Our House Burned Down

Summary

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Podcast Summary

Podcast: Dr. Laura Call of the Day
Episode: Our House Burned Down
Date: September 10, 2025
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Featured Caller: Dina

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Episode Overview

In this poignant episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger takes a call from Dina, a 30-year-old pregnant woman whose home recently burned down, resulting in the total loss of property and family pets. The episode centers on coping with sudden loss, expectations of emotional recovery, and the value of authentic emotional expression in the wake of tragedy.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Caller’s Crisis: Sudden Devastation

• Situation: Dina, 30 and five months pregnant, shares the traumatic experience of returning home with her 18-month-old daughter to find their house destroyed by fire. Notably, all pets died, and the family lost all their possessions ([01:50-02:29]).
• Initial Reaction: Dina confesses she “can’t stop crying” and seeks advice from Dr. Laura, unsure how to proceed emotionally.

2. Validating Emotional Turmoil

• Dr. Laura’s Empathy: Dr. Laura emphasizes how overwhelming the loss must be, contextualizing Dina’s distress not only by her pregnancy, but also by the severity of losing both a home and cherished animals ([02:29-03:24]).
• Pregnancy and Emotions: Dr. Laura reassures Dina, humorously and candidly stating, “Mostly you're mentally deranged because you're pregnant. Every woman is. Hormones do. That happened to me. We're all nuts when we're pregnant.” ([02:47-03:12])

3. Acknowledging Grief Is Unavoidable

• No Quick Fixes: Dr. Laura is clear that there is no shortcut through pain: “You're gonna feel horrible for a while. Can't avoid it.” ([03:53-04:21])
• Focusing on Survival: She points out the silver lining: “You and your daughter are not dead or singed or in a medic ward trying to put skin back on you. So that's good news.” ([03:24-03:43])

4. Children & Authentic Emotional Expression

• Parenting Through Tragedy: Dina expresses concern about crying in front of her young daughter. Dr. Laura challenges the notion of shielding children from all expressions of grief, pressing Dina to consider what kind of example she wants to set ([04:21-07:40]):
  • “You teach her not to have any emotional reaction to tragedy. Is that what you want to teach her?” ([04:24-04:28])
  • Dr. Laura encourages honesty: “I'm very emotional. I'm pregnant. Just lost my pets. I'm going to be crying on and off for a while. Just say mostly happens because you're pregnant.” ([07:40-07:56])

5. Gender Differences in Grief Handling

• Comparing Coping Styles: The discussion pivots to differing emotional responses between Dina and her husband, emphasizing fundamental differences in male and female emotional processing ([07:59-08:52]):
  • “Do you see war movies where a guy shoots a thing and then sobs?... Men are different from women. They handle things differently. They're more stoic. We're not as stoic.” ([08:24-08:52])
• Advice: Dr. Laura suggests leaning on her husband for practical support through the lengthy process ahead.

6. Releasing Self-Judgment

• Judgment Is Counterproductive: Dr. Laura advises Dina not to judge her own feelings or how she grieves:
  • “Right now, the only thing you're doing that really pisses me off is you're making judgment calls on how you feel. That's not fair.” ([09:18-09:28])
  • “Please don't judge it.” ([11:32])
• Direct Guidance: Dr. Laura pushes Dina to commit:
  • “Promise me...We either do it or we say screw you. So either say screw you to me or say you're going to do it.” ([11:56-12:11])
  • Dina responds: “I will do that. I will not judge myself for that.” ([12:11-12:15])

7. Reassurance & Perspective

• Coping Timeline: The path ahead will be long, taking “at least a year”, and healing will be incremental. “Don't tell me you think in three weeks you're supposed to be peachy keen. Don't do that.” ([11:10-11:19])

• Normalizing Grief: Dr. Laura bluntly normalizes Dina’s response:

  • “Because if you were not sad, I'd think you were a psycho.” ([12:15-12:24])

• Support System: She reinforces the importance of leaning on her husband for logistical and emotional support.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Pregnancy and Emotion:
  • “Mostly you're mentally deranged because you're pregnant. Every woman is.” — Dr. Laura ([02:47])
• On Grief’s Inescapability:
  • “There's no way to make you feel better...You're gonna feel horrible for a while. Can't avoid it.” — Dr. Laura ([03:53])
• On Modeling Emotion for Children:
  • “Do you want to teach her to control all her emotions all the time? Yes or no?” — Dr. Laura ([07:24])
• On Men and Women Coping Differently:
  • “Men are different from women. They handle things differently. They're more stoic. We're not as stoic as men are.” — Dr. Laura ([08:24])
• On Self-Judgment:
  • “Right now, the only thing you're doing that really pisses me off is you're making judgment calls on how you feel. That's not fair.” — Dr. Laura ([09:18])
• On the Validity of Grief:
  • “Because if you were not sad, I'd think you were a psycho.” — Dr. Laura ([12:15])

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Important Timestamps

• 01:50-02:29 — Dina explains the fire and devastation.
• 02:47-03:12 — Dr. Laura discusses heightened emotions during pregnancy.
• 04:24-04:28 — Dr. Laura challenges Dina about being emotional around her daughter.
• 07:40-07:56 — Advice on being honest with children about grief.
• 08:24-08:52 — Discussing stoicism and differences in male/female coping mechanisms.
• 09:18-09:28 — Dr. Laura scolds self-judgment about grief.
• 11:10-11:19 — Reassurance that grief takes time.
• 12:15-12:24 — Dr. Laura affirms the necessity of being sad.

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Tone and Style

Throughout the call, Dr. Laura maintains her signature direct, candid, and at times humorous approach. She balances empathy with tough love, offering validation for Dina’s feelings while pushing her to let go of guilt and self-criticism.

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Conclusion

Dr. Laura’s message is a powerful affirmation that acute emotional pain is a normal response to profound loss, especially under the layers of stress that pregnancy brings. Dina is encouraged not to suppress or judge her grief, but rather to process it authentically, model healthy expression for her child, and rely on her support system through a long period of recovery.

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For more Dr. Laura: Visit drlaura.com or tune in to SiriusXM Triumph 111.
If you’re in need of support: Allow yourself grace, accept help, and remember that grief is not only inevitable, but also an important part of healing.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Dina (Caller)]

Hi Dr. Laura, thank you for taking my call.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You're welcome. What's up?

[Dina (Caller)]

Just to give you some background, I'm 30 and I'm married. I have an 18 month old daughter and I'm five months pregnant. And yesterday my daughter and I were out of the house running errands and my husband was at work and then we got an alert on our thermostat that something was wrong and when we got home our house was on fire and it basically burned to the ground and we lost everything and all of our pets are dead and I just like can't stop crying and I just need some advice on what to do.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well, first of all, good grief. Wow, that's a lot. And you need to turn. I'm having feedback. Carson, can you help me with the feedback? Do you have your. Are you doing something funny with your phone?

[Dina (Caller)]

Is that better?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Yes, I think so. Yes. Okay, Dina, this is a lot. Mostly you're mentally deranged because you're pregnant. Every woman is. Hormones do. That happened to me. We're all nuts when we're pregnant. That's just the way it is. We're all over emotional. However, if you were not five months pregnant, you'd still be very upset. You lost your pets, you lost your home, you lost all your stuff. That's a lot. My house burned. We lost a snake, but we didn't lose pets. Pets.

[Dina (Caller)]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Anyway, so it's going to be crappy for a while. I don't know what you're asking for. You have to go through feeling crappy. Good news. You and your daughter are not dead or singed or in a medic ward trying to put skin back on you. So that's good news. By the way, what caused the fire? What caused the fire?

[Dina (Caller)]

We don't know yet. And it's so.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well, the fire department will be there and they'll tell you what caused the fire. You're asking for. You're asking for advice that cannot exist. There's no way to make you feel better. You're vulnerable because you're pregnant. You lost all your stuff. You lost your pets. You're gonna feel horrible for a while. Can't avoid it.

[Dina (Caller)]

I feel really bad in front of my daughter.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay? Why?

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What's happening?

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The Walmart Wellness Event. Flu shots, health screenings, free samples from those brands you like.

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Check the calendar. Saturday, September 13th.

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I knew.

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[Dina (Caller)]

No, but our lives are normal.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Sweetheart. Sweetheart, in my place here, you do not say yes or no, but. You do not put the but there. It's either yes or it's no. Do you want to teach her to control all her emotions all the time? Yes or no?

[Dina (Caller)]

No.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

That's it. So you tell her. I'm very emotional. I'm pregnant. Just lost my pets. I'm going to be crying on and off for a while. Just say mostly happens because you're pregnant. Can I get that across to you?

[Dina (Caller)]

I've been handling it so much better.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I'm sorry. Last time I looked, you're husband was not freaking pregnant, was he?

[Dina (Caller)]

No, he's not.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Ah. And the last time I looked, he didn't have boobs in the uterus. Is that correct?

[Dina (Caller)]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So. And the last time I looked, he was a man with testosterone and a different brain function. Is that correct?

[Dina (Caller)]

Yes, very much.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Do you see war movies where a guy shoots a thing and then sobs? Do you see that in war movies?

[Dina (Caller)]

No. No.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Men are different from women. They handle things differently. They're more stoic. We're not as stoic as men are. So why do you keep comparing? I mean, it's silly. You are what you are. And if I were in your position, I'd be crying my eyeballs out. I wouldn't be on air right now.

[Dina (Caller)]

Yeah, I just Thought you were. I don't know. I thought maybe there was something I could think about.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Honey, please don't insult me by suggesting I'm not human. Yeah, I'm human. In your position, I would be sobbing my brains out.

[Dina (Caller)]

I don't know why.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Then I'd feel better and I'd eat something and then I'd sob, my brain's out again. So that's the way it goes. Right now, the only thing you're doing that really pisses me off is you're making judgment calls on how you feel. That's not fair. Your daughter is going to be upset about something you see as really dumb. Are you going to say that's really dumb? Are you going to do that?

[Dina (Caller)]

No.

[Geico/Mint Mobile/Walmart Announcer]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And, you know, you don't judge the feelings. You hug them. You need plenty of hugs from your husband. You need plenty of hugs from family, your kids. That's what you need right now. And be honest with everybody. I'm pregnant and nuts. Making harder to cope with this. But if I were not pregnant, I'd still be sobbing my brains out because I lost all my belongings, my home and my pets. I mean, Gina. Making judgments about being upset and showing it. Where'd you learn that nonsense?

[Dina (Caller)]

I don't know. I've never had anything like bad happen to me like this. And I don't really know, like, if I'm handling it right or wrong or if.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You're handling it fine. You're being human. You're handling it fine. Rely on your husband because he's not pregnant and he's a man.

[Dina (Caller)]

He's a good person.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Yes. And he loves you and he supports you. And he's going to talk to the investigators. He's going to talk to the insurance companies. He's going to talk to relatives and friends. He's going to help guide you through the path, which is going to take a year at least.

[Dina (Caller)]

Yes, that's true.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So don't tell me you think in three weeks you're supposed to be peachy keen. Don't do that.

[Dina (Caller)]

But I'll be crying less, right?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Yeah, you will. After a while, the body just gets tired of crying. You ever have that happen? You were very upset when you were a teenager.

[Dina (Caller)]

Yes, it's happening now. Like, I just can't shed any more tears.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Yeah, there you go. See, it changes. And you go to the next phase, and then you'll bounce back and have some sobbing. It's all okay. Please don't judge it.

[Dina (Caller)]

Okay. Okay.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Promise me.

[Dina (Caller)]

I will try. Yes.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

No, we don't try here. We either do it or we say screw you. So either say screw you to me or say you're going to do it.

[Dina (Caller)]

I will do that. I will not judge myself for that.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Thank you. Thank you. Because if you were not sad, I'd think you were a psycho.

[Dina (Caller)]

Oh, yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay. And I'm not kidding. People who can go through things like this and have no feelings are worrisome. Okay. Yeah. Please be human. My number. 1-800-375-2872. You're just a click away from some terrific deals being offered by companies that get the Dr. Laura stamp of approval. Visit drlaura.com Click on Sponsors to take advantage of the special discounts available to Dr. Laura listeners like you.

[Walmart Wellness Event Promoter]

Honey, do not make plans. Saturday, September 13th.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay? Why?

[Geico/Mint Mobile/Walmart Announcer]

What's happening?

[Walmart Wellness Event Promoter]

The Walmart Wellness event. Flu shots, health screenings, free samples from those brands you like.

[Geico/Mint Mobile/Walmart Announcer]

All that at Walmart?

[Walmart Wellness Event Promoter]

We can just walk right in, no appointment needed. Who knew we could cover our health and wellness needs at Walmart?

[Dina (Caller)]

Check.

[Geico/Mint Mobile/Walmart Announcer]

Check the calendar. Saturday, September 13th.

[Walmart Wellness Event Promoter]

Walmart wellness event. You knew?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I knew.

[Geico/Mint Mobile/Walmart Announcer]

Check in on your health at the same place you already shop. Visit Walmart, Saturday, September 13th for our semiannual wellness event Flu shot. Subject to availability and applicable state law. Age restrictions apply. Free samples while supplies last.