Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day – "I've Been Beating Myself up for Years"

Episode Overview

In the April 5, 2025 episode of "Dr. Laura Call of the Day," Dr. Laura Schlessinger tackles the pervasive issue of longstanding self-shame and its impact on mental health. The episode features a heartfelt conversation with a 27-year-old listener who has struggled with shame over past decisions, leading to cycles of depression. Through no-nonsense advice rooted in ethics, accountability, and personal responsibility, Dr. Laura provides actionable strategies to overcome these feelings and embrace self-worth.

Caller’s Struggle with Shame

At [01:24], a caller reaches out to Dr. Laura, expressing deep-seated shame stemming from past behaviors and decisions. She shares, "I've been feeling shame for many years... it's shame about decisions I'd made in my past, behaviors that I engaged in. And I'm not really sure how to stop those thoughts and feelings." Her shame has contributed to cycles of depression, although she notes that she is currently in a good place and has developed an understanding of the habits that led to her depression.

Dr. Laura’s Initial Assessment

Dr. Laura responds assertively at [02:26], challenging the caller's self-perception: "Without telling me all the dumb things you did. Are you doing any of the dumb things anymore?" When the caller affirms that she has ceased those behaviors, Dr. Laura acknowledges her feelings of shame but emphasizes the importance of recognizing her courage in overcoming her past:

"I think you should feel shame because it's one of the things that propels us out of situations... But what I'm surprised at is that with equal adoration, you haven't embraced the guts you had to stop." [03:50]

She points out a common psychological oversight—focusing solely on one's mistakes without giving due credit for the strength it took to change.

Building Self-Esteem Through Courage

Dr. Laura delves deeper into the relationship between shame and self-esteem. She explains that while shame can be a catalyst for change, true self-esteem arises from acknowledging and celebrating the courage it took to halt destructive behaviors. She encourages the caller to shift her focus from negative self-judgment to recognizing her exceptional efforts:

"The reason you spent so many years doing dumbass things is you didn't exercise your courage to pull yourself out of it. And you finally did. So you don't get at least equal credit in your mind." [03:50]

This approach not only validates the caller's feelings but also empowers her to see herself as resilient and capable.

Introducing the "Eject Button" Technique

Addressing the caller's difficulty in managing negative thoughts at night, Dr. Laura introduces a practical technique she refers to as the "eject button." At [06:26], she instructs the caller to recognize when negative memories begin to surface and consciously replace them with a positive, anchoring memory:

"The eject button is a memory, your best memory of the moment you ejected from that life... So tell me the moment when you said, ah, shit, I can't do this anymore." [06:26]

The caller identifies the moment she met her fiancé as the pivotal point of her transformation. Dr. Laura reinforces this by guiding her to vividly visualize that positive memory whenever negative thoughts intrude:

"Hit the eject button and see him across the street. Boom. Oh, you giggled. See how it works?" [09:17]

This cognitive-behavioral strategy serves as a personal "time machine" to shift focus from past regrets to present strengths.

Caller’s Transformation and Realization

Throughout the conversation, the caller reflects on Dr. Laura's advice and begins to internalize the importance of self-compassion and recognition of her progress. At [05:14], she articulates her understanding:

"I need to give more credit to the person that I am now because I got to the point where I was sick of feeling the way that I did. And that takes a lot of like self-awareness, intelligence, and like self-love to stop those behaviors and understand what it takes to get to a happy place."

Dr. Laura commends her insight, reinforcing the validity of her realizations and the significance of her journey:

"You're exceptional." [04:40]

Dr. Laura’s Encouragement and Closing Advice

In the concluding segment of the call, Dr. Laura exhorts the caller—and listeners at large—to practice the techniques discussed:

"I want you to practice it. I want you sometimes to sit there and do what I just had you do... That's your time machine. You have your own personal time machine. And you can do this anytime." [10:07]

She emphasizes the importance of not delaying reaching out for help, urging listeners to seek support promptly rather than letting negative feelings fester:

"Don’t wait days, months, years. And just let it keep fermenting negatively. Don't do that. Give me a call." [11:11]

Key Takeaways

1. Acknowledgment of Past Mistakes: Recognizing and accepting past errors is crucial, but it should be coupled with celebrating the courage to change.

2. Balanced Self-Perception: It is essential to balance the acceptance of one's mistakes with appreciation for the strength it took to overcome them, fostering genuine self-esteem.

3. Cognitive Techniques for Managing Negative Thoughts: The "eject button" technique serves as a valuable tool for redirecting negative thought patterns towards positive memories, aiding in the reduction of shame and depressive cycles.

4. Immediate Action Against Negative Feelings: Addressing negative emotions promptly through supportive conversations or therapeutic techniques can prevent prolonged periods of self-loathing and depression.

5. Empowerment Through Self-Compassion: Embracing self-love and recognizing one's resilience are fundamental steps toward lasting mental well-being.

Notable Quotes

• Dr. Laura: "I think you should feel shame because it's one of the things that propels us out of situations." [02:34]

• Dr. Laura: "You're exceptional." [04:40]

• Dr. Laura: "That's your time machine. You have your own personal time machine." [09:19]

• Caller: "I am sick of feeling shame, so I'm just sick of it. Getting ready to fix it." [10:18]

Conclusion

In this episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger provides a compassionate yet direct approach to overcoming long-term shame and its associated depressive cycles. By advocating for the recognition of personal courage and introducing practical cognitive techniques, she empowers listeners to reclaim their self-worth and break free from the shackles of past mistakes. The caller’s journey from self-criticism to self-appreciation serves as an inspiring testament to the transformative power of self-awareness and proactive mental health strategies.