Should I Help a Fella Out?

Summary

The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: Should I Help a Fella Out?
Date: November 3, 2025
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Caller: Spencer

---

Episode Overview

In this episode, Dr. Laura takes a call from Spencer, a long-time listener, who is wrestling with a familial dilemma about renting his property to his nephew—and whether he should also let another, less reliable nephew move in as a roommate. Dr. Laura delivers her signature straightforward advice, focusing on family boundaries, responsibility, and the importance of not being guilted into an arrangement that feels uneasy.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Caller’s Dilemma: Family and Rental Property

• [02:19] Spencer explains he owns an old farmhouse he rents out (“just a cheap old farmhouse... nice for young couples to start out in and just get their feet wet until they can buy a home”).
• The property will be vacant soon for the first time in a while.
• Spencer offered it to family at a gathering, and his 19-year-old nephew expressed serious interest.

2. Assessing Responsibility

• [03:43] Dr. Laura inquires about the nephew’s financial responsibility.
• Spencer shares his nephew is in construction, is “very good with his money,” and has previously paid off a vehicle quickly.
• Dr. Laura relaxes upon hearing this:

  “Okay, so he has a history of being financially responsible. I can relax a little now.” (Dr. Laura, [05:16])

3. Adding a Roommate: The Flaky Cousin

• [05:25] Another nephew, who is Spencer’s 19-year-old’s cousin and friend, asked if he could also move in and share rent.
• Spencer describes this second nephew as “really nice but... really flaky so far in his life.”
• He adds that this nephew is planning to leave for a church mission in a couple months, further complicating stability.

4. Setting Boundaries and Saying No

• [06:03] Dr. Laura delivers her central advice:

  “You say I’m sorry, I’m not going to be able to do that. But I appreciate you asking and good luck in your future. You don’t owe any of them anything.”
  (Dr. Laura, [06:03])

• She emphasizes the importance of only renting to the responsible nephew and not feeling compelled to accommodate the flaky one.

5. Handling Difficult Conversations

• [09:23] Dr. Laura counsels Spencer not to have an in-person talk with the flaky nephew:

  “Absolutely not. You’re going to be suckered in if you look at his pathetic little face with his little blue eyes glistening with tears. No, don’t do that. Just answer the text and say thank you for asking. That won’t be possible.”
  (Dr. Laura, [09:23])

• She encourages Spencer to keep his response concise and not offer explanations, repeating, “You are under no obligation to give a reason.” (Dr. Laura, [09:42])

6. Protecting the Responsible Nephew

• [09:54] Dr. Laura advises that including a flaky roommate could harm both nephews:

  “Aside from which, this boy asked to do it by himself. Don’t put him in the position of having to deal with somebody else who may be dirty and irresponsible and flaky... and then he’s made miserable and then you have... No, don’t do that.”
  (Dr. Laura, [09:54])

• Spencer agrees and confirms his intention to follow Dr. Laura’s advice.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “He’s 19.”
  Dr. Laura’s shocked response—“Oh my God. He’s a teenager.”—sets her tone of concern for youthful responsibility.
  (Dr. Laura, [04:55])
• “You don’t owe any of them anything.”
  Dr. Laura gives Spencer (and listeners) permission to prioritize common sense over guilt or obligation.
  (Dr. Laura, [06:10])
• “Keep it simple.”
  Spencer’s relief at Dr. Laura’s advice, embracing the idea of not overcomplicating the response to family.
  (Spencer, [09:39])
• “Don’t put him in the position of having to deal with somebody else who may be dirty and irresponsible and flaky and not take care of things and then he’s made miserable and then you have. No, don’t do that.”
  (Dr. Laura, [09:54])

---

Important Timestamps

• [02:19] Spencer introduces his problem and describes the property.
• [05:00] Discussion about nephew's financial responsibility.
• [06:03] Flaky roommate dilemma is introduced; Dr. Laura delivers her first piece of advice.
• [09:23] Specifics on handling the difficult conversation—“Just answer the text.”
• [09:54] Dr. Laura reinforces the need to protect both nephews’ best interests.

---

Tone and Language

Dr. Laura maintains her characteristic blend of directness, practicality, and a touch of humor throughout. She makes sure Spencer feels empowered to say no and reaffirms repeatedly that he should protect both his own interests and those of his responsible nephew—not bow to familial pressure or sentimentality.

---

Summary Takeaways

• You are not obligated to accommodate every family request, especially when a track record of reliability is questionable.
• Keep business/family matters straightforward and stick to clear, simple communication.
• Protect responsible family members from being pulled down by less reliable relatives—sometimes saying “no” is the most caring option.

---

Listeners seeking advice on tough family boundaries, especially in matters involving property or money, will find Dr. Laura’s guidance both empowering and practical in this episode.

Transcript

[Dr. Laura]

I miss the days when things were built to last. Washing machines may not have been smart, but they didn't fall apart after only a few years. And neither did our shoes. Geez. Some of today's footwear barely survives a season, but L.L. bean is proof that not everything has to wear out. They've been crafting quality boots for over a century with full grain leather, durable rubber bottoms, triple needle stitching. Bean boots are designed to take on years of rain, sleet, mud and snow and come out stronger. Perfect for commutes, weekend hikes or cheering from the sideline. And when it comes to style, L.L. bean believes timeless design always wins. Bean boots have looked the same for more than a century because real style doesn't chase trends. With every season, each pair becomes more personal, more distinctive, and a reflection of the life lived in them. L.L. bean boots are simply best worn. Find your [e-mail] crafted to last, ready for the outdoors, timeless in style I don't know what I do without the help of my peeps here on the Dr. Laura program. Have I told you about the peep I rely on at home? I'm talking about Suvi, my kitchen robot who does an excellent job of keeping me fed. Sous vide makes it simple to prepare gourmet meals with no prep, no shop, no cook and very little cleanup. Just the way I like it. Thanks to built in refrigeration. My chef designed sous vide meals stay safely cool until I want them cooked. I just pop one in, set the schedule, let sous vide handle the rest. My sous vide's a whiz at cooking thanks to multiple modes like air fry, bake, roast, slow cook and sous vide. Discover why I've had a sous vide in my kitchen for five years. Get your own sous vide and 16 free meals for [e-mail] DrLora that's s u v I e.com Dr. Laura, thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111 sensor welcome to the program.

[Spencer]

Hey Dr. Laura, how are you doing?

[Dr. Laura]

Good, Spencer, thank you for asking. How can I help?

[Spencer]

Well, I just wanted to tell you that my wife and I listen to you often and we really appreciate your straightforward, up to the chase type of advice. What I'm dealing with is typically situations come at me fairly quick and I handle them and it's no big deal. I can kind of roll on my feet with things, but I'VE got one that has hit me and it's taken me a minute to get back with the situation and I feel like I've been overthinking it. I'm trying to. It's just swirling around in my head too much. So I figured, you know what, let's call Dr. Laura, see what she has to say. What's going on is I have a rental house that. Just a cheap old farmhouse that is nice for young couples to start out in and just get their feet wet until they can buy a home. And it's, it's becoming vacant. This is the first time.

[Dr. Laura]

What is your monthly so that I can anticipate what's coming. What is the monthly rental on this?

[Spencer]

It's $800 and it's. What about one bath?

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah, what about. I'm not asking you for my purposes. So it's 800, but what about maintenance, stuff like that?

[Spencer]

So the, the thing with it is it's a little older home and so you typically want to use the wood burning fire, stove or fireplace for heat. Otherwise it's strictly electric heat. And that's probably the biggest qualm with it. Aside from that, it's on a. Well, there's, there's no other utilities aside from the power bill.

[Dr. Laura]

Oh, it's pretty good deal. And how far is it away from civilization?

[Spencer]

It's out in the country. You can be into a large town in 10 minutes either direction.

[Dr. Laura]

Oh, okay. All right. So they're moving out. So now you're revving up to do something stupid with a friend or a relative.

[Spencer]

Of course. So.

[Dr. Laura]

Hi. Okay.

[Spencer]

Yeah, go ahead. I've got nieces and nephews that are of age where they can be moving out of their parents house. A few of them are married and a few are in their late teens, early 20s. And so at a family function I mentioned, hey, my rental house will become available if anybody's interested. And I had one of my nephews speak up to. Yeah, absolutely. I'd love to take it.

[Dr. Laura]

How old is the nephew? How old is the nephew?

[Spencer]

He's 19.

[Dr. Laura]

Oh my God. He's a teenager.

[Spencer]

He is, Yep.

[Dr. Laura]

And what does he do for a living that he can afford? 800amonth plus a car, et cetera.

[Spencer]

So he's in construction and he's very good with his money. He seems to manage money well. He's bought a pickup truck and paid it off very quickly.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, so he has a history of being financially responsible. I can relax a little now.

[Spencer]

Yes, yes. I'm not, I'm not worried about him whatsoever.

[Dr. Laura]

Who are you worried about?

[Spencer]

Situation. Yes. Who I'm worried about is the situation that popped up after that. He has a very good friend, cousin, also nephew of mine who I was under the impression was going to be leaving in a couple months to serve a mission for his church. He has chimed in saying he'd like to rent the other room in it and they'd like to be partners on the rental. I've not talked to him yet. I'd like to talk to him. My, my concern is he's a very good boy. He's, he's been really nice, but he's been really flaky so far in his life.

[Dr. Laura]

He okay, then you say I'm sorry, I'm not going to be able to do that. But I appreciate you asking and good luck in your future. Yeah, just you don't owe any of them anything.

[Spencer]

True.

[Dr. Laura]

And if he's been flaky, he's done.

[Spencer]

Gotcha.

[Etsy Ad Narrator]

This is an Etsy holiday ad, but you won't hear any sleigh bells or classic carols. Instead you'll hear something original. The sound of an Etsy holiday which sounds like this.

[Spencer]

Woo hoo.

[Etsy Ad Narrator]

Now that's special. Want to hear it again? Get original and affordable gifts from small shops on Etsy. For gifts that say I get you shop Etsy.

[Lowe's Ad Narrator]

When work gets crazy, I like to stop by the bar after, have a few cold ones.

[Dr. Laura]

I don't drink at all until 4 o'. Clock.

[Rethink Drink Ad Narrator]

We limit ourselves to one bottle of wine a night. Excessive drinking has a way of sneaking up on us. A few drinks a few nights a week, it can add up and suddenly we're at greater risk for long term problems like heart disease, cancer and depression. Reason enough to rethink the Drink [e-mail] NoHE Initiative a Disney Cruise is no ordinary vacation. It's an adventure, a fairy tale, a dream. It's where escape meets imagination. Where relaxation meets excitement. Where favorite Disney characters meet fun for the whole family. Where wishes come true.

[Dr. Laura]

And if you keep on believing, the dream that you wish will come.

[Rethink Drink Ad Narrator]

Disney Cruise Line where magic meets the.

[Lowe's Ad Narrator]

Sea if your vibe is the earlier the better, Lowe's early Black Friday deals are a no brainer. Get up to 35% off select major appliances and rewards. Members get free delivery, hallway basic installation and a two year Lowe's protection plan. When you spend $2,500 or more on select LG major applian valid through 11.4Loyalty program, subject to terms and conditions. Visit lowe's.com terms for details subject to change. LG Member Offer excludes Massachusetts, Maryland, Wisconsin, New Jersey and Florida. Selection varies by location. Select locations only while supplies last. Seelows.com for more details.

[Dr. Laura]

Are you ready to get spicy? These Doritos Golden Sriracha aren't that spicy. Sriracha sounds pretty spicy to me. A little spicy, but also tangy and sweet. Maybe it's time to turn up the heat. Or turn it down. It's time for something that's not too spicy. Try Doritos Golden Sriracha. Spicy but not too spicy. Let him go on his mission and learn not to be flaky. Yeah, the 19 year old has proven he's not flaky. So the answer to him is yes. The other guy, no. You don't have to give him a reason.

[Spencer]

Exactly. And I think that's, that's the thing. I want to, I want to have a talk with him. He sent me a text just telling no, no, no.

[Dr. Laura]

Absolutely not. You're going to be suckered in if you look at his pathetic little face with his little blue eyes glistening with tears. No, don't do that. Just answer the text and say thank you for asking. That won't be possible.

[Spencer]

Okay, all right. I like it. Keep it simple.

[Dr. Laura]

Keep it. You have. You are under no obligation to give a reason.

[Spencer]

Okay, I like it. Well, thank you very much.

[Dr. Laura]

Aside from which, this boy asked to do it by himself. Don't put him in the position of having to deal with somebody else who may be dirty and irresponsible and flaky and not take care of things and then he's made miserable and then you have. No, don't do that.

[Spencer]

Yep, I. I agree.

[Dr. Laura]

Thank you for calling.

[Spencer]

Yep.

[Dr. Laura]

Please, that you asked.

[Spencer]

I appreciate it.

[Dr. Laura]

My hair brain opinion. Thank you. My number, 1-800-375-2872. Check out my social media on Facebook and Instagram. I post stories, photos and videos seven days a week and feature some of what you sent me too. There's always something interesting going on there. You can find me at facebook.com DrLora and instagram.com DrLauraprogram.

[Etsy Ad Narrator]

This is an Etsy holiday ad, but you won't hear any sleigh bells or classic carols. Instead you'll hear something original. The sound of an Etsy holiday, which sounds like this.

[Spencer]

Woo hoo.

[Etsy Ad Narrator]

Now that's special. Want to hear it again? Get original and affordable gifts from small shops on Etsy. For gifts that say I get you shop Etsy.