Let It Go...

Summary

The Dr. Laura Podcast
Episode: Let It Go...
Date: March 23, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this heartfelt episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger talks with a caller, Nan, who is struggling with anger and disappointment following her mother’s death. The conversation delves into themes of grief, unmet expectations, emotional strength, letting go of anger, and adjusting perceptions about people’s imperfections. Dr. Laura provides direct, compassionate advice aimed at helping Nan, and listeners, navigate grief without allowing it to taint the memory of a loved one or future relationships.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Grief and Anger After Loss

• Caller Nan’s Situation:
  • Nan, a 50-year-old woman, calls in expressing frustration and anger following her mother’s death two years prior. She is unsure why she’s so angry (“I am calling because I am a 50 year old woman who in the last few years have gone through menopause and I'm angry.” – Nan, [01:34]).
  • Initial attempts to articulate her anger circle around the death of her mother and a lack of closure or affirming words before her passing.

2. Unmet Expectations & Closure

• Lack of Concluding Affirmations:

  • Nan shares she wished her mother had expressed pride and comforted her before dying (“I wish she would have said things like, I am proud of the young woman that you've turned out to be…” – Nan, [04:51]).
  • Dr. Laura presses Nan to articulate her expectations and why she thinks her mother couldn’t fulfill them.

• Perspective on Strength:

  • Dr. Laura questions why Nan thinks it takes emotional strength to say “I’m proud of you,” helping Nan confront her own feelings about her mother’s final moments (“Why would you have to be strong to say, I'm proud of you?” – Dr. Laura, [05:28]).

3. Processing Parental Imperfection

• Reframing Parental Actions:
  • Dr. Laura gently guides Nan to the realization that parents do not always act in ways children desire, not necessarily out of malice or neglect, but out of their humanity and limitations (“She just didn’t die the way you wanted her to die. She didn’t give you closure and the goodbye the way you wanted…Because you have a strong need doesn't mean other people can perceive it or handle it.” – Dr. Laura, [11:01]).

4. Changing Perceptions & Letting Go

• From Rose-Colored Glasses to Clarity:

  • Nan acknowledges she may have gone through life idealizing people (“I have gone through life with rose colored glasses.” – Nan, [13:12]).
  • Dr. Laura warns against flipping from naïveté to universal skepticism: “If you put down the rose colored glasses, don't pick up the ones that are filmed with shit.” ([13:53]).

• Universal Imperfection:

  • Dr. Laura emphasizes nobody is perfect and everyone lets others down sometimes — including Nan and herself ([11:01]).

5. Concrete Steps to Release Anger

• Deep Breathing Exercise:
  • Dr. Laura closes the advice segment with a tangible exercise—directing Nan to take a deep breath and symbolically “blow out” her anger ([15:05]).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Articulating Grief:
  • “Stop saying I don't know and think and then say what you have in your mind. Stop saying I don't know.”
    – Dr. Laura ([04:43])
• On Unmet Emotional Needs:
  • “I wish she would have said things like, I am proud of the young woman that you've turned out to be. I'm proud of the family that you have…”
    – Nan ([04:51])
• On Human Imperfection:
  • “Most people are not very strong. It doesn't mean they have ill will. It doesn't mean they wish to hurt. They're just not strong enough to deal with certain things.”
    – Dr. Laura ([11:05])
• Advice on Perspective:
  • “If you put down the rose colored glasses, don't pick up the ones that are filmed with shit.”
    – Dr. Laura ([13:53])
• On Letting Go:
  • “Your disappointment is reasonable, but you had a whole life with her, and she doesn't deserve her legacy to be your rage.”
    – Dr. Laura ([14:49])
  • “She doesn’t deserve that.”
    – Dr. Laura ([15:00])
  • “All these other people don't deserve it either. They're imperfect. Sorry. So are you. So am I. We all are.”
    – Dr. Laura ([15:05])
• On Taking Action:
  • “I need you to take a real deep breath in. And I need you to blow out anger. Let me hear it…That's the sound I wanted to hear. Nice. You did not disappoint me.”
    – Dr. Laura ([15:05])

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Important Timestamps

• [01:34] Nan introduces her struggle with anger after her mother’s passing.
• [04:51] Nan articulates her desire for affirmations and pride from her mother.
• [11:01] Dr. Laura reframes Nan’s disappointment in her mother, highlighting universal imperfection.
• [13:12] Nan discusses living with ‘rose colored glasses’; Dr. Laura challenges her to adopt a clearer perspective.
• [14:49] Dr. Laura emphasizes not letting a lifetime relationship be colored solely by end-of-life disappointment.
• [15:05] Dr. Laura leads Nan through a symbolic anger-release breathing exercise.

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Tone & Style

Throughout the episode, Dr. Laura maintains her signature direct, no-nonsense approach, balancing tough love with empathy. The conversation is candid, vulnerable, and relatable—providing comfort, validation, and actionable steps for those experiencing lingering grief and anger.

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Takeaways for Listeners

• Grieving a loved one often involves complex, conflicting emotions, including anger at unmet expectations.
• People, even loved ones, are imperfect and may not always fulfill our emotional needs, especially in difficult times.
• It's important to acknowledge disappointment but not let it define your view of a person or the relationship.
• Letting go of anger can involve both mental reframing and physical exercises, such as deep breathing.
• Be wary of trading one distorted lens (idealism) for another (cynicism); strive for balanced clarity about human nature.

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Transcript

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[Dr. Laura]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day, brought to you by Ghostbed Sleep matters to your mood, your health, your whole day. That's why I recommend Comfy American made Ghostbed mattress. Visit ghostbed.com DrLora and use the code DrLaura to save 10%. Remember, you can hear my radio program daily on SiriusXM Triumph and connect with me 24 [e-mail] Nan welcome to the program.

[Caller Nan]

Hi Dr. Laura. Thank you for taking my call on a long time.

[Dr. Laura]

My pleasure.

[Caller Nan]

First time caller.

[Dr. Laura]

Thank you. Thank you. What's up?

[Caller Nan]

You're welcome. I am calling because I am a 50 year old woman who in the last few years have gone through menopause and I'm angry.

[Dr. Laura]

About what?

[Caller Nan]

A lot of things. My mother passed two years ago.

[Dr. Laura]

Are you angry that your mother passed?

[Caller Nan]

Life happens. Death happens. I get that.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay. What I need from you is to find out what you're angry about. The first thing you mentioned is that your mother passed. So are you angry that she died?

[Caller Nan]

Probably.

[Dr. Laura]

I don't know what to do with probably.

[Caller Nan]

I know.

[Dr. Laura]

And the anger is that nobody should die. Your mother is the only person who should not die. There was medical malpractice and you're angry with that. Tell me what you're angry about.

[Caller Nan]

Maybe because I felt like. Sorry. She was always going to be there and now she's not.

[Dr. Laura]

No. She was counting on you learning enough from her that you could handle yourself. That's what she was counting on.

[Caller Nan]

I don't know that that's what she was thinking because I feel like before she died she could have given clarity. Or in a more.

[Dr. Laura]

I don't know, clarity about what?

[Caller Nan]

Being strong, Being proud, being thankful.

[Dr. Laura]

But I'm sorry. She didn't want any of those things for you.

[Caller Nan]

I'm sure that she did.

[Dr. Laura]

I'm getting very confused now.

[Caller Nan]

I am, too. I am, too, and I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be confusing.

[Dr. Laura]

I believe you, but I'm trying to understand.

[Caller Nan]

Me, too.

[Dr. Laura]

You're saying your mother treated you like a baby and had no expectation of you.

[Caller Nan]

No, I'm not. No, ma'. Am. If I'm giving that impression, it's not.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah, you are at this point. So clarify.

[Caller Nan]

Okay. Okay. She was diagnosed with cancer, and. Before she died, it just. I don't know. I guess my expectation before she died was that there would be, I don't know, some.

[Dr. Laura]

Stop saying I don't know and think and then say what you have in your mind. Stop saying I don't know.

[Caller Nan]

I wish she would have said things like, I am proud of the young woman that you've turned out to be. I'm proud of the family that you have. You have good gifts and you're gonna. You're doing well, and I'm proud of that.

[Dr. Laura]

Why do you think. Why do you think she didn't say that?

[Caller Nan]

Because I don't think emotionally she was strong enough to say it.

[Dr. Laura]

Why would you have to be strong to say, I'm proud of you?

[Caller Nan]

I don't know. Okay, here's.

[Dr. Laura]

I don't know.

[Caller Nan]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

You said, I don't think she was strong enough. Why does it take strength? Or. In what way does it take strength to say, I'm proud of you?

[Caller Nan]

Because you have to acknowledge that you're about to die yourself.

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Ah,

[Dr. Laura]

so you wanted her to be more classy and physic, philosophical about dying. Okay, I get that. I get that now. I understand what you're saying.

[Caller Nan]

I don't really agree with that, though.

[Dr. Laura]

Oh, what part don't you agree with? I thought that's what you said. Okay, go ahead.

[Caller Nan]

I know I'm all over the place and in my brain, I'm trying to

[Dr. Laura]

fix what I said. You don't agree with that, so tell me what part you don't agree with.

[Caller Nan]

It was like, before she died. I guess I had an expectation that. I don't.

[Dr. Laura]

You're embarrassed to say it, say it anyway. I had the expectation that. Please, just say it. Be brave.

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[Dr. Laura]

For J.D.

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[Dr. Laura]

Ugh.

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Could this vintage store be any cuter?

[Caller Nan]

Right. And the best part?

[Dr. Laura]

They accept Discover.

[Nissan Announcer]

Accept Discovery in a little place like this? I don't think so, Jennifer.

[Caller Nan]

Oh, yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

Huh?

[Caller Nan]

Discover is accepted where I like to shop.

[Dr. Laura]

Come on, baby, get with the times.

[Nissan Announcer]

Right.

[Dr. Laura]

So we shouldn't get the parachute pants.

[Caller Nan]

These are making a comeback, I think.

[Dr. Laura]

Discover is accepted at 99% of places that take credit cards nationwide. Based on the February 2025 Nielsen report.

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[Caller Nan]

She would be more open. She would be more open and she would be more comforting to us. And she wasn't because. And this is my opinion, but I feel like it was hard, very hard for her to deal with and so she couldn't help us deal with it. Mm.

[Dr. Laura]

And I think, I think you're accurate there. Yeah. Now I understand. Now I understand what you mean when you said she wasn't strong enough. You're right.

[Caller Nan]

Right.

[Dr. Laura]

She was a wonderful mother. You loved her dearly, but she wasn't strong enough to do that.

[Caller Nan]

Yep. And since she has died and it's been a couple years, but have just my tolerance for people, my anger has gone through the roof. And I know that I'm probably still in some phase of grief I'm aware of that. But there are so many different relationships in my life that I have reevaluated now that since her death. I can't explain why in particular, but I have.

[Dr. Laura]

She let you down.

[Caller Nan]

She did.

[Dr. Laura]

Mm. And you're just waiting for somebody else to let you down.

[Caller Nan]

I feel like so many people have

[Dr. Laura]

the little problem that we have here, Nan. Most people are not very strong. It doesn't mean they have ill will. It doesn't mean they wish to hurt. They're just not strong enough to deal with certain things. Think you hit the nail on the head. That doesn't mean. That doesn't take away what they do have to offer. You have many wonderful feelings about your mother. She just didn't die the way you wanted her to die. She didn't give you closure and the goodbye the way you wanted to have it. And so now you're second guessing everybody in your life. Are they going to let you down? And to some extent, yes. And you've already let people down numbers of times. We all have. We don't even know it half the time. I bet if I could bring her back to life right now and say, you know, you let your daughter down by not discussing, and she'd go. Really? It wouldn't have occurred to her. Not everybody thinks the same way. Because you have a strong need doesn't mean other people can perceive it or handle it. I think your need was very reasonable, totally reasonable. She just didn't. You're right. She wasn't strong enough to do that. But spending your time being angry at the end, when there's a whole four something, decades of a relationship, is not really fair.

[Caller Nan]

As I have gotten older, and especially since her passing, I have come to realize that I have gone through life with rose colored glasses.

[Dr. Laura]

And I'm sorry, I didn't understand that. You've gone through life with what? I didn't understand what you said.

[Caller Nan]

Rose colored glasses.

[Dr. Laura]

Oh, okay.

[Caller Nan]

Maybe didn't see things quite as clearly as I probably should have. And you're right, it's. I don't want to have that expectation of somebody else letting me down. But.

[Dr. Laura]

But then people are going to let you down in small ways and big ways. They don't mean to do anything bad. They don't even realize it's life. That's human beings. Human beings. Frail, imperfect. If you put down the rose colored glasses, don't pick up the ones that are filmed with shit.

[Caller Nan]

That's true.

[Dr. Laura]

And that's what you're doing. How about you just Put clear lenses in there and you judge a situation by its own virtues and not jam everybody into the same basket. Please.

[Caller Nan]

I hear you.

[Dr. Laura]

Give yourself a break, woman.

[Caller Nan]

It's hard to do that.

[Dr. Laura]

So what? It's hard to do 20 push ups. What's your point? I don't do 20 anymore. I'm happy to get to 12.

[Caller Nan]

You get to five, you know, you learn. Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

You learn to sort of reassess the situation.

[Caller Nan]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay. Drop the anger. Your disappointment is reasonable, but you had a whole life with her, and she doesn't deserve her legacy to be your rage. She doesn't deserve that.

[Caller Nan]

Agreed.

[Dr. Laura]

So cut it out.

[Caller Nan]

I don't hold on to it anymore either.

[Dr. Laura]

No, just cut it out. She doesn't deserve it. And all these other people don't deserve it either. They're imperfect. Sorry. So are you. So am I. We all are. Okay, I need you to take a real deep breath in. And I need you to blow out anger. Let me hear it. Now. That was not a deep breath. Come on, woman. You don't smoke, do you? You got more lung capacity. Let's go. That's the sound I wanted to hear. Nice. You did not disappoint me.

[Caller Nan]

Good.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah. Nice.

[Caller Nan]

Very. Good.

[Dr. Laura]

Very.

[Caller Nan]

I may be calling you back about other relationships.

[Dr. Laura]

If you don't, I'll cry.

[Caller Nan]

Please don't do that.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay.

[Caller Nan]

Okay. Thank you, Dr. Lahr. Have a good day. Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

Thank you. Nan. My number, 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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