I've Spent Too Many Years Like This

Summary

Podcast Title: Dr. Laura Call of the Day
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Episode: I've Spent Too Many Years Like This
Release Date: June 22, 2025

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Introduction

In this emotionally charged episode of Dr. Laura Call of the Day, Dr. Laura Schlessinger engages with Tina, a long-time listener seeking guidance on her troubled marriage. The conversation delves deep into themes of personal responsibility, self-empowerment, and the enduring impact of familial relationships.

Tina's Dilemma

Timestamp 00:40 – 02:53

Tina initiates the call by expressing her frustration with her husband, whom she has been married to for over thirty years. She reveals that her husband, the eldest of eight siblings with four brothers, has consistently failed to stand up for her throughout their marriage.

Tina (00:58): "It's like, wow. Cause and effect."

She further elaborates on specific instances, including a recent hospitalization where her husband's four sisters failed to communicate effectively, exacerbating the situation.

Dr. Laura's Analysis

Timestamp 02:53 – 07:48

Dr. Laura doesn't mince words as she confronts Tina about her long-standing pattern of seeking change from her husband without seeing any improvement. She challenges Tina to reflect on her own role in perpetuating this dynamic.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (02:53): "What matters is here you are at 75, still being mistreated and permitting."

She emphasizes the importance of Tina taking control of her life, rather than expecting her husband to change. Dr. Laura connects Tina's behavior to her upbringing, particularly her father's inability to stand up for her, suggesting that Tina is mirroring these patterns.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (07:13): "It doesn't matter if we found you at the side of the road when you were three days old and brought you up on another planet. None of that matters."

Therapy and Personal Responsibility

Timestamp 07:48 – 08:35

When Tina mentions that she is seeking therapy to address these deep-seated issues, Dr. Laura is skeptical about the efficacy of therapy in this context. She contends that understanding the root cause isn't as crucial as taking actionable steps to improve one's current situation.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (06:55): "I think you're wasting a lot of money in your therapy."

Role-Playing for Empowerment

Timestamp 08:35 – 10:10

To equip Tina with practical tools, Dr. Laura introduces a role-playing exercise aimed at helping her assert herself. She encourages Tina to practice confrontational statements that communicate her boundaries clearly and firmly.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (08:46): "I don't like you and I don't want to. I don't want to talk to you."

Through this exercise, Dr. Laura emphasizes the importance of standing up for oneself, regardless of past behaviors or relationships.

Conclusion

Timestamp 10:10 – End

As the call concludes, Dr. Laura reiterates the necessity for Tina to prioritize her well-being by either distancing herself from toxic relationships or asserting her needs more effectively. She underscores that every moment of life is precious and should be spent in self-respect and personal growth.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (10:10): "Don't waste your time. Do you realize every moment is precious that you're alive? Don't waste them."

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Notable Quotes

• Dr. Laura Schlessinger (00:56): "He just stares at you like he went into a coma."
• Dr. Laura Schlessinger (09:07): "I don't give a flying f or soaring or swimming or diving f."
• Dr. Laura Schlessinger (10:07): "Don't waste your time."

Key Takeaways

• Personal Responsibility: Dr. Laura emphasizes the importance of individuals taking charge of their own lives rather than relying on others to initiate change.

• Breaking Toxic Patterns: Addressing and altering long-standing behavioral patterns is crucial for personal happiness and relationship health.

• Empowerment Through Action: Practical exercises, such as role-playing, can empower individuals to assert their boundaries and communicate more effectively.

Final Thoughts

This episode of Dr. Laura Call of the Day serves as a compelling reminder of the power of self-advocacy and the necessity of setting boundaries in relationships. Dr. Laura's no-nonsense approach challenges listeners to reflect deeply on their personal lives and take actionable steps towards positive change.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on SiriusX XM Triumph 111. Tina, welcome to the program. Well, thank you, thank you. How can I help?

[Tina]

Oh, I was calling in because you, you were recommended by an employee of Kaiser Hospital out here in California that I should call Dr. Laura. So I went online, found the 800 number and here you are. And I'm. Wow.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Thank you. Very cool.

[Tina]

It's like, wow. Cause and effect. Okay, so my question was, is, will my husband ever be able to stand up for me? And we've been married for 30 plus years and he is the oldest of eight, four boys.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Well, wait, wait, wait. Tina, Tina.

[Tina]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

In all the years you've been married, have you ever asked him that question? When are you ever going to stand up for me?

[Tina]

I have. And he just.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

And his answer.

[Tina]

And his answer, well, that verbally, he cannot, he cannot do it. That's his blind spot.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

No, no, no, I'm asking you, when you commented to him multiple times over the years, what's his answer been?

[Tina]

He doesn't answer.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

He just stares at you like he went into a coma.

[Tina]

Yes. And last.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Well, that's your answer, dear. He's not going to stand up for you. So now what?

[Tina]

Well, he went in the hospital one week in December and I, I said to my family, this is a dress rehearsal. We're going to find out how it plays out. His four sisters and him in the hospital and it's did not go well because they don't talk to me. And then.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Tina, Tina, Tina.

[Tina]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

What's your next question for me? The first one was answered.

[Tina]

Okay, the next question, I went legally then to an attorney for both of us to get our trust and our will in place so that I have power of attorney and medical when such a, such a happening won't happen in the future. And.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Okay.

[Tina]

Can I, should I just reach out to the, the firstborn sister, the oldest one who is in charge?

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

What for?

[Tina]

Well, what for? She was in the hospital room early that.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Tina, what is it in a person's being that has them spend 30, more than 35 years watching people's consistent behavior, still thinking something ought to change it. What's in a person's makeup that leads them not to accept reality?

[Tina]

Right. Right. How do I.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

No, I'm not. I'm not. Right or wrong. That's a question.

[Tina]

I hear it. I hear it. And it has been consistent behavior. He wants me to be with him.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Doesn't matter what he wants.

[Tina]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

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[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

I mean, you do understand this is the United States of America, not Pakistan. True, you can demand a certain kind of behavior, or you could eliminate people from your presence. You've turned control for 35 years over to him, which has hurt the marriage and hurt your psyche, and it hasn't made anything better. So between now and anybody's death, you ought to stand up for yourself for a change. I think you'd feel much better about life if you did, because you're as gutless as he is. You two are the same person. He's not standing up for you. And honey, either do you. Stand up for you. So you and he are twins.

[Tina]

Okay?

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

So stop complaining about him. You're no better at it. Ooh, ouch.

[Tina]

No, no, I. I hear you and I wonder myself. So I'm seeking therapy as we speak. That was the reason.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Well, I think you're wasting a lot of money in your therapy.

[Tina]

Oh, okay. So what is it in my psyche that going back to my father, who never stood up for me, Is that the link?

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

It doesn't matter what the link is. It doesn't matter if we found you at the side of the road when you were three days old and brought you up on another planet. None of that matters. What matters is here you are at 75, still being mistreated and permitting. Doesn't matter what came before. You have the opportunity every day. You're not dead. To ensure respect.

[Tina]

Okay?

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

You're expecting him to take a leap for you. You won't take a leap for you. And we don't get permission to be unkind to ourselves or others because of something in our childhood. So I'd like you to start fantasizing before you all get together again on how you're going to stand there and what you're going to say. And your husband is telling you to eat it so he doesn't have to deal with it. Sorry.

[Tina]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Let'S role play. You be one of those people. I will be you. So you started off. Go ahead.

[Tina]

I don't like you and I don't want to. I don't want to talk to you.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

God bless it. I don't have to hear you.

[Tina]

Okay?

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

I don't give a flying f or soaring or swimming or diving f. You can put anything you want in front of the F word. Why should you care? I don't care about the opinions of anybody unless I respect them. If I respect somebody and they have a criticism, I listen to it. I don't tolerate abuse, though. I don't like you. And I'm going to talk to you. Well, go away then. Jeez, you know, stand up for yourself. I don't care what your father did or didn't do, your mother did or didn't do, what your mother and father did to each other. None of that matters. What matters is that between now and dead is not a huge amount of years, sweetheart. And you're going to go out never having stood up for yourself.

[Tina]

Okay? True.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Don't do that.

[Tina]

I don't want to be in their presence. I don't want to go there.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Then don't. Then don't. Either get them out of the hell out of there or you're the hell out of there. Don't waste your time. Do you realize every moment is precious that you're alive? Don't waste them. Don't waste them. Don't waste them. I'm Dr. Laura Schlesinger. My number one, 800-375-2872. You're just a click away from some terrific deals being offered by companies that get the Dr. Laura Stack stamp of approval. Visit DrLaura.com Click on Sponsors to take advantage of the special Discounts available to Dr. Laura listeners like you.

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