Podcast Summary: "My Kids Are My Life"
Dr. Laura Call of the Day
Release Date: March 20, 2025

Introduction

In this episode of Dr. Laura Call of the Day, Dr. Laura Schlessinger addresses a heartfelt concern from a caller named Jen. The discussion revolves around Jen's struggles with detaching herself from her adult children and finding her own identity and life beyond motherhood. Dr. Laura provides no-nonsense advice infused with her signature emphasis on personal responsibility and ethical considerations.

Caller Background

Jen's Situation ([01:17] - [02:34]): Jen introduces herself as a dedicated mother who has spent the past twelve years running a daycare to remain a stay-at-home mom for her three children. With her children's fathers absent from their lives, Jen has been the sole caregiver. Now, with her eldest child married with kids, her second at 26, and her youngest at 21, she finds herself struggling to let go and create a life independent of her children.

Key Points:

• Single mother with no paternal support.
• Owned and operated a daycare for 12 years.
• Difficulty detaching from adult children who still rely heavily on her.

Challenges with Detaching

Emotional Attachment and Identity ([02:34] - [04:48]): Jen expresses confusion about her identity beyond being a mother. She desires marriage and a fulfilling career but feels tethered to her children, fearing they won't be okay without her constant presence.

Notable Quote:

• Jen: "I just, I don't know how to not be accessible for them all the time and I, I just really need help with that. Like I want there my life." ([02:34])

Dr. Laura's Initial Response ([03:13] - [04:48]): Dr. Laura challenges Jen's reluctance to seek a relationship, highlighting the complexities and potential conflicts that come with blending families. She emphasizes the importance of considering the long-term consequences of such decisions, especially concerning time and attention divided between new relationships and her existing family.

Notable Quote:

• Dr. Laura: "Think about the long term consequences. I recommend you date. Don't shack up and date." ([04:04])

Dr. Laura's Advice

On Relationships and Personal Boundaries ([04:04] - [06:26]):

Dr. Laura discourages Jen from hastily entering a new marriage, particularly with someone who has previous marriages and children. She warns that this would complicate Jen's ability to fully engage with her grandchildren and personal aspirations.

Notable Quote:

• Dr. Laura: "You can't. You will want to service your grandkids and children. He will want to serve his grandkids and children." ([04:06])

On Career and Self-Sufficiency ([05:14] - [08:56]):

Jen admits to having management experience and working as a mail carrier but feels stuck without further education or a clear career path. Dr. Laura encourages her to embrace change, even without knowing exactly what she wants to do. She advises Jen to pursue activities that provide personal fulfillment and to avoid complacency.

Notable Quotes:

• Dr. Laura: "Go change. I don't care if you don't know what. Do it anyway." ([08:05])
• Jen: "I want to change. I don't want to stay doing things, but I just don't know what." ([07:50])

On Personal Responsibility and Self-Perception ([06:26] - [09:35]):

Jen grapples with the fear that her children won't thrive without her constant involvement. Dr. Laura firmly rebukes this sentiment, asserting that it demonstrates a lack of confidence in her children's abilities and highlights Jen's avoidance of personal growth.

Notable Quotes:

• Jen: "I just feel like they're not going to be okay unless I still got them." ([06:54])
• Dr. Laura: "Ma'am. That is so terrible of you to say that your kids are that incompetent." ([06:59])
• Dr. Laura: "You raised them. They already learned all they need to know from you when you raise them. Now they have their own lives." ([06:59])

Conclusion

Dr. Laura emphasizes the importance of Jen taking proactive steps toward building her own life separate from her children. She advises against seeking therapy as a means of avoidance and instead encourages engaging in activities that foster personal growth and independence. Dr. Laura's straightforward approach underscores the necessity of self-reliance and the pursuit of personal happiness beyond one's familial obligations.

Final Advice:

• Engage in adult education courses or hobbies like crocheting or watercolor.
• Embrace change even without a clear plan.
• Avoid becoming a "pain in the ass" by overstepping boundaries.

Notable Quote:

• Dr. Laura: "Give them something to respect and admire for this part of your life." ([08:56])

Key Takeaways

• Personal Responsibility: Dr. Laura stresses the importance of taking control of one's life and not relying solely on others for fulfillment.

• Healthy Boundaries: Establishing and maintaining boundaries is crucial for both personal growth and the independence of adult children.

• Embracing Change: Even in uncertainty, taking steps toward change can lead to personal development and new opportunities.

• Self-Confidence: Trusting in one's abilities and the capabilities of one's children is essential for fostering healthy, independent relationships.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Jen: "I want to change. I don't want to stay doing things, but I just don't know what." ([07:50])

• Dr. Laura: "You can't. You will want to service your grandkids and children. He will want to serve his grandkids and children." ([04:06])

• Dr. Laura: "Ma'am. That is so terrible of you to say that your kids are that incompetent." ([06:59])

• Dr. Laura: "Go change. I don't care if you don't know what. Do it anyway." ([08:05])

• Dr. Laura: "Give them something to respect and admire for this part of your life." ([08:56])

This episode provides valuable insights into the challenges of redefining personal identity after years of dedication to parenting. Dr. Laura's candid and direct approach serves as a guide for listeners facing similar struggles, emphasizing the necessity of self-care, independence, and the courage to pursue one's own aspirations.