Dr. Laura Call of the Day

Episode: “Should I Connect with My Bio Dad?”

Date: September 17, 2025
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Caller: Kat, 18

Brief Overview

In this emotionally charged episode, Kat, an 18-year-old long-time listener, seeks Dr. Laura’s advice on whether and how to connect with her biological father and his new family. Kat shares a traumatic and complicated history involving her biological father's criminal behavior and troubling actions during her childhood. Dr. Laura guides Kat with her hallmark directness, emphasizing emotional safety, and challenges the notion of familial obligation in the face of serious wrongdoing.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

Kat’s Background and Experience with Her Biological Father

• Early Childhood & Divorce (02:55)

  • Kat’s parents divorced when she was three due to her father’s addiction and more disturbingly, involvement with child pornography.
  • “So he chose drugs over you. And his wife, got it.” – Dr. Laura (03:26)
  • The divorce was finalized after her mother gave her bio dad an ultimatum; he refused to change.

• The Truth Behind the Divorce (03:30)

  • Kat reveals: “It was actually child pornography.” (03:30)
  • Dr. Laura pushes: “Has he molested any children, to the best of your knowledge?” (03:39)
  • No known molestation, but Kat acknowledges the gravity of his offenses.

• Custody and Childhood Events (04:19–06:34)

  • Despite knowing about her ex-husband’s serious problems, Kat’s mother allowed custody visits.
    • Dr. Laura: “Your mother permitted him to be alone with you?” (04:36)
  • Kat recounts a traumatic incident at age 6, where her biological father tried to forcibly remove her from Walmart, terrifying her.
    • “I was over his shoulder and he was carrying me out of Walmart against my will. And I was screaming and kicking…” – Kat (06:34)
    • Kat fought back and escaped; her mother did not call the police.
    • Dr. Laura notes: “She sure gave him a lot of leeway, didn’t she?” (07:11)
    • Kat agrees, underscoring her mother’s questionable decisions.

Additional Traumatic Incident (10:34–12:29)

• Kat describes a later event (about age 7-8), where her father barricaded her in a closet to prevent her from leaving with her mother. He called the police on her mom when she tried to retrieve Kat.
  • “He picked me up and took me to his master bedroom closet and sat in the doorway and he wouldn't let me out, basically barricading me…” – Kat (11:13)
• This behavior leads Kat to break from structured custody visits, and further interactions with her father become infrequent and limited.

Kat’s Current Dilemma and Emotional Conflict

Struggles with Obligation and Guilt (12:39–14:24)

• Kat’s biological father now has five children. Kat feels torn between wanting to connect with her half-siblings to prevent them from feeling abandoned and her own pain.
  • “I've been feeling this obligation...I don't want them to feel abandoned or not wanted the way I have felt.” – Kat (12:53)

Dr. Laura’s Advice and Rationale

• Dr. Laura deconstructs Kat’s sense of loss and responsibility:
  • “When you say you were abandoned, the guy—there's something wrong with a guy who gets sexually excited about thinking about having sex with children. When you think of the qualities you want in a father, I doubt that's on the list.” (14:10)
• Dr. Laura stresses the importance of recognizing scars—emotional and physical—and not trying to “heal” them with further contact with the cause:
  • “This is a scar on your emotion. Don't try to make it be clear because you can't.” (14:36)
  • “Every time you think about him, you go, I remember how dangerous and destructive he was and how lucky I am that I have a good man for my dad and someday a good man for a husband and the father of my own kids. So consider him just a scar on your psyche and let it be.” (14:46)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Kat’s courage and need for validation:

  • “I've listened to you as my mom for as long as I can remember and I just really value your expertise and experience.” – Kat (02:18)

• On gut instinct and trauma:

  • Dr. Laura: “You have to stop saying you don't know why. You have to stop that, okay? Because you do know why.” (06:21)
  • Kat: “I guess I was just—I could just sense something. I think. I just. I knew something was off…” (06:34)

• Dr. Laura’s core advice:

  • “Let it be. The scar is going to be there... And every time you think about him, you go, ‘I remember how dangerous and destructive he was and how lucky I am that I have a good man for my dad...’” (14:46)

Important Segment Timestamps

• Kat introduces her situation: 02:18
• Reveals child pornography as root of divorce: 03:30
• Recounts Walmart incident: 06:34
• Describes closet/barricading incident: 11:13
• Expresses feeling obligated to half-siblings: 12:53
• Dr. Laura gives direct advice about letting go: 14:10–14:46

Summary: Dr. Laura’s Philosophy and Takeaway

Dr. Laura validates Kat’s pain and decisively advises against further involvement with her biological father or his new family. She argues that Kat has no obligation to connect, that doing so could risk her emotional well-being, and encourages Kat to appreciate the loving stepfather she has now. Dr. Laura frames Kat’s experience as a scar—permanent, but not defining—urging her to accept it and move forward with gratitude for the positive relationships she’s found.

For listeners wrestling with similar situations: Dr. Laura’s advice is clear—prioritize your emotional safety, reevaluate misplaced obligations, and do not seek validation or healing through re-engagement with people who have caused you harm.