-------|---------| | 04:29 | “I was passive aggressive in how I handled it. I could have been better. ...I was so upset with him, I just hung up the phone.” | Caller Brian | | 08:55 | “If you’ve never ever had a problem and this was a one-time deal, why are you being so melodramatic?” | Dr. Laura | | 10:19 | “People have called me. They have cancer, their children have died. This is crying. One time he didn’t call or text when he was away... and you think the whole marriage is fake?” | Dr. Laura | | 11:28-11:49 | “I think your problem is then you’re... I can’t talk to you. ...You’re just being annoying right now. ...If he disconnects with you for any tiny period of time, you unravel because you’re alone.” | Dr. Laura | | 12:39 | “Honestly, it’s not him, it’s you.” | Dr. Laura | | 17:03 | “…sometimes I don’t buy it. Because it means something else. And that’s my job as a therapist. I’m supposed to be able to figure that out.” | Dr. Laura |

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Important Timestamps

• 02:26 – Caller Brian presents her marital concern
• 04:29 – Brian describes husband’s mistake and emotional fallout
• 08:19 – Dr. Laura questions what resolution Brian wants
• 08:55 – Dr. Laura challenges the proportionality of Brian’s reaction
• 11:11 – Brian admits to lack of close friends
• 12:39 – Dr. Laura provides direct advice: “Honestly, it’s not him, it’s you.”
• 12:56-17:07 – Dr. Laura’s reflection on interpreting crying and real emotional distress

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Tone & Takeaways

Dr. Laura approaches this call with her signature no-nonsense attitude, showing little patience for self-pity and demanding emotional accountability. She steers the narrative from the presenting “husband’s mistake” to the deeper psychological issue of emotional dependency and the risks of isolation. Her empathy is demonstrated not through comfort, but through challenging listeners to take responsibility for their emotional needs and seek resilience.

Key Takeaway:
One disappointing act in an otherwise healthy marriage is not grounds for emotional unraveling. Overreliance on a partner for emotional security can be harmful; cultivating a broader emotional support system is vital. Seek counseling and develop true friendships to avoid disproportionate reactions to life’s inevitable disappointments.

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Transcript

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[Caller Brian]

Hi Dr. Laura. Thank you so much for taking my call.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You're very welcome. How can I help?

[Caller Brian]

So my husband and I have a rock solid marriage And I'm very grateful to you because you've helped me be the best wife I can be. I didn't have a great role model in my mom for that, so I thank you for that. My husband recently got a promotion, and it temporarily, for the first month or two of the promotion, he had to start traveling just to kind of, like, lay, I guess, like lay the rules of his new position out with satellite offices type thing, if you. If that makes any sense.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

What did he tell you the promotion actually was?

What was his new job? What was it?

Traveling salesman.

What was it?

[Caller Brian]

No, no, it has to do with kind of like finance.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, I want to know exactly what he told you was entailed in this new job. Try to do that.

[Caller Brian]

He. He oversees groups of people and how they invest money.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And he told you that this promotion.

Means that he's going to be driving a lot, not in the house. Is that correct?

[Caller Brian]

No, ma'. Am. It has to do with. He had to fly to basically different parts of the world and just kind of put in, like, a pressure.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And you agreed to that lifestyle?

[Caller Brian]

No, no, it's only temporary. Like a month or two. Just like a one and done. Very temporary. Very temporary.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay.

[Caller Brian]

And so it. We're coming to the tail end of it. And he was. He flew on a trip. It was very last minute, but we knew it was coming. We just didn't know when. And he said, it's for three nights, but I'm going to try and come back early. And he kind of like, he, for the first time ever, ghosted our family. He didn't call the kids to say good night. He didn't call me. And I was passive aggressive in how I handled it. I could have been better. And he called me and he. And he's like, I know you're upset. I'm sorry. I didn't text, I didn't call. And I'm like, well, don't worry about it. No one was sad. I was terrible. I was rude about it. But he told me. He's like, yeah, I went out drinking with my friend and just fell asleep. And I was so upset with him, I just hung up the phone. And he flew home. But I don't even. I don't know how. What his thought process was. I've tried kind of unpacking it with him, and he almost doesn't even want to talk about it. It's like he knows what he did was wrong.

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

What is it you were hoping I could do for you? I have no idea what you're hoping.

I can do for you. Tell me.

[Caller Brian]

I. I just maybe give me some language to.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You already told him you were not happy. What language do you want to create?

[Caller Brian]

What?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

What?

[Caller Brian]

I've just never had a problem with him like this.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well, if you've never ever had a problem and this was a one time deal, why are you being so melodramatic?

[Caller Brian]

I just not. You know, everything else has.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Stop the crying. I don't appreciate the nonsensical crying you're doing right now. This guy has been Sterling, one stupid thing and you're unraveling. Who needs a woman like this?

Seriously.

Think about how you're behaving.

Think about it.

Think about whether this is proportional. This were a pattern, man, I'd be crying with you. But this is a one off.

[Caller Brian]

I just.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Here we go.

Oh, here we go. You have any understanding why I'm being totally non understanding?

[Caller Brian]

Please tell me.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

No, I'm not going to talk to.

You while you're doing the me Amelie crying. I can't stand that.

It's not for.

People have called me. They have cancer, their children have died. This is crying.

One time he didn't call or text when he was away on a trip. And you think the whole marriage is fake and it's terminal and he doesn't love you, he doesn't love the kids. You're totally insecure in the world. Who needs a woman like this?

If you were married to you right now, what would you be thinking? Seriously, if you were married to you right now, what would you be thinking?

[Caller Brian]

I mean, everyone else has left.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Are you going to answer my question or not? Okay, tell you what. Call your mother, call your friend and.

Do this crying thing.

[Caller Brian]

Have a moment. I don't.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay. Do you have a friend? You don't have any friends. Really? Why would you choose to not bring people into your life to care about you? And do you care about them?

[Caller Brian]

I have a lot of very superficial friends. I have.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well, I think then. I think your problem is then you're. I can't talk to you. I'm not going to be able to help you.

You're just being annoying right now.

I have no friends. Well, then I think your problem is that you have no friends. So if he disconnects with you for.

Any tiny period of time, you unravel because you're alone. Actually, I think that's the answer.

Now.

I understand the crying. It isn't about what he did.

It highlights to you how you're without him alone. What happens if, God forbid, he dies? Men die. Usually before us. Is this what you're going to be like for your kids?

[Caller Brian]

I mean, there is a part of my husband where you know, okay, Ryan.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Ryan, I think I've done my best. I really think I've done my best. I suggest you get some counseling. I suggest you get more vulnerable with friends. Choose wisely and have some depth in your relationships so you're not so totally.

Dependent upon a text within one day. Honestly, it's not him, it's you.

For the longest while, I couldn't understand this crying was annoying. And I want to tell the rest.

Of you home who think I'm some kind of cold bitch. When I was studying and in supervision to become a therapist, I came to one of my supervisors and I said, hand wringing and all.

I don't think.

I made out for this career job situation. He said, why? I said, because I got one patient who comes in, she's beautifully dressed, coiffed hair, sort of early afternoon, late morning, and she sits there every time. And no matter what we talk about, between her nose and her eyeballs, they're.

Both running all the time.

She's crying all the time and I feel nothing. And he said, well, Waller, what does that tell you? And I said, I must be totally unfeeling, non compassionate. He said, her nose is running, her.

Eyeballs are running, she's making crying noises.

But how do you know she's crying?

It took me a bit to sit there and try to process that one. Generally when somebody's. They're crying, for God's sake.

And I thought, oh my God, I just learned something important. Maybe I'm not feeling it because it isn't, because I am a very sensitive person about people in true pain. But I also seem to have this barometer for when it's. Yeah, come on, it's something else. And this dear lady was crying out of. I'm alone in my never to be humble opinion. God, sometimes, you know, I know this is radio and it's just a few microseconds, but sometimes things become very clear. Anyway, I do my best. So the next time I went to session with this woman, I brought a big box of tissues. And by the way, there was a trash can right near her. She would, between her nose and her eyeballs, bunch it up and just keep it growing on her lap with her very nice clothes on. So in the next session I was ready.

I figured instead of sitting here thinking.

About myself, why don't I appreciate that she's crying? Why am I so why me, me, me, me, me. I turned it around and what does this mean? What is trying to be communicated to.

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

That I obviously, week after week, I'm not getting.

So she came in that day, I gave her the huge box of tissues, one of those big ones, you know, like a bread box. And she started doing her routine. And I said, that's sort of artistically interesting. This total. I mean, it's almost like a Da Vinci moment. What are you making on your lap with all of these tissues? Let's look at the symbolism. What could this mean? I know that sounds very crazy, right? It's the stuff I used to do because it gets. It gets you information. So she looked at me, looked down, looked at me, looked down, looked at me, looked down. And then we're both looking at this pile of tissues. I said, is it a pile of poop? Is it a pile of burnt things? Is this a pile of memories? What is this a pile of.

Believe it or not, the crying stopped.

We got to the problem, which she.

Was deflecting and distracting and everything else.

Ing with the crying.

So, yeah, sometimes I don't buy it.

Because it means something else. And that's my job as a therapist. I'm supposed to be able to figure that out.

Anything else you want? You want me to be a magician? We're going to take a break while.

I go get my magic wand. My number one, 800-375-2872.

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