Raising Kids in a Shack-up Situation

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day

Episode: "Raising Kids in a Shack-up Situation"

Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Caller: Katie Welco
Date: September 21, 2025

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Brief Overview

In this episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger addresses a call from Katie, who is seeking advice about her partner's adult sons and the dynamics of their family situation. The episode focuses on issues related to family structure, the impact of "shacking up" (cohabiting without marriage), setting examples for children, and boundaries in blended families. Dr. Laura offers her characteristically frank, no-nonsense advice, highlighting the ethical and societal consequences of cohabitation without commitment.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Family Structure and Impact of Cohabitation

• Katie explains she has been living with her partner (not married) for six years; her partner has two adult sons (ages 20 and 24) from a previous relationship.
• Dr. Laura quickly focuses on the implications of cohabiting without marriage, stating it's not ideal for children or society.
  • Quote: “I'm sad to say because we have two adult boys who are seeing their dad shack up... That's not how I think we all want males to look at females. We want to think about them learning how to make commitments. So it's very sad. You're impacting society, not just your own life.” (03:00-03:17)

2. Boundaries and Role Clarity

• Dr. Laura emphasizes that since Katie is not married to her partner, she is, in Dr. Laura's words, "just the shack up honey." She stresses that Katie’s influence or opinion regarding her partner's children is therefore limited.
  • Quote: “You're still just the shack up honey. You're not somebody with whom we have a mutual loving, deep, profound, covenantal commitment to. So you're shacking up with their dad. I'm sorry, your opinion doesn't matter.” (04:01-04:12)
• Dr. Laura tells Katie that decisions regarding his children are up to her partner, and Katie can only offer suggestions, not take direct action.

3. Supporting a Partner with Adult Children

• Katie asks how she can support her partner as he navigates conflict between his two sons.
• Dr. Laura probes into what "support" means—money, time, or advice.
  • Dr. Laura makes it clear that since Katie is not formally committed through marriage, her role is limited to recommending, not intervening.

4. Handling Sibling Conflict

• Katie describes a situation where the older son has betrayed the younger son, leaving the latter feeling blindsided.
• Dr. Laura highlights the natural response in such situations: supporting the victim and confronting the wrongdoer.
  • Quote: “Of course we would, we would be giving sympathy and hugs to the younger one and giving lectures to the older one. That's what your husband ought to be doing... Yes, of course, if somebody has done bad to somebody else and they're not showing remorse or trying to repair it, of course there's going to be a difference in, in feelings of connection. That's normal, that's reasonable.” (09:26-09:51)

5. Societal Responsibility and Gender Roles

• Dr. Laura uses the call as a springboard to discuss broader societal issues, specifically how men view commitment and responsibility, warning about negative role modeling for young men.
  • Quote: "Do you all understand what I was getting to and how it hurts society that he's shacking up with this guy and his adult male are not thinking about what it takes for a real man to make a commitment and take on obligations and responsibilities. Just shack up and have a much younger sexually available female. We don't want that in society. We want men to be men and to take responsibilities." (10:49-11:27)
• Dr. Laura’s tone becomes particularly forceful, using strong language to drive home her point about responsibility in relationships.

6. Memorable Moments

• Dr. Laura bluntly tells Katie that her ability to help is fundamentally limited by her role.
  • Quote: “So basically you're shacking up with a limp dick. That's just terrible all the way around, isn't it?” (10:41-10:47)

7. Parenting and Consequences

• The episode closes with Dr. Laura reinforcing traditional family values and the importance of modeling proper gender roles and commitments for children.

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Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• “You're impacting society, not just your own life. And you're teaching two males what we in society don't want males to think.”
  — Dr. Laura Schlessinger (03:17-03:25)

• "You're still just the shack up honey. You're not somebody with whom we have a mutual loving, deep, profound, covenantal commitment to.”
  — Dr. Laura Schlessinger (04:01-04:07)

• “Of course, if somebody has done bad to somebody else and they're not showing remorse or trying to repair it, of course there's going to be a difference in, in feelings of connection. That's normal, that's reasonable.”
  — Dr. Laura Schlessinger (09:44-09:51)

• "So basically you're shacking up with a limp dick. That's just terrible all the way around, isn't it?"
  — Dr. Laura Schlessinger (10:41-10:47)

• “We want men to be men and to take responsibilities. So it hurts society what she's doing.”
  — Dr. Laura Schlessinger (11:25-11:31)

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Important Segment Timestamps

| Timestamp | Segment | |--------------|------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 02:26-03:32 | Katie describes the family situation and Dr. Laura frames the issue | | 03:32-04:30 | Discussion of boundaries and Katie’s place in the family dynamic | | 04:35-05:15 | Katie asks about supporting her partner with his kids | | 08:54-09:24 | The sons’ conflict, betrayal, and Dr. Laura's advice on taking sides | | 09:26-10:41 | Dr. Laura emphatically addresses Katie's role and criticizes passivity | | 10:49-11:36 | Societal impact of shacking up, gender roles, and closing commentary |

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Conclusion

This episode is classic Dr. Laura—direct and firm about the consequences of family choices and the influence adults have on young men’s perceptions of commitment. She draws a sharp line between formal and informal relationships, underlining that true support, involvement, and influence often require the commitment of marriage. Dr. Laura’s advice here is both personal and societal, cautioning that choices made within families ripple outward, affecting not only individual dynamics but also broader cultural norms.

Transcript

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[Katie Welco]

Katie Welco the Program hi Dr. Laura, nice to see. Nice to meet you finally.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Thank you. How can I help?

[Katie Welco]

So we have had a dilemma with my stepchildren who don't live with us. They are 20 and 24 and they have been living together. They have been renting their father.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Males, males or females?

[Katie Welco]

Yes, two males brothers and then married to their dad. We are not married but we've been together for six years so we are shacking up like you like to say we hadn't been.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I don't like to say. I'm sad to say because we have two adult boys who are seeing their dad shack up. Shack up with some female. And that's not how I think we all want males to look at females. We want to think about them learning how to make commitments. So it's very sad. You're impacting society, not just your own life. And you're teaching two males what we in society don't want males to think.

[Katie Welco]

Understood. He had not moved in with me until the boy.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I don't care. None of that matters what you're going to say. Timing doesn't matter.

[Katie Welco]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So what's the problem? Your shack up honey is having with.

[Katie Welco]

His kids is so they.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Because this is not really your business.

[Katie Welco]

Well, and that's what I'm trying to.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You're just. He is having. You're still just the shack up honey. You're not somebody with whom we have a mutual loving, deep, profound, covenantal commitment to. So you're shacking up with their dad. I'm sorry, your opinion doesn't matter. You can recommend. Hey, we're living in the same place. I wish you would take care of this with your kids because I don't like it. And then he'll do or not do, but it's up to him, not you.

[Katie Welco]

Yes, I agree with that and that's all right.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, then I guess maybe my question.

[Katie Welco]

Is switching to how do I support him helping his kids because he's kind of stuck.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

What do you mean by support? Do you want him give money? Talk to them every day? I mean, what support are you talking about? Tell me what kind of support you mean.

[Katie Welco]

Okay, his. So the younger brother.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Tell me what kind of support you're talking about. Is it money? Is it time? What support?

[Katie Welco]

Think trying to navigate not choosing one son over the other because of their actions.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well, that's kind of natural. One is being evil or destructive. Give me an adjective which describes the behaviors of the older and the younger. Give me an adjective for each of them, one at a time.

[Katie Welco]

Okay. The older brother would be Betrayal.

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And a younger brother.

[Katie Welco]

Would be Words that are coming here are like blindsided and okay, so the older.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

One perpetrated something bad on the younger one?

[Katie Welco]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Has he shown remorse and has he tried to repair it?

[Katie Welco]

No.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Then why aren't we choosing one over the other? Of course we would, we would be giving sympathy and hugs to the younger one and giving lectures to the older one. That's what your husband ought to be doing. I mean your shakob stud sorry should be doing. Yes, that's not your job. And yes, of course, if somebody has done bad to somebody else and they're not showing remorse or trying to repair it, of course there's going to be a difference in, in feelings of connection. That's normal, that's reasonable. And this is not for you to deal with. And there's no support you can give your husband other to tell him you should rip the older one a new one and tell the younger one he should be living on his own. You can give your opinions but you can't support. He's a grown, he's not even a grown man. You have to support him in handling something rather straightforward. So basically you're shacking up with a limp dick. That's just terrible all the way around, isn't it? My number 1-800-375-2872 do you all understand what I was getting to and how it hurts society that he's shacking up with this guy and his adult male are not thinking about what it takes for a real man to make a commitment and take on obligations and responsibilities. Just shack up and have a much younger sexually available female. We don't want that in society. We want men to be men and to take responsibilities. So it hurts society what she's doing. My number 1-800-375-2872 check out my social media On Facebook and Instagram I post stories, photos and videos seven days a week and feature some of what you've sent me too. There's always something interesting going on there. You can find me at facebook.com drlaura and instagram.com drlauraprogram.

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