Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day – "Parenting a Young Man vs. a Boy"
Episode Details:
- Title: Parenting a Young Man vs. a Boy
- Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
- Release Date: May 13, 2025
In this engaging episode of Dr. Laura Call of the Day, Dr. Laura Schlessinger addresses a common parenting challenge: transitioning from parenting a boy to parenting a young man. The episode features a call from Amy, a 54-year-old mother grappling with effectively communicating and setting expectations with her 17-year-old son.
Amy’s Parenting Dilemma
Amy begins by outlining her family dynamics. At 54 years old, she has been married for 28 years and has three children—two of whom are independent adults. Her focus, however, is on her 17-year-old son, whom she describes as "a well-respected, well-adjusted kid" and "a happy kid." Despite these positive attributes, Amy expresses frustration over her attempts to adapt her parenting style to suit her son's growing maturity.
Notable Quote:
Amy [01:34]: "I keep trying to adapt to each kid and what's working for them. I don't think I'm getting it done with him in terms of what makes you think that. So I guess he gets very frustrated with me when I get frustrated with him."
Dr. Laura’s Initial Response
Dr. Laura responds with a mix of humor and critique, questioning Amy’s frustration with her teenage son and prompting her to provide specific examples.
Notable Quote:
Dr. Laura [02:25]: "Okay, you get frustrated with him. Woo hoo. Finally did it today. I've been waiting all day to do that. So give me an example of what you'd be frustrated with. I have no idea how any mother could find a 17-year-old boy frustrating."
This response underscores Dr. Laura's perspective that parental frustration often stems from mismatched expectations and outdated parenting strategies.
Identifying the Root Cause: Setting Agendas
Amy elaborates on her approach to parenting, explaining that she often sets agendas or specific tasks for her son, especially during his school breaks. For instance, she might suggest activities he could engage in during spring break and assign him responsibilities like sending emails related to his interests or future plans.
Notable Quote:
Amy [04:11]: "Okay, semi juicy. If I suggest to him, you know, you're going to be off school this week for spring break and so these are just some things you could do while you have your free time, you need to send a couple of emails about XYZ because he's also."
Dr. Laura critiques this method, emphasizing that imposing agendas on a growing young man can be counterproductive. She argues that teenagers seek autonomy and may resist structured directives from parents.
Notable Quote:
Dr. Laura [04:42]: "You have to stop doing that. He's a 17-year-old boy. Did I mention that? Managing your health can be difficult..."
Note: The advertisement segment follows immediately after this point.
Implementing Effective Communication Strategies
Moving past the initial critique, Dr. Laura offers constructive advice on how Amy can better communicate and set expectations with her son. She advises against setting multiple agendas and instead recommends assigning specific, meaningful tasks that contribute to his personal growth and family responsibilities.
Notable Quote:
Dr. Laura [06:12]: "You have to stop doing that. He's a 17-year-old boy... If there's something specific then I would get in his face and I would say, sweetie, I realize you're off next week and your mother is telling me..."
She suggests a strategy where Amy can assign a single task with clear parameters, thereby giving her son the autonomy to choose how and when to complete it. For example, asking him to weed a specific area on a particular day and allowing him to decide whether to do it in the morning or afternoon.
Notable Quote:
Dr. Laura [06:48]: "He’s a stupid. You know, I'm getting bored repeating myself... So which part of the day would you like to do it in, morning or afternoon? I would pick one thing that I thought I really believed this was something he should be responsible for."
Amy appreciates this approach, noting that giving her son choices fosters cooperation and responsibility.
Notable Quote:
Amy [08:06]: "I like that the close-ended, it automatically gets him in agreement because he has to pick one or the other."
Addressing Interruptions and Enhancing Mutual Respect
Amy raises a secondary issue regarding her son's tendency to interrupt her during conversations, especially when she is trying to address important matters. This interruption prevents her from effectively communicating her concerns and reinforcing expectations.
Notable Quote:
Amy [08:35]: "He will interrupt me, and then I feel like he's being, okay, give me an example."
Dr. Laura advises Amy to shift the dynamic from one of control to one of mutual respect. She emphasizes the importance of honoring her son's autonomy while maintaining clear expectations.
Notable Quote:
Dr. Laura [09:40]: "You're still raising him, but you're still controlling him. I know you're a jerk and you won't do it... You're just trying to control a kid. Ain't working."
Instead of persistent reminders, Dr. Laura suggests that Amy should express trust in her son's ability to follow through and hold him accountable if he fails to meet his commitments.
Notable Quote:
Dr. Laura [09:36]: "If it's something specific, then you can give him ideas about honor. You're just trying to control a kid. Ain't working."
Conclusion: Transitioning to Mutual Respect and Responsibility
Throughout the conversation, Dr. Laura emphasizes the importance of transitioning from parenting a boy to mentoring a young man. This involves fostering mutual respect, setting clear and meaningful expectations, and allowing the teenager to take ownership of his responsibilities.
By applying Dr. Laura’s strategies, Amy can improve her communication with her son, reduce mutual frustration, and support her son's growth into a responsible and autonomous young adult.
Final Notable Quote:
Dr. Laura [10:21]: "You're still raising him, but you're still controlling him... And then he's hearing word. He's hearing disappointment. That's very different. Dynamic isn't."
This episode provides valuable insights for parents navigating the complexities of raising teenagers. Dr. Laura’s practical advice underscores the necessity of adapting parenting styles to respect the evolving autonomy of young men, fostering a healthier and more effective parent-child relationship.