My Son is Suffering Since My Divorce

Summary

The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: My Son is Suffering Since My Divorce
Date: December 16, 2025
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger

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Episode Overview

This episode centers on a call from Bonnie, a mother struggling with the emotional fallout her son is experiencing in the wake of her divorce and complex family situation. Bonnie seeks Dr. Laura's advice on how best to support her 13-year-old son, who is showing signs of depression and anxiety, largely due to issues related to his biological father’s substance abuse and inconsistent involvement.
Dr. Laura provides her characteristic frank advice, emphasizing honest communication and confronting difficult truths, rather than taking legal or administrative shortcuts in hopes of a quick fix.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Bonnie’s Family Background and Problem Statement

• Bonnie (43, San Diego): Two biological children (son, 13; daughter, 11), both with the same father.
• Quick remarriage: After divorcing due to ex-husband’s repeated infidelity (including affairs and massage parlors), Bonnie married her current husband, who also has children of similar ages.
• Ex-husband: Was formerly a responsible and involved co-parent; however, after developing a serious drug addiction, has been in rehab twice and is now only sporadically involved.
• Step-family situation: Current husband is “wonderful” and financially supportive (paying for private school and activities), but Bonnie describes the blended family as a “salad bowl” of interconnected challenges.

(See 02:29–04:26, 07:29–09:51)

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2. Specific Concerns about Her Son

• Bonnie’s son is showing signs of depression and anxiety due to inconsistent, disappointing contact with his biological father.
• The son still occasionally visits his father (e.g., briefly watching football), while Bonnie’s daughter refuses contact altogether.
• Bonnie wonders if seeking sole physical custody would help her son.

(See 09:55–10:46)

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3. Dr. Laura’s Direct Advice: The Power of Honest, Blunt Communication

• Dr. Laura immediately questions the efficacy of changing custody arrangements, asserting it likely would not improve the son’s emotional state:

  “How do you imagine that's going to make your son feel better?... Well then why are we thinking about that?”
  (Dr. Laura, 10:46)

• She encourages Bonnie to speak openly and frankly with her son about the family’s messy reality:

  "Ask him. ... This sucks. It's confusing and it's a bit of a mess. So how are you doing with it? Is there something you'd like to do differently about seeing your dad considering the fact that he's an addict?"
  (Dr. Laura, 10:59–11:31)

• Dr. Laura insists that honest dialogue (even if it elicits discomfort or guilt in the parent) is far superior to making administrative changes that skirt the real, emotional challenges:

  “If we talk to our children, especially adolescents, teenagers, that bluntly, the communication would solve so much. Instead, we're afraid to admit this may not have been a good idea. ... Talk to your kids that. Frankly, that openly.”
  (Dr. Laura, 12:25–13:06)

• She warns against "peripheral" solutions, like legal maneuvers, which avoid addressing family pain head-on:

  "See how we go for something peripheral rather than lean toward open conversation and admitting the stuff that makes you so uncomfortable?”
  (Dr. Laura, 13:21)

• The advice concludes with a nudge towards family counseling if open discussion feels overwhelming or family change seems needed.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Remarriage and stepfamilies:

  “Madly in love and committed to this salad bowl that we unfortunately found ourselves in.”
  (Bonnie, 07:51)

• On handling parental guilt:

  “I know that means you're going to have to deal with feeling guilty and bad if they say, yeah, I wish you hadn't done this. Well, that's true. It's done. How can we make it better?”
  (Dr. Laura, 13:08)

• On communication:

  “Come on, folks. We have better communication skills than any other creature on the planet. Use it well.”
  (Dr. Laura, 13:47)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 02:29–04:26: Bonnie describes divorce, infidelity, and remarriage.
• 07:29–09:51: Timeline of stepfamily, ex-husband’s declining involvement, financial/family background.
• 09:55–10:46: Bonnie’s specific concerns regarding her son’s mental health and question about custody.
• 10:46–13:47: Dr. Laura’s in-depth advice on honest communication and family solutions.

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Summary & Takeaways

Dr. Laura’s central message this episode is that families in transition, especially those confronting absentee, addicted, or inconsistent parents, owe their children frank, clear conversations—even if the truth is hard or parents feel guilt. Rather than changing legal arrangements or trying to paper over pain, Dr. Laura urges parents to “lean toward open conversation,” admit parental mistakes, and ask their children directly what they need emotionally. She reminds listeners of the power of honest talk and, if needed, family counseling to reknit bonds ruptured by divorce, addiction, and remarriage.

This episode is exemplary of Dr. Laura’s characteristic style: brisk, deeply practical, emotionally direct, and unflinching in its call for openhearted parenting.

Transcript

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[Caller (Bonnie)]

Hi Dr. Laura, thank you for taking my call. Long time.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You're welcome.

[Caller (Bonnie)]

First time caller. Appreciate your time. I am 43 from San Diego. I have two children of my own, same father. My son is 13, my daughter's 11. Trying to be succinct here for your time and two step.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Where's dad? Where is dad?

[Caller (Bonnie)]

I will.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well, you jumped. Wait a minute. Whoa. You jumped to step Kids. Okay. Can we go all the way back?

[Caller (Bonnie)]

Yes. We separated in My daughter was. She's now 11. She was less than one year old and that.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Why did we have a baby and then separate? Why?

[Caller (Bonnie)]

Why? Why did we what?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Why did you two have a baby and then separate?

[Caller (Bonnie)]

Because of. I guess I would say that I was young and didn't have all of the information that I needed. But ultimately it was repeated infidelity and to a degree that endangered my health, if that makes sense. And I can be more specific. There was one woman which I was willing to frankly, you know, for the sake of the children and the family, I was willing to try to work past but then became aware of multiple repeated year long infidelities in another nature.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

What is in another nature mean?

[Caller (Bonnie)]

Massage parlors.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I see. Okay, so.

[Caller (Bonnie)]

And I could not we divorced and.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Then you married again.

[Caller (Bonnie)]

Correct.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, so tell me about getting married again.

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[Caller (Bonnie)]

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[Caller (Bonnie)]

Met my now husband about two years after my divorce. We've been married a little over nine, a little over eight years. Apologies. He's wonderful. All the kids were kind of the same age when we met and we're madly in love and committed to this salad bowl that we unfortunately found ourselves in.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay.

[Caller (Bonnie)]

And then dial forward. My ex husband was actually a really good co parent for several years until drug addiction set in where he's been to rehab twice. One on his own accord which I drove him to, and the second one the result of an intervention that I orchestrated where he had his family come from Michigan, you know, come from friends and family, come from different states, the whole nine yards with a professional interventionist, etc.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay.

[Caller (Bonnie)]

Has not worked for over two years until just recently now driving Uber which is a far cry from what he was when I was married to him. I don't know if that I don't think that matters. And my question I think, and I know you like to just to get to that and I'm happy to give you any more information but my question is, now that my children are getting older, they don't go to his house overnight at all. However, there is no custody order in place in regards to that. But he has never, my ex husband has never gone against what I have said. My now husband has paid for them to go to private Catholic school for years. My kids has paid for all their sports. Has paid for. And it's not as if I'm not working. I've been an attorney for 18 years. Not in the family court system, which I don't trust. So when we got divorced, we got divorced in a one day mediation.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, so where do, where do I fit in here?

[Caller (Bonnie)]

Do I. I'm seeing that my son specifically who's 13, is I think having some depression, maybe some anxiety with his dad kind of being intermittently around here and there. Have him over to watch a football game for a couple of hours, I pick him back up. My daughter wants nothing to do with him whatsoever. She was a lot younger when the split occurred. You know, she was a baby. So whether I need to pursue soul physical and I don't see how that's.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Going to make your son feel better. How do you imagine that's going to make your son feel better? Well then why are we thinking about that?

[Caller (Bonnie)]

Because I don't know. I don't know for sure if he.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Ask him. I got a divorce. The guy was not a good guy. He's been in and out for rehab. I'm so sorry you dragged over there. He doesn't spend time with you. It's a pain in the ass. But you've got this new sort of stepdad. I hope that's sort of filling it. Blunt talk, that's how I would be talking to him. This sucks. It's confusing and it's a bit of a mess. So how are you doing with it? Is there something you'd like to do differently about seeing your dad considering the fact that he's an addict?

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So you talk to him just as casually, bluntly as I am saying and the next thing better not be from your mouth. I've done that. Please don't say that. Because you haven't. I know it because I know it. By how you're framing the question, I think it might be some depression. You know, it's sad and it sucks to have a dad who's an addict and who has failed at being a husband. Failed at being a dad. After doing good for a while, this has got to be wreaking some havoc with you. So where are you with this. How do you feel about it? Are you angry? Are you sad? Tell me the truth. I somehow created this because then I immediately went into creating another family with some guy's kids. Now that you have to compete with. Tell me about this. If we talk to our children, especially adolescents, teenagers that bluntly, the communication would solve so much. Instead, we're afraid to admit this may not have been a good idea. Marrying somebody with kids you have to compete with. You know, what do you think? Talk to your kids that. Frankly, that openly. And I know that means you're going to have to deal with feeling guilty and bad if they say, yeah, I wish you hadn't done this. Well, that's true. It's done. How can we make it better? That's where family counseling might come in. Or unraveling what you've done. But I know instead of all of that, we just want, how can I make the kid better? Gee, how about if I terminate his dad's legal rights? See how we go for something peripheral rather than lean toward open conversation and admitting the stuff that makes you so uncomfortable. Come on, folks. We have better communication skills than any other creature on the planet. Use it well. My number 1-800-375-2872. Check out my social media on Facebook and Instagram. I post stories, photos and videos seven days a week and feature some of what you sent me too. There's always something interesting going on there. You can find me at facebook.com drlaura and instagram.com drlauraprogram.

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