Planning for a Terminal Illness

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Planning for a Terminal Illness"

Podcast Information:

• Title: Dr. Laura Call of the Day
• Host/Author: Dr. Laura Schlessinger & SiriusXM
• Episode: Planning for a Terminal Illness
• Release Date: May 18, 2025

Introduction In the poignant episode titled "Planning for a Terminal Illness," Dr. Laura Schlessinger tackles the deeply personal and challenging topic of preparing for end-of-life scenarios. This episode offers invaluable advice for listeners grappling with severe health diagnoses while balancing familial responsibilities.

Caller’s Background and Current Struggles The episode features Colette, a 44-year-old single mother who shares her tumultuous life story. Colette is a stay-at-home parent dedicated to homeschooling her 10-year-old son. Her narrative is marked by significant adversity, including the absence of her son's father, who has been incarcerated multiple times over the past decade.

Family Dynamics and Father’s Absence Colette provides a candid account of her relationship history and the impact of her son's father's repeated incarcerations:

• Involvement of the Father: "No, he's been primarily incarcerated and he was just recently re-incarcerated for a significant amount of time and he has not ever been involved into an extensive degree." (00:37)

• Relationship with the Father: "I like to say that the worst decision of my life gave me the best thing of my life." (01:40)

Despite these challenges, Colette emphasizes the importance of familial support, noting that her parents are now partially involved in her life, although cohabitation is limited to her mother.

Health Crisis and Diagnosis The crux of Colette's call revolves around her recent and overwhelming health diagnoses:

• Current Health Issues: "I have had type 1 diabetes since I was 12 years old... diagnosed with end stage kidney failure... diagnosed with lupus... possibly ALS." (05:14)

Colette expresses her fear and uncertainty about the future, particularly concerning her ability to care for her son if her condition deteriorates.

Planning for the Future: Placement of Her Son A significant portion of the discussion centers on the difficult decision of whether to place her son with family members preemptively or to wait until her health visibly declines.

• Colette’s Proposition: "I am wondering that if that time comes, that is what it's determined to be. Is it appropriate for me to make plans to place my child." (05:14)

• Dr. Laura’s Advice: "The former. Okay, the former. It'd be better if he gets integrated into the family and interacts with you, visits you as much as is feasible." (06:24)

Dr. Laura advocates for integrating her son into her cousin’s family now rather than delaying, emphasizing the psychological benefits of gradual adjustment and sustained relationships.

Emotional Support and Encouragement Throughout the conversation, Dr. Laura provides empathetic support, acknowledging Colette's strength and resilience:

• Affirmation of Strength: "I think you're handling this ridiculously well... you're smart, courageous, mom, and I honor that." (10:53)

Colette responds with gratitude, highlighting the emotional support Dr. Laura offers, which is crucial during such trying times.

Addressing Future Care and Independence Colette also grapples with her desire to remain independent while recognizing the necessity of future care:

• Future Care Concerns: "I would like to stay independent as long as possible. And when the time comes that I lose all independence, I do not believe my mom would be sufficiently equipped to take care of me." (09:04)

Dr. Laura prompts Colette to consider her own care needs, underscoring the importance of having a comprehensive support system in place.

Open Communication with Her Son A key recommendation from Dr. Laura is the importance of transparent communication with her son about her health situation:

• Full Disclosure: "The whole truth. At this point, he needs to know everything so that he does not translate what's going to happen into you don't want him... so that he never feels that way. Abandoned." (10:08)

Colette mentions plans to involve her son in understanding his father’s possible diagnosis by referring to resources like the Lou Gehrig Foundation website.

Conclusion and Takeaways The episode concludes with Dr. Laura encouraging Colette to maintain open lines of communication and to reach out for support as her situation evolves. The overarching message emphasizes the importance of proactive planning, emotional honesty, and the utilization of available support networks to navigate the complexities of terminal illness.

Notable Quotes:

• Colette: "I like to say that the worst decision of my life gave me the best thing of my life." (01:40)
• Dr. Laura: "You may have made some stupid choices in your life, but you're smart, courageous, mom, and I honor that." (10:53)
• Dr. Laura: "The whole truth. At this point, he needs to know everything so that he does not translate what's going to happen into you don't want him." (10:08)

This episode serves as a heartfelt guide for individuals facing similar predicaments, highlighting the critical balance between personal resilience and the necessity for support systems in times of crisis.

Transcript

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Colette. Welcome to the program.

[Colette]

Hi, good afternoon, Dr. Laura. Thank you for taking my call.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You're welcome.

[Colette]

I am a 44 year old single mother, never married. I have one 10 year old child. I am a stay at home parent and I homeschool him. I have.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Is the dad involved with his son?

[Colette]

No, he's been primarily incarcerated and he was just recently re incarcerated for a significant amount of time and he has not ever been involved into an extensive degree.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

How did you hook up with this guy?

[Colette]

Back when Craig's was dating was was still allowed and he responded to an ad that I had for some free tickets and just looking for someone to go with me.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay. How did you end up pregnant?

[Colette]

A combination of poor choices and domestic violence. Trying to get him out of my home. Just feeling very stuck. And it took about eight months to get him out. And that very last time was the magic time.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Oh, I'm so sorry.

[Colette]

I like to say that the worst decision of my life gave me the best thing of my life.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

What does your boy know about his dad?

[Colette]

As he ages, he's learning more about the activities that he's participated in, why he doesn't visit, you know, his views. But I've kept a lid for the most part on what his biological father did to me personally.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

What is he in prison for? Twice?

[Colette]

No, this is number four. Number four. In ten years. This time it was grand theft auto again, more drug charges, violation of his previous terms of parole.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

What do you mean? This is the fourth?

[Colette]

Yeah, he's had four prison sentences in the last ten years.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Ah, okay. Alrighty then. Are your parents involved?

[Colette]

About a month ago.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Are your parents involved?

[Colette]

We live with my mother and my father lives on the other side of the world and he was out in November to visit us and we do have some contact through Facebook.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well, fortunately you're with your mom. That helps.

[Colette]

It does. But those are separate issues as well.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well, be it as it may that there are issues, there are always issues. But your boy at least has some extension of family.

[Colette]

Yes, yes, he does.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

He has a grandma.

[Colette]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

The parents of this jerk you got involved with, are they involved?

[Colette]

They're both deceased.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, well, that's a story. How can I help you today?

[Colette]

Yeah, so as I said, I'm 44. I have had type 1 diabetes since I was 12 years old. Almost four years ago. I was Diagnosed with end stage kidney failure. The day before Thanksgiving, I was diagnosed with lupus. And on Friday, I received another phone call. I had been having significant neurological issues for a couple of months and was going through the appropriate channels of getting a diagnosis. They did an MRI. I spent almost 10 days in the hospital. And shortly after I got out of the hospital, I got a call from my doctor's office at the mri results are back. It's not a definitive diagnosis. They're going to send me to another specialist for more advanced workups. But considering that I already. I have more diseases as well. But the ones I mentioned are my big ones, considering I already have several statistically small chance of having them. Diseases, you know, there's certainly this heightened potential for having this. They're looking at a demyelination disease, specifically als. Garrett.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Oh, God. Yeah.

[Colette]

And you know, it's not. Again, I haven't seen a specialist. It's not diagnosis. It's not confirmed diagnosis yet. But my question to you is, I am wondering that if that time comes, that is what it's determined to be. Is it appropriate for me to make plans to place my child? I don't believe my mother is an appropriate caregiver for me to place my child with some family members who My cousin and his wife and their three children. All three children are similar in age to my cousin, and they are homeschooled as well. Cousin also works from home with his own business as well. Is it appropriate for me to place him with them while I am still functional and can participate so that he can integrate into that family, or is it psychologically best to keep him with me for as long as possible and so that we can have that together.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

The former. Okay, the former. It'd be better if he gets integrated into the family and interacts with you, visits you. You visit him as much as is feasible. Also zooming. And, you know, there are ways of doing it with the cell. Yeah. Something you might want to start talking to him about now.

[Colette]

Yeah. My cousin and his family, they don't know about this potential diagnosis, but I had talked to them before that if anything were ever to happen to me, would they take him? And they agreed that, yes, they would love to have him.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I think a transition time while you're still here is better for him and you.

[Colette]

Okay, thank you. And who do you. I appreciate your.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Who do you have to help you? Because if it's correct diagnosis, you're going to need help.

[Colette]

Yes. I'm not really sure about that. I returned to California only Three years ago. And it was only because of my end stage diagnosis. I was expecting a lot more help from my mom and it never materialized.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Did you get a kidney transplant? How did you survive that?

[Colette]

No, I am still on dialysis. I am waiting my call.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Oh my God. I don't even know what to say. I feel overwhelmed hearing it. I can't imagine how much strength you have to live with it. You must have a lot of strength.

[Colette]

Well, it's been. I'm very tough. That this is. This one is the only one that's just really made me break down. You know, I am a Christian and I believe that only God knows the day and hour of my death. But when you look at it from a scientific standpoint, if that's what this is, my days are seriously numbered.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Yeah.

[Colette]

And. And, And I'm testing the body through all of this.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

My God.

[Colette]

Yeah. That it is becoming more and more difficult. I'm having more and more side effects and. Yeah. And so I. I am concerned that if that's what it is when the time comes and not ready to go. Too much to do in this life.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well, I'm glad you figured out how to deal with your son's best interest. My concern now that that's sort of taken care of is where and how are you going to be taken care of?

[Colette]

Yeah. I don't know. I would like to stay independent as long as possible. And when the time comes that I lose all independence, I do not believe my mom would be sufficiently equipped to take care of me.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I got that. So what happens then?

[Colette]

I think I would have to go into a rehab or assisted living facility. Like a medical rehab. I think that's really my only choice.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay.

[Colette]

So one. One further question, if I may. Do you have any recommendations on what to discuss with him? Because I've been very guarded about what I've told my son.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

The whole truth. At this point, he needs to know everything so that he does not translate what's going to happen into you don't want him. And that's why he heads to all the gruesome details, so that he never feels that way. Abandoned.

[Colette]

Yeah. Okay. I appreciate that advice. Yeah. Because I did mention there was a website that I'd like him and I to read together at some point. It's the Lou Gehrig foundation website. And he agreed to do it. But haven't. That was yesterday. And. But we haven't looked at it yet.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay. Well, I think you're handling this ridiculously well.

[Colette]

Thank you. I appreciate it.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I'm impressed with you, woman. You may have made some stupid choices in your life, but you're smart, courageous, mom, and I honor that.

[Colette]

Thank you. I appreciate that, too.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Call me anytime as this situation moves along. Okay? I hope you will.

[Colette]

I will, Certainly. Thank you. I will. Yes.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Bye. Oh, my. Can't imagine the amount of strength I get to even be able to call a radio program and talk about it pragmatically. I mean, you could tell she was emotional, but that's a lot of strength of character. My number 1-800-375-2872. Check out my social media on Facebook and Instagram. I post stories, photos, and videos seven days a week and feature some of what you sent me, too. There's always something interesting going on there. You can find me at facebook.com drlaura and instagram.com drlauraprogram.