My New Normal Sucks

Summary

Summary of "My New Normal Sucks" Episode of Dr. Laura Call of the Day

Release Date: May 15, 2025

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Introduction

In the episode titled "My New Normal Sucks," Dr. Laura Schlessinger provides compassionate guidance to Roy, a devoted listener grappling with the profound losses of his wife and mother. This heartfelt conversation delves into the complexities of grief, the challenge of redefining one's life after sudden tragedies, and the struggle with lingering guilt and isolation.

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Roy's Sudden Losses and Initial Coping

Roy begins by sharing the tragic circumstances surrounding the loss of his wife and mother. Four years prior, Roy awoke to find his wife had passed away beside him due to a sudden brain aneurysm. This devastating event occurred mere days after the burial of his mother, who had been battling stage four COPD for a week.

"She had a brain aneurysm in her sleep." (02:27)

Roy emphasizes that his wife was never ill and had always taken excellent care of herself, making her unexpected passing even more shocking and difficult to comprehend.

"She was not ill at all. She was a nurse. She was very known, she took very good care of herself." (02:11)

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Struggling with the Grief Process

Despite having a background in psychology and understanding the theoretical stages of grief, Roy finds that his personal experience doesn't align with conventional expectations. The academic framework fails to capture the depth and chaos of his emotions.

"I've been through therapy and they talk about all the grief processes... none of that fits." (06:08)

Roy admits that the prescribed grieving processes went "straight out the window," highlighting his unique and ongoing struggle to navigate his emotions.

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Isolation and the Burden of Guilt

Following his losses, Roy withdrew from his social circles, leading to increased feelings of isolation. When attempting to re-engage with others, particularly in the realm of dating, he is plagued by intense guilt—feeling as though moving forward betrays the memory of his deceased wife.

"I've gone out on dates and I just felt guilt. I just felt tremendous guilt." (09:28)

Dr. Laura confronts Roy's guilt head-on, asserting that surviving and seeking happiness is not only acceptable but also a necessary part of healing.

"You can't be blamed for not being dead... loyalty does not extend from the grave." (09:50)

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Embracing a New Normal

Dr. Laura encourages Roy to accept his current state as his "new normal" while also being open to creating a different version of it if he desires change. She emphasizes that adapting to life without his loved ones doesn't diminish his love or loyalty to them.

"You are in a new normal... Loyalty does not get dictated by the grave." (08:22 & 09:50)

Roy expresses a desire to establish a more functional and outgoing lifestyle, acknowledging the necessity of finding companionship again without the burden of guilt.

"I need to be more functional. I need to be more outgoing again." (08:33)

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Acknowledging Personal Strength and Moving Forward

Towards the end of the conversation, Dr. Laura provides a candid diagnosis of Roy's situation, affirming his resilience and encouraging him to continue seeking social connections. She underscores that his feelings, while valid, should not prevent him from finding happiness again.

"You're more fine than you think you are." (10:31)

Roy remains hesitant to fully embrace this perspective, indicating ongoing struggles with accepting his healing process. Nonetheless, Dr. Laura leaves him with a reassuring note of support.

"Keep on." (12:08)

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Conclusion

In "My New Normal Sucks," Dr. Laura Schlessinger offers Roy—and listeners navigating similar paths—a blend of empathy, straightforward advice, and tough love. The episode underscores the non-linear nature of grief, the importance of self-compassion, and the courage required to seek joy amidst profound loss.

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Note: This summary excludes advertisements and promotional content to focus solely on the substantive discussion between Roy and Dr. Laura.

Transcript

[Dr. Laura]

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[Roy]

Well, hello Dr. Laura. It's been quite a few years since we've spoken. We spoke over the years probably three or four times and you've always given me great advice and I just found.

[Dr. Laura]

You happy to hear that.

[Roy]

So I was glad. You know, it's nice to hear you on serious to be able to be yourself and say exactly what's on your mind.

[Dr. Laura]

Thank you. How can I help you today?

[Roy]

So almost. Well, it's been four years. On April 1st that I woke up and my wife had passed in bed next to me.

[Dr. Laura]

Ouch.

[Roy]

The day, the day before. I had just buried my mother who had died a week before.

[Dr. Laura]

Oh my God. Talk about timing.

[Roy]

My wife was.

[Dr. Laura]

Did you know your wife was ill with anything?

[Roy]

She was not ill at all. She was a nurse. She was very know, she took very good care of herself. I, in fact I have ms, so you know, I was always the sick one and. Well, what did she pass?

[Dr. Laura]

Why did she pass? What happened?

[Roy]

She. She had a brain aneurysm in her sleep.

[Dr. Laura]

Oh.

[Roy]

And the only solace that I have is that she was very peaceful looking. Her hands were resting peacefully. She had a very peaceful look on her face. So that's, that's about the only, the only positive out of this whole mess.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah, that is a blessing.

[Roy]

I, I, the reason for my call today was to kind of get some advice or just some words. I have had a very, very, very difficult time getting through this. Even now, four years later, you know, getting a new routine, finding my, my new way of life.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, you, you automatically do have a new way of life. Your wife's not there and you can't call your mother. So you are getting through every day in an entirely new way than you did. So you have moved on. It just doesn't necessarily feel good.

[Roy]

No, it doesn't feel good at all.

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[Roy]

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[Silenia]

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[Roy]

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[Silenia]

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[Dr. Laura]

Yeah.

[Silenia]

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[Roy]

I, you know, I've been through therapy and they talk about all the grief processes and, you know, I, I went to college, I had psychology and all that. I know, you know what the quote, unquote grief process is and, you know, the order of things and so on. So forth.

[Dr. Laura]

I. I don't even pay attention. No.

[Roy]

Yeah. None of that fits. That. That went straight out the window.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah.

[Roy]

I'm with you, you know, And I. I do have days where I like, you know how you have pictures on your phone that come up as memories, and, boy, for the first couple years, I. I would dread that tone that would come over my phone to tell me I had memories to look at. I have gotten to the point where I can look at them and smile now. I do have.

[Dr. Laura]

That's huge. That's huge. That's huge.

[Roy]

I agree. You know, and I guess I. I isolated everybody out of my life. I was so. I don't even know if shock would be proper.

[Dr. Laura]

You were shocked. Absolutely.

[Roy]

Just devastated. Shocked. Every acronym you can use for that.

[Dr. Laura]

If you had a headache and went to the hospital and then passed, that would be in a different experience than you wake up in the morning.

[Roy]

Well, like my mother, the week before, she had stage four copd. We knew it was coming. You know, it was. You know, it. I'm not going to say it was easier, but it was less hard, if that makes sense.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah.

[Roy]

Because it was. It was coming. We. You know, it's been coming for years.

[Dr. Laura]

Are you calling me because you think there's some way where you're just going to feel good all the time?

[Roy]

No, I don't think that's ever possible. No, no, no. I think I'm trying to find a way to establish a new normal other than.

[Dr. Laura]

Honey, you are in a new normal. You are there now. If you want to do a different new normal, we can talk about that. But this is your new normal.

[Roy]

That's what I want. I want a different new normal because this one's.

[Dr. Laura]

And what do you want that to look like?

[Roy]

I just.

[Dr. Laura]

That's different from what you do now. And don't say, I want to be more functional.

[Roy]

I need to be more functional. I need to be more outgoing again.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, how bad is the Ms. When you're talking about functional?

[Roy]

Well, it comes. It's. It comes and goes. It's, you know, it's. It's a progressive disease, but I'm pretty functional. I take very good care of myself. Even still, do you want to meet.

[Dr. Laura]

Another woman and have a relationship? Is that what we're talking about?

[Roy]

I would love to. This whole digital dating, this whole online dating thing.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, we weren't going to say that. We were going to feel embarrassed and crappy to say we wanted to move on with another woman. There's guilt in there. There's all kinds of crap that goes on. There is, but come on, sir. Makes sense.

[Roy]

Yeah. I've even tried. I've gone out on dates and I just felt guilt. I just felt tremendous guilt.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, I don't know what to do about somebody feeling guilty that they're not dead.

[Roy]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

Can't fix that for you. You're just not dead.

[Roy]

Right.

[Dr. Laura]

So to feel guilty that you're not dead and you're still alive and she isn't is not productive. I can use a stupid word in here. It's not productive, Roy. You can feel uncomfortable, you can feel weird, you can feel embarrassed. You could feel all kinds of stuff like that. But guilt is not relevant here. You can't be blamed for not being dead. And loyalty does not.

[Roy]

And I know that you don't extend.

[Dr. Laura]

Loyalty does not extend from the grave.

[Roy]

Good point. Very well said. And I know that, you know, we never spoke about her passing first. It was always me because of. Well, I have Ms. And she was healthy. And so we never talked about her. You know, that was never a conversation that we had.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, I'm going to make my diagnosis now. Are you ready?

[Roy]

I'm ready.

[Dr. Laura]

You're fine. This is what it's like to be at your age, alone, having had a woman you loved. This is what it's like. There's no magic. There's no formula. This is just what it's like. Can't fix it. Can't make it go away. I hope you will continue to be social and at least find a woman who's a good companion, if not something more serious in the future. I urge you to give yourself permission to do that. Because loyalty does not get dictated by the grave. Go. Okay. Don't do that to yourself. That's just a waste of time.

[Roy]

Thank you. Thank you so much.

[Dr. Laura]

She would like it anyway. She would not. She'd be pissy. She'd be right here pushing my shoulder, saying, say that again to him.

[Roy]

Right. Say it. Say it stronger. Her and my mother.

[Dr. Laura]

You're fine. You're fine. This is what it's like. And you're more fine than you think you are. But that's my diagnosis.

[Roy]

Some days I believe that. Some days. No. No, I would never.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, then I'm right and you're doing okay. Keep on.

[Roy]

Dr. Laura, you are an awesome person. Thank you so much for your time and your words, your kind words.

[Dr. Laura]

Thank you, Roy. I'm really sorry it happened the way it happened, too. Not just that. It happened. My number. 1-800-375-2872 Check out my social media on Facebook and Instagram. I post stories, photos and videos seven days a week and feature some of what you've sent me too. There's always something interesting going on there. You can find me at facebook.com drlaura and instagram.com drlauraprogram.

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