Mike Isn’t Sure He’ll Marry This Girlfriend

Summary

The Dr. Laura Podcast
Episode: Mike Isn’t Sure He’ll Marry This Girlfriend
Date: March 12, 2026
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Dr. Laura takes a call from Mike, a 38-year-old divorced salesman, seeking guidance about a major decision in his relationship. Having dated his girlfriend—also divorced and a doctor—for over two years, Mike is grappling with the logistics and emotional implications of marriage, centering on the question: where would they live, and what does that mean for the relationship’s future? Dr. Laura helps him dissect the dynamics at play, challenging his assumptions and steering him toward clarity about his real needs and boundaries.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Background on the Relationship

• Mike’s Profile: 38, divorced, works as a salesman, no children (his ex-wife had a child who passed away).
• Girlfriend’s Profile: 41, doctor, also divorced, no children.
• Both own their own homes and have been dating for about two and a half years.
  • [01:50] Mike: “We’re not engaged yet. We’re having conversations about that.”

2. Previous Marriages and Divorce Reasons

• Mike’s Divorce: His marriage ended after his wife revealed her bisexuality and preference for women.
  • [03:11] Mike: “She was getting sexually turned on being around women. … I can’t share you with someone that’s got a vagina. ... So that was…”
• Girlfriend’s Divorce: Centered around a financial disparity—she earned ten times more than her ex-husband; he struggled with this.
  • [03:45] Mike: “She made about 10 times more income than he did. …he just couldn’t get over that.”

3. Income Disparity and Comfort Levels

• Mike’s girlfriend doubles or triples his income, but he is comfortable with it.
  • [04:44] Mike: “Absolutely. Yeah [I’m okay with that].”
  • [04:29] Dr. Laura: “Does she make 10 times more than you also?”
    Mike: “No, she does not, but she does double my income. … Doubles or triple. Yeah.”

4. The Main Conflict: Where to Live If Married

• Girlfriend’s Expectation: Assumes Mike would move into her home post-marriage.
• Mike’s Preference: Wants a “clean, fresh start”—both selling their homes to buy a new one together.
  • [05:32] Mike: “I told her I’d prefer if we both sold our own homes and then bought a new one together from the beginning.”
• Reasoning: Mike fears moving into her home will leave him uncomfortable, with little room for change or personal space (e.g., cramped laundry room, wanting a proper office, house feels too formal).
  • [08:18] Mike: “I don’t want to move into her home and five years later, I don’t like something about it… She built the home… it’s her [space]."

5. Compatibility and Deal Breakers

• Dr. Laura presses Mike to examine if this is a deal breaker.
  • [09:53] Dr. Laura: “Is this a deal breaker for either one of you?”
  • [10:19] Mike (on living in the basement as an office): “No, I would not be [content with that].”
  • [10:21] Dr. Laura: “It is a deal breaker. See, sir, I asked you to be careful about what you said...”

6. Dr. Laura’s Guidance

• Clarity on Future Steps: Dr. Laura advises if they can’t agree on buying a new house together, they should continue dating, not proceed with marriage.
  • [10:44] Dr. Laura: “If you both can’t agree on a new house, then I suggest you just continue dating her.”
  • [11:01] Dr. Laura: “There’s no reason really for us to get married. We’re not going to be making kids.”
• Establish ground rules: Any necessary changes to her house would need to happen before the wedding—otherwise, Mike risks prolonged discomfort.
  • [11:11] Dr. Laura: “If any changes were going to be made, I’d have to have them made before the wedding. That’s to make sure they happened.”

7. Gender and Power Dynamics in Relationships

• Dr. Laura reflects on societal expectations regarding money and control:
  • [12:13] Dr. Laura: “In general, when women make that much more than the guy, in general, we expect to be in charge. And that’s part of her wanting to stay in her own home, her castle. So just be careful.”
  • Explains how cultural and biological factors influence relationship dynamics and expectations.

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On growing apart because of sexual orientation:
  • [03:11] Mike: “I can’t share you with someone that’s got a vagina. …I can’t compete with that either.”
• On financial disparity:
  • [04:34] Dr. Laura: “She doubles your income?” Mike: “Yeah. Doubles or triple. Yeah.”
• On the implications of agreeing to move in:
  • [09:59] Dr. Laura: “Be careful because this is the rest of your life you’re talking about. So be careful.”
• On the real reason for calling:
  • [11:32] Mike: “I think, if I called for any reason, it was to hear that one sentence. So I appreciate your insight into that.”
• On power dynamics:
  • [12:13] Dr. Laura: “When women make that much more than the guy, in general, we expect to be in charge. And that’s part of her wanting to stay in her own home, her castle.”

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:57 – Call introduction
• 02:05 – Caller and girlfriend backgrounds, their past divorces
• 03:36 – Deep dive into relationship and financial dynamics
• 05:32 – Main conflict: home ownership after marriage
• 08:18 – Mike’s reasons for wanting a new home together
• 09:53 – Assessing deal breakers and real compatibility
• 10:44 – Dr. Laura’s advice: consider staying unmarried
• 12:13 – Dr. Laura on gender roles and expectations

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Takeaways

• Relationship logistics, such as living arrangements and financial disparities, carry significant emotional weight and can become critical deal breakers.
• Open, honest examination of expectations—and whether each partner can truly be content—is vital before marriage, especially for those who have previously divorced.
• Dr. Laura emphasizes the importance of clarity, self-awareness, and not making life-altering compromises that breed future resentment.
• Power and control, especially in relationships with income disparities, play an undercurrent role in domestic decisions like living arrangements.

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This episode is a practical case study on navigating second marriages, blended lives, and the importance of honesty about non-negotiables in a relationship. Dr. Laura’s direct style and Mike’s candor make it a valuable listen for anyone considering remarriage or blending families.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura]

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[Caller Mike]

Hello, Dr. Laura, I. Hi Mike. You are the best road trip partner I have when I have podcasts on. So thank you for that.

[Dr. Laura]

Thank you. How can I help?

[Caller Mike]

I have a. I don't know if it's a big deal or not, but it could be. I am dating this wonderful woman. We're not engaged yet. We're having conversations about that.

[Dr. Laura]

And long have you been dating her? And how old is she? How old are you?

[Caller Mike]

Great question. So I am 38. Is 41. We've been dating.

[Dr. Laura]

Either one of you married, divorced, or kids before?

[Caller Mike]

Yes, we are both divorced. We had a child, but the child died at five years old and that was a long time ago. So no children.

[Dr. Laura]

I'm sorry. She had a child who passed?

[Caller Mike]

Yes, that's correct.

[Dr. Laura]

Is that. Did that sort of solidify a divorce or is there something else?

[Caller Mike]

No, that's something else. I'm divorced. You know, basically I got married young and we just grew apart. We just changed and we couldn't grow together. We've got no ill feelings toward each other.

[Dr. Laura]

Give me an example because I really don't know what growing apart means. I really don't know what it means.

[Caller Mike]

Okay, well, one example is she. We were married for. We were married for 11 years together. For 14. And in year. You know, the year that we were together, I should say, you know, call it year 12, he told me that she's having. She wants to. You know, she was getting sexually turned on being around women. And, you know, then a year later, she said, you know, I. I'm bisexual. I said, well, I can't share you with someone that's got a vagina. I mean, and I can't compete with that either. So that was. And she.

[Dr. Laura]

Essentially, exactly what growing apart means, but. Okay. And your girlfriend's divorce was based on what, sir?

[Caller Mike]

Her. She made about 10 times more income than he did. And it's. From the stories she told me, it just sounded like he just couldn't get over that. A lot of men, I don't know.

[Dr. Laura]

Could she get over that? Was she actually good with that? So she was good with making 10 times more than he.

[Caller Mike]

Yeah, She's a doctor, so it's easy for doctors to make a lot more money than normal people. And, you know, normal people. Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

What did he. What do you do for a living? What do you do for a living?

[Caller Mike]

I'm a salesman. I sell in Hush Real equipment.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay. Does she make 10 times more than you also?

[Caller Mike]

No, she does not. She does not make 10 times more than I do, but she does double my income.

[Dr. Laura]

She doubles your income?

[Caller Mike]

Yeah. Doubles are triple. Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

Doubles or triples?

[Caller Mike]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura]

And are you okay with that?

[Caller Mike]

Absolutely. Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay. So how long have you been dating her?

[Caller Mike]

We've been dating for about two and a half years.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, so bring me up to date.

[Caller Mike]

So we're starting to talk about if we get married because we both agree we want to be remarried and we believe it's each other. And one thing that I'm having a problem with, and I. So we both own a home. Our own. I'm sorry? We both own our own homes. We are not cohabitating. I'm not doing sleepovers, but we're not living together. And she asked me a question one day. She was, well, if we get, you know, when we get married or if we get married, you know, I look forward to you living in my home. And I told her I'd prefer if we both sold our own homes and then bought a new one together from the beginning.

[Dr. Laura]

And why is that? Why is that?

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[Caller Mike]

I just feel like that's a nice, clean fresh start, number one. Number two, I don't want to move into her home and five years later, I don't like something about it and I want to change something and, and then we have a discussion about, well, she, you know, it is her. It's not her dream home, but she built the home. I mean, it's very nice. It's a very nice home, but there's things about it I don't like. And, you know, just feeling like my house very much. And frankly, I don't, you know, it's. You know, I mean, my home is just a house. I don't really care too much about it.

[Dr. Laura]

Have you told her what you would like to change in her house, that you might be more comfortable? Have you given her a list or an idea?

[Caller Mike]

Yes, I've given her some things, and she didn't see an issue with her end. For example, I don't like the way the laundry room is when you walk in. It's very cramped and you have to go through it. I would need an office because I work remotely. And the way she's got her home set up, I'd have to be in a corner basement, and I would want one of the spare bedrooms to look out and have a nice view. Right. And she wouldn't want, you know, it would ruin that room that she uses it for. So there's just these little. I'm, you know, and I. I don't think it's not a very comfortable home to sit in and relax. It's just a little bit more formal. So I talked about wanting.

[Dr. Laura]

Is this a deal breaker for either one of you?

[Caller Mike]

I don't. I. I'm willing.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, be careful. Be careful about your answer.

[Caller Mike]

Be careful, okay?

[Dr. Laura]

Because this is the rest of your life you're talking about. So be careful.

[Caller Mike]

I don't believe. Yes, I. I don't believe it's a deal breaker. I mean, if you put.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, so if nothing changes in her house, you're going to be content in the basement in the corner.

[Caller Mike]

No, I would not be that.

[Dr. Laura]

It is a deal breaker. See, sir, I asked you to be careful about what you said if I wasn't careful. No, you got to be careful because you've already been divorced once. But that was because she kept a secret from you, and that wasn't very nice. So.

[Caller Mike]

Okay, you know what? I think I need to just.

[Dr. Laura]

If you both can't agree on a new house, then I suggest you just continue dating her.

[Caller Mike]

Okay, Well, that's a very insightful comment.

[Dr. Laura]

Just say, you know what? We should just stay dating. There's no reason really for us to get married. We're not going to be making kids.

[Caller Mike]

Yeah, you're right about that.

[Dr. Laura]

Right. So I like my house, you like yours. We'll visit each other. It'll be very lovely. But I wouldn't be comfortable in your house. And if any changes were going to be made, I'd have to have them made before the wedding. That's to make sure they happened.

[Caller Mike]

I think that is, if I called for any reason, it was to hear that one sentence. So I appreciate your insight into that.

[Dr. Laura]

You're very welcome. And I just want to say, I just want to say this one thing in general, and I think it's built into the DNA. Regardless of the era we live in, in general, when women make that much more than the guy, in general, we expect to be in charge.

[Caller Mike]

The women expect to be in charge. Is it what you're saying?

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah. Yeah. And that's part of her wanting to stay in her own home, her castle. So just be careful. There's no reason you just can't keep dating. My number one, 800, 375. It's just built into the DNA that we have the expectation that men are going to take care of us. And when they don't, the independent streak sits in there. Whereas guys are raised, which I used to be raised, not anymore, that they're supposed to take care of their wives and family. So they don't have that same reaction unless they have a mental disorder. My number 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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