My Son Dumped a Girl I Love

Summary

The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: My Son Dumped a Girl I Love

Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Caller: Laurie
Date: November 12, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Dr. Laura takes a call from Laurie, a mother struggling emotionally after her adult son decided to end his long-term relationship with a woman Laurie has grown to love. Laurie seeks Dr. Laura’s guidance on coping with her disappointment and emotional investment—and on how to properly detach as her son becomes fully independent. Dr. Laura, true to her direct style, addresses the boundary between parents and adult children, the importance of letting go, and provides some surprisingly candid advice about redirecting emotional energy.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Establishing Boundaries with Adult Children

• Dr. Laura repeatedly emphasizes that Laurie’s emotional struggle is not hers to bear, but her adult son's:
  • "This is not your struggle. This is his." (Dr. Laura, 02:42)
• She rebukes the tendency of parents to remain overly involved in their children's adult lives.
• Laurie’s emotional investment is described as excessive and unhealthy for both her and her son.

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2. Emotional Detachment and Parental Roles

• Dr. Laura instructs Laurie to avoid burdening her son with her feelings of sadness or disappointment:
  • "He doesn't have to deal with the burden of disappointing his mommy." (Dr. Laura, 06:22)
• She firmly prohibits Laurie from expressing anger or an "I told you so" attitude:
  • "Don't do the I told you so crap. Don't. Please don't do that because that'll hurt your relationship with him." (Dr. Laura, 07:05)
• Laurie is encouraged to take a step back and focus on her own needs and hobbies:
  • "Go to your room and get a hobby. You're too invested." (Dr. Laura, 06:43)

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3. The Temptation to Intervene

• As Laurie worries about her son’s choices and wants to know if he's making the right decision, Dr. Laura asserts:
  • "That's not a question he can ask anybody on the face of the earth." (Dr. Laura, 08:25)
• She highlights Laurie's underlying agenda to keep the couple together and dismisses it:
  • "You're asking me. Sort of a backdoor way of giving your opinion to keep them together." (Dr. Laura, 08:43)

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4. Advice for Healthy Parental Detachment

• Dr. Laura prescribes a complete withdrawal, unless explicitly asked for help:
  • "You're completely uninvolved. Now you're supposed to go back and have great sex and traveling with your husband. You're not supposed to be agonizing all over, readjusting to your son. It's done. You raised him. Leave him be." (Dr. Laura, 09:14)
• She repeatedly and humorously tells Laurie to focus on herself and her marriage:
  • "You need more sex and you need a hobby." (Dr. Laura, 09:55)
  • "Tell your husband you called me and I said, he's got to do you, like, once a day. Orgasms out your ears. Because that's my prescription. Seriously." (Dr. Laura, 10:01)
• The importance of embracing the transition from "mommy" to "observer":
  • "You're an observer now. You're not a mommy. You are a mommy. You're not a mommy anymore. You are his mother. But he has his own life now, and you need more sex." (Dr. Laura, 10:21)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "He doesn't have to deal with the burden of disappointing his mommy."
  — Dr. Laura, 06:22

• "Go to your room and get a hobby. You're too invested."
  — Dr. Laura, 06:43

• "Don't do the I told you so crap. Don't. Please don't do that because that'll hurt your relationship with him."
  — Dr. Laura, 07:05

• "You're asking me. Sort of a backdoor way of giving your opinion to keep them together. This is what I mean. Go to your room and get a hobby."
  — Dr. Laura, 08:43

• "Now you're supposed to go back and have great sex and traveling with your husband. You're not supposed to be agonizing all over, readjusting to your son. It's done. You raised him. Leave him be."
  — Dr. Laura, 09:14

• "Tell your husband you called me and I said, he's got to do you, like, once a day. Orgasms out your ears. Because that's my prescription. Seriously."
  — Dr. Laura, 10:01

• "You're an observer now. You're not a mommy. You are a mommy. You're not a mommy anymore."
  — Dr. Laura, 10:21

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:28 – 02:42: Laurie shares the situation and struggle over her son ending his relationship.
• 02:42 – 03:12: Dr. Laura clarifies the need for parental emotional boundaries.
• 06:03 – 06:54: Dr. Laura critiques Laurie’s emotional over-involvement.
• 07:05 – 08:53: Dr. Laura warns against the "I told you so" approach and underscores detachment.
• 09:14 – 10:44: Powerful advice about moving on, marital intimacy, and observing from a distance.

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Episode Flow & Tone

Dr. Laura maintains her signature direct, humorous, and no-nonsense approach. She challenges Laurie's feelings of loss with tough love, straightforward instructions, and even brings in playful reminders about investing in her own marital happiness rather than her adult son's romantic life. The tone is candid, brisk, and at times, enjoyably irreverent.

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Key Takeaways

• Parents must avoid over-involvement in their adult children’s lives and relationships.
• Emotional detachment doesn’t mean not caring; it means respecting boundaries and letting your child’s life be their own.
• Redirecting emotional attachment towards one’s own marriage and interests is both healthy and necessary as children grow up.
• Resist the urge to issue guilt, disappointment, or unsolicited opinion—even (especially) when it comes from a place of love.

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This episode is a textbook example of Dr. Laura’s therapy-in-a-podcast, giving listeners practical, sometimes blunt, but ultimately empowering advice about boundaries, detachment, and self-focus in the parenting journey.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day sponsored by Native Path Collagen, the collagen I take daily to support healthy joint skin, bones and gut. Go to getnativepath.com drlaura for free shipping and a special bundle deal at a fraction of the retail price. Remember, you can hear my radio program daily on Sirius XM Triumph and connect with me 24 [e-mail]. lori welcome to the program.

[Caller (Laurie)]

Hi Dr. Laura, thank you for taking my call.

[Dr. Laura]

My pleasure. Thank you.

[Caller (Laurie)]

So my question for you is my son has been dating a girl who we have become very close with. They've been together for five years.

[Dr. Laura]

And how old is your son? How old is the girlfriend?

[Caller (Laurie)]

They're both 24.

[Dr. Laura]

So they started out as 19 year olds and now they're 24. And are they shacking up together?

[Caller (Laurie)]

They are recently shacking up. They met in college and then they both went off to grad school together.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay. They're shacking up together was my question, not their education. Okay. So what can I help you with?

[Caller (Laurie)]

Well, I mean I did struggle when he told me he was moving away with her and I was angry and told him that I didn't want him to do it. But he did it. So he called me on Saturday. They're about a year and a half into a two year lease. Two and a half year lease. And he's told me that he's ending things with her.

[Dr. Laura]

Did they both sign? Ma'? Am? Did they both. You don't have to struggle with anything. Your son is an adult. You don't have to struggle with anything.

[Caller (Laurie)]

Okay?

[Dr. Laura]

That's the first thing I want to say to you. This is not your struggle. This is his.

[Caller (Laurie)]

Okay?

[Dr. Laura]

He's not your baby boy. He's a man.

[Caller (Laurie)]

I know. Yes, I agree.

[Dr. Laura]

Don't say you know and then tell me you're struggling.

[Caller (Laurie)]

Okay, I will. All right, so the emotional.

[Dr. Laura]

Did they both. Did they both sign the lease?

[Caller (Laurie)]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, so they're both legally responsible for another six months. Got it.

[Caller (Laurie)]

Correct.

[Dr. Laura]

Who's moving out?

[Caller (Laurie)]

No, they're. They're going to cohabitate and they're going to. They're going to. They're going to cohabitate and finish out. They're very friendly with each other. My son is the one.

[Dr. Laura]

You know what? It's all okay. You don't have to give me any of that unless it's relevant to your question. So what is your question?

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[Caller (Laurie)]

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[Caller (Laurie)]

Well, my question for you is. I guess I'm emotional about it because we have become very close with her and have not really seen any deal breaker with.

[Dr. Laura]

I mean, that's irrelevant. That's irrelevant.

[Caller (Laurie)]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

Irrelevant. Completely.

[Caller (Laurie)]

Okay. Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

You don't have to see something bad in order for there to be a mismatch.

[Caller (Laurie)]

Okay. I guess I'm just really struggling because.

[Dr. Laura]

Don't struggle. Don't struggle. There's no struggle.

[Caller (Laurie)]

Emotional, okay. I'm sad.

[Dr. Laura]

I'm emotional.

[Caller (Laurie)]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

That's. That's fine. Don't. Don't share it with him. Don't share it with your son, okay? He doesn't have to deal with the burden of disappointing his mommy.

[Caller (Laurie)]

Okay?

[Dr. Laura]

Don't do. Don't do that to him.

[Caller (Laurie)]

Okay? Well, I'm. I'm a little bit angry with him also because I told him this was not the right thing to do. And so I'm.

[Dr. Laura]

Laurie. Laurie, go to your room and get a hobby. You're too invested.

[Caller (Laurie)]

Okay? Okay. Thank you for that.

[Dr. Laura]

You're too invested.

[Caller (Laurie)]

Okay?

[Dr. Laura]

I don't care. He doesn't care about your anger. Neither do I. I like that. What you did when you told him this was wrong, this was not moral, and this is probably not going to work out that way. That was very good of you, but don't do the I told you so crap. Don't. Please don't do that because that'll hurt your relationship with him.

[Caller (Laurie)]

I.

[Dr. Laura]

You. And I know you told him so, but you don't have to tell him, okay? And if she calls you now and then, don't ask what happened, okay? Just say, you know, you're wonderful. We all have enjoyed. Because you're probably not going to see that much of her, because at some point, he's going to have the woman of his dreams.

[Caller (Laurie)]

Okay?

[Dr. Laura]

And you're not going to want to do overlap.

[Caller (Laurie)]

Okay? If he asks for my advice, what should I say?

[Dr. Laura]

Advice about what? Give me an example of what he'd ask. No.

[Caller (Laurie)]

Well, I guess when.

[Dr. Laura]

Stop talking.

[Caller (Laurie)]

Shh.

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[Dr. Laura]

You're talking without thinking. You're just filling the airtime. Okay? Don't do that. He'd ask you advice specifically. Should I take the toaster? I need to know what advice he would specifically ask you, as opposed to his dad, as opposed to not needing anybody's advice at this point. So think.

[Caller (Laurie)]

Is he making the right decision?

[Dr. Laura]

That's not a question he can ask anybody on the face of the earth.

[Caller (Laurie)]

Okay. Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

And the only reason you're thinking that, because you want him to stay with her?

[Caller (Laurie)]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura]

So keep out of this.

[Caller (Laurie)]

Okay?

[Dr. Laura]

You're asking me. You're asking me. Sort of a backdoor way of giving your opinion to keep them together. This is what I mean. Go to your room and get a hobby.

[Caller (Laurie)]

Okay. So how do I start detaching from I. From not being a parent? Like, you're right. I. I'm. How do I start detaching and realizing he is an adult? He's got to make his own decision. How? Uninvolved. You know what I mean?

[Dr. Laura]

Completely. Unless you really ask the question, you're completely uninvolved. Now, you're supposed to go back and have great sex and traveling with your husband. You're not supposed to be agonizing all over, readjusting to your son. It's done. You raised him. Leave him be. If he needs mom or dad, he'll knock on the door and say, I need help with figuring out my checkbook. Anybody good at that?

[Caller (Laurie)]

Okay. Is it normal to. I mean, I guess my fear is I worry about him choosing a. A good mate.

[Dr. Laura]

You need more sex and you need a hobby.

[Caller (Laurie)]

Okay. It's not my business.

[Dr. Laura]

You need more sex. Tell your husband you called me and I said, he's got to do you, like, once a day. Orgasms out your ears. Because that's my prescription. Seriously.

[Caller (Laurie)]

So I have to start detaching, Is that correct?

[Dr. Laura]

Yes, as of yesterday.

[Caller (Laurie)]

Okay, okay, okay.

[Dr. Laura]

You're an observer now. You're not a mommy. You are a mommy. You're not a mommy anymore. You are his mother.

[Caller (Laurie)]

Okay?

[Dr. Laura]

But he has his own life now, and you need more sex.

[Caller (Laurie)]

Okay?

[Dr. Laura]

I am not kidding about that.

[Caller (Laurie)]

Okay? My husband will love you for that.

[Dr. Laura]

If he's any good in bed, you'll love me, too.

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[Dr. Laura]

Yeah.

[Caller (Laurie)]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

My number. 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course. I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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