Married Life is Not This Couple's Dream Come True

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Married Life is Not This Couple's Dream Come True"

Podcast Information:

• Title: Dr. Laura Call of the Day
• Host/Author: Dr. Laura Schlessinger & SiriusXM
• Episode: Married Life is Not This Couple's Dream Come True
• Release Date: April 29, 2025

---

Introduction

In the episode titled "Married Life is Not This Couple's Dream Come True," Dr. Laura Schlessinger addresses a couple, Tina and Arthur, who are grappling with significant marital challenges. The conversation delves deep into issues surrounding pet ownership, financial strain, communication breakdowns, and emotional responses within a marriage. Dr. Laura offers no-nonsense advice aimed at fostering accountability, personal responsibility, and ethical behavior to help the couple navigate their turbulent relationship.

---

Pet-Related Tensions

Arthur's Frustration: Arthur initiates the discussion by expressing his struggles with anger outbursts that have intensified over recent weeks. He attributes these outbursts to accumulated stressors, culminating in his destruction of a pet toy:

Arthur (01:11): "I've been having an anger outburst. Feel like it's just been very stressful for the last few weeks... I broke my daughter's toy... I just basically stomped on it."

The toy in question is a persistently meowing cat, which Arthur acknowledges was an ill-advised purchase that contributes to household stress. His frustration is further aggravated by the responsibilities of cleaning up after their new dog, a Great Dane-Husky mix, which he did not agree to.

Tina's Justification: Tina defends her decision to acquire the dog, revealing that the purchase was impulsive and motivated by loneliness during her pregnancy:

Tina (03:07): "I was actually pregnant with my first daughter... I was lonely and I really wanted a dog... I found him online."

Dr. Laura critiques Tina's actions, emphasizing the lack of communication and consideration for Arthur's feelings:

Dr. Laura (03:07): "Why did you do that when you knew it would make him unhappy?"

Rehoming the Dog: Acknowledging the strain, Tina and Arthur have attempted to rehome the dog but have yet to find a suitable new owner. The couple has listed the dog on Craigslist and a rehoming website, though Tina mentions requesting a nominal fee on Craigslist:

Dr. Laura (07:13): "So how do you think you want to handle the dog issue right now?"

---

Financial Strain and Spending Disagreements

Arthur's Financial Concerns: Arthur shares additional stressors, including financial instability resulting from taking time off work to pursue education and the strain of increased spending by Tina on non-essential items:

Arthur (09:17): "We're currently not doing the greatest financially... my wife's spendings on things that she doesn't talk to me about..."

He provides examples such as unexpected expenses for a baby shower, like purchasing a jump house and games, which he believes were unnecessary:

Arthur (10:39): "She was having a baby shower, and she went. Bought a jump house... I feel like we could have gone without."

Tina's Perspective: Tina admits that her purchases were spontaneous and lacked prior discussion with Arthur:

Tina (11:28): "I was very spontaneous... I just went and did it."

Dr. Laura points out the importance of teamwork and mutual respect in financial decisions:

Dr. Laura (12:48): "If you both agree on something that nobody's uncomfortable. And you're a team."

---

Communication Breakdowns and Behavioral Issues

Lack of Communication: Dr. Laura emphasizes the necessity for open dialogue between Tina and Arthur, especially regarding significant decisions like pet ownership and financial expenditures:

Dr. Laura (11:20): "What keeps you from talking to Arthur about these expenditures in advance?"

Tina's Admission: Tina acknowledges her poor communication skills and recognizes the need to consult Arthur before making decisions:

Tina (12:48): "I know him and I should really think about before what I buy... talk to him first."

Arthur's Anger Management: Dr. Laura advises Arthur on managing his anger to prevent further deterioration of the marriage:

Dr. Laura (14:28): "When you get really pissed off, I want you to go outside or get in your car... use every bad word you know. Then come back in the house."

Building Trust and Respect: The conversation highlights Tina's need to transform her behavior from being overly dependent to fostering trust and respect within the marriage:

Dr. Laura (12:22): "Do you want a husband who trusts you and respects you?"

Tina agrees to make efforts toward this transformation, understanding the importance of teamwork and mutual respect:

Tina (12:57): "Yes... I just have to think about it."

---

Dr. Laura's Advice and Solutions

Teamwork and Communication: Dr. Laura underscores the importance of Tina and Arthur working as a cohesive team, ensuring that decisions are made jointly to avoid future conflicts:

Dr. Laura (12:59): "The most the two of you can do as a team, the more relaxed you're both going to be with each other."

Managing Anger and Stress: She provides practical strategies for Arthur to manage his anger, such as taking a break before reacting to tense situations.

Behavioral Changes for Tina: Dr. Laura advises Tina to avoid impulsive decisions and to engage in open dialogue with Arthur to rebuild trust and respect.

Positive Reinforcement: Encouraging Arthur to support Tina in her efforts to change, Dr. Laura suggests:

Dr. Laura (15:24): "Sweep her up and give her lots of positive vibes, hugs and kisses, and tell her what a great job she's doing."

---

Conclusion and Final Recommendations

Dr. Laura wraps up the session by reiterating the critical need for Tina and Arthur to improve their communication, respect each other's perspectives, and work collaboratively to overcome their marital challenges. She emphasizes the importance of responsibility, accountability, and mutual support in sustaining a healthy and fulfilling marriage.

Dr. Laura (15:24): "It's gonna go meow until the battery wears out... get rid of the cat toy right now."

She encourages the couple to take immediate actionable steps, such as removing the disruptive pet toy and continuing their efforts to rehome the dog, while fostering a more communicative and respectful relationship dynamic.

---

Notable Quotes:

• Dr. Laura (03:07): "Why did you do that when you knew it would make him unhappy?"
• Arthur (09:17): "We're currently not doing the greatest financially..."
• Tina (12:48): "I know him and I should really think about before what I buy... talk to him first."
• Dr. Laura (14:28): "When you get really pissed off, I want you to go outside or get in your car..."
• Dr. Laura (15:24): "It's gonna go meow until the battery wears out... get rid of the cat toy right now."

---

Key Takeaways:

1. Communication is Crucial: Open and honest dialogue between partners is essential to navigate disagreements, especially concerning significant decisions like pet ownership and financial expenditures.

2. Teamwork Enhances Relationships: Working collaboratively as a team fosters mutual respect and reduces the likelihood of conflicts escalating.

3. Managing Emotions: Developing strategies to handle anger and stress can prevent destructive behaviors that harm relationships.

4. Accountability and Responsibility: Taking responsibility for one's actions and understanding their impact on the relationship is vital for personal and marital growth.

5. Behavioral Transformation: Both partners must be willing to adapt and change behaviors that negatively affect the relationship to build a stronger, more supportive partnership.

---

This episode provides valuable insights into common marital issues and offers practical advice for couples seeking to strengthen their relationship through better communication, mutual respect, and shared responsibility.

Transcript

[Whole Foods Market Ad]

Only the best will do for Mom. So make Whole Foods Market your Mother's Day destination. Shop the floral department for vibrant blooms like tulips, orchids, peonies and expert crafted bouquets. Then head to the wellness and beauty department and give mom a spa like experience with scented candles and more. And if you're hosting brunch or dinner, order flavorful Whole Foods market catering by May 9. Celebrate Mother's Day with Whole Foods Market in store and online.

[Dr. Laura]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Tina and Arthur, welcome to the program.

[Tina]

Hello.

[Dr. Laura]

Hi Tina, how are. Hi Arthur.

[Tina]

Hi.

[Dr. Laura]

Hi. Now you sent me an email and I did read it and that's why I forwarded it to Dan so hopefully you two would come. And so I'm very pleased. So who would. Let's let Arthur Arthur tell me why you're both here right now.

[Arthur]

Well, I've been having a anger outburst. Feel like it's just been very stressful for the last few weeks and things have been triggering me that normally I just let slide, but the buildup has been happening. So with these anger outbursts causes me to curse. Not an excuse or anything, but that's just what has happened. And yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

Do you curse and break things and yell and throw things? How dramatic is it? Tell me.

[Arthur]

Well, I broke my daughter's toy that I should have probably never gotten her in the first place. It's a cat that just mouths non stop and she'll just leave it in the middle of the room and just there. The reason for that was I was just outside and looked around and I had to do a lot of cleanup after the dog that my wife has gotten. And I was against her getting the dog and she said she'll be taking care of it and cleaning after it. And we've had this conversation many times with her. I come out and I had to pick up 10 bag fulls of dog's poo and got really upset. And then when I came in with the cat meowing, I just basically stomped on it.

[Dr. Laura]

He lost it. Your cope. Ran it over. Picking up a lot of dog shit will strain people. Yeah, got it. What kind of a dog is it? Is it a big dog with big poops or a little dog with tiny poops?

[Arthur]

Yeah, it's a Great Dane husky mix.

[Dr. Laura]

Oh my God. It's one thing when you say you don't want a dog and then she goes out and Gets a small horse?

[Arthur]

Pretty much.

[Dr. Laura]

Tina, why did you do that? Seriously? Your man didn't want a dog, and so you don't just get a dog. You get a huge dog and then you don't follow through on what you said. And you're surprised he's mad? Come on.

[Tina]

No, I'm not surprised that he's mad about it.

[Dr. Laura]

Why did. What made you do that when you knew it would make him unhappy? Why'd you do that?

[Tina]

It was. I was actually pregnant with my first daughter. I think I was like seven months pregnant. And I was on maternity leave and I guess I was lonely and I really wanted a dog. We had a pretty big property at that point. He. I'm having a hard time remembering, but he did mention that maybe we could get a dog, but maybe that was because I was kind of like, pushing it, But I. I did feel that he didn't really want a dog, you know?

[Dr. Laura]

Where did you get the dog?

[Tina]

In an argument and then.

[Dr. Laura]

Where'd the dog. Where the dog come from? Woohoo. Where'd the dog come from?

[Tina]

I found him online. Well, my cousin actually sent me a post about him, so I went and got him.

[Dr. Laura]

From who? From who? Somebody from their backyard. A company, Somebody's dog? Yeah. Yeah. What? I don't know what was.

[Tina]

She's a. I think she's a breeder. And she just posted up that she had a bunch of puppies, so I went and picked one out.

[Dr. Laura]

How much did it cost?

[Tina]

It was 350.

[Dr. Laura]

Did you sign papers?

[Tina]

No.

[Dr. Laura]

I'm worried about. Yeah, I'm kind of worried about when people say they're breeders and they don't have you sign appropriate papers, but. How old are you?

[Tina]

I'm 24.

[Dr. Laura]

How old are you? Arthur.

[Arthur]

Turned 30 in December.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay. Happy birthday.

[Arthur]

Thank you.

[Dr. Laura]

So if we push somebody very hard and they lose the ability to just take things as they come, isn't that a team effort?

[Tina]

Mm, yes.

[Dr. Laura]

And then not following it up. I. Cleaning up after the dog every day. How do you explain that part?

[Tina]

I guess I kind of got used to him doing it, so I just left it.

[Dr. Laura]

Do you think in the years to come that might start more fights when you agree to something and then don't follow through and he does it because it's not being done and it needs to be done and then is upset about it? Do you think if that sort of thinking continues, that that might hurt the marriage? What do you think?

[Tina]

Yes, of course.

[Dr. Laura]

So how do you think you want to handle the dog issue? Right now.

[Tina]

We'Ve come to a point where we've been trying to re home him and because I will not be able to, I haven't been already, but for sure with the newborn and the toddler and I would not be able to take care of the dog. So we, we have him posted up, but we haven't had anyone serious contact us yet.

[Dr. Laura]

And where did you post it?

[Tina]

I posted him up on Craigslist and there was another rehoming website that I.

[Dr. Laura]

Made asking for money. Are you asking for money?

[Tina]

Oh, I think I. I posted in the rehoming website. I posted no money. But with Craigslist I did ask for a little bit of money.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, Got it. Until then, are you going to clean up the poops every day?

[Tina]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

Because you owe that to him. One of the things you want to do when you finally get a good guy to marry you is not drive him off a cliff, because they don't always stay. If they're driven off cliffs, they end up off the cliff. You're 24 and I think you have such an idealized sense of the universe that it'll just all happen and you don't have to take a lot of responsibility. But being a wife and a mother, that's heavy duty stuff. So you got to think about it a little more. Okay, now let me get to you, Arthur. Tell me all the things that are pushing you toward a cliff. The dog thing is being taken care of. Tell me whatever else is pushing you toward that cliff.

[Arthur]

We're currently not doing the greatest financially and been home doing some schooling. I took some time off work to. I'm a truck driver, so I took some time off work to go get my diploma and I did that. And trying to find a more local job because I'm gone a lot on the road.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah, I'm an owner operator.

[Arthur]

Yeah. Just trying to get something more local and be closer with the family. And the time I did take off work has set us back financially. And it's a lot of my wife's spendings on things that she doesn't talk to me about and decides that it's necessary, which in my eyes it just seems like we could go without those things. And that's also kind of been a build up for a long period of time. I'm not the greatest money saver either. But I feel like when I do go out and buy things, I feel like it's for the family and stuff that's really needed versus her. She does it.

[Dr. Laura]

Would you, would you give Tina some examples of some things that you thought weren't needed.

[Arthur]

Give Tina, for example. She was having a baby. She was having a baby shower, and she went. Bought a jump house. She entertained the kids and a bunch of other games that I feel like we could have went without. And I don't know. I just don't have a lot. I would have to think about it. I don't have a list of things currently. Okay, that was the last thing.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah, got it.

[Tina]

So, Tina, I saved the receipt to return them.

[Dr. Laura]

Tina, what do you think keeps you from talking to Arthur about these expenditures in advance? I mean, just like, friendly, casual. Hey, I'm thinking about getting the jumping thing. What do you think keeps you from talking to him like he's your buddy, you know?

[Tina]

Yeah, I think with that, it was very, very spontaneous. I guess I was.

[Dr. Laura]

So was the dog. And that seems to be your excuse. It was spontaneous. I really didn't think. I can't remember. I. I didn't really.

[Tina]

I wouldn't really think. I guess I just very. Just went and did it, you know, that's what happens.

[Dr. Laura]

Do you want a husband who trusts you and respects you?

[Tina]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura]

Do you think you're behaving in a way which makes him trust and respect you?

[Tina]

No.

[Dr. Laura]

Would you like to start behaving in a way which will make him calm down and trust and respect you?

[Tina]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura]

And what will that require, do you think. Think.

[Tina]

If. I mean, I know him and I should really think about before what I buy or what I do to know that I should talk to him first.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, that way, then there's no discomfort. You see, if you both agree on something that nobody's uncomfortable. And you're a team. So the most the two of you can do as a team, the more relaxed you're both going to be with each other. Do you think that's something you can commit to? Would you say your mom and dad spoiled you?

[Tina]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, you're acting like he's your mom and dad, and that's just not going to fly. And that's why I yell at a lot of parents who spoil their kids, because then they grow up to adults who just feel like this should happen because I want it. So I. I'm not blaming you. I'm pointing out you were trained to behave this way, and you're going to have two kids. And it really doesn't work in a family when one of the two spouses doesn't consider the other one. But your parents kind of trained you that way. So you've got to undo Their training. And, Arthur, when you get really pissed off, I want you to go outside or get in your car, don't turn the car on, and just use every bad word you know. Then come back in the house.

[Arthur]

Sounds like a great idea.

[Dr. Laura]

And who buys a toy that meows all the time? I mean, I would have told you, don't do that.

[Arthur]

Yeah, I knew it was a bad idea from the start.

[Dr. Laura]

Yes, I would make that disappeared comment.

[Arthur]

That I might throw it out the window on the way home.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, I need you to be very supportive of Tina transforming from her parents little girl to your woman. So anytime she clearly behaves contrary to being her parents little girl, I want you to sweep her up and give her lots of positive vibes, hugs and kisses, and tell her what a great job she's doing. That sound good to you, Tina?

[Tina]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura]

All right. I appreciate the two of you calling. Thank you. And you guys can call me back anytime. Anytime. But right now, get rid of the cat toy right now. Don't send it to me either. I would have tossed it out the window. It's gonna go meow until the battery wears out. No. My number, 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course. I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

[UPS Store Ad]

We're shipping Mother's Day gifts with a rapid fire round of questions. Ready?

[UPS Store Representative]

Yes. My gift. Can you pack it?

[UPS Store Ad]

Yep.

[UPS Store Representative]

Ship it?

[UPS Store Ad]

Yes.

[UPS Store Representative]

Guarantee it?

[UPS Store Ad]

Of course.

[UPS Store Representative]

Oh, send gift baskets for sure. Protect electronics. Dog proof it. Return it if they hate it.

[UPS Store Ad]

Yes, no, and yeah.

[UPS Store Representative]

Are you the UPS store?

[UPS Store Ad]

Hey. Hey. We have a winner.

[UPS Store Representative]

Visit the upstore.com guarantee for full details. Most locations are independently owned. Products, services, prices, and hours of operation may vary. See center for details. The UPS Store. Visit US Store today.