Our Daughter Deceived Us

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day

Episode: Our Daughter Deceived Us
Date: September 21, 2025
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Callers: “Shawn” and his wife (parents of college-age daughter)

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Dr. Laura counsels a husband and wife struggling with the fallout after their 18-year-old daughter, recently sent to college, secretly traveled across the country to meet someone she befriended online. The parents, feeling deceived and concerned for her safety, demanded she return home—leading to their daughter refusing to communicate with them. The call explores parental responsibility, financial support boundaries, and how to respond to teenage defiance and immaturity.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Establishing the Backstory

[01:14–02:53]

• Shawn (father) introduces the situation: Their daughter, three weeks into college life 300 miles away, secretly flew cross-country during Labor Day weekend to meet a guy she’d met online.
• The parents only discovered this after the fact; when confronted, the daughter returned home but has not spoken to them since.

Quote:
“It was about a week and a half after we dropped her off, we found out that she had flown across the country without our knowledge. When we found out, we immediately told her she needs to come home, which she did. And she essentially has not spoken to us since.”
—Caller (Father), [01:29]

2. Dr. Laura Probes for Context

[02:17–03:29]

• Dr. Laura questions who wanted college: “That’s not the behavior of a young lady who wants to be in college or wants to be in that college.” [02:31]
• Finds out the daughter funded the trip with a mixture of her own money and parental support for “basic needs.”

Quote:
“She’s 18, she’s a baby. If she really pulled that off, what did she use for money to go on the plane?”
—Dr. Laura, [02:53]

3. The Mother's Perspective & Financial Boundaries

[03:42–04:52]

• The mother describes her brief acquaintance with the boyfriend and emphasizes how reckless the daughter’s actions were.
• Dr. Laura firmly challenges the notion that the girl’s adulthood gives her impunity while financially dependent:

“No, no, no, no, no, mom, no, she can’t do that while she’s being largely supported by you. She can do that when she’s totally responsible for herself.”
—Dr. Laura, [04:26]

4. The Daughter’s Stonewalling and Parental Concerns

[04:56–05:22]

• The parents describe their daughter’s emotional withdrawal and seek advice: Should they reach out, or is it on the daughter to make amends?

• Dr. Laura asserts the daughter is acting out:

“Oh, she’s being a brat. Okay. You don’t—don’t act surprised. 18 year olds pull that shit.”
—Dr. Laura, [04:59]

5. Should Parents Wait or Confront?

[08:39–08:43]

• The father asks if they should initiate communication.
• Dr. Laura is unequivocal: Parents must not act “afraid”; reassert boundaries and expectations.

Memorable Moment & Advice:
“Oh yeah, you should walk in her room and say, this bullshit stops now. If you’re expecting us to financially support you for anything, you stop with this punishing crap. You went on a plane to stup some guy you hardly know without telling your parents. This doesn’t hold. This is not our relationship as a family. And this is not our relationship with us supporting you financially. I expect her father to walk into her room and read her that riot act.”
—Dr. Laura, [08:43]

6. Dr. Laura’s Prescribed Solution

[08:43–10:33]

• Don’t “pamper” the daughter or be manipulated by her silence.
• The father should take the lead, affirming this is unacceptable and must have real consequences:
  • Daughter can either:
    • Attend a local 2-year college and live at home
    • Get a job, or
    • Move out if she continues this behavior
• Emphasis on leadership and not worrying about her feelings at this juncture.

Quote:
“You are the father. You are the leader in your home. You’re the leader. Lead.”
—Dr. Laura, [09:56]

7. Parental Solidarity & Final Thoughts

[10:33–11:25]

• Father agrees, reaffirming intent to support the approach.
• Dr. Laura gives a brief reflection on the value of teaching real-world consequences and the importance of standing firm for the daughter’s future maturity.

Quote:
“If you’re saying you’re 18 and you’re an adult... well, an adult should have thought this through to what the consequences might be. That’s part of being an adult, not just doing whatever the hell you want.”
—Dr. Laura, [10:46]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Parental Financial Support:
  “She can do that when she’s totally responsible for herself.”
  —Dr. Laura, [04:26]

• Calling Out Immaturity:
  “She’s immature and bratty.”
  —Dr. Laura, [09:23]

• On Leadership:
  “You are the father. You are the leader in your home.”
  —Dr. Laura, [09:56]

• On Growth through Consequences:
  “You’ll help her become a better adult.”
  —Dr. Laura, [11:15]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Episode setup & caller introduction: [01:01–01:29]
• Caller's story & initial backstory: [01:29–02:53]
• Dr. Laura probes for context: [02:53–03:29]
• Mother’s perspective & boundaries talk: [03:42–04:52]
• Discussion of stonewalling & brattiness: [04:56–05:22]
• Should they reach out or wait? [08:39–08:43]
• Dr. Laura’s tough-love guidance: [08:43–10:33]
• Final affirmations & summary: [10:33–11:25]

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Episode Tone

Dr. Laura remains consistent with her brand—no-nonsense, direct, and grounded in advocating parental authority, accountability, and real-world consequences. The conversation is candid, sometimes blunt, but always focused on tough love and long-term development.

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Transcript

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Shawn, welcome to the program.

[Caller (Father)]

Hey, Dr. Laura, thanks for taking our call.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Are you there with somebody? Who's we?

[Caller (Father)]

Yeah. Yeah. So my wife and I are calling about our daughter that we just sent to college.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Yes. Is your. Is your wife right by you listening? Is she going to participate in the call and help?

[Caller (Father)]

Yeah, she is. She is. So go ahead. So she went away. It was probably about 300 miles away from us to school about three weeks ago. It was about a week and a half after we dropped her off, we found out that she had flown across the country without our knowledge. When we found out, we immediately told her she needs to come home, which she did. And she essentially has not spoken to us since. That's the backstory. And so my question is just what?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Wait a minute until. Well, first of all, there's a whole lot of backstory I don't have. Did she actually want to go to college? And if so, for what? Because that's not the behavior of a young lady who wants to be in college or wants to be in that college. So who decided for her that she was going to college?

[Caller (Father)]

She really does. It was for. Actually for Labor Day weekend. She just went for the weekend and she went to pursue a relationship of somebody that she had met online, hoping.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

That we would tell you what I would do. And if that's, if that's indicative. She's 18, she's a baby. If she really pulled that off, what did she use for money to go on the plane?

[Caller (Father)]

And that's the issue, is that we, we, you know, she's got scholarships, but we have helped her with some of her. Some of her.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Did she get the money to go on the plane? Is what's my question.

[Caller (Father)]

Would been money she earned and some of it would have been money that we provided for some of her basic needs.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So what basic needs can be taken care of now? Because she. Okay, you told her to come home and what was the conversation? Let me talk to your wife, please.

[Caller (Mother)]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Hi, mom. How do you. So she wanted to go meet some guy she met online, which she could have turned up dead, so that was really stupid. Do you know this guy that she met on the net or did she just meet him on the net after she left home?

[Caller (Mother)]

I had briefly met. Met him once, but don't really know him that well. I just thought it was kind of reckless to have her go across the country without telling me. And I just, you know, 18, where she has the, you know, she can do that. But where I'm.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, mom, no, she can't do that while she's being largely supported by you. She can do that when she is total. She can do that when she's totally responsible for herself.

[Caller (Mother)]

And that's what I, that's what we had told her when, you know, we called her, we said, you need to come right back or else I can't, you know, we can't like, support you financially.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So what is it you'd like to do now? Let's start there.

[Caller (Mother)]

So now she just is stonewalling and not.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Oh, she's being a brat. Okay. You don't, don't act surprised. 18 year olds pull that shit. Okay, but I'm asking you, what do you want to do now?

[Caller (Father)]

We're wondering if we, we feel like the ball is in her court, but we're just wondering if we're right to stay quiet and let her reach out or if after a week she's being a brat.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

What do you mean reach out? She's punishing you.

[Caller (Father)]

Yeah, right.

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[Caller (Father)]

We wondered if we should initiate communication or if we should just.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Oh yeah, you should walk in her room and say, this bullshit stops now. If you're expecting us to financially support you for anything, you stop with this punishing crap. You went on a plane to stup some guy you hardly know without telling your parents. This doesn't hold. This is not our relationship as a family. And this is not our relationship with us supporting you financially. I expect her father to walk into her room and. And read her that riot act. Don't act like she's a pampered princess and you're. Oh, you know, maybe I don't want to upset her more. Bullshit. She's not ready to go away to college. Not ready. I don't care if she got scholarships. She's not ready. She's an immature and bratty. So I'm not finished. So I. Dad, you've got to tell her that. And you've got to tell her, in my opinion, that she can stay in the house and go to a two year college locally or she can go get a job. But if she's going to do the I'm not talking to you crap, she can get out of the house. Now. You are the father. You are the leader in your home. You're the leader. Lead.

[Caller (Father)]

Absolutely.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Don't worry about her feelings. Don't worry about her feelings. Mommy does enough of that.

[Caller (Father)]

Don't.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Don't worry about her feelings. They don't matter. What matters is being a responsible child of yours. Daughter, student. And she didn't take that opportunity. So I pull the plug. She can go to a local two year college and work her way back into the college. If she doesn't have to work hard for something, she's not going to appreciate it.

[Caller (Father)]

Amen. That's great. Did you have any.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Your grandfather, sir, would have pulled the plug.

[Caller (Father)]

Right? Absolutely. Thank you.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Oh, but it only happened one time. Your grand. Your grandfather, great grandfather would have said too bad. Too bad. If you're saying you're 18 and you're an adult. Well, an adult should have thought this through to what the consequences might be. That's part of being an adult, not just doing whatever the hell you want. So you breached trust. You're done there. I hope you have the moxie to do this because you'll help her become a better adult.

[Caller (Father)]

Absolutely. I can see. Yep. Absolutely. I agree with you.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You're the man. You're the leader. You take care of this, okay?

[Caller (Father)]

I got it. Thank you so much.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Good. You're very welcome. My number 1-800-375-2872. Check out my social media on Facebook and Instagram. I post stories, photos and videos seven days a week and feature some of what you sent me, too. There's always something interesting going on there. You can find me at facebook.com drlaura or and instagram.com drlauraprogram Shoes aren't really built to last anymore. Seriously. Some footwear barely survives a season, but L.L. bean doesn't chase trends. They've been crafting quality boots for over a century with full grain leather, durable rubber bottoms, and triple needle stitching. Bean boots are meant to last and built to easily handle the great outdoors. And each pair becomes more personal, more distinctive, and uniquely yours. L.L. bean boots are simply best worn. Find your pair at llbean. Com.