My Daughter Ditched Our Family

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day

Episode: "My Daughter Ditched Our Family"

Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Caller: Fred
Date: September 25, 2025

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Overview

This episode centers on a call from Fred, a father distraught over his 28-year-old daughter cutting off all contact with their family for nine months. Fred seeks advice from Dr. Laura on how to handle this estrangement and whether there's hope for repair. Dr. Laura, in her signature direct style, guides Fred through the possible deeper roots of his daughter's decision, emphasizing reflection, accountability, and honest self-examination rather than quick fixes.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Background: The Estrangement

• Fred’s Situation:
  • Daughter (28, eldest of three) has ceased all contact with the entire family for nine months.
  • The cutoff followed a "little issue" in January, but Fred is “totally distraught” and can't believe something so small triggered this (01:00–03:08).

2. Dr. Laura Probes for History

• Dr. Laura immediately points to long-term issues, not a single incident:
  • “If she's left the family situation, then I would imagine there were family troubles with her 20 years ago.” (01:18)
  • Asks if daughter was ever evaluated or supported for psychological needs—none have (01:42–02:11).
  • Highlights the importance of early intervention, suggesting "15 years ago would have been a good time to call me." (02:39)

3. Fred’s Perspective & Dr. Laura’s Rebuttal

• Fred insists he always supported his daughter and didn't treat his children differently (03:08, 07:34).
• Dr. Laura argues:
  • Every child is, and must be, treated differently according to their needs and characteristics:
    • “Sir, we treat all our children differently because they have different personalities and characteristics and behaviors and demeanors.” (07:42)
  • Implies Fred (and the family) missed or disregarded signs of trouble in their daughter for years, only noticing when the estrangement became undeniable.

4. Faith, Prayer, and Agency

• Fred mentions continual prayer, hoping God will bring his daughter back (03:19).
• Dr. Laura challenges this:
  • “You're asking God for a personal favor to change who she is when she's always been a bit troubled and you never did a damn thing about it until now because she's excommunicated. It took this for her to get noticed?” (06:27–06:30)
  • Questions whether Fred is asking for divine intervention to fix something that required human action long ago.

5. Advice Given: Reflect, Not Defend

• Dr. Laura urges Fred and his family to:
  • Stop being defensive about what has or hasn't been done.
  • Gather as a family (minus the estranged daughter) and openly discuss the daughter’s emotional status, sensitivities, insecurities, and possible family dynamics that led to the estrangement.
  • Suggests approaching this as family therapy, underscoring group reflection to uncover overlooked truths (08:32).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Early Problem Recognition:

  “You have to understand that if you have even one kid, some percentage of your children are going to have problems, whether it's medical or mental. That's just life.”
  — Dr. Laura (01:42)

• On Defensiveness:

  “Got to cut the defensiveness out. And the four of you need to come together, in my opinion, and talk about her and try to brainstorm what has been her emotional status for years... Just trying to figure out what caused this event to precipitate everybody's cut off.”
  — Dr. Laura (08:32)

• Challenging Passive Support:

  “You’re asking God for a personal favor to change who she is when she’s always been a bit troubled and you never did a damn thing about it until now because she’s excommunicated. It took this for her to get noticed?”
  — Dr. Laura (06:27–06:30)

• On Parenting Uniqueness:

  “We respond to cuddly kids with more cuddling and non cuddling kids, we leave them alone a little more. Kids who are very smart and just learn by themselves, we don’t sit down and do math problems. The kids who have trouble, we sit down and do math. Right. So every kid is treated based on their uniqueness.”
  — Dr. Laura (07:42)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:00] Caller shares problem: daughter cuts off contact.
• [01:18–02:11] Dr. Laura asks about family history, mental health support.
• [02:39] Dr. Laura underscores early intervention missed.
• [03:19] Discussion of prayer and faith’s role.
• [06:27–06:51] Dr. Laura’s strong challenge to Fred’s perspective and passive approach.
• [07:42] Importance of recognizing and responding to each child’s uniqueness in parenting.
• [08:32] Suggests a family meeting to openly reflect on the daughter’s emotional history.

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Summary of Dr. Laura’s Core Message

Dr. Laura’s advice is characteristically direct: this kind of estrangement rarely stems from a single event, but rather long-standing needs and problems going unaddressed. She encourages radical honesty, discourages defensive attitudes, and stresses that while it may feel hopeless now, sincere self-examination as a family could be the first step toward understanding—and possibly, reconciliation.

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Transcript

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Fred welcome to the program.

[Caller Fred]

Good afternoon, Dr. Laura.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Hi. What's happening?

[Caller Fred]

Hi. Well, I've got a 28 year old daughter, my oldest of three children, and she's cut us off, myself, my wife and her brother and sister for about nine months now. And I'm, I'm just totally distraught about it. I pray every night that it ends.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Fred. What, what's her problem? If she's left the family situation, then I would imagine there were family Troubles with her 20 years ago.

[Caller Fred]

Everybody has. She's, she's always been a little bit more one of the difficult of the three children.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

As I just said, there were troubles 20 years ago. You have to understand that if you have even one kid, some percentage of your children are going to have problems, whether it's medical or mental. That's just life. So has anybody diagnosed her or given clarification as to what her psychological problem was?

[Caller Fred]

No. No, they have not.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

No teachers. She never saw a counselor, a school counselor. There was never any investigation as to her feelings, her behaviors. See, this had a long beginning and you're bringing me in at the end. So if you're wondering what I can offer you to be helpful, I think 15 years ago would have been a good time to call me.

[Caller Fred]

And you're probably right, but I'm just, I. I can't believe that the little problem that we had or the little issue that we had in January that caused this has actually.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

It isn't. It isn't. You're accurate. It isn't. It's 28 years. It isn't what just happened.

[Caller Fred]

Okay, so do I just live with it and forget about it and keep praying or is there. I just don't know what to do.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Are you praying to God for God to intervene?

[Caller Fred]

Yes, Yes, I am.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Really? You're asking God for a personal favor?

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[Caller Fred]

I'M asking.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

That's interesting.

[Caller Fred]

Back into our family.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay. You're asking God for a personal favor to change who she is when she's always been a bit troubled and you never did a damn thing about it until now because she's excommunicated. All of you. It took this for her to get noticed?

[Caller Fred]

I didn't know what I could do. I didn't. I mean, I was always there for. I never. I didn't do anything.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I'm always there for her. I have. Okay, you can stop the exclamations. The answer to your current question is I have no idea. Probably nothing. So, yeah, feel bad and pray because whatever her problems were, they weren't approached early enough. So here we are today with an explosion, and you're saying accurately, I can't believe this little thing caused this. It didn't. It was like the last straw in her mind. In her mind. So it sounds like nobody has paid much attention to her mind.

[Caller Fred]

And that's why I have to disagree. I don't think I've ever left her hanging or ever treated my other children differently.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Sir, we treat all our children differently because they have different personalities and characteristics and behaviors and demeanors. All our children are always treated differently. We have to. It's not a cookie cutter enterprise. We respond to cuddly kids with more cuddling and non cuddling kids. We leave them alone a little more. Kids who are very smart and just learn by themselves. We don't sit down and do math problems. The kids who have trouble, we sit down and do math. Right. So every kid is treated based on their uniqueness. I'm just saying that her uniqueness seems to have gone under the radar and something triggered it.

[Caller Fred]

Well, I don't know what you.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I know you don't. That's the point I'm making. So you might want to sit down with your wife and the other children and go back in history and talk and say, what do you think was the evolution of how she feels now? I think it would be very interesting for the four of you to think about it and talk to each other about it and see if we can stop the defensiveness. I did everything. I was there. I did everything. I treated everybody the same. Got to cut the defensiveness out. And the four of you need to come together, in my opinion, and talk about her and try to brainstorm what has been her emotional status for years. What has she been sensitive about? What does she seem insecure about? What does she seem to be happy about? Just trying to figure out what caused this event to precipitate everybody's cut off. So that's what you ought to do. All talk. I bet one or more of you is going to say, you know, I always notice that she was criticized more or she got away with everything. It's amazing how when we can get down which is like why I wanted to do family therapy the most instead of just one on one. Because in the dynamic we find out truths that we haven't been paying attention to. My number 1-800-375-2872. Check out my social media on Facebook and Instagram. Instagram. I post stories, photos and videos seven days a week and feature some of what you've sent me too. There's always something interesting going on there. You can find me at facebook.com drlaura and instagram.com drlauraprogram can lighter structures really be stronger?

[ExxonMobil Narrator]

Yes, they can. ExxonMobil is helping advance American industrial innovation with Proxima Systems, enabling a lighter and stronger alternative to traditional rebar while lowering greenhouse gas emissions to help build a more efficient construction industry with sustainability in mind. ExxonMobil. Let's deliver.