My Husband Doesn't Bring Home the Bacon

Summary

Episode Summary: "My Husband Doesn't Bring Home the Bacon"

Podcast: Dr. Laura Call of the Day
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Date: September 30, 2025

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Main Theme & Purpose

In this episode, Dr. Laura speaks with Sasha, a woman seeking advice on how to reconnect with her husband, who, after starting his own business as a handyman five years ago, is not financially contributing to their household. Sasha feels lonely as the sole breadwinner and is struggling with resentment. Dr. Laura’s signature no-nonsense advice centers on honesty, marital roles, and the necessity of direct communication to save their relationship—or force a reckoning about its future.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Overview of the Caller’s Problem

• Sasha (35) has been with her husband since her teens, married 10 years, together 20.
• They have one child.
• For the last five years, her husband has run an unprofitable handyman business.
• Sasha is the sole earner; her husband is "happy" but not contributing financially.
• Her silence and compliance have led to loneliness and growing resentment.

2. Dr. Laura’s Initial Probing and Assessment

• Dr. Laura clarifies: Even though her husband has a "business," he does not bring in income.
• She immediately questions: “Well then why is he still doing it as opposed to getting a job and taking care of his family?” (02:40)
• Sasha says she lets him stay because he’s happy, but her silence is fueling her loneliness.

3. The Importance of Truthful Communication

• Dr. Laura asserts, “The first thing in connecting is truth.” (03:45)

• She offers Sasha a script for honesty:

  "Honey, sit down. I’m not happy that you’re not a breadwinner. I’m not happy that it’s all on me. I’m not happy that you just walking around being happy is enough for you and you’re not thinking of taking care of your family." (04:05)

• Dr. Laura emphasizes this directness hasn’t yet occurred in Sasha’s marriage:

  "You have never been this blunt, so I don’t care what measly little attempt you made at communication… I sounded pretty strong and adamant. I don’t think you’ve done that.” (04:53)

4. Facing the Fear of Confrontation

• Sasha admits: “That’s scary.” (05:15)
• Dr. Laura responds:

  “Well, dear, you can’t connect without scary.” (05:19)

• The conversation briefly touches on the necessity of embracing discomfort to get real results.

5. The Consequences of Avoidance

• Dr. Laura challenges Sasha on her pattern of non-confrontation:

  “Want to waste the rest of your life being pissy? Or wait for him to die? Or wait for the kids to be gone or what? You know you can’t hide from your life and expect it to feel good and have quality.” (08:20)

• She insists Sasha has not voiced her truth forcefully:

  “No, you haven’t. You haven’t sat there and done what I just said. I don’t feel looking at you like you’re my man. You never said that. Because that would have been apocalyptic…” (09:09)

6. Ultimatums and Next Steps

• Dr. Laura instructs Sasha to be “adamant…This has to change. It’s unacceptable way for me to live. I choose not to live this way. The truth?” (09:40)
• If her husband refuses to change, Dr. Laura doesn’t directly tell Sasha to leave but clarifies:

  “At that point, you realize you’re staying in the marriage until the kid is grown. You want to give the kid a nice home. I tell women that’s probably the best option. Suck it up and make it through. If he says, I’m not changing, you support us, it’s all on you, I don’t care. Then you say, okay, when the kid’s grown, I’m out of here.” (11:21)

• She encourages Sasha to give her husband a chance before making any drastic decisions, noting it’s possible he’s unaware of the depth of her dissatisfaction:

  “I feel sorry for him because he’s walking around not knowing that he’s lost you. And people who are not open and honest and clear on the table really handicap the other person and the marriage.” (10:00)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Dr. Laura on silence and resentment:

  “You’re not going to like him until you do that. So staying silent is increasing your dislike.” (03:23)

• Dr. Laura, exemplifying how to start the conversation:

  “Honey, sit down. I’m not happy that you’re not a breadwinner. I’m not happy that it’s all on me...” (04:05)

• Dr. Laura: “Well, dear, you can’t connect without scary.” (05:19)

• On the consequences of avoidance:

  “Want to waste the rest of your life being pissy? Or wait for him to die? Or wait for the kids to be gone or what?” (08:20)

• On choosing to stay for the child:

  “I tell women that’s probably the best option. Suck it up and make it through. If he says, I’m not changing, you support us, it’s all on you, I don’t care. Then you say, okay, when the kid’s grown, I’m out of here.” (11:21)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:20 — Caller Sasha introduces her situation.
• 02:06 — Details about her husband’s business and the lack of financial contribution.
• 02:40 — Dr. Laura questions why the husband isn’t supporting the family.
• 03:18 — Sasha admits feeling lonely and wanting to reconnect.
• 03:45 — Dr. Laura stresses the need for honesty and truth.
• 04:05 — Dr. Laura provides a template for the needed confrontation.
• 04:53 — Dr. Laura emphasizes the requisite bluntness has not yet happened.
• 05:19 — “You can’t connect without scary.”
• 08:20 — Consequences of lifelong avoidance and anger.
• 09:40 — The necessity for clear, adamant declarations.
• 11:21 — On staying until the child is grown if nothing changes.

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Conclusion

This episode centers around the tension that comes from avoidance in marriage, especially regarding traditional roles of provision and protection. Dr. Laura’s advice is unwavering: Fixing the relationship requires honesty, risk, and potentially facing uncomfortable truths with a spouse. If those efforts fail, Sasha must decide whether to stay for the child’s sake or eventually leave, but in either case, Dr. Laura’s bottom line remains—stop simmering, start speaking, and reclaim control of your life.

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For anyone struggling with unspoken resentments or loneliness in their marriage, Dr. Laura’s message is clear, practical, and delivered in her trademark tough-love style.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Sasha, welcome to the program.

[Caller]

Hello.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Hi. How can I help?

[Caller]

Well, I was recently reading a blog that you had posted about reconnecting and losing touch in a relationship. Feeling lonely was the. Was the subject line. I have an anniversary coming up. It's a 10 year anniversary wedding anniversary, but I've been with my husband for about 20 years. I'm looking for advice.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

How old are you?

[Caller]

35.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So you were with him as a teenager?

[Caller]

Yes. First man, only man.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Got it. Okay. You have any kids with him?

[Caller]

One.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, go on.

[Caller]

Well, we recently. He. Well, not recently. Five years ago he decided to become his own business owner and he's a handyman and he loves his work. He's happy. I work my. I'm the only breadwinner in our family, so.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I'm sorry. He has a business? No. Did I miss something?

[Caller]

He has a business. He doesn't make any money.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well then why is he still doing it as opposed to getting a job and taking care of his family?

[Caller]

He's happy. So I just go with it now, I don't argue and I don't speak and so not speaking has made me lonely. So now we're going to reconnect and I need your advice.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I don't understand yet. I want to reconnect. What does that actually mean?

[Caller]

I'd like to like him again. Be well.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I guess you're not going to be able to like him again until you're honest with him, and you guys work through the situation and come up with a better plan. You're not going to like him until you do that. So staying silent is increasing your dislike.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So the first thing in connecting is truth.

[Caller]

Yeah. Okay. What are the steps to be truthful and opening up a conversation when.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Honey, sit down. I'm not happy that you're not a breadwinner. I'm not happy that it's all on me. I'm not happy that you just walking around being happy is enough for you and you're not thinking of taking care of your family. That doesn't make me feel real drawn to you as a woman would be to a man who's protecting and providing. I feel like I'm a mother and I have a kid who's happy doing their things. So we're coming up on an anniversary, which at this point means nothing to me. The truth. The truth. That was just an example, but the truth.

[Caller]

The response is typically, I don't care.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

What has happened in the past. You have never been this blunt, so I don't care what measly little attempt you made at communication. I sounded pretty strong and adamant. I don't think you've done that. I'm making it clear that I'm not looking at him as a man because he's not taking care of me and the family. He's just walking around being happy.

[Caller]

That's scary.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well, dear, you can't connect without scary.

[Caller]

Mm. Yeah. Okay.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Want to waste the rest of your life being pissy? Or wait for him to die? Or wait for the kids to be gone or what? You know you can't hide from your life and expect it to feel good and have quality.

[Caller]

Yep, I know. I haven't been able to to. I mean I I honest to God I've said blunt things. I've thought no you haven't.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

No, you haven't. You haven't sat there and done what I just said. I don't feel looking at you like you're my man. You never said that. Because that would have been apocalyptic in.

[Caller]

That house, I would think.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I'm not going to argue parsing words. You either discuss with him the truth of how you don't feel like celebrating anything because you've been unhappy and silent for years. The truth.

[Caller]

Okay?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

How can he make adjustments or changes when you've been willy nilly floppy about it? You've got to be adamant. This has to change. It's unacceptable way for me to live. I choose not to live this way. The truth?

[Caller]

I choose not to live this way.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Which means you make some other plans. If he doesn't make adjustments. I feel sorry for him because he's Walking around not knowing that he's lost you. And people who are not open and honest and clear on the table really handicap the other person and the marriage. I don't know that I've totally lost somebody. I don't see how serious it is and the direction I must go in. And I have a big choice to make. Oh my God, I wish you had told me this 20 years ago. You've been simmering all this time with little hints now and then, but you came on telling me that you just let it be because he's happy. So you've helped create the big divide by early on not being clear, truthful, profoundly open so that he knows what he's up against.

[Caller]

So what if he says nothing?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well, then I guess you have a decision to make, whether or not to stay in the marriage.

[Caller]

Even with having a child.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I'm just saying I'm not telling you to leave. I'm saying you have a decision to make, whether or not to stay in the marriage. At that point, you realize you're staying in the marriage until the kid is grown. You want to give the kid a nice home. I tell women that's probably the best option. Suck it up and make it through. If he says, I'm not changing, you support us, it's all on you. I don't care. Then you say, okay, when the kid's grown, I'm out of here.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I doubt he's going to say that. Give him a chance. You've built such a. You've built the divide by not being open and honest early on. Or I should say earlier. On my number 1-800-375-2872. You're just a click away from some terrific deals being offered by companies that get the DRLaura stamp of approval. Visit drlaura.com Click on Sponsors to take advantage of the special Discounts available to Dr. Laura listeners like you.

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