My Sister Abused Our Mom

Summary

Podcast Episode Summary

Podcast: The Dr. Laura Podcast
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Episode Title: My Sister Abused Our Mom
Date: January 9, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Dr. Laura takes a call from Marina, who shares a troubling family experience: her sister, who held power of attorney, placed their mother in a care facility against her wishes and allegedly misused her mother’s credit cards. Now that her mother has passed away, Marina seeks advice from Dr. Laura about whether or how to forgive her sister for her actions.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Situation Unfolds

• Marina’s Mother Suffers a Stroke

  • Marina initially helps care for her mother with her sister.
  • After returning to her own home, Marina discovers her sister has moved their mother into a private care facility without consulting her.

    "My mother was asking me to help her go home. She wanted to be with family and my sister had put her in a facility and she was very unhappy." (03:01, Marina)

• Facility & Concerns About Care

  • The facility is a private home with eight residents and Spanish-speaking staff, which comforted Marina somewhat, given her mother’s language preference.
  • However, her mother experiences neglect, including being left on the floor after a fall and night terrors.

    "One time she fell out of the bed and stayed there the rest of the night until morning when somebody came." (04:06, Marina)

2. Issues of Power of Attorney & Financial Abuse

• Sister’s Authority & Use of Funds

  • Marina’s sister holds the power of attorney, which previously seemed reasonable as she lived with their mother.
  • Concerning behavior arises when Marina witnesses her sister using their mother’s credit card for personal expenses, such as dining out and purchases for her own children.

    "We saw things were happening, like my sister was using my mother's credit card...and we didn't find this appropriate." (08:15, Marina)

• Confrontation and Guardianship Attempt

  • Marina’s husband confronts the sister about the inappropriate use of funds.
  • Marina seeks legal advice about guardianship but her mother passes before they can secure anything.

    "We filed for guardianship because the attorney told us that we needed to get my mother evaluated." (09:00, Marina) "My mother's already passed away. This is...all happening during the process." (09:43, Marina)

3. Seeking Forgiveness and Dr. Laura’s Tough Response

• Marina’s Question

  • Now that her mother is gone, Marina asks whether she should tell her sister that she forgives her.
  • Dr. Laura challenges the very premise of seeking to “forgive,” emphasizing the lack of remorse or responsibility from the sister.

• Dr. Laura on the Meaning of Forgiveness

  • Dr. Laura argues that forgiveness in this case is not appropriate, as Marina was not the direct victim and her sister has shown no remorse.

    "First of all, that's an attack on your mother, not you. So you have no standing to forgive her." (10:31, Dr. Laura) "My perspective on forgiveness is that there needs to be remorse and an attempt to repair and take responsibility. Since none of that happened, it would seem then I think it's absurd and silly and weak." (11:40, Dr. Laura)

• Alternative Approaches

  • Dr. Laura suggests that if Marina’s true goal is to maintain a relationship with her sister “no matter what,” she should be honest about her intentions, but not disguise it as forgiveness.

    "If you want to kiss ass with your sister, just go and say, I'd like us to have a relationship in spite of what happened..." (12:13, Dr. Laura) "You want to have a sister no matter what. Okay, then tell her. I want to have a sister no matter what kind of sister it is." (13:16, Dr. Laura)

4. Memorable Quotes and Tone

• Dr. Laura maintains her signature direct, no-nonsense style, holding Marina accountable for her reasoning and sharply questioning the appropriateness of “forgiveness” in this context.
• Notably, Dr. Laura refuses to “soften” her stance for emotional comfort, instead reinforcing ethical boundaries and the importance of naming wrongdoing plainly.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• On the inappropriateness of forgiveness:

  "You can't forgive person A for hurting person B; you have no standing to forgive. You're not the victim."
  — Dr. Laura (11:19)

• On legitimacy of forgiveness:

  "My perspective on forgiveness is that there needs to be remorse and an attempt to repair and take responsibility. Since none of that happened, it would seem then I think it's absurd and silly and weak."
  — Dr. Laura (11:40)

• On honesty in relationships:

  "You want to have a sister no matter what. Okay, then tell her. I want to have a sister no matter what kind of sister it is. I'm okay with you saying that. It's your life."
  — Dr. Laura (13:16)

• On the sister’s motivation to reconcile:

  "It's no benefit to her to talk to you, Miss Goody Two Shoes, when she knows what she did."
  — Dr. Laura (13:16)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:44] — Marina introduces her situation and first details about her mother’s placement and family dynamics.
• [03:01–04:13] — Description of the facility and examples of neglect experienced by Marina’s mother.
• [07:51] — Conversation resumes after break: Marina discusses witnessing financial misuse and attempts confrontation.
• [09:00] — Guardianship process and learning of mother’s death.
• [10:25] — Marina reveals her main question: whether she should forgive her sister.
• [10:31–12:52] — Dr. Laura delivers a forceful argument against forgiveness without remorse or standing.
• [13:16] — Dr. Laura discusses the reality of what a continued relationship with her sister would mean.

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Summary: Key Takeaways

• Family caregiving—even with good intentions—can become fraught with ethical, legal, and emotional misunderstandings.
• Power of attorney should be designated with care and ongoing oversight.
• Direct victims of wrongdoing have the rightful standing to forgive, but forgiveness without remorse or accountability can be hollow.
• Dr. Laura emphasizes candor: maintaining a relationship with a problematic family member is possible, but requires honest recognition of the issues and personal boundaries rather than misplaced forgiveness.

This episode underscores the complexity of sibling relationships under stress and the difficulty of navigating ethical responsibilities when vulnerable family members are at stake. Dr. Laura’s approach is blunt, thought-provoking, and challenges listeners to reflect critically on what forgiveness and family truly mean.

Transcript

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A fraction of the retail price. Remember, you can hear my radio program daily on Sirius XM triumph and connect with me 24 [e-mail] Marina welcome to the program.

[D]

Thank you.

[C]

Hi.

[D]

Hi.

[B]

How can I help?

[D]

So I had a situation. I was visiting my mother who lived with my sister and her husband. She had a stroke. I was there. My sister and I dealt with everything really beautifully. I live in Colorado, they lived in Texas. And I needed to go home. So I stayed a week and I went home. And when we. We went back about three weeks later, my husband and I. Things were really strange. My mother was asking me to help her go home. She wanted to be with family and my sister had put her in a facility and she was very unhappy.

[B]

So your sister had put her in what kind of facility? And she didn't talk to you first?

[D]

Oh no, she didn't talk to me at all. It was somebody in her church. So I felt comfortable with it. But my mother still being able.

[B]

Is that a Facility or somebody's home. I don't understand.

[D]

It was a home that was turned into a private facility. There were about.

[C]

How many.

[B]

How many other people were there? There were about eight.

[D]

About eight residents.

[B]

About eight residents, huh?

[C]

Yes.

[D]

Did you research Spanish? I'm sorry?

[B]

Did you research this place?

[D]

I did not.

[B]

I mean, do they have the proper license, licensing to have a facility in their home?

[D]

Yes.

[B]

Okay. And they spoke Spanish, which was good because your mother. Your mother is Spanish speaking.

[D]

She was bilingual, but she really liked to speak Spanish and none of the job, none of her children did. So it worked out in that way.

[C]

Got it.

[D]

But my mother. My mother was having night terrors. They say it happens a lot to people that have had strokes.

[B]

And that's true.

[D]

She was. She was telling me that at night she was crying out for someone to come help her and they would ignore her. One time she fell out of the bed and stayed there the rest of the night until morning when somebody came. And so she was not.

[B]

When you say she wants to go home, she can't even get up off the floor. So how can you put her in her home?

[D]

My mother could have afforded to pay for full time care in home care. My mother could have afforded to do anything.

[B]

Well, why didn't your mother call you? And how did your sister pull this off against her mother's will?

[D]

My. My sister was the power of attorney. And I had agreed to that previously because she lived my. You know, she lived with my sister. My sister needed that. And my sister and I had had a good relationship all our lives, so I had no reason to be concerned that at this time she was going to do a 180. But my mother felt comfortable telling me how she really felt. And because of the strokes, she had changed. She. She wasn't the forceful woman to be able to say what she wants.

[C]

Typically.

[B]

That's true.

[D]

And my sister was really just guiding her everywhere she wanted for what she wanted.

[B]

Well, when you learned this, did you call your sister and inquire as to this decision and mommy's feelings?

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[B]

Yes, and tell me about that conversation.

[D]

Well, we talked briefly because. Well, I have to back up a little bit because my husband and I did travel to go there, and we saw things that were happening. Like my sister was using my mother's credit card to pay for things, and we didn't.

[B]

I'm sorry, to pay for what things?

[D]

Like, we would go out to dinner and she would use my mother's card to pay for dinner. And my husband stood up and said, that's.

[B]

That's not.

[D]

We're not going to do that. My husband stood up. He went and paid the bill with our credit card. She was buying things for her daughters with my mother's credit card, and we just didn't find this appropriate. So her husband told us at dinner, your mother needs to start being more appreciative of what people are doing for her. I said, okay, my mother had a shot.

[B]

Let us cut this. Okay. So how can I help you today?

[D]

Well, my. You know, we. We filed for guardianship because the attorney told us that we needed to get my mother evaluated. I asked my sister directly. Okay, can we just evaluate.

[B]

Okay, stop for a moment. Okay, I get where your sister is. She's stealing money from her mother now.

[D]

Yes.

[B]

And you're not doing anything about that.

[C]

Part.

[B]

But does. Does this step to become a guardian protect your mother's credit cards and bank account?

[D]

Yes.

[B]

Okay, so when will you know if you have. When will you know if you have full guardianship?

[D]

Well, my mother's already passed away. This is. Oh, you know. Yeah, this is all happening during the process.

[B]

Now you tell me that. Okay, so mom has passed. Were you a guardian before she died?

[D]

No, we did not get the guardian.

[B]

Did she have. I don't care because. Okay, so she died. You were not guardian.

[C]

The other.

[B]

Your sister has power of attorney. Did your mother have a will?

[D]

Yes, she did.

[B]

Okay. How can I help you today? No more story. How can I help you today?

[D]

I want to tell my sister that I forgive her.

[B]

Oh, you're talking to the wrong person. Talking to the wrong person. Find someone who thinks they ought to ship their mom out to a place she doesn't want to go and then use her credit cards for your own delight. First of all, that's an attack on your mother, not you. So you have no standing to forgive her. And it's pretty nauseating to say you're going to forgive somebody who's not remorseful. Talking to the wrong person. Talk to your pastor.

[D]

Okay. I just think my mother would want. Would want me to forgive her.

[B]

Well, that's too bad that your mother wasn't angry. That's too bad. You are on the wrong tree here.

[D]

I've had many.

[B]

I think my mother would have liked me to forgive her. You can't forgive person a for hurting person. Baby, you have no standing to forgive. You're not the victim.

[D]

Well, in the end, for you to.

[B]

Say.

[D]

Ma', am, yes.

[B]

My perspective on forgiveness is that there needs to be remorse and an attempt to repair and take responsibility. Since none of that happened, it would seem then I think it's absurd and silly and weak. But for you to even talk about forgiveness, it makes no sense to me whatsoever. To tell a mass murderer I forgive you when you weren't the one murdered. It's just ridiculous. Makes no sense. If you want to kiss ass with your sister, just go and say, I'd like us to have a relationship in spite of what happened. That I wouldn't understand either, but that would make more sense to me than what you're saying.

[D]

Okay, well, I appreciate, in spite of.

[B]

What you did, sister, I'd still like to have a relationship with you. I'm just going to ignore that you were capable of stealing from our mother and sticking her in a place where she was not well taken care of. And she didn't want to be I. In spite of the fact that you did at least those two things, I want to have a relationship with you.

[D]

Well, I want to have a dialogue with her. I. She won't even speak you already.

[B]

You're not going to have it because she has nothing to say to you. Why would she want to have a dialogue? She stole money.

[D]

Okay?

[B]

What benefit is it to her? It's no benefit to her to talk to you, Miss Goody Two Shoes when she knows what she did. You want to have a sister no matter what. Okay, then tell her. I want to have a sister no matter what kind of sister it is. I'm okay with you saying that. It's your life. Ask your husband if he agrees with that. Ask your husband if he agrees with that statement. Yeah, I didn't think so. My number 1-800-375-2872. Check out my social media on Facebook and Instagram. I post stories, photos and videos seven days a week and feature some of what you've sent me, too. There's always something interesting going on there. You can find me at facebook.com drlaura and instagram.com drlauraprogram.

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