My Son Won't Leave My Side

Summary

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Podcast Episode Summary:

Dr. Laura Call of the Day – "My Son Won't Leave My Side"

Date: September 28, 2025
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Guest: Wendy (Mother of a 10-year-old boy)

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Dr. Laura counsels Wendy, a mother concerned about her 10-year-old son's intense attachment to her. The conversation explores possible roots of the boy’s clinginess, family dynamics, and strategies for fostering independence while addressing the underlying emotional needs. Dr. Laura offers her signature direct, compassionate advice, moving the discussion beyond surface behaviors into emotional understanding and therapeutic parenting.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Nature of the Problem

• Attachment Behaviors ([01:20])
  Wendy describes her son's desire to be physically close to her at all times ("he comes and he sits, like, right almost on top of me"), and his emotional distress when separated (e.g., crying during calls when his parents were away on a trip).

2. Family Dynamics

• Father’s Involvement ([02:47])
  Dr. Laura inquires about the father's role. Wendy says her husband, despite having back surgery, plays games like Uno and watches TV with their son.

• Other Siblings & Marital Context ([07:55])
  The family includes two older siblings. There is no parental divorce or second marriage—the parents simply had a third child years after the first two.

3. Exploring Potential Causes

• History of Loss or Separation ([03:36])
  Dr. Laura asks if the boy fears parental loss due to trauma or illness. Wendy shares:

  • Her brother’s death (the child was three at the time).
  • An early separation when the child was one (he and his father moved abroad before she joined them a few weeks later).

• Peer Relationships ([04:50])
  The boy struggles socially—avoids settings where his friend socializes with others, feeling excluded or “ignored.”

4. Analysis and Advice

• Hypersensitivity and Fear of Loss ([08:15])
  Dr. Laura highlights the underlying pattern: “He’s seriously hypersensitive, it would seem, about loss and neglect.” She suggests Wendy’s son possibly fears that love and attention are finite and that he might miss out or be abandoned.

• Shift from Comforting to Understanding ([09:02])
  Dr. Laura cautions against superficial reassurance (e.g., promising a future trip) and instead recommends open conversations:

  "You sound to me like you're afraid if you don't practically sit on me that I will disappear. So you have to start having these conversations. He's 10. His brain works good enough to have these conversations." (Dr. Laura, [08:53])

• Therapeutic Parenting ([09:15])
  Dr. Laura advises Wendy to think “like a therapist, mama”:

  “Instead of trying to make him feel better, try to understand him more…You need to start thinking like a therapist, mama, and start talking to him about these things. This is parenting.” (Dr. Laura, [09:33])

5. Practical Tools and Takeaways

• Set gentle boundaries (“No, you can’t sit on my lap. I love you dearly, but go sit on that chair so I have room. I'm not going anywhere. I'll be here.” [paraphrased, [08:46]])
• Encourage conversations about feelings of rejection and belonging.
• Normalize the reality of shared love and attention in families: “That’s a lot of kids to love. Maybe I can’t love all three of you at the same time. What do you think?” (Dr. Laura, [08:15])

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Clinginess:
  “He comes and he sits, like, right almost on top of me, and I'm like, hey, there's this whole couch you can sit on... ‘No, I want to be next to you. I want to be with you.’ Those are his words.”
  — Wendy (Mother), [02:53]

• On Child’s Sensitivities:
  “He’s seriously hypersensitive, it would seem, about loss and neglect. And I don’t know your lives to know why, but that seems obvious to me that that is the case.”
  — Dr. Laura, [08:15]

• Parent as Therapist:
  “You need to start thinking like a therapist, mama, and start talking to him about these things. This is parenting.”
  — Dr. Laura, [09:33]

• On Understanding vs. Reassurance:
  “Instead of trying to make him feel better, try to understand him more.”
  — Dr. Laura, [09:02]

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Timeline of Important Segments

• [01:00] Start of real content – Dr. Laura greets Wendy
• [01:20] Mother introduces the son's clingy behaviors
• [02:47] Detail on the father’s limited involvement & son's attachment
• [03:36] Dr. Laura explores possible trauma or reason for fear of separation
• [04:50] Discussion of the son’s social difficulties with peers
• [07:55] Inquiry about siblings, family makeup
• [08:15] Dr. Laura identifies hypersensitivity around loss
• [09:02] Dr. Laura shifts focus to therapeutic parenting and understanding root issues
• [09:33] Summary advice: converse openly, create security, set boundaries

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Closing Thoughts

The episode centers on the importance of moving from "comforting" to "understanding"—helping children process deep emotions around belonging, attention, and loss. Dr. Laura advocates for boundary-setting coupled with compassionate conversation, aiming to build a secure sense of love and resilience in sensitive children.

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Transcript

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Hi Wendy.

[Caller (Mother)]

Hi Dr. Laura. Good afternoon.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Good afternoon back at you. How can I help?

[Caller (Mother)]

I just want some help with my 10 year old. I, I want to be able to help him. Or I guess I want to know if how much is too much. He is very, very attached to me in the past years, you know, I figured it'll.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

What is he doing? What is he doing that leads you to look at it as probably too attached?

[Caller (Mother)]

For example, for New Year's, my husband and I in another city for the weekend. He stayed with my parents and he wouldn't, he would call me like we would talk on the phone to say good night, but he wouldn't let me see his face because he didn't want me to see him crying. And then when we came home, you know, I told him, I said, hey, you know, it was a trip for adults, it wasn't for kids and maybe sometime in the future I'll take you to this hotel. You know, I. Oh my God.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Here you are. Okay. What does your husband think about all of this? What has he said?

[Caller (Mother)]

He, he kind of, he allows it, I guess. He doesn't, he, he doesn't really say anything about it, but with the trip I was, how.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Ma', am. Ma'.

[Caller (Mother)]

Am.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Woohoo.

[Caller (Mother)]

Woohoo.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

What does your husband do with his 10 year old son? How do they spend time?

[Caller (Mother)]

They play games. They do, you know, they play card games. My husband has had Back surgery, he doesn't. He can't do a whole lot. But they do sometimes watch TV together or like I said, they like to play Uno a lot. In those moments, my son is not, you know, he's. He's okay, but it's in. In other moments where he's. If I'm sitting on the couch, he comes and he sits, like, right almost on top of me, and I'm like, hey, there's this whole couch you can sit on. Why don't you scoot over? No, I want to be next to you. I want to be with you. I. Those are his words. I want to be with you.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Does he have any reason to manage to imagine that at some point you won't be there? Have there been deaths in the family? Have you been ill to you and your husband?

[Caller (Mother)]

I have not been ill. Just.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Yeah. Do you understand what I'm trying to get to? If he's worried about you not being there, that might explain some of this. So what do you think might possibly contribute to that?

[Caller (Mother)]

So aside, there was a death. My brother passed away, and we were very close, and he, you know, but my son was three when he passed away. The only thing I can think of is when he was one year old, we moved from South America to North America. We came, and his dad and him came first because I had to stay back to sell, you know, to get rid of. To sell things from our house and make. Prepare for the move. And they. They arrived maybe two or three weeks before I did, and then I arrived and we haven't been apart since, except for that. The weekend, you know, for the. For. For New Year's.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

How is he with friends? Does he have. Does he have friends?

[Caller (Mother)]

He does have some friends when he's very good friends with my. With my friend's son. But he. As soon as the other little boy has friends, you know, from his own school around, my son doesn't want to be around him anymore because he feels ignored. And it happens not with. Not just with him, but with another little boy also.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Do you have any other children, by the way?

[Caller (Mother)]

I have two older kids.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So this is a second marriage?

[Caller (Mother)]

No, this is the first marriage.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Oh, so you guys had two kids a million years ago and then had this one?

[Caller (Mother)]

Yes.

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You need to tell them things like kid one, two, and three. You're number three. That's a lot of kids to love. Maybe I can't love all three of you @ the same time. What do you think? Because we're getting to the notion of he can't be a friend if there are other boys around. Like there's not enough friendship going around. You have to start teaching him. He's seriously hypersensitive, it would seem, about loss and neglect. And I don't know your lives to know why, but that seems obvious to me that that is the case. So you have to help him with that, you know? No, you can't sit on my lap I love you dearly. And I go sit on that chair so I have room. I'm not going anywhere. I'll be here. You sound to me like you're afraid if you don't practically sit on me that I will disappear. So you have to start having these conversations. He's 10. His brain works good enough to have these conversations. So now you're going to Instead of trying to make him feel better, someday we'll take you to that place. Instead of trying to make him feel better, try to understand him more.

[Caller (Mother)]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So there are parallels. He feels rejected. If there's another person around, he has to consume you or he won't have the love. You need to start thinking like a therapist, mama and start talking to him about these things. This is parenting. My number. 1-800-375-2872. You're just a click away from some terrific deals being offered by companies that get the Dr. Laura stamp of approval. Visit drlaura.com Click on Sponsors to take advantage of the special Discounts available to Dr. Laura listeners like you.

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