My Daughter Wants to Live on Her Own

Summary

Podcast Summary: "My Daughter Wants to Live on Her Own"

Podcast Information:

• Title: Dr. Laura Call of the Day
• Host/Author: Dr. Laura Schlessinger & SiriusXM
• Episode: My Daughter Wants to Live on Her Own
• Release Date: June 25, 2025

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Introduction to the Issue

In this episode of "Dr. Laura Call of the Day," Dr. Laura Schlessinger addresses a pressing family dilemma presented by a concerned mother. The caller, whose family resides in Virginia due to her husband's military service, faces challenges as her daughter expresses a desire to remain in Virginia for community college while the family is scheduled to relocate back to Florida.

Caller’s Concern

The caller outlines her predicament:

• Family Situation: Living in Virginia with a daughter attending community college; her husband is in the military with orders to return to Florida.
• Daughter’s Desire: To stay in Virginia, continue her education, and eventually live independently.

Caller Quote [00:37]:
"So my husband and I currently live in Virginia and we have a daughter who is attending community college here and we're moving back to Florida. I was wanting my daughter to relocate with us, but she wants to stay up here and continue her college and eventually just wants to live here."
(Timestamp: 00:37)

Dr. Laura’s Initial Response

Dr. Laura begins by probing the daughter's intentions and seriousness about her educational pursuits:

• Educational Goals: The daughter is majoring in early education with aspirations to pursue a master's degree, potentially becoming a librarian or a pathologist.
• Clarification Needed: Dr. Laura questions the clarity and feasibility of the daughter's career path, especially highlighting the misconception regarding the role of a pathologist.

Dr. Laura’s Insight [02:04]:
"What does she want to actually do for a living with the degrees?"
(Timestamp: 02:04)

Evaluating the Daughter’s Plans

The conversation delves deeper into the daughter’s academic and career plans:

• Pathology vs. Librarianship: Dr. Laura points out that a pathologist is an M.D., requiring extensive education, which may indicate the daughter is either confused about her career path or lacks a concrete plan.

Dr. Laura’s Critical Observation [02:24]:
"In other words, your daughter is very young and has no clue as to what she wants to do."
(Timestamp: 02:24)

Financial Realities and Independence

The caller expresses concern about the daughter's ability to sustain herself financially in Virginia:

• Financial Discussion: They reviewed the daughter’s financial situation, realizing she lacks sufficient income to live independently without family support.

Caller’s Admission [05:25]:
"I sat down and we did the math together and I said, you know, you're not making enough to stay here on your own with no family support."
(Timestamp: 05:25)

Dr. Laura’s Advice on Parental Support and Independence

Dr. Laura advises the caller to encourage her daughter’s independence:

• Encouraging Responsibility: She emphasizes that the daughter is an adult capable of making her own decisions and should not rely on family support to navigate her life choices.
• Letting Go: Dr. Laura urges the mother to resist the urge to provide financial assistance, thereby allowing the daughter to develop self-reliance and problem-solving skills.

Dr. Laura’s Guidance [05:15]:
"Which is okay, but don't make it sound more dramatic than it is. She has no clue. How will she afford living when you leave?"
(Timestamp: 05:15)

Further Advice [06:04]:
"Well, she's not your baby anymore, Mom. She's not your baby anymore. She's a woman now. She wants to stay there and go to school and have no idea."
(Timestamp: 06:04)

Outcome and Final Recommendations

The caller acknowledges Dr. Laura’s perspective, indicating an understanding of the necessity to let her daughter fend for herself:

• Acceptance: The mother realizes the importance of allowing her daughter to face the consequences of her decisions, fostering personal growth and resilience.

Caller’s Realization [07:21]:
"All right. I knew you were going to say that."
(Timestamp: 07:21)

Dr. Laura concludes by reinforcing the message of autonomy and personal responsibility, encouraging the daughter to take charge of her life choices without the cushion of family support.

Key Takeaways

1. Autonomy in Adulthood: Transitioning from being a child to an adult involves taking responsibility for one’s own life decisions.
2. Financial Independence: It is crucial for young adults to understand and manage their finances to sustain independence.
3. Clarifying Career Goals: Clear and realistic career planning is essential for long-term success and satisfaction.
4. Parental Support vs. Overprotection: Balancing support with fostering independence is key to raising responsible and resilient adults.

Notable Quotes

• Dr. Laura on Responsibility [06:04]:
  "She's not your baby anymore, Mom. She's not your baby anymore. She's a woman now."

• Computer advice on letting go [06:32]:
  "Please let her figure it out. She'll be a stronger, better woman if you let her figure it out."
  (Timestamp: 06:32)

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This episode underscores the importance of allowing young adults to navigate their paths with minimal familial interference, fostering growth and self-sufficiency.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura]

Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on SiriusX. Elizabeth, welcome to the program.

[Caller]

Hi Dr. Laura. Thank you for taking my call.

[Dr. Laura]

You're welcome. What can I do for you?

[Caller]

So my husband and I currently live in Virginia and we have a daughter who is attending community college here and we're or he is in the military and we have new orders back down to Florida where we're from. And I'm was wanting my daughter to relocate with us, but she wants to stay up here and continue her college and she eventually just wants. I mean she wants to live here. But I'm concerned.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, before you go into the motherly I'm concerned routine, hold that, hold that. I get that I'm teen times in three hours, so I'm concerned. So what is she studying? Is she actually going to school with a purpose or is she going to school?

[Caller]

She's going with a purpose. She wants to get her major in early education and eventually possibly further that into like her master's degree where she wants to continue with an education with.

[Dr. Laura]

What does she want to actually do for a living with the degrees?

[Caller]

Either be a. Well, one of the things that she's. She wants to be a pathologist or even go into where she would get a master's so she could be a librarian.

[Dr. Laura]

In other words, your daughter is very young and has no clue as to what she wants to do.

[Caller]

She knows she wants to work within education.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, the pathologist is an M.D.

[Caller]

Well, yes, but she wants to work in schools.

[Dr. Laura]

A pathologist is an M.D. she would have to go through four years of college, get accepted into a medical school.

[Caller]

Right?

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[Caller]

Well, she, I mean, she wants, I mean she is young. She's, you know, she has no idea yet.

[Dr. Laura]

Which is okay, but don't make it sound more dramatic than it is. She has no clue. How will she afford living when you leave?

[Caller]

That's what I ask her. She says that she'll make it work. And I'm, I sat down and we did the math together and I said, you know, you're not making enough to stay here on your own with no family support.

[Dr. Laura]

And what did she no, she shouldn't be getting family support. She's an adult now, right? She wants to make these decisions. She has to take responsibility for them. So when you said you don't make enough money right now to afford living here, she said what?

[Caller]

She actually stops the conversation there.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, she's a very, she's not a mature person yet. However, I think you ought to back off and say, fine, I hope you make it work. Do not give her money this is her opportunity to be an adult and make her way. Don't stand in the way of that, please.

[Caller]

Okay. All right.

[Dr. Laura]

She's not your baby anymore, Mom. She's not your baby anymore. She's a woman now. She wants to stay there and go to school and have no idea Master's in something. But she wants to be an md. I mean, this is totally chaos. But at her age, that's fine. At her age, I never thought I'd be sitting here doing what I'm doing. So it's fine. But leave her alone to figure it out, please. I think it was good you sat down with her and said, let's look at the money. Now she knows what she needs to do. She has all summer. She can get another job, two jobs, 10 jobs. She can figure it out. Please let her figure it out. She'll be a stronger, better woman if you let her figure it out.

[Caller]

All right. I knew you were going to say that.

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