Monkey See, Monkey Do

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Monkey See, Monkey Do"

Dr. Laura Call of the Day
Hosted by Dr. Laura Schlessinger & SiriusXM
Release Date: July 6, 2025

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Introduction

In the episode titled "Monkey See, Monkey Do," Dr. Laura Schlessinger tackles the challenging dynamics of sibling conflicts within a divorced family. The discussion centers around a caller seeking guidance on managing her 12-year-old daughter's and 10-year-old son's ongoing disputes, exacerbated by their parents' strained relationship post-divorce.

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Caller’s Concerns: Sibling Conflicts in Divorced Families

The episode begins with a concerned parent reaching out for advice on her children’s frequent arguments. At [00:55], the caller explains:

“I would love your advice and guidance on helping my two children, my daughter is 12 and my son is 10, navigate conflicts with each other.”

She provides an example of her children arguing in the car, illustrating a pattern of escalating meanness:

“When we were in the car earlier, for instance, my son said to my daughter, you're not in camp this week. And my daughter said, no. And he said, that's because you have no friends at your camp. And she said, shut up.”
— Caller [01:20]

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Dr. Laura's Analysis: Impact of Divorce on Children

Dr. Laura immediately addresses the root of the problem, questioning the permissiveness that allows the son to exhibit mean behavior:

“I'm sorry, how did your son get so much permission to be mean?”
— Dr. Laura [01:50]

As the conversation unfolds, it's revealed that the father’s behavior—especially his unkindness towards the mother before their divorce—continues to influence the children's interactions. Dr. Laura emphasizes the detrimental effect of the parents' ongoing conflicts on the children:

“This is terrible for the kids. This is terrible for your daughter. This is terrible for your son.”
— Dr. Laura [04:27]

She underscores the instability caused by the divorced parents' alternating schedules and the introduction of a new parental figure:

“He does have a girlfriend, actually. Fiance. And they're getting married in August. And it basically coordinates with her schedule.”
— Caller [03:54]

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Addressing the Son: Understanding Anger and Responsibility

Dr. Laura shifts focus to the son, Adam, aiming to understand his perspective and emotional state. She engages directly with him, fostering an environment where Adam can express his feelings:

“Adam, can you hear me? Hello, sweetheart. I understand you're 10.”
— Dr. Laura [08:00]

Through compassionate questioning, she identifies Adam's frustrations related to the family’s upheaval:

“Sometimes, yeah. Well, you know, with all these going back and forth, I just want to tell you, for the rest of your life, having your sister care about you and help take care of you and support you is going to be very important...”
— Dr. Laura [09:17]

Dr. Laura addresses Adam's unkind remarks towards his sister, encouraging him to recognize the impact of his words:

“So the important part is that you learn to be a man who doesn't hurt women, who isn't mean to women. That's the most important thing you can grow up, is to be a man who protects women, who doesn't hurt them.”
— Dr. Laura [11:12]

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Parenting the Children Post-Divorce

The conversation highlights the importance of modeling positive behavior and fostering resilience in children amidst divorce. Dr. Laura advises the parent on reinforcing values of protection and kindness, drawing from societal and biological imperatives:

“We have to teach our boys to become men who provide and protect, but mostly have to protect the women. That's the psychobiology of the universe.”
— Dr. Laura [13:08]

She emphasizes the necessity of parents setting boundaries and expectations to prevent the perpetuation of negative behaviors learned from their own experiences:

“You're going to grow up to become a man who protects his daughters, his sisters, his wife. That's what you have to grow up to be.”
— Dr. Laura [11:36]

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Concluding Insights

Dr. Laura reinforces the critical role of parental guidance in shaping children’s future behaviors and relationships. By instilling principles of respect, protection, and accountability, parents can mitigate the adverse effects of divorce and foster healthier sibling relationships.

She concludes by providing her contact information for additional support, reiterating her commitment to helping families navigate complex emotional landscapes:

“My number, 1-800-375-2872. We have to teach our boys to become men who provide and protect...”
— Dr. Laura [13:08]

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Key Takeaways

• Impact of Divorce: Divorce can create instability and emotional turmoil for children, affecting their interactions and development.
• Modeling Behavior: Parents must model respectful and protective behaviors to guide their children effectively.
• Sibling Relationships: Maintaining strong, supportive sibling relationships is crucial for children’s emotional well-being.
• Addressing Anger: Understanding and addressing the underlying causes of children's anger can prevent escalation and promote healthier interactions.
• Parental Guidance: Clear boundaries and consistent support are essential in helping children navigate complex family dynamics.

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**For more insights and support, listeners are encouraged to visit DrLaura.com or call Dr. Laura directly at 1-800-DR-LAURA.

Transcript

[Caller]

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[Dr. Laura]

Rock, paper, scissors.

[Caller]

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[Parent]

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[Podcast Host]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111.

[Dr. Laura]

Lali. Welcome to the program.

[Caller]

That's okay.

[Parent]

Thank you.

[Caller]

Hi, Dr. Laura. Thank you so much.

[Dr. Laura]

You're very welcome. So how can I help?

[Caller]

So I would love your advice and guidance on helping my two children, my daughter is 12 and my son is 10, navigate conflicts with each other.

[Dr. Laura]

Give me an example of a conflict and how they handle it.

[Caller]

I'm a little nervous, so it's kind of the same thing quite often. So let's see. When we were in the car earlier, for instance, my son said to my daughter, you're not in camp this week. And my daughter said, no. And he said, that's because you have no friends at your camp. And she said, shut up. And then things like that just escalate. And.

[Dr. Laura]

I'm sorry, how did your son get so much permission to be mean?

[Caller]

I need help. With what?

[Dr. Laura]

What does he say? Dad's around. Is he. Is he mean to his sister when Dad's around?

[Caller]

No. If he is, it's not as much.

[Dr. Laura]

Give me an example how it would be a little less. Give me an example.

[Caller]

You know, like he. They might say, shut up. They might go back and forth, but it doesn't escalate. So, you know, with the example I gave you, give me the example of.

[Dr. Laura]

How he would be less mean in front of dad.

[Caller]

It would just end. A dad would say, that's enough. And he would stop. And if he tried again, then dad would say, cut it out. And then it would just end. We are not together. We are divorced.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, that doesn't help.

[Caller]

I know, I know. And I do have to say, though, I. You've really guided me. I'm very grateful for you for having guided me through my divorce. It's not. Was not ideal. But, you know, I've been listening to you since about then, and I'm very grateful for your wisdom.

[Dr. Laura]

You're welcome. Did they experience dad talking to you meanly?

[Parent]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura]

Well. And what is the situation for the Kids do they live one week one way, another week another way.

[Caller]

It's every other weekend, and then some nights at my house, some nights at his. So he is. He does have a girlfriend, actually. Fiance. And they're getting married in August. And it basically coordinates with her schedule. I think it's like a 3, 5, 5, 2. I don't know exactly what it's called, but I would say they're with me about 60% of the time and with him about 40% of the time.

[Dr. Laura]

This is terrible for the kids. This is terrible for your daughter. This is terrible for your son.

[Caller]

I know.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay. Okay. Where is your son?

[Caller]

He's inside. So we were just pulling in.

[Dr. Laura]

I need him on the phone.

[Caller]

Okay, one moment, please.

[Dr. Laura]

I'm going to put her on hold and come back. Okay. Is that okay? No, I'll just.

[Caller]

Okay. I play your call of the day for my kids when it involves children. And so they. They are on board with me calling you.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah. But right now I just want to talk to your son.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Parent]

Hey, Adam.

[Caller]

Hey, Adam Addy, can you come here, please? Dr. Laura wants to talk to you real quick.

[Parent]

Come here.

[Caller]

I'm in.

[Parent]

Can you come here, honey?

[Caller]

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[Parent]

Come here, sweetie. Buddy, come here. You don't have to be nervous. Come here.

[Dr. Laura]

He can be nervous.

[Parent]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

I was nervous when I first started on radio. Adam's gonna be nervous. That makes total sense.

[Parent]

Oh, okay.

[Caller]

Thank you. All right, we're here.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay. Adam, can you hear me? Hello, sweetheart. I understand you're 12.

[Caller]

So Adam is 10.

[Dr. Laura]

Oh, he's 10. Got it backwards.

[Caller]

Yes, Ann is 12.

[Dr. Laura]

Got it. I understand that your parents are divorcing, divorced. And you go back and forth from your mom's house to your dad's house and your dad has some girlfriend living there and you're back and forth, back and forth. And before mommy and daddy divorced, they sometimes would not be nice to each other in front of you. Daddy might be unkind and mean to mom. Stuff like that. You've been going through a lot, haven't you?

[Parent]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

What's the worst part of this? What's the worst part of all of this for you?

[Parent]

Some weeks I won't see, like if I'm at my mom's house, sometimes I won't see my dad.

[Dr. Laura]

So that's the worst part. And sometimes when you're at your dad's.

[Parent]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

You kind of miss your mom or not so much.

[Parent]

Yeah. Yeah, you do.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay. So the missing of your mom or dad when you're in the other person's house. Okay. Is that a dog?

[Caller]

Sorry, that's. Yeah, that's our 11 year old rescue.

[Dr. Laura]

Oh, okay.

[Caller]

So trying to get some attention.

[Dr. Laura]

Adam, I understand that sometimes you're kind of mean to your sister the same way your dad was mean to your mom. Is that right, Adam?

[Parent]

Kind of, yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

Sometimes, yeah. Well, you know, with all these going back and forth, I just want to tell you, for the rest of your life, having your sister care about you and help take care of you and support you is going to be very important because your family's all broken up now. And at some point, you know, your sister is going to be going to a different school and different people and different friends and different things and sports and all this stuff. And it's really important you keep a good relationship with her better than your mom. And dad kept with each other. What do you think about me saying that?

[Parent]

I could agree.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah. So I know you have a lot of pain and anger in you. I bet you're somewhat angry about everything that's happening. The girlfriend, for your dad and all this stuff. I understand how that might make you angry. And sometimes we're so angry that we hurt somebody we're not even angry with. I mean, for you to say to your sister, she has no friends, which is why she's not going to camp, that was kind of tough, don't you think?

[Parent]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

So the important part is that you learn to be a man who doesn't hurt women, who isn't mean to women. That's the most important thing you can grow up, is to be a man who protects women, who doesn't hurt them. What do you think about my saying that?

[Parent]

Uh huh. Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

What do you think about me saying that? That you. You're going to grow up to become a man who protects his daughters, his sisters, his wife. That's what you have to grow up to be. You're a man, you protect, even though you didn't see your daddy, protect your mommy. That's what a man is supposed to do.

[Parent]

Okay?

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah. So I'm sort of counting on you to be that kind of man. You protect your sister, you protect your mom, and in the future you protect your wife, you protect your daughters. Everybody will count on you. You're going to be very important that way. And you start practicing now with your sisters. A good idea, because she's hurting too, from the family breaking apart. And so when you're not nice to her, then she feels like her whole world, terrible. So we need you to protect her from that feeling. Okay?

[Parent]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay. Sweetheart, I'm counting on you, you know?

[Parent]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay. Thank you for talking with me. Goodbye, mom.

[Caller]

Oh, he said thank you.

[Dr. Laura]

Excellent. And I said, goodbye, mom.

[Caller]

Thank you, Dr. Laura.

[Dr. Laura]

You're welcome. My number, 1-800-375-2872. We have to teach our boys to become men who provide and protect, but mostly have to protect the women. That's the psychobiology of the universe. But he watched his dad not protect his mommy, so he's got to learn that in spite of. And that's what we support, not just saying, cut it out. There's a reason we want you to cut it out, because that's not how a man acts. My number, 1-800-375-2872.

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