The Dr. Laura Podcast
Episode Title: My Husband Is Letting Me Down
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Date: November 24, 2025
Episode Overview
In this episode of The Dr. Laura Podcast, Dr. Laura Schlessinger takes a call from Kara, a woman struggling with frustration and resentment over her husband's prolonged unemployment. After a traumatic accident and strong recovery, the husband has chosen not to return to work, despite being physically able. Kara seeks Dr. Laura's guidance on whether and how to confront the issue, balancing her desire to maintain the peace in their otherwise happy marriage with her feelings of disappointment and the shifting dynamic between herself and her husband.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
Background: Kara’s Situation
- Kara (42) has been married 18 years, together for 20.
- Her husband suffered a severe mountain biking accident over three years ago.
- Broke the entire left side of his body, but recovered impressively.
- Out of work for over a year, Kara supported his decision to resign and focus on healing.
- He’s now healthy, with no apparent barriers to returning to work for 2+ years.
- Kara’s career sustains the family financially, but she feels let down by her husband’s decision not to work.
Dr. Laura’s Immediate Response
- Dr. Laura identifies Kara’s core grievance: “I know, but he’s letting you down.” (03:19)
- She probes Kara’s honesty: Has she directly told her husband how she feels?
- Urges openness about expectations and emotional consequences.
- Challenges Kara to confront the possibility of psychological, not physical, obstacles preventing her husband’s return to work.
The Dilemma: Truth vs. Harmony
- Kara hesitates to disrupt their “wonderful life.”
- Expresses fear that honesty will threaten their happiness.
- Dr. Laura pinpoints the avoidance: “You are afraid. … you told me you felt he was letting you down. You admitted the truth and then you sucked it back in to keep peace at all costs.” (04:35)
- Dr. Laura’s Principle:
- If you’re unwilling to confront the problem, you surrender the right to complain or feel resentful.
- “If we’re not going to do anything about it, we give up rights to complain or even feel resentful. Because you either accept it as is and put everything else aside or you deal with it head on because it’s important enough to you.” (04:35)
The Stand-off: Change or Acceptance
- Kara seeks assurance on whether it’s “worth disrupting” their peaceful life. (07:04)
- Dr. Laura asserts that harmony is superficial: “You have a lovely life because you tiptoe around him.” (07:20)
- Dr. Laura insists Kara must decide:
- Continue avoiding conflict (stop complaining) or
- Tackle the issue directly, accepting the risk of disruption.
Memorable Exchange: The “Apple Cart” Metaphor
- When Dr. Laura says, “If you’re going to stand by the I don’t want to upset the apple cart at all, hang up,” Kara misunderstands the idiom, prompting Dr. Laura to explain:
- “Apples balanced on a cart, and if you upset them, all the apples fall.” (09:00)
Final Advice and Resolution
- Dr. Laura delivers unequivocal advice:
- “You need to get a job now. … You’re not my kid. You’re capable of working. You need it for your own challenge. And I need it. In the polarity of our relationship … There is no reason for me being the sole breadwinner. You’re fine.” (09:46–09:50)
- Kara quietly assents, and Dr. Laura concludes the call, encouraging decisive action: either accept the situation and let go of resentment, or directly address her husband’s lack of contribution.
Notable Quotes & Moments
- Dr. Laura on the consequences of avoidance:
- “If you’re not going to do anything about it, don’t complain about it. If we’re not going to do anything about it, we give up rights to complain or even feel resentful.” (04:35)
- On preserving superficial peace:
- “You have a lovely life because you tiptoe around him.” (07:20)
- Challenging Kara to make a choice:
- “Don’t ask somebody else. If you want to continue living like this, just hang up.” (07:42)
- “Seriously. ... Well, are you going to hang up or no?” (07:55)
- Final practical push:
- “You need to get a job now. … There is no reason for me being the sole breadwinner. You’re fine.” (09:46–09:50)
- Helpful metaphor explained:
- “Apples balanced on a cart, and if you upset them, all the apples fall.” (09:00)
Key Timestamps
- 01:56 — Kara introduces her story and the husband’s accident.
- 03:19–04:35 — Dr. Laura identifies the real issue and presses for honesty.
- 04:35–05:19 — Discussion on resentment, acceptance, and the need for directness.
- 07:04–07:20 — Kara questions whether it's worth “disrupting” her marriage.
- 07:20–08:56 — Dr. Laura clarifies the false sense of harmony and urges decision.
- 09:00–09:08 — “Apple cart” metaphor explanation.
- 09:36–09:50 — Final advice: clarity, action, and the need for balance in the relationship.
Summary Takeaways
Dr. Laura’s counsel in this episode centers on the dangers of unspoken resentment and the need for honest confrontation in marriage. She underscores that true harmony cannot be built on avoidance and challenges listeners to face uncomfortable truths for the sake of authentic partnership. For anyone struggling with similar dynamics—balancing the desire for peace against growing frustration—this episode offers both a blueprint for necessary candor and a warning about the costs of silence.