My Deadbeat Dad Wants Me Back

Summary

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The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: "My Deadbeat Dad Wants Me Back"
Date: February 8, 2026
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger

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Episode Overview

In this emotionally charged episode, Dr. Laura takes a call from Michael, a long-time listener grappling with whether or not to reconnect with his estranged father. Michael details a decades-long family rift rooted in abandonment, favoritism, and unresolved wounds. Dr. Laura provides her signature blunt advice, focusing on self-respect, the meaning of fatherhood, and why sometimes the healthiest answer is a firm "no." The conversation is direct, honest, and instructional for anyone struggling with toxic or one-sided family relationships.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Michael's Background and Strained Parental Relationship

• [02:00–05:16]
  • Michael, 54, happily married with four kids, recounts the deterioration of his relationship with his father following his parents' divorce.
  • At 15, Michael was rejected by his father and stepmother when he requested to live with them. His feelings were dismissed to preserve their new marriage.
  • Over the years, Michael's attempts, and his siblings', to maintain a relationship were rebuffed in favor of his father's other interests and, recently, a new adopted daughter.
  • Michael describes a pattern where his father repeatedly prioritized others over him and his children, culminating in expressing he’d rather have a relationship with Michael alone, not his grandkids.

2. The Dilemma: Should Michael Let His Dad Back In?

• [05:16–06:26]
  • Michael shares that after years of distance, his father recently expressed a desire to visit, prompting confusion and emotional turmoil.
  • Dr. Laura immediately challenges the motivation:
    • Dr. Laura: “For what? He wants to come visit by himself. For what point? What’s the point?” [05:16]
  • Michael explains that his father’s previous wish was for a relationship only with him, not his children, intensifying the conflict.

3. Dr. Laura's Advice: Clear, Unapologetic Boundaries

• [06:26–09:01]
  • Dr. Laura recommends Michael practice and use the word “No”:
    • Dr. Laura: “Make this sound. N. No, Thank you. No, not interested. Too little, too late. No.” [06:07]
  • She highlights the importance of self-respect and not feeling guilty for protecting oneself from toxic relationships.
  • Dr. Laura underscores that Michael’s “father” is only a biological parent, not someone who earned the title of “dad.”
    • Dr. Laura: “You’re not a dad. You’re not my father. You’re not anything to me. No.” [09:01]

4. How to Respond and Let Go

• [09:44–10:09]
  • Michael asks if he should text or call his response. Dr. Laura suggests keeping it short and direct, especially since the last contact was by text.
    • Dr. Laura: “Text back, ‘no, thank you. Have a good life.’ There’s nothing to agonize over.” [10:09]
  • Dr. Laura bluntly attributes the pain to his mother’s mistake of choosing this man and reiterates that biology doesn’t make a parent.
    • Dr. Laura: “Your mother never should have had sex with this man. ...He never was a dad. And he wanted you to neglect your kids like he did.” [10:09]

5. Addressing Guilt and Misplaced Loyalty

• [11:20–12:29]
  • Michael admits it breaks his heart that the situation is meaningless for his kids.
  • Dr. Laura highlights that the children gain nothing from the relationship and counters Michael’s emotional tug as unfounded.
    • Dr. Laura: “Your kids don’t give a damn. If he were drowning, they wouldn’t even recognize him.” [11:41]
    • Dr. Laura: “If you care about your kids, what the hell are you agonizing over this man for? ...This is still about him.” [11:55]

6. Perspective and Moving Forward

• [12:29–13:24]
  • Dr. Laura reframes Michael’s focus:
    • Dr. Laura: “You have a great job, a great wife. Great kids, great health. ...You’re not really appreciating what you’ve built in spite of him.” [12:29]
  • She asserts the importance of recognizing personal achievement outside one's parents and letting go of toxic guilt.
  • Dr. Laura’s final advice is to block the father and get on with life, reinforcing Michael’s worth and independence.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Dr. Laura enunciating emotional boundaries:
  • “Make this sound. N. No, Thank you. No, not interested. Too little, too late. No.” [06:07]
• Confronting the biological link:
  • “He never was a dad. And he wanted you to neglect your kids like he did. I only want the relationship with you... You want to spend time with this man? There is no changing from that. Come on.” [10:09]
• Countering misplaced guilt:
  • “Your kids don’t give a damn. If he were drowning, they wouldn’t even recognize him. Come on.” [11:41]
• Summary wisdom:
  • “You’re not really appreciating what you’ve built in spite of him… Look what you’ve made of your life and you’re spending any time agonizing about him. Give me a break.” [12:29]
• Wrapping up:
  • “Let him go. Block your number. Get on with your life. He doesn’t deserve to be in your [life].” [13:39]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 02:00 – Michael introduces his family background and estrangement
• 05:16 – Dr. Laura questions the father’s motives, begins advice
• 06:07 – The “Say No” exercise and boundary reinforcement
• 09:01 – Dr. Laura instructs on clear, direct rejection
• 10:09 – Advice on text response and reframing the parent-child link
• 11:41 – Addressing the meaninglessness for Michael’s children
• 12:29 – Emphasizing gratitude for Michael’s life and letting go of guilt
• 13:39 – Concluding advice: block the dad, move forward

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Conclusion

This episode is a sterling example of Dr. Laura’s tough-love approach. She makes a compelling case for saying "no" to toxic, absentee family members—no matter their biological relation—and prioritizing one’s own well-being and the well-being of one’s immediate family. The conversation sheds light on the emotional complexity of parental estrangement, while making clear that self-respect and boundaries must always come first.

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Transcript

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

The best stories are inspirational, about people following their dreams and achieving their goals. And that's the main ingredient in the Food Network Obsessed podcast. Each week, Food Network Obsessed host Jamie Syer sits down with your favorite show hosts and chefs to dish on all things delicious in the food world. Yep, Food Network Obsessed is about food, but it's also about the people behind the restaurants and the cookbooks you love. You'll get a taste of Food Network's hottest shows and a sprinkle of history, too. Chef Duke Chase shares how his grandmother, the Queen of Creole cuisine, became the inspiration behind Disney's first black princess. And food stylist Christine Tobin shares what it was like to recreate Julia Child's iconic dishes for television. Even if, like me, you're not into cooking, you'll discover a story to savor in the Food Network Obsessed podcast. So dig in and listen to Food Network Obsessed Wherever you get podcasts.

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day sponsored by Vibrian Super C Serum. My personal solution for smoother, more hydrated skin. Super C Serum is a full line of skin care products all in one bottle. Get 37% off plus free shipping by going to vibrance.com DrLora Remember, you can hear my radio program daily on SiriusXM Triumph and connect with me 24 [e-mail] Michael welcome to the program.

[Caller Michael]

Thank you Dr. Laura, big fan. Listen to you. For many years been helping me from afar.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Thank you.

[Caller Michael]

On various things. Calling in because I have a dilemma with my dad. I'm not sure. Not sure how to put this. So I'm just going to give you a little bit of background if that's okay. Maybe you can help me through it.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Sure I'll try.

[Caller Michael]

I appreciate that.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Go ahead.

[Caller Michael]

So I'm 54, madly in love with my wife. She's amazing. Been married 15 years, have four great kids. I have a great life, great career. My everything's great adult wise. But my issue is where I originally came from so been very distant from my dad, and he and my mom got divorced when I was 12. When I was 15, kind of set the tone. They set me down to the therapist. My. I'm sorry. My stepmother and father set me down with the therapist to pay. Basically let me know that I'm sorry I messed up. I made a request after my parents got divorced to live with my dad. I was naturally closer to him as a kid. And my 15, my stepmother, and he sat me down and basically said, no, they. I wasn't gonna be. My feelings weren't going to be impacting their relationship. So that kind of set along the way. Through the years, I've tried to do things, to have a relationship, be close and consistently, whether it was wife or golf or the dog or something was more important. I have a brother and sister. They experience the same kind of thing since, I don't know, 10 years ago, they adopted a child. She has a son, young, out of wedlock. And so he's hoping to raise that child. And he's totally acted differently with her and him than he has with my own kids and me and all those things. So I didn't want to be around any of that anyway. And so I've, you know, kind of just responded to the same level of warmth as I was getting, basically, so not. Not a lot. And, you know, having been invited to Christmas, Thanksgiving, those kind of things. And we've just kind of gone our own way. We spent time with my wife's family and just ourselves. So, anyways, here's the question. So he now asked recently, hey, I want to come visit himself. And I.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

For what? He wants to come visit by himself. For what point? What's the point? What did he say? He wants to visit you for.

[Caller Michael]

The kids and I. Oh, I left out one other thing about that same time frame. Ten years ago, he told me he didn't want a relationship with my kids. He would rather have a relationship with me, which. So it was kind of like, hey, I know my wife is terrible, and he agree with me that she was towards me. But he's like, well, I just want a relationship with you. And I'm like, michael, I don't know how to do that.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Michael. Yes, Michael. I just. Excuse me. I just want to check if you're good at enunciation. So here's your enunciation test. You ready?

[Caller Michael]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Make this sound. N. No, Thank you. No, not interested. Too little, too late. No.

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

The best stories are inspirational about people following their dreams and achieving their goals. And that's the main ingredient in the Food Network Obsessed podcast. And each week, Food Network Obsessed host Jamie Syre sits down with your favorite show hosts and chefs to dish on all things delicious in the food world. Yep, Food Network Obsessed is about food, but it's also about the people behind the restaurants and the cookbooks you love. You'll get a taste of Food Network's hottest shows and a sprinkle of history, too. Chef Duke Chase shares how his grandmother, the queen of Creole cuisine, became the inspiration behind Disney's first black princess. And and food stylist Christine Tobin shares what it was like to recreate Julia Child's iconic dishes for television. Even if, like me, you're not into cooking, you'll discover a story to savor in the Food Network Obsessed podcast. So dig in and listen to Food Network Obsessed wherever you get podcasts.

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[Caller Michael]

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Caller Michael]

Oh, okay.

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

If I were your wife, I'D be sitting there writing it out, saying, honey, don't forget to say, you're a jerk. Don't want a visit. You're not a dad. You're not my father. You're not anything to me. No, I think a healthy version of Michael needs to enunciate that one syllable.

[Caller Michael]

No, that's it.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You can throw in thank you. If you want to sound semi polite. Not interested. Is this not interested, sir? Don't call him dad. Not interested, sir.

[Caller Michael]

Is this a text or phone call?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

He's going to call you to come visit, right? Or did he text you to come visit because he's too much of a coward to pick up the phone? Which was it?

[Caller Michael]

He's called and texted and I've paused because I don't want to. I've been struggling with.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, so was his last thing a text or a call?

[Caller Michael]

His last thing was a text.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Good. Text back, no, thank you. Have a good life. There's nothing to agonize over. Your mother never should have had sex with this man. I mean, we'd miss out on you, but you know what I'm saying. This is her poor judgment that put you in this pickle today. I always think it's divine that he's your dad. It's not given from heaven that he's your dad. Your mother had sex with him. That made him your biological father. He never was a dad. And he wanted you to neglect your kids like he did. I only want the relationship with you. So you need to neglect your kids to feed me. You want to spend time with this man? There is no changing from that. Come on.

[Caller Michael]

Well, and the twisted thing is that I always feel like, whatever, there's a road, all of a sudden, there's a turn. So the latest thing is, like, he'll call on birthday to talk to the kids. He'll send a card putting everybody.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You know, this is a meaningless situation. Your kids don't give a damn. If he were drowning, they wouldn't even recognize him. Come on.

[Caller Michael]

That's true. But that's the part that breaks me up, because I care about my kids.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

First, they don't benefit from him. They don't benefit from him. If you care about your kids, what the hell are you agonizing over this man for? There's nothing for them in him. And as he faces his mortality, suddenly he's sending presents? Don't you get it? This is still about him.

[Caller Michael]

That's true. It just sucks.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

No, it doesn't. You have a great job, a great wife. Great kids, great health. You went through a whole bunch of great. If this little itty bitty is enough to make you say it sucks, then you're not really appreciating what you've built in spite of him.

[Caller Michael]

Yeah, I hear what yeah, okay, good point.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Brilliant point. Way past that point. Unbelievably astute point. In spite of that piece of shit. Look what you've made of your life and you're spending any time agonizing about him. Give me a break. You're not going to make me work anymore on this call, are you?

[Caller Michael]

No, I got it.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I need a break now.

[Caller Michael]

I got it.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I pounced on you enough.

[Caller Michael]

I appreciate it. I appreciate your directness and clarity. Thank you.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

It's all true. Enjoy your life. Let him go. Block your number. Get on with your life. He doesn't deserve to be in your 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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