Let Go of Yesterday

Summary

Dr. Laura Call of the Day – "Let Go of Yesterday"

August 25, 2025
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Notable Guest: Candice (Caller)

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Episode Overview

In this emotionally resonant episode, Dr. Laura counsels Candice, a longtime listener grappling with the aftereffects of a traumatic childhood. The conversation centers on personal resilience, the value of letting go of painful memories, and establishing healthy boundaries with family. Candice shares how Dr. Laura’s no-nonsense advice has influenced her life and helped her navigate hardship. Together, they explore the differences between Candice and her sister’s paths toward healing and discuss the merits (or limits) of remembering the past versus focusing on the present and future.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Candice’s Story of Survival

• Background: Candice recounts a difficult upbringing with a bipolar mother and an absentee, addicted, and abusive father.
  • “My mom was bipolar, very, very not stable. So my father divorced her. But he was a drug addict… physically abused us, neglected us for months at a time so he could support his drug habit.” (01:36)
• Transition to Stability: After her father’s arrest, Candice moved back to Washington State, struggled with social isolation, but excelled academically.
  • “I was kind of the odd one out… but I graduated, very good grades, exceptional student.” (02:33, 02:35)
• Coping Mechanisms: Candice shares how she and her sister coped differently: Candice immersed herself in books, while her sister was more social.
  • “My sister is the social butterfly … I'm very book smart, but not very creative.” (02:46)
• Career & Personal Growth: Candice has worked for 20 years as a certified nursing assistant (CNA), finding purpose in caring for others.
  • “I started work as a CNA and I've been a CNA for almost the past 20 years.” (03:11)

The Impact of Dr. Laura’s Guidance

• Moral Foundation: Candice credits Dr. Laura’s advice with grounding her, helping her to avoid poor decisions, and reinforcing her values.
  • “You have founded me in my morals and ethics and made me such a strong person that I have been able to withstand a lot of bad things because you gave me that grounding, that foundation of being able to get myself through the bad stuff.” (03:31)
• The Power of Shared Experiences: Candice finds listening to others’ stories on the show motivating.
  • “Anything that people call in with is helpful to somebody else… realizing currently what they’re doing… it’s so motivating that someone else has gone through it and gotten through it.” (04:37)

To Remember or Not: The Role of Therapy and Memory

• Candice’s Approach: She has little recollection of childhood trauma and hasn't pursued therapy.
• Contrast with Sister: Candice’s sister underwent years of therapy (EDMR) for PTSD and has struggled more with emotional regulation.
  • “She got offended, she’d snap angry… She had severe PTSD from her childhood.” (05:19)
• Dr. Laura’s Assessment: Dr. Laura supports Candice’s approach, emphasizing function over reliving trauma.
  • Notable Quote: “I only recommend therapy when I see somebody can't function… You're very functional. You're the survivor. She's not.” (05:56)
  • “You have grit. She didn't have. You have a determination she didn't have. And you went into a career in which you caretake other people. So the compassion bone was not eliminated. You're a remarkable person and no, I would recommend against therapy. Life doesn't have to be so complicated.” (06:07)

The Burden (or Liberation) of Letting Go

• Is Remembering Necessary?
  • “There is not a memory back there that'll make your life better today. When people go on and on about yesterday, they very rarely can have a good today or tomorrow.” (09:36)
• Anger as a By-product: Candice acknowledges residual anger but doesn't let it dominate her life.
  • Dr. Laura affirms: “You’re appropriately healthily angry. You’re not living angrily.” (10:57)

Setting Boundaries with Family

• Mother-Daughter Relationship: Candice’s mother, according to her, “tore up [her] parent cards” by failing to protect her children. Candice has chosen minimal or no contact.
  • “She has torn up our parent cards because she refused to fight for us because she said she was afraid of our father.” (11:19)
• Dr. Laura’s Guidance:
  • Notable Quote: “People go back and do things like that. They reconnect with abusive parents.” (11:30)
  • Ultimately, Dr. Laura encourages Candice to define her own boundaries: “You can have any magnitude of communication and relationship that you think is healthy for your life. I’ll leave that judgment where the line is up to you.” (12:24, 12:33)
• Letting Go of Guilt: Dr. Laura reassures Candice not to feel responsible for her mother’s comfort or healing.
  • “Don't bother being angry. Just leave her alone. You're not… That's a nest that has no nourishment in it.” (13:14)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Candice’s Triumph:
  • Dr. Laura: “Wow. Outstanding. You’re a survivor.” (02:41)
• On Outgrowing Therapy:
  • Dr. Laura: “You're very functional. You're very different from your sister. You're the survivor. She's not.” (06:07)
• On Letting Go:
  • Dr. Laura: “There is not a memory back there that'll make your life better today. When people go on and on about yesterday, they very rarely can have a good today or tomorrow.” (09:36)
• Self-Care and Boundaries:
  • Dr. Laura: “You draw the line for your well being.” (12:51)
• Empowering the Caller:
  • Dr. Laura: “Take some damn credit for it.” (13:49)

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Key Timestamps for Segments

• [01:10] – Candice introduces herself and her question
• [01:36] – Detailed account of childhood trauma
• [02:33] – Adjusting to new environment and academic success
• [03:11] – Career as a CNA and early adulthood struggles
• [03:31] – Impact of Dr. Laura’s advice on Candice’s journey
• [05:19] – Discussion of Candice’s sister and therapy
• [06:07] – Dr. Laura’s position on when therapy is necessary
• [09:36] – Dr. Laura on whether revisiting old memories is helpful
• [10:26] – Candice’s feelings of anger and Dr. Laura’s pragmatic response
• [11:19] – The question of having a relationship with their mother
• [12:24] – Guidelines for boundaries and self-care
• [13:14] – Release from responsibility towards mother

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Conclusion: Episode Takeaways

• Surviving trauma does not always require reliving or revisiting it; personal function and growth are more important than “remembering everything.”
• Anger and pain from the past are valid, but do not need to define current happiness.
• Relationships—especially with difficult or harmful family—should be defined by personal health and boundaries, not guilt or obligation.
• Shared experiences and honest advice can foster resilience and help listeners grow, even vicariously.

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Closing Tone

This episode is heartfelt, validating, and empowering, with Dr. Laura’s trademark blend of empathy and tough love applied to complex issues of trauma, family, and moving forward.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

At birchlane.com thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live recording radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Candice, welcome to the program.

[Caller]

Thank you, Dr. Laura, for taking my call. I'm a longtime listener, first time caller, and I really appreciate you speaking with me today.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Thank you. How can I help?

[Caller]

So I'm calling today because me and my sister had a very traumatic childhood.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

What is, what does that mean?

[Caller]

My mom was bipolar, very, very not stable. So my father divorced her. But he was a drug addict. And then he moved us to Texas to hide his drug addiction from the rest of our family and then physically abused us, neglected us for months at a time so he could support his drug habit.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And so as you were growing up in high school, what did that mean?

[Caller]

Well, he got arrested and they ended up moving back to Washington state to our family. So in high school I was kind of a loner because when you move from high school, it, it was a very small town in Washington state, so everybody already had their cliques, their groups, and I was kind of the odd one out when I moved up here, so I just.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Did you graduate?

[Caller]

Oh, yeah. Graduated, very good grades, exceptional student.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Wow. Outstanding. You're a survivor.

[Caller]

Hi, I am. I buried myself in books and my sister is the social butterfly. Not very book smart, but very creative. And I'm very book smart, but not very creative.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well, each one of you has a specialty. That's good.

[Caller]

Yes, I'm very proud of her because.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

What did you do after high school?

[Caller]

I started work as a CNA and I've been a CNA for almost the past 20 years.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

What is a CNA?

[Caller]

Certified nursing assistant. So I do all the floor work in a hospital setting.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Did you, did you get married and all that stuff?

[Caller]

No. I had you through my twenties. Luckily, in my late twenties, I was very promiscuous through my twenties. And one of your phone calls actually made me cry. Because of the phone call. I don't recall when it was. But just because someone's willing to have sex with you doesn't make you lovable. And that's what I was searching for. And I, I, I can't tell you how much you've helped me in my life, that I didn't need therapy or a large support system, because I do have a support system. I have friends for over 15, 20 years old who have helped me morally support me. But you have founded me in my morals and ethics and made me such a strong person that I have been able to withstand a lot of bad things because you gave me that grounding, that foundation of being able to get myself through the bad stuff.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well, I appreciate. We were such a good team.

[Caller]

We were. I, I can't tell you how many times I've had a bad day and I've just turned you on. And you are right. Anything that people call in with is helpful to somebody else in, in the future, in the past, or realizing currently what they're doing it. It's so motivating that someone else has gone through it and gotten through it. So.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Good point.

[Caller]

I can't thank everybody and you for having your program.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Thank you. That is very touching. Thank you.

[Caller]

And you're very, very. No, thank you.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

In addition to making my year, is there something I can help you with today?

[Caller]

So my sister remembers everything. And she's just recently gone through four years of edmr and she's finally a halfway decent person and nice to be around now because it used to be walking on eggshells. She got offended, she'd snap angry. She had severe PTSD from her childhood. And I'm, I'm okay for the most part, I think, because of you. And I don't remember anything. Well, I don't remember 90 of it. And I, I don't know if I should.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

That's not you. That's not. No, no. I only recommend therapy when I see somebody can't function.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You're very functional. You're very different from your sister. You're the survivor. She's not.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Caller]

Okay, so I don't need to remember that I, I, I.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

No, I think.

[Caller]

I don't feel. I think.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Take a breathe.

[Caller]

Take a breather.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Take a breather. Let me hear you breathe. There is not a memory back there that'll make your life better today. When people go on and on about yesterday, they very rarely can have a good today or tomorrow. And I only advise exploring that. When people don't understand the connections where they can't let go, mostly that they can't let go. That's most of it. The brain won't let go. Like being in combat and constantly hearing the guns going off. The brain won't let go. That requires assistance, that requires help.

[Caller]

Because I, I still do have a lot of anger, but it's justified anger. But I don't let it.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Of course it is. Okay, but who cares? You know, they're jerks. You're not.

[Caller]

Yep. Okay.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You're right to be. Book. You said books, you get a book. You're right to be bookishly angry, but what point does it make to walk around being angry? You know what I mean?

[Caller]

I understand.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You're appropriately healthily angry. You're not living angrily. Oh, no, Everything adverb.

[Caller]

No.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Everything. No. Well then no, you don't need. You're good. You're good to go. Woman.

[Caller]

May I ask you a follow up question?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Absolute moi? Yes.

[Caller]

So my sister still has a relationship with our mother. And to me, she has torn up our parent cards because she refused to fight for us because she said she was afraid of our father.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Did. Did we, did we also comment on how your sister is the troubled one and you're not troubled. People go back and. No, they go back and do things like that. They reconnect with abusive parents.

[Caller]

I'm not questioning her relationship. I'm just questioning how much of a. Is it my judgment on how much of a relationship I want to have with my mother?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And why would you want any?

[Caller]

I, I work in the mental health field, so I understand that there's pieces of their lives that they don't make the greatest decisions. And she has not gotten the help that she needs, but she's better than she was.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay? You can have any magnitude of communication and relationship that you think is healthy for your life.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I'll leave that judgment where the line is up to you.

[Caller]

Okay, that makes sense. So I'm happy where that line is right now. I don't communicate with her often or at all.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

That's fine.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You draw the line for your well being.

[Caller]

Okay. Because she's, she's, she's like the person you described earlier. She's dwelling in the past and she brings it up. If I do Talk to her. And I. I don't want to talk about it, so.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And you know what you need or.

[Caller]

She doesn't take any responsibility for anything.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And you know what you need to do? Don't bother being angry. Just leave her alone. You're not getting. You're not. That's a nest that has no nourishment in it.

[Caller]

That's what I do now. So your reassurance has lifted quite a burden off my shoulders. So I don't need to have that responsibility to communicate her, to make her feel better about her past decision? No.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

That's insightful. You've obviously learned a lot in your career.

[Caller]

No, I've learned a lot from you. You. I take the credit.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Take some damn credit for it.

[Caller]

Please do. You've helped me in my mental health field, take care of my patients. You have no idea. Because I write a daily quote on the board. You have no idea how many of your quotes have been up on that board.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Oh, wow. Well, if you're. Okay, let me put you on hold because I'd like to send you some Dr. Laura stuff. Like a hat, if you'd like.

[Caller]

Maybe.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Whatever you'd like. A book. My number. 1-800-375. That's sweet. I just, you know, I opened the show up with a quote from here's. I'm trying to remember the quote. The two most important days of your life. The day you're born and the day you realize why. My number, 1-800-375-2872. Check out my social media on Facebook and Instagram. I post stories, photos and videos seven days a week and feature some of what you've sent me, too. There's always something interesting going on there. You. You can find me at facebook.com drlaura and instagram.com drlauraprogram.

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