C (7:33)

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D (8:33)

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A (9:32)

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B (10:07)

Your answer was unexpected to me and bothered me all weekend. It went too far in my never to be humble opinion. My response would be not to fund clothing, not fund phone, Internet and to talk about the long and short term consequences of her daughter's actions. Get the father involved. Keep her in school. This is her future. As long as she is making the grades, continue to pay for school. Let your child make some mistakes, child. She's an adult. Okay? Let them grow. Let them find themselves. Don't insist they be like you or else. I love this. She's leading right into my point and doesn't realize it. Have the reaction, match the action. How can a child fly if the parent has such an encompassing, controlling hold over them? I know when I was that age I started down on some not so great paths but was given the time and space to autocorrect my choices. I believe it shaped me into the strong, successful, level headed, compassionate person that I am. Here, we're getting down to the word. My parents did pay for my college and I am forever grateful for that. Here's the four letter word gift. It's a gift. Unless they're divorced in a state, then usually the parents are mandated by law to pay for college education. Not normally. It's a gift. I don't consider it a requirement of the parents at all. But let's go back to some of the other points. How is it not punitive and how does it match up with the notion of becoming your own person? This young woman, not a child, told her parents f you when they post. When she posted that picture and continued to dress in a salacious, inappropriate way, promoting herself as a sexual body as opposed to a Rounded out human person who happens to be attractive. She said, f you. Here's how I look at these things. If an adult child who's an adult but it was your kid decides they want to go on a path contradictory in total to the parents support and values that they've been brought up with, they have the right to do that. I never said the woman's daughter can't dress like a pig. I never said that. I said she can dress any way she wants. She has that right only if she has responsibility for herself. Meaning she pays for her own education, she pays for a place to live, she gets a job and figures it out. If she wants to live a lifestyle contrary to to the parents desires and how they brought her up and humiliate the parents on the net, she doesn't deserve the gift of her education being paid for. It's not something like she chose a different major and the parents want to cut her off. That would be an argument that I would have fought the parent on. But this adult child said basically, I can do whatever I want to do. Well, the answer to that is yes you can. Anything you want to do, you can do. It doesn't matter how you're brought up or our feelings. However, the way somebody has power to make all the decisions in their own lives is that they take responsibility for themselves. That's what gives you the power. When the parents are paying, the parents have the power. When the adult child is paying, the adult child has the power. But understanding that you come from a modest, pretty, religious, conservative family and you decide to display yourself in public like that in spite of being told how it's not a good idea and all the reasons it's not a good idea are given to you and you go behind your parents back and put it on social media. You're done. Now you take responsibility for yourself. It's not punishment. It's an understanding that the parents now have. The parents now understand that their young person wants to do her own thing even no matter what the impact is on the family, fine. You pay for yourself to do it though. We're not going to support you while you do that. We're going to love you. You can come Sunday nights for chicken dinner, but you now pave your way in life. It's a gift. It's not a requirement of a parent to pay for an education. It's nice when it can be done, but it's not a requirement. So I loved reading this. I wish the woman had heard the whole call and so you can understand she's extending from her own experience. She remembers when she was in college that she did some stupid things and her parents kept paying for her. So she's from that perspective and assuming that since the parents paid for her, that's why she turned out okay. No, she turned out okay because she didn't do stuff like this. If she had a few drinks, missed some classes, tried pot once and realized makes you eat a loaf of raisin bread, Somehow I know that one. But I was way out of school, already had my doctorate when I decided to try a marijuana cigarette and I ate a whole loaf of raisin bread. I was told I'm either going to feel very horny or very hungry. You know how good raisin bread is, even if it's not toasted. Yeah, but I never did that again. Okay. I didn't like the impact of my mind. I didn't like my mind not being under my control. Yeah, that didn't work with me. So it's not punishment, it's an acknowledgement that this daughter wants to lead her own way in life in spite of what she's been brought up with, taught, and what her parents would prefer. She's on her own now. Doesn't mean anybody hates her. Doesn't mean they're trying to shame her. She's shaming the family and herself. That's true. That's true. Goes both ways. So I hope the mother did cut off everything because I think this young woman, her daughter will grow up to be a more responsible person once she has to take full responsibility for herself. That's that. So thank you. It was a long letter, but it was worth reading and worth reading to you again. My number of 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

F (17:53)

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B (18:07)

Woohoo.

F (18:10)

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