My Family Doesn't Accept Me

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day

Episode Title: My Family Doesn't Accept Me
Date: September 23, 2025
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Guests: David & Kevin

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Overview

This episode centers on David and Kevin, a married gay couple struggling with feeling excluded and unaccepted by David’s family. David feels especially hurt by their absence from family meetings, vacations, and general family togetherness, which he believes is at least partially related to their sexuality. Dr. Laura tackles their concerns with her signature directness, reframing their experience as part of broader family dynamics—some unique to their situation, but much of it universal. Her advice: focus on building a fulfilling life independent of family approval, maintain politeness, and find internal acceptance.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Family Exclusion and History

• David’s Background: David’s family sold a family business in 2018, leading to family tensions initially involving inheritance and business mediation.
• Current Issue: David and Kevin now feel excluded from ongoing family meetings and are left out of family vacations and gatherings.
  • “They started, they go on family vacations, they plan them, and they don't include us. They get together for functions as a family.” (05:20 – David)

2. Perception of Rejection

• Dr. Laura’s Immediate Response: She challenges the expectation of inclusive family activities, suggesting that adults are not obligated to invite all family members to every event.
  • “Nobody's obligated to include everybody that they know or in the family or anything. Nobody's obligated to do that.” (05:28 – Dr. Laura)
• Reframing the Problem: Dr. Laura quickly identifies that the family’s actions are not unusual and advises David and Kevin to focus on their life together rather than waiting for family acceptance.

3. Sensitivity to Acceptance

• Noting Gendered Responses: Dr. Laura observes from her clinical experience that gay men often feel rejection from their families more acutely than lesbian couples.
  • “When I had the men, I noticed a particular sensitivity to not feeling accepted… The guys would be more sensitive to the feelings of rejection by family. And I think that's what's happening here.” (10:43 – Dr. Laura)

4. Finding Peace and Moving Forward

• Letting Go of Family's Judgment: Dr. Laura repeatedly emphasizes the importance of self-acceptance and not seeking external validation, especially from family.
  • “Their acceptance or not… The acceptance mostly has to come from within.” (11:25 – Dr. Laura)
  • “You keep talking about trying something. You want something from them, you're not going to get in the form you need it. It's not going to happen, David.” (12:30 – Dr. Laura)
  • “They don't care as much about you being gay as you care if they care that you're gay.” (13:04 – Dr. Laura)
• Advice for Ongoing Relationship: Dr. Laura recommends cordiality over closeness, advocating for politeness and light contact without seeking deep connection if it always leads to hurt.
  • “There's a big difference between being able to have a meaningful, touching relationship and just maintaining niceness. It doesn't hurt. It makes you feel better…” (14:43 – Dr. Laura)
  • “The first one is going to make you sick for the rest of your life. The second one is going to free you.” (15:18 – Dr. Laura)
• Dr. Laura's Personal Example: She shares her own story about her father never accepting her psychotherapist career as a way to normalize feeling different from one’s family.
  • “My dad never accepted the fact that I became a psychotherapist… But so freaking what?” (15:57 – Dr. Laura)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Dr. Laura on Adult Independence:
  “Have your own life. They have their lives. Have your own life. Come on. You're not a little kid anymore.” (09:02)

• On Rejection:
  “It isn't rejection. It's not rejection.” (11:31 – Dr. Laura)

• On Internal Acceptance:
  “Your acceptance has to come from within you. Not your parents, not your sister, not their shenanigans in and out of meetings. Let them be right.” (11:36 – Dr. Laura)

• On Moving On:
  “You're 40 freaking one. It's time for you to move past that.” (14:02 – Dr. Laura)

• On Maintaining Healthy Distance:
  “There's a big difference between being able to have a meaningful, touching relationship and just maintaining niceness… It makes you feel better and you spend less time with it in the pit of your stomach.” (14:43)

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Important Segment Timestamps

• [01:16–06:03]: David and Kevin outline their family background, business sale, and start to explain their feelings of exclusion.
• [09:02–10:43]: Dr. Laura reframes their expectations, emphasizing independence and typical family dynamics.
• [10:43–13:29]: Discussion about David’s sensitivity to family acceptance, differences between gay men and lesbian couples, and repeating the need for self-acceptance.
• [13:29–15:18]: Dr. Laura distinguishes between polite contact versus seeking emotional closeness and the effects on well-being.
• [15:57–16:29]: Dr. Laura shares her own family non-acceptance story to underline her advice to David and Kevin.

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Episode Tone

Dr. Laura’s tone is characteristically straightforward, nuanced with empathy but unwavering in her advocacy for personal responsibility and self-reliance. While direct—even blunt—she grounds her advice in both professional experience and relatable personal anecdotes, helping listeners understand and normalize complicated family dynamics.

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Takeaway for Listeners

This episode offers universal insights:

• You can't force family acceptance.
• Healthy boundaries mean recognizing when to invest in relationships and when to let things go.
• True acceptance begins with oneself, not with family validation.

Dr. Laura encourages David, Kevin, and the wider audience to find freedom and peace by focusing on their own happiness and maintaining cordial connections with family, without expecting or demanding unconditional acceptance.

Transcript

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. David and Kevin, welcome to the program.

[David]

Hi, Dr. Laura. Hello, Dr. Laura.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Hi. What are you to each other?

[David]

Husband. Husband and husband.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Husband and husband. Okay. Husband squared. All right. How long have you been together?

[David]

19 years.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I would.

[David]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Yeah.

[David]

Four years.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Wow. All right. How can I help?

[David]

I guess we're at a. I mean, you have some background information.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

No, I don't. You're gonna have to give me everything.

[David]

Okay. We've had some issues with them. Just them accepting.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I'm sorry.

[David]

And then.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Who's them? Who is them?

[David]

Oh, okay. I guess my parents. My. My mom and dad and then my. I have two sisters. Originally, I think it was more my mom and my dad. And now it's come to my mom and my dad and then my two sisters and then my.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

What. What is the problem? Anything to do with you being gay, Married. What is the problem?

[David]

I think, yeah, the undertone is us being gay and. But then there's a separate issue where they've started family meetings back in like, 2018 to where we had a family business and then it was sold. And then my uncle, my mom's brother, was. He sold the company, and so the relationship with him kind of broke at that point between our families and.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Wait a minute. Did you. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Did you. You know. You know, all this stuff. I'm just coming in, right. There was a family business. Who actually owned the business?

[David]

My grandfather. So, yeah, my mom's father and then my uncle's.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So grandfather gave your uncle the power to sell the business.

[David]

Correct.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, then were you an employee?

[David]

Yes. And an owner.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, tell him not to whisper.

[David]

Oh, Kevin. Yeah, sorry.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So, okay, they sold the business. Did. Were you given warnings so that you could get another job?

[David]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, but what's the problem? I still don't know what the problem.

[David]

Yeah. So the reason the family. Yeah, that's not a problem to us. But like, my parents and my sisters started the family meetings, brought in like a third party mediator to manage that process. And then that was supposed to reconcile the relationship with my uncle and that side of the family. We.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, I have no idea what you're talking about. Grandpa gave the uncle the right to sell. You were only an employee. You were not invited to the meetings? I guess so what's the problem?

[David]

No, I was. Yeah, my.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Oh, my God. I have no idea what the problem is.

[David]

Yeah. Okay, then you say Kevin. Well, I'm just. What he's trying to say, I think, Dr. Laura, is that that's the family started the family meeting in 2018, and they asked us to be a part of it. And we said, we don't really think we need to have a family meeting to be involved in it. And they were like, okay. And they continued with the family meetings and where we are today, they're still having family meetings. And they've turned the family meetings into, I guess, like, against us. And they. What they've done is they.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I don't know what against us means. They have family meetings and what possibly could they have done that was against you? Come on.

[David]

Well, I guess maybe that's the wrong word, but what.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Yeah, probably.

[David]

Yes. They started, they go on family vacations, they plan them, and they don't include us. They get together for functions as a family.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Nobody's obligated to include everybody that they know or in the family or anything. Nobody's obligated to do that. You're not obligated to invite them all when you go on a vacation or even some of them.

[David]

If we're visiting an area where they are, we say that we're, you know, that we're going to be in the area. You know, they've come without, you know, letting us know. I mean, because they live in different states. So if there's a time we could be together, that would be. What's the matter?

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Have your own life. They have their lives. Have your own life. Come On. You're not a little kid anymore. We don't have to do everything with mommy, daddy and sisters. They have their own lives and that's.

[David]

Where we have gone to. Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

There's something about you being gay that takes away your understanding of when you put a lot of females in a room, what happens? Do you understand? This is not unusual for women. Okay? Just leave it alone and get on with your two lives. You've been together almost 20 years. Stop with we're not invited to their stuff. Who cares? I bet they're not nearly as much fun as you two going off on your own.

[David]

Right? I guess we just want to. We don't want to have a relationship. Not have a relationship. Have this. Continue to separate us.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

It's not a big deal. It's just be polite when you see them call every now and then. This drive to feel totally accepted and invested is not good. And I must say my experience. When I was in private practice, I dealt with a lot of gay couples. Two women, two men. And when I had the men, I noticed a particular sensitivity to not feeling accepted. That the lesbians were tougher about whatever would be more them. The guys would be more sensitive to the feelings of rejection by family. And I think that's what's happening here.

[David]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You two have a life together. Go do it.

[David]

Right.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Their acceptance or not. Or apparent acceptance or enough behavior of acceptance to make you feel that I'm gay. And they accept me. And they accept. I'm sorry. They accept. Kevin, you've got to. You've got to start letting that go. The acceptance mostly has to come from within.

[David]

For. For them or for us or both.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

For you. Your acceptance has to come from within you. Not your parents, not your sister, not their shenanigans in and out of meetings. Let them be right. Because frankly they're just not spending time thinking about you and Kevin. They have their own little world. So it isn't rejection. It's not rejection.

[David]

Okay. Yeah. How do we. I know you hate follow up questions like this.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I do not. I love follow up questions. As long as the original one was good.

[David]

Well, we'll see if you like it, but okay. How do we continue relationship with them if we feel that. I understand what you're saying. Just do your own. Do your own thing. And we've tried that and we're doing it.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You keep talking about trying something. You want something from them, you're not going to get in the form. You need it. It's not going to happen, David.

[David]

Right.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

They don't care that you're gay as much as you care if they care you're gay.

[David]

Well.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Did you follow that? Because my eyes are still crossed.

[David]

Yeah, I was just repeating it. They don't care.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I'm going to say it again. They don't care as much about you being gay as you care if they care that you're gay.

[David]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You're on two different wavelengths. You need them to care more that you're gay and still loved and they're just off doing their own things. They've long time accepted the fact that you're gay and nobody gives a shit.

[David]

I don't think either. No, they're. Recently we. My mom said that you keep.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You keep looking for it. Okay, David? You keep looking for it. Let's just say if they were horrendously anti gay, you and Kevin still need to go make a life. And if they were ferociously anti gay, it doesn't make you not gay. But it can't undermine your sense of well being. You can't let that happen. You can't be that dependent anymore. On what? How they see you and what they accept. You must move past that. You're 40 freaking one. It's time for you to move past that.

[David]

Oh, yeah, Yeah. I just still want to have a relationship with them, you know.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Just be polite and be nice. Kevin, help me here. Just be nice. Be polite. Every now and then make a call, say, how is everybody? Merry Christmas, Happy birthday. Just be the nice person that Kevin picked.

[David]

Right.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

There's a big difference between being able to have a meaningful, touching relationship and just maintaining niceness. It doesn't hurt. It makes you feel better and you spend less time with it in the pit of your stomach. It takes bad energy in order to not have a relationship as opposed to don't have one that's really close. But every now and then I'm going to check in and see if they're okay. Can you see the difference?

[David]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

The first one is going to make you sick for the rest of your life. The second one is going to free you.

[David]

Yeah, yeah. Now that. That's good. That helps to.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Good. Because I need you to be free. Because you want to lead the rest of your life now without that hurt. Got to drop it.

[David]

Right? All right, well, no. Thank you very much, Dr. Laura.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You're welcome, David. My dad never accepted the fact that I became a psychotherapist. He thought that was really a stupid thing to do with all my training. Okay, so you know what? But so freaking what?

[David]

What does it do.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Yeah, I'm. This is me, David. This is you. Let's just be who we are and be nice about it.

[David]

Yeah. That sounds good.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay.

[David]

Okay. Thank you. Thank you.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You guys are welcome. Call me anytime. My number 1-800-375-2872. Check out my social media on Facebook and Instagram. I post stories, photos and videos seven days a week and feature some of what you sent me, too. There's always something interesting going on there. You can find me at facebook.com drlaura and instagram.com drlauraprogram Shoes aren't really built to last anymore. Seriously. Some footwear barely survives a season, but L.L. bean doesn't chase trends. They've been crafting quality boots for over a century. With full grain leather, durable rubber bottoms and triple needle stitching, Bean boots are meant to last and built to easily handle the great outdoors. Each pair becomes more personal, more distinctive and uniquely yours. L.L. bean boots are simply best worn. Find your [e-mail].