People Do Bad and Stupid Things

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: People Do Bad and Stupid Things
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Date: February 13, 2026

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Overview

This episode centers on a sensitive and honest conversation between Dr. Laura and a caller named Rachel, whose marriage has been shaken by the revelation of her husband's past infidelity. Dr. Laura guides Rachel through the emotional aftermath, discussing the complexities of betrayal, the reality of marriage with children, and how couples can decide to either rupture or repair after such an event. The main theme is about confronting human flaws within relationships and making intentional, mature decisions for one's family and personal growth.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Situation Unveiled

Caller Rachel explains that after 15 years of marriage (and even longer as a couple), she recently learned her husband had an inappropriate relationship with a mutual friend years ago. The affair came to light due to threatening messages from the other woman's husband.

• Rachel and her husband both felt their marriage suffered during the years with small children, leading to emotional distance and neglect.

  “We…neglected the marriage a little when our kids were small…you’re just in survival mode.” (01:50)

• Discovery was prompted by outside threats, not spontaneous confession.

  “This guy is like very chaotic…seems like he’s trying to sabotage our reputation…I don’t know why now.” (03:03)

2. How to Respond to Affairs: Honesty, Confrontation, and Next Steps

• Dr. Laura suggests direct confrontation to diffuse the blackmail-like messages:

  “Go to the house and sit there and say, all four of us need to talk about this. With you sitting there, he kind of loses his leverage.” (04:05)

• Dr. Laura dismisses the idea that forgiveness or reconciliation diminishes a person’s worth:

  “It has nothing to do with worth that you deserve. That’s girl talk. He betrayed you. You betrayed each other. You focused in on everything but each other, which happens a lot when you have little kids.” (05:25)

3. To Stay or To Go?

• Rachel expresses fear of seeming “dumb” for staying, yet doesn’t want her family divided.

• Dr. Laura frames the core choice bluntly:

  “The question is, do you want to destroy the family over it or do you want to work through it?” (08:41)

  “Break up the family and have some other woman raise your kids half the time. Go ahead.” (08:51)

4. The Path to Healing: Expect Emotional Turbulence

• Dr. Laura emphasizes that recovery is non-linear, filled with conflicting emotions:

  “For quite a while, because this is relatively new for you, this is going to be just shitty…you’re going to bounce in and out, back and forth. You’re going to feel cute and adorable with him, and then you’re going to say, screw that.” (09:21)

• She highlights the need for transparency, honesty, and active participation from both spouses to move forward.

  “Affairs you can come back from if there is total transparency and honesty and a recommitment to the family.” (09:39)

5. Shared Responsibility and the Reality of “Survival Mode” in Marriage

• Dr. Laura addresses both partners' roles:

  “You’re not responsible for his humping some other woman. Both of you are responsible for not holding tight to each other when you were going through the kid phase.” (11:01)

• Rachel responds by recognizing her own part in their marital disconnect, not the betrayal itself.

6. A Potential for Renewal

• Sometimes, such crises can catalyze needed change:

  “A lot of times marriages improve dramatically after something like this because everybody realized they were taking each other for granted.” (11:41)

• But Dr. Laura also acknowledges the natural urge for vengeance:

  “Of course you have that feeling. I want him to be hurt and miserable…But if you do that, you and your children lose potentially a very good husband and father.” (12:16)

7. Dangers of Seeking External Validation

• Dr. Laura warns Rachel against discussing the infidelity with friends, citing the tendency of social circles to respond with hostility and calls to leave:

  “Don’t you dare talk to your friends about this, because they will tell you to dump his ass. They will tell you to hurt him…Women pool together with hostility. Don’t discuss this with your friends.” (15:09)

8. Concrete Advice for Moving Forward

• Rachel asks about using the next few weeks as a “trial period.”

• Dr. Laura is clear:

  “No, it is not okay to use anything as a trial period…You can’t do any of that stuff. We’re working on the marriage. We’re not working on vengeance.” (13:04)

• Instead, she suggests taking an honest but participatory approach:

  “Use these next weeks to say, I’m hurt, and I really have a lot of processing to do, but I’m hoping we have a lovely long life together. What if you said things like that? …I’m processing this. That’s such a good phrase.” (14:07)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

| Speaker | Notable Quote | Timestamp | |-------------|-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|---------------| | Dr. Laura | “He betrayed you. You betrayed each other. You focused in on everything but each other, which happens a lot when you have little kids.” | 05:25 | | Dr. Laura | “Break up the family and have some other woman raise your kids half the time. Go ahead.” | 08:51 | | Dr. Laura | “People do bad and stupid things. Some things you can’t come back from. Affairs you can come back from if there is total transparency and honesty and a recommitment to the family.” | 09:39 | | Dr. Laura | “You’re not responsible for his humping some other woman. Both of you are responsible for not holding tight to each other when you were going through the kid phase.” | 11:01 | | Dr. Laura | “A lot of times marriages improve dramatically after something like this because everybody realized they were taking each other for granted.” | 11:41 | | Dr. Laura | “Don’t you dare talk to your friends about this, because they will tell you to dump his ass. They will tell you to hurt him. In a situation like this, women pool together with hostility.” | 15:09 | | Dr. Laura | “Use these next weeks to say, I’m hurt, and I really have a lot of processing to do, but I’m hoping we have a lovely long life together.” | 14:07 |

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Important Timestamps

• 01:46 – Rachel introduces her situation: marriage, three kids, confession of past affair.
• 03:27 – Details about the threatening messages from the other woman's husband.
• 04:05 – Dr. Laura’s advice: confront the other couple, defuse the threat.
• 05:25 – Dr. Laura frames the issue as mutual betrayal through neglect, not just infidelity.
• 08:41 – Dr. Laura bluntly presents the choice: dissolve the family or work through the pain.
• 09:39 – Path to healing: transparency and honesty as non-negotiables.
• 11:01 – Clarifying responsibility: the affair was his, the drift was mutual.
• 11:41 – Potential for renewed connection after crisis.
• 12:16 – Why seeking vindictive comfort is tempting, but costly.
• 13:04 – Rejects the idea of using the period as a “trial”—be proactive in the marriage.
• 14:07 – Dr. Laura’s suggested phrase: "I’m processing this."
• 15:09 – Warning against sharing details with friends; negative influences.
• 17:04 – Advice to confront the other couple for closure and transparency.

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Conclusion

This impactful episode demonstrates Dr. Laura’s frank, no-nonsense support for listeners grappling with marital crisis after betrayal. The conversation with Rachel is both empathetic and pragmatic, moving beyond blame to focus on practical steps for healing. Dr. Laura insists on honesty, action, and a long-term view—while never denying the real pain involved. The episode is a clear lesson in navigating “bad and stupid things” within human relationships, emphasizing growth, transparency, and family preservation over reflexive anger or self-sacrifice.

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Transcript

[Jamie Syer]

The best stories are inspirational, about people following their dreams and achieving their goals. And that's the main ingredient in the Food Network Obsessed podcast. Each week, Food Network Obsessed host Jamie Syer sits down with your favorite show hosts and chefs to dish on all things delicious in the food world. Yep, Food Network Obsessed is about food, but it's also about the people behind the restaurants and the cookbooks you love. You'll get a taste of Food Network's hottest shows and a sprinkle of history, too. Chef Duke Chase shares how his grandmother, the queen of Creole cuisine, became the inspiration behind Disney's first black princess. And food stylist Christine Tobin shares what it was like to recreate Julia Child's iconic dishes for television. Even if, like me, you're not into cooking, you'll discover a story to savor in the Food Network Obsessed podcast. So dig in and listen to Food Network Obsessed wherever you get podcasts.

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Rachel welcome to the program.

[Caller Rachel]

Hi Dr. Laura. Thank you for taking my call.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You're welcome.

[Caller Rachel]

I will give, I'll give you a little background and then we can I ask my question. So I've been dating my husband since high school. We've been married for 15 years. I have three kids, 7, 9 and 11. I feel like we've had some ups and downs just like most marriages do. A little bit neglected. We I think we both neglected the marriage a little bit when our kids were small because, you know, you're just in survival mode kind of thing. So it was a work in progress. But this week he sat me down and told me that a few years ago he had an inappropriate relationship with one of our friends. So it started just with did he.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Why he bothered to tell you this now? What was the point telling you about history?

[Caller Rachel]

The husband was sending him this lady's husband was sending him threatening messages. So I think he was nervous. I was Going to find out from him.

[Jamie Syer]

Why is he now getting.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

If it's been over for all those years, why is he getting threatening messages?

[Caller Rachel]

I know you don't. Like when people say, we don't know, but we don't know. And we're. This guy is like very chaotic and it seems like he's trying to like, sabotage our reputation. Mutation or something. I don't know. There's. It's. It's like very complicated. But I don't. We don't know why now. And. Yeah, I. I wish I could help you on that.

[Jamie Syer]

You have any of the messages there.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

To read to me?

[Caller Rachel]

They were. Oh, the messages from the guys? No, more like, tell your what? Like, I know what you did. Tell your wife or I will. You might want to think about moving out of the town. Your reputation is going to be ruined. On and on. I think it's coming from a place like, he's hurt about it, but I don't know when he found out and I don't know how long he's known and why.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, I suggest you both go to. He didn't threaten anything physical. He just threatened embarrassment.

[Jamie Syer]

So I think you ought to both.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Go to the house and sit there and say, all four of us need to talk about this. With you sitting there, he kind of loses his leverage.

[Caller Rachel]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So just go over there. He didn't threaten anything physical. And if you have no reason to believe it would be a surprise, you knock on the door. Can we talk?

[Caller Rachel]

Okay. Can I ask a minute? Maybe it's. Yeah. And so, I mean, we've. I've talked to my husband, like, in extensive detail about everything started. Why it started, like, I mean, everything. Hours and hours. And so, like, I feel like I have most of the answers. Like, I see your point in. And understanding it from their side, but I guess my main question for you was like, I. I just don't know where to go from here in the sense of, like, I really want to keep my family together. And he, like, my husband, is very remorseful and, like, very much so knows that he made a mistake. And I don't want to be like that woman that's like, you know, just dumb and not giving myself the worth that I deserve. But I also don't want to.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

It has nothing to do with worth that you deserve. That's girl talk. He betrayed you. You betrayed each other. You focused in on everything but each other, which happens a lot when you have little kids.

[Jamie Syer]

The best stories are inspirational, about people following their dreams and achieving their goals and that's the main ingredient in the Food Network Obsessed podcast. And each week, Food Network Obsessed host Jamie Syre sits down with your favorite show hosts and chefs to dish on all things delicious in the food world. Yep, Food Network Obsessed is about food, but it's also about the people behind the restaurants and the cookbooks you love. You'll get a taste of Food Network's hottest shows and a sprinkle of history, too. Chef Duke Chase shares how his grandmother, the Queen of Creole cuisine, became the inspiration behind Disney's first black princess. And food stylist Christine Tobin shares what it was like to recreate Julia Child's iconic dishes for television. Even if, like me, you're not into cooking, you'll discover a story to savor in the Food Network Obsessed podcast. So dig in and listen to Food Network Obsessed wherever you get podcasts.

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Together.

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

But he broke him.

[Caller Rachel]

And I know that. And you. Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And the question is, do you want to destroy the family over it or do you want to work through it?

[Caller Rachel]

Yeah, and I'm stuck with because I think I've listened for a long time.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, break up the Family and have some other woman raise your kids half the time. Go ahead.

[Caller Rachel]

No, I know. And that's where I. That's where I'm. I'm.

[Jamie Syer]

Well, then you're not stuck, then. You're not stuck.

[Caller Rachel]

I don't know.

[Jamie Syer]

So don't say you're stuck.

[Caller Rachel]

That's true. I just don't know how to, like, what do I do tomorrow? What do I do in a week? Like what? I just don't know how to, like, what steps do we need to do to move forward to keep our kids?

[Jamie Syer]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Slow down. You move too fast. Okay. I love that song. Got to make the morning just okay. He didn't own up to it for any reason other than he got caught. However, it's been years and he hasn't been invested or involved in that. And you're convinced he truly is remorseful? People do bad and stupid things. Some things you can't come back from. Affairs you can come back from if there is total transparency and honesty and a recommitment to the family. So for quite a while, because this is relatively new for you, this is going to be just shitty. I'm sorry. You're not going to know how to behave. Should I hug him? Should I not hug him? Should I give him his dessert or pour it on his head? You're just going to go through that for quite a while, and then the quality of his true character and your perseverance will either mature this to a healthier place or not. Nothing extraordinary is going to happen soon. You're going to bounce in and out, back and forth. You're going to feel cute and adorable with him, and then you're going to say, screw that. You know, screw that.

[Caller Rachel]

Yeah. I mean, I couldn't have put it better myself. That's exactly how I'm feeling. And that's where I'm, like, so confused, because I want to be around him, but then I hate him.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

But, Rachel, you screwed up. He screwed up bigger. You're not responsible for his humping some other woman. Both of you are responsible for not holding tight to each other when you were going through the kid phase. You're both responsible for that.

[Caller Rachel]

Yeah, and I did tell him that yesterday. I said, you know, I don't condone what you did, but I do, looking back, acknowledge that, you know, I was just in survival mode. And that's. I mean, I, you know, I was like every other person who's like, oh, this would never happen to me, and here we are. So I get that. I guess I'm just. Yeah, it's reassuring to hear.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

A lot of times marriages improve dramatically after something like this because everybody realized they were taking each other for granted. Granted. And when you stop that, something lovely happens. So sometimes I look at these situations as a wake up call.

[Caller Rachel]

Yeah. And that's how I feel. There's just like this little voice in my head that's like, you can't let him get away with this. Like, you can. You can't just, you know, I don't know what does that.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Shh.

[Jamie Syer]

All right.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I don't want to hear. I don't know anymore. It's frivolous. Of course you have that feeling. I want him to be hurt and miserable. Of course you have that feeling. Of course there's that little voice that says, I want to F him over. But if you do that, you and your children lose potentially a very good husband and father.

[Caller Rachel]

Yeah. And that's what I keep going back to. So it's okay to just use the next.

[Jamie Syer]

That little.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

When that little voice comes up, tell it to kiss off.

[Caller Rachel]

Okay. So it's okay to use the next few weeks as just like a trial period? Like, not.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

No, it is not okay to use anything as a trial period. It is very typical for the person who was screwed around on to want to gain control at power and in fact, hurt the other person by being aloof or mean or rejecting. You can't do any of that stuff. We're working on the marriage. We're not working on vengeance.

[Caller Rachel]

Yeah, that's valid. But I can use this as a time to like. Like you said, see what his true character is going to do, given that.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Not if you're just going to sit back and watch and not participate in the marriage. No.

[Caller Rachel]

Yeah. Okay. Okay. That makes sense.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I mean, what would it be? Like you said something to him like, I'm glad you didn't leave us for the trollop.

[Caller Rachel]

Yeah. I mean, he was like.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I'm.

[Caller Rachel]

Shh.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Listen. I'm not laughing. Listen. Use these next weeks to say, I'm hurt, and I really have a lot of processing to do, but I'm hoping we have a lovely long life together. What if you said things like that? It's true, and it's true what you did was very bad. But looking over all the years we've been together, you've done many, many things that were very good. So I'm processing this. That's such a good phrase. I'm processing this.

[Caller Rachel]

Okay. Yeah, I think I watch. Yeah. And that's why I called, because I Think I know ultimately what I want. I just didn't, like, on the fence of, like, what I do.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

No, you're not on a fence. You're not on the fence. And don't you dare talk to your friends about this, because they will tell you to dump his ass. They will tell you to hurt him. In a situation like this, women pool together with hostility. Don't discuss this with your friends. Don't. It'll be negative.

[Caller Rachel]

I have not, and I don't plan to, so I just think I needed your push to, like, it's okay to move forward. Like, I. Again, I was motivated by keeping my family together, but there's still that. Maybe, like you said, it's that girl talk part that's like, this is. This isn't okay. You can't let him do this.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

But no, it's not okay. But did is past tense. I mean, I have women calling me. This happened, and then it happened again, and then it happened again. Now they're stupid to stay for any reason except millions of dollars. Okay, yeah, now I'm laughing.

[Caller Rachel]

Well, and that's why. It's kind of why it's a weird dynamic, because for him, he's, like, blocked this out, put this behind, like, knew it was a big mistake. And for me, it's, like, very fresh. He's ashamed, but I. Yeah, very.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And he should be. But this is new for you. You haven't known this for as many years as he has known it. And by the way, which friend of yours was this with?

[Caller Rachel]

Yeah, a huge bee is who it was with. Mm. She wasn't a close friend, but, like, still, right? I'm like, I don't know how you sleep at night, but that's for her to do.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay. I still want you to go surprise them. Knock on the door in the early evening and say, we need to talk this out.

[Caller Rachel]

Okay?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Because they will lose that experience. She will feel like a tramp, and he will feel like an ass. Because your relationship with your husband has transparency. His just has ugliness.

[Caller Rachel]

Yeah, that's for sure.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So go demonstrate to them something of quality. And, no, you're not supposed to just forget this and get on, but in some sense, yes, you've been hurt, But you have a goal. Keep our eyeballs on that. Okay?

[Caller Rachel]

Okay. Thank you so much for your help.

[Jamie Syer]

All right, sweetheart.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Call me back anytime. My number, 1-800-375-2872.

[Jamie Syer]

If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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