Should I Alert Others About My Uncle?

Summary

Dr. Laura Call of the Day: “Should I Alert Others About My Uncle?”

Air Date: September 29, 2025
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Caller: Heather

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Overview

In this emotionally charged episode, Heather calls Dr. Laura seeking advice about a traumatic event from her childhood in which she was molested by her uncle. Now an adult, Heather is unsure if she carries a responsibility to warn others, especially given her uncle is now a doctor, father of seven, and works with children. Dr. Laura provides compassionate, no-nonsense guidance, helping Heather navigate her fears, responsibility, and need for closure.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Background and Circumstances of the Abuse

• Heather describes a difficult childhood marked by her mother's chronic illness and absence due to hospitalizations and painkiller addiction.
• Heather’s father worked long hours, so Heather spent considerable time at her grandparents’ home.
• The molestation occurred in her uncle’s room when he was between 18-21 and Heather was about five to seven years old.
  • Heather: “I remember him calling me in and asking me to shut the door and I remember feeling wrong about it. … He was playing a computer game, but he was… he put his hand in between my legs and was fondling me.” [02:01]

2. Immediate Aftermath and Uncle’s Remorse

• Heather recounts a subsequent encounter where her uncle asked her for forgiveness, which she gave to end the interaction quickly.
  • Heather: “He said, I have to ask your forgiveness. And I pretended like I didn’t know what he was talking about, but I knew absolutely what he was talking about.” [03:57]
• Dr. Laura emphasizes the importance of the uncle’s apparent remorse, marking it as atypical among offenders:
  • Dr. Laura: “And it’s good to know that he had true remorse.” [04:33]

3. Family Disclosure and Ongoing Impacts

• Heather has shared her experience with her siblings, particularly because they now have children of their own.
• Heather’s sister reported recurring nightmares about the uncle, suggesting possible additional trauma.
  • Heather: “We don’t know if she was also molested by him, but it is possible.” [05:18]

4. Heather’s Dilemma: To Warn or Not?

• Heather reveals her uncle is now a pediatrician with seven children:
  • Heather: “Am I doing anything wrong in not coming forward with the truth about what happened?” [05:43]
• Dr. Laura’s Response:
  • Dr. Laura suggests Heather have a candid conversation with her uncle due to his current proximity to children, both in family and professional settings.
    • Dr. Laura: “I think you should have a conversation with him.” [06:00]
    • Later reinforced: “You have a bunch of kids and you’re a pediatrician and I’m kind of worried if you have a focus on sexually interacting with kids or what. And perhaps we need to see somebody together because I’m feeling like I have to protect seven little kids.” [09:18]

5. Dr. Laura’s Ethical Balancing Act

• Dr. Laura draws a distinction between the uncle’s one-time adolescent act (albeit appalling) and the profile of a serial offender:
  • Dr. Laura: “I do not assume that this behavior as an elderly teenager, and it was on one occasion, and he clearly had terrible remorse and guilt feelings that he's a pedophile and he's spending his life doing kids. I don't make that leap, not with that behavior. But I think you ought to have a conversation with him to put you more at ease.” [10:09]
• She cautions against making leaps in assumptions but validates Heather’s concern for others' safety.

6. Heather’s Core Need: Reassurance About Others’ Safety

• Heather: “I want to know that this isn’t happening to anybody else. That’s what I want.” [11:29]
• Dr. Laura gently points out there is no surefire way to know, but a direct conversation can provide some peace of mind and is the “adult way to handle it.”
  • Dr. Laura: “However, I believe you’ll be better off having talked to him. And you can tell him that you told your younger sister that you shouldn't be around kids with anybody else. Tell him all of this. This is the adult way to handle it, in my opinion.” [11:49–12:08]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Dr. Laura’s no-nonsense prompting:
  “I don’t care if it’s complicated. It’s important. I'm willing to slog through the complication with you.” [01:43]
• On the uncle’s remorse:
  “And it’s good to know that he had true remorse.” [04:33]
• Heather's worry for current and future children:
  “I want all of us to be sure to be very careful around him with our children, to never leave them alone with him, because I think that our job is to protect them from that and the possibility of that happening ever again.” [05:15]
• On risk assessment and confrontation:
  “Have a conversation with him. I don't know where it's going to go, but it's the right thing to do.” [09:49]
• On the logic of not making assumptions:
  “I do not assume that this behavior as an elderly teenager… and he clearly had terrible remorse and guilt feelings… I don't make that leap, not with that behavior.” [10:09]
• On wanting certainty:
  “I want to know that this isn’t happening to anybody else. That's what I want.” [11:29]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:11: Heather introduces her situation and describes her childhood and the abuse.
• 03:57: Heather recounts her uncle's request for forgiveness and her reaction.
• 05:15: Heather discusses warning her siblings and concern for their children.
• 05:43: Heather asks if she's morally obliged to warn others due to her uncle’s profession.
• 09:18: Dr. Laura outlines the need for a direct conversation with the uncle.
• 10:09: Dr. Laura balances one-time offense remorse against serial offender characterization.
• 11:29: Heather expresses her core fear: preventing further abuse.
• 12:08: Dr. Laura summarizes her advice and validates Heather's adult approach.

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Final Guidance

Dr. Laura’s Central Advice:
Have a transparent, adult conversation with your uncle, expressing your concerns and asking for clarity. This approach affirms your responsibility and provides a path toward peace of mind without making unfounded assumptions or rushing to public accusations.

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Overall Tone:
Dr. Laura is candid, empathetic, and pragmatic, focusing on facts, emotional processing, and personal responsibility, while steering clear of alarmism or minimizing the gravity of what Heather endured.

Transcript

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[Podcast Host]

CDC thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111.

[Dr. Laura]

Heather welcome to the program.

[Caller Heather]

Hi Dr. Laura, how are you?

[Dr. Laura]

Hey, good. Thank you. What's up?

[Caller Heather]

I am calling because I was molested by my uncle when I was. I don't. I'm not even sure what age I was. I think I was five. Somewhere between five and seven maybe.

[Dr. Laura]

And what were the circumstances of this? How did he have access to you?

[Caller Heather]

I. Okay, well that's complicated. But my. So my mom.

[Podcast Host]

I don't care if it's complicated.

[Dr. Laura]

It's important. I'm willing to slog through the complication with you.

[Caller Heather]

Okay. I understand that. My mother was very sick for pretty much all of my childhood. In and out of the hospital, pain medication, out of it. She was not very present. My dad worked a lot.

[Dr. Laura]

Her problem. What was her problem?

[Caller Heather]

Well, she. She had very severe Crohn's disease mixed with bowel obstructions mixed with a bunch of really terrible stuff. But she also had some pretty severe addictions to the pain medication so that took her out of our lives. She was bedridden for pretty much all of my childhood. Pretty much or in the hospital. She was in the hospital every month for every couple of weeks probably. So my dad was working a lot. There were a few times that I remember that I would spend a some extended time at my grandparents house because she was probably in the hospital and my grandparents absolutely wonderful God fearing people. My grandpa is a pastor. But there must have been some point where I was alone in my uncle's bedroom. I remember him calling me in and asking me to shut the door and I remember feeling wrong about it. But I did and he Called me over to sit on his lap and I did. He was playing a computer game, but he was. He also, like, while we were both watching this computer game, he put his. His hand in between my legs and was fondling me. And like I said, I'm not exactly sure what age I was. I think he was probably somewhere between 18 and 21. I'm not exactly sure. I. For a long time.

[Podcast Host]

Was this on more than one occasion.

[Dr. Laura]

Or is this the only memory?

[Caller Heather]

This is the only really clear memory that I have. I do remember. I don't know if it was the next day or weeks later. I do remember waking up very early in the morning and he was in the hallway staring at me while I was sleeping. And he said, I have to ask your forgiveness. And I pretended like I didn't know what he was talking about, but I knew absolutely what he was talking about. And he said, do you forgive me? And I said yes, because I just wanted him to go away.

[Dr. Laura]

And it's good to know that he had true remorse.

[Caller Heather]

Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay. So that was the only incident he had remorse. And where do we go from here?

[Caller Heather]

I've shared this information as an adult. I've shared it with my younger sister and my older brother because they both have children. And I want all of us to be sure to be very careful around him with our children, to never leave them alone with him, because I think that our job is to protect them from that and the possibility of that happening ever again. Okay.

[Podcast Host]

How can I help you today?

[Caller Heather]

So, well. Okay. And my sister expressed to me that who is three years younger than me, that she used to have terrible nightmares about him. We don't know if she was also molested by him, but it is possible. I never told my parents I was. My mom wasn't present. She has since passed away.

[Dr. Laura]

But how can I help you today?

[Caller Heather]

My question is he's a doctor now and he takes care of children. He has seven children of his own. Am I doing anything wrong in not coming forward with the truth about what happened?

[Dr. Laura]

I think you should have a conversation with him.

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[Caller Heather]

Look, if you've.

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[Dr. Laura]

Yeah, and say, I know this is one event. You showed remorse, but you have a bunch of kids and you're a pediatrician and I'm kind of worried if you have a focus on sexually interacting with kids or what. And perhaps we need to see somebody together because I'm feeling like I have to Protect seven little kids. Have a conversation with him. I don't know where it's going to go, but it's the right thing to do.

[Caller Heather]

Right? I don't want to destroy his life. I don't want to destroy his family.

[Dr. Laura]

You called me, which implies to me that you're asking for my input. My input is that you have a conversation with him. Truthful conversation with him.

[Caller Heather]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

I do not assume that this behavior as an elderly teenager, and it was on one occasion, and he clearly had terrible remorse and guilt feelings that he's a pedophile and he's spending his life doing kids. I don't make that leap, not with that behavior. But I think you ought to have a conversation with him to put you more at ease.

[Caller Heather]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

He's already apologized to you. He apologized at the event. Basically.

[Caller Heather]

Basically, yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

Sounds like a decent guy.

[Caller Heather]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

Stupid. Did a wrong thing. I don't think that necessarily implies he's a pedophile. And you have to be worried. I don't know exactly what it is you are wanting at this stage. If you were being blatantly honest with me, what is it you're really wanting at this stage?

[Caller Heather]

I think that answers my question. I don't want to press charges.

[Dr. Laura]

No, don't tell me what you don't want. You called me. You're mild mannered in how you present.

[Podcast Host]

Yourself, but there's something you want.

[Dr. Laura]

What is it?

[Caller Heather]

I want to know that this isn't happening to anybody else. That's what I want.

[Dr. Laura]

And how would you ever know that?

[Caller Heather]

Like you said, talking to him, I guess, would be.

[Dr. Laura]

I mean, that wouldn't make, you know that he could lie.

[Caller Heather]

Yeah, that's true.

[Dr. Laura]

I personally don't make that leap. However, I believe you'll be better off having talked to him. And you can tell him that you told your younger sister that you shouldn't be around kids with anybody else. Tell him all of this.

[Podcast Host]

This is the adult way to handle.

[Dr. Laura]

It, in my opinion.

[Caller Heather]

Yeah. Yeah. It's taken a long time to process and I, I think that is very good advice. Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

And he can sit and talk to your sister and you can say, you know, that was a disgusting, stupid something at the moment, erotic thing that I did. Never did it again. But I could certainly understand why they would be concerned. Let's see how he handles it.

[Caller Heather]

Right.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay. And then you can always get back to me. You're welcome. My number. 1-800-375-2872.

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