I'm Still Traumatized by My Sister's Cancer

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day – "I'm Still Traumatized by My Sister's Cancer"

Episode Information

• Title: I'm Still Traumatized by My Sister's Cancer
• Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
• Air Date: April 14, 2025
• Platform: SiriusXM Triumph 111

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Introduction

In this emotionally charged episode of "Dr. Laura Call of the Day," Dr. Laura Schlessinger addresses the lingering trauma experienced by Emma, a 14-year-old girl, following her younger sister's battle with cancer. Emma reaches out seeking guidance on managing persistent emotional distress triggered by memories of her sister's illness.

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Caller Introduction

At 01:21, Emma's mother initiates the conversation:

• Emma's Mom: "Hi Dr. Laura. Thank you so much for taking our call today."

Dr. Laura promptly engages with Emma, establishing her age and academic standing:

• Dr. Laura: "Emma. Hi. How old are you?"
• Emma: "I'm 14."
• Dr. Laura: "And what grade does that put you in?"
• Emma: "Eighth grade."

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Emma’s Experience with Trauma

Emma shares her profound emotional struggles stemming from her sister's cancer diagnosis when Emma was ten years old:

• Emma: "When I was 10 years old, my sister got cancer and she was like a baby. ... Sometimes like I still like remember some of like the stuff that I like. They're just like these like pictures that come into my head and then like it makes me really sad and emotional and I wonder if there's a better way to cope my feelings than crying because I just cry."

She elaborates on the recurrence of traumatic memories triggered by seemingly unrelated school discussions:

• Emma: "Like, whenever the subject comes up."

One particularly distressing memory involves a night when her sister had severe side effects from medication:

• Emma: "There was, like, one night ... they were going to the hospital, and I didn't really want them to leave, so I, like, started crying, and then I was, like, running after the car so they wouldn't leave."

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Dr. Laura’s Guidance on Coping Mechanisms

Dr. Laura offers practical strategies to help Emma manage her emotions and reframe her traumatic memories:

• Dr. Laura: "If she's in the house or around you, you go up to her and give her a big hug. I'm so happy you're my sister and I'm so happy you're okay."

She emphasizes the importance of shifting focus from negative emotions to positive affirmations:

• Dr. Laura: "Instead of dwelling on the flip side of the negativity ... look at a picture and say kiss, kiss, hug, hug. I'm glad you're here. I'm glad that's behind us. I'm glad we're both okay."

Dr. Laura highlights the necessity of habit formation through consistent practice:

• Dr. Laura: "You will get into the habit of not embracing. ... Habit requires frequency."

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Exploring Deeper Emotional Impacts

As the conversation progresses, Dr. Laura delves into the broader emotional landscape that Emma navigates as the older sibling of a sick child:

• Dr. Laura: "When children are little, every child's concern is for themselves in addition to ... it's very worrisome for a child when they're sort of out of the picture."

Emma’s mother seeks advice on whether professional therapy is needed:

• Emma's Mom: "Do you think that she would benefit from some therapy or should I just talk to her myself and dad?"

Dr. Laura advises against immediate therapy, advocating instead for open familial communication:

• Dr. Laura: "I don't think she needs therapy. I think she needs to air these feelings because they're scary and embarrassing ... you're just a kid and this is normal."

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Conclusion and Final Support

Dr. Laura reinforces the importance of addressing both Emma's feelings for herself and her compassionate concern for her sister:

• Dr. Laura: "I would urge more conversation with Emma about her feelings for herself, not just for her sister."

She concludes the session with heartfelt support:

• Dr. Laura: "Okay, sweetheart, hugs to both of you."

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Key Takeaways

1. Acknowledgment of Complex Emotions: Emma's experience underscores the intricate emotional challenges faced by children when a sibling is ill. It's essential to recognize both their self-centered fears and their empathetic concerns for their siblings.

2. Positive Affirmation Techniques: Dr. Laura advocates for transforming negative memories into positive affirmations, helping Emma reframe her traumatic experiences into statements of gratitude and relief.

3. Habit Formation for Emotional Healing: Consistent practice of positive affirmations can help rewire emotional responses, moving away from habitual crying to healthier coping mechanisms.

4. Importance of Open Communication: Encouraging Emma to express her feelings openly within the family setting can alleviate the need for professional therapy, fostering a supportive home environment.

5. Normalizing Emotional Responses: Validating Emma's emotions as normal and understandable helps mitigate feelings of selfishness or embarrassment, promoting better emotional health.

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Notable Quotes

• Emma: "Sometimes like I still like remember some of like the stuff that I like. They're just like these like pictures that come into my head and then like it makes me really sad and emotional..." ([01:45])

• Dr. Laura: "If she's in the house or around you, you go up to her and give her a big hug. I'm so happy you're my sister and I'm so happy you're okay." ([02:19])

• Dr. Laura: "You will get into the habit of not embracing. ... Habit requires frequency." ([03:00])

• Dr. Laura: "I don't think she needs therapy. I think she needs to air these feelings because they're scary and embarrassing..." ([10:03])

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Final Thoughts

This episode poignantly addresses the hidden traumas that children like Emma endure in the shadow of a sibling's serious illness. Dr. Laura Schlessinger provides compassionate, actionable advice that emphasizes positive reinforcement, habitual change, and open familial dialogue. Her guidance offers a pathway for young listeners and their families to navigate complex emotions and foster resilience in the face of adversity.

Transcript

[Dr. Laura]

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[Emma's Mom]

Hi Dr. Laura. Thank you so much for taking our call today.

[Dr. Laura]

You're welcome. Emma. Hi. How old are you?

[Emma]

Hi. I'm 14.

[Dr. Laura]

And what grade does that put you in?

[Emma]

Eighth grade.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, what can I help you with? What is the problem you're having? Emma?

[Emma]

So When I was 10 years old, my sister got cancer and she was like a baby. And she was my little sister. And she's a lot better now, thank God. Like she got like, she stopped her medication like one year ago. But like sometimes like I still like remember some of like the stuff that I like. They're just like these like pictures that come into my head and then like it makes me really sad and emotional and I wonder if there's a better way to cope my feelings than crying because I just cry. So I wonder if there's a better way to handle my emotions rather than crying.

[Dr. Laura]

Yes. If she's in the house or around you, you go up to her and give her a big hug. I'm so happy you're my sister and I'm so happy you're okay. In other words, instead of dwelling on the flip side of the negativity, the fear, the trauma, some of the anger, there are all kinds of things that were going through your head. If I had more time and a private office, we could go through some of it. But I'm going to just give you an overall. You're dwelling on what was scary. She could die. You could get cancer. She's in the hospital. You don't know what to do with yourself. There are all kinds of things that go on in the older child of somebody, the older child where there is some illness. So look at a picture and say kiss, kiss, hug, hug. I'm glad you're here. I'm glad that's behind us. I'm glad we're both okay. And do it in person with her every time. And you will get into the habit of not embracing. You will get into the habit of not embracing. It's a habit. A habit you have. And we're going to give you a different habit. Habit requires frequency. As I said, pull the picture out and say it to the picture map. You didn't die. It was all very scary. You're good now. I don't have cancer. Everything is good. I think there are other issues that I choose not mom to bring up on air.

[Emma's Mom]

Okay. But I do believe I said.

[Dr. Laura]

To be more exploring.

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[Dr. Laura]

Let me do a little, little bit, but there is an area I don't want to get into. Okay, Just not going to. Okay. So, Emma, when you're in school, what class is it? A specific class where you get the memories in? Is it English? Math?

[Emma]

No. No, it's like, it's not in a specific class.

[Dr. Laura]

You said it happens in school. I'm just wondering when in school. Okay, you can't talk while I'm talking, Emma, because then I can't hear you and you can't hear me. So if you hear my voice, stop talking, please. Just for a moment. So I'm curious as to where and when at school this sometimes happens.

[Emma]

Like, if someone, like, just, like, brings up, like, yesterday, we're talking about, like, how everybody goes through hard times. Like, my teacher came to me and said, like, we know you went through a very hard time. And, like, that got me really emotional, like, a couple, like, weeks ago. My other teacher is also, like, not the same teacher. A different teacher was talking about how, like, her sister just got cancer also. So, like, that also made me show, like, it's not in a specific class. It's just, like, whenever the subject comes up.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, what's the part of the memory that's the worst for you? Name one.

[Emma]

Like, like, there was, like, one night where, like, she, like. Because one of the side effects of the medicine is, like, you get frequent fevers, like, high fevers, and you have to go to the hospital. Then I remember one night, like, they were going to the hospital, and I didn't really want them to leave, so I, like, started crying, and then I was, like, running after the car so they wouldn't leave. But, like, that's one. And then, like, there's just, like, other ones, but.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, Emma, Emma, take a breath. Emma. Emma, take a breath. That was very helpful, Mom. Did you understand what that meant?

[Emma's Mom]

Yes, that she felt abandoned.

[Dr. Laura]

That's. And I don't. I want this to be taken in a very positive way. When children are little, every child's concern is for themselves in addition to, like, a sibling or a parent. But it's very worrisome for a child when they're sort of out of the picture. That's very scary and it's probably for a kid, the worst kind of feeling. And Emma has a good heart for her sister and in addition she's somewhat traumatized as all non ill kids get. All of them get traumatized with. They're sort of put at the back of the bus. They have to be got to take care of the sick child.

[Emma's Mom]

Right.

[Dr. Laura]

So I would urge more conversation with Emma about her feelings for herself, not just for her sister. That's very sweet, but that's not the whole story.

[Emma's Mom]

Okay. Do you think that she would benefit from some therapy or should I just talk to her myself and dad?

[Dr. Laura]

I think her mommy, she needs her mommy to explain all of this because we tend to focus everything on getting another child. Well, that's just what happens. No, I don't think she needs therapy. I think she needs to air these feelings because they're scary and embarrassing and frightful to air because it makes you sound like you're selfish or something, you know, and you're not. You're just a kid and this is normal. So.

[Emma's Mom]

Right.

[Dr. Laura]

Emma, are you. Are you okay with what I just said?

[Emma]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, sweetheart, hugs to both of you. My number, 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course. I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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[Dr. Laura]

Yep.

[UPS Store Representative]

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[Customer]

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[UPS Store Representative]

Of course.

[Customer]

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[UPS Store Representative]

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[Customer]

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