Podcast Summary
Dr. Laura Call of the Day
Episode: Should I Stay in a Loveless, Shack-up Situation?
Date: September 19, 2025
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Caller: Michelle
Overview
In this episode, Dr. Laura speaks with Michelle, a 65-year-old woman who has been living with her partner—a high-functioning alcoholic—for 15 years. Michelle asks whether she should stay in what she calls a "loveless" relationship, weighing the comfort and companionship against a loss of independence and passion. Dr. Laura uses her characteristic directness, urging Michelle to confront the reality of her own choices and responsibilities, and guiding her through an exercise of seeing her life as a story.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Caller and Situation Introduction
- [01:44] Michelle, age 65, explains she has been with her partner for 15 years. She is not in love but cares for him. He does not physically abuse her but is a high-functioning alcoholic.
- They've invested "a home, a dog, finances" together, but Michelle wonders if she should "bargain" and simply commit to the situation at her age.
2. Defining the Real Question
- [03:29] Dr. Laura insists Michelle clarify her question:
- Dr. Laura: "Can you try to make it a concise question like 'my question is'?"
- Michelle: "My question is, should I stay with this man?"
3. The Screenwriter Exercise
- [03:34 – 08:55] Dr. Laura asks Michelle to imagine herself as a screenwriter: If her character leaves her partner, what comes next in her story?
- Michelle imagines herself living alone in a modest place ("I believe she'd be happy and has her soul back." [06:37]) but with a strong family network.
- Dr. Laura challenges this, pointing out that Michelle already has her family now, and suggests that "the poor lady has lost her complete lifestyle" if she leaves (citing lost financial security and the comforts she's become accustomed to).
4. Probing the Motivation for the Relationship
- [09:07 – 11:46] Dr. Laura presses Michelle to pinpoint why she originally gave up her independence and lifestyle for this partnership.
- Michelle struggles, initially framing it as a sacrifice for a “better lifestyle” but is unable to define what that was.
- Dr. Laura: "What was that better lifestyle than having your own money, your own time, traveling, being able to buy gifts?" [11:02]
- Michelle: "Maybe I was lonely at the time." [11:46]
- Michelle struggles, initially framing it as a sacrifice for a “better lifestyle” but is unable to define what that was.
5. Accepting Responsibility for Choices
- [11:58] Dr. Laura underscores that Michelle’s decisions are her own:
- Dr. Laura: "Don't blame him for any change you made. He didn't make you his wife. And you were okay with that?"
- Michelle: "Yes. Super okay with that." [12:16]
- Dr. Laura points out that leaving now "wouldn't pay [Michelle] much emotionally," suggesting the relationship is more about avoiding loneliness than finding romantic satisfaction.
6. Reframing the Companionship
- [12:43 – 13:01] Dr. Laura reframes the situation:
- Dr. Laura: "What you can do—I mean, he doesn't love you either. You don't love him, he doesn't love you. But your companions."
- Michelle affirms, "There's nothing wrong with companions."
- Dr. Laura notes that Michelle's family can't be expected to fill her companion need, but Michelle can still enrich her life by taking classes, traveling, or other pursuits, all while maintaining the current companionship for comfort.
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
- Dr. Laura (on clarity in communication):
"Can you try to make it a concise question like, 'my question is'? [03:23]" - Dr. Laura (challenging the trade-off):
"What was that better lifestyle than having your own money, your own time traveling, being able to buy gifts?" [11:02] - Michelle (on self-awareness):
"Maybe I was lonely at the time." [11:46] - Dr. Laura (on personal responsibility):
"Don't blame him for any change you made. He didn't make you his wife. And you were okay with that?" [11:58] - Dr. Laura (on companionship vs. loneliness):
"Because with a companion, we're not lonely." [12:54] - Dr. Laura (on enriching life beyond romance):
"If you'd like to add more things to your life besides investments, you can take some classes, you can get in better health… There are things you can do and still have a companion." [13:19]
Timestamps for Important Segments
- 01:44: Michelle introduces her situation and question
- 03:08: Dr. Laura asks for clarity on Michelle’s question
- 03:34: Dr. Laura’s screenwriter metaphor begins
- 06:37: Michelle imagines her life after leaving
- 09:07: Dr. Laura pushes Michelle to examine her original choices
- 11:46: Michelle admits loneliness was the driver
- 11:58: Dr. Laura on taking responsibility for choices
- 12:43: Dr. Laura reframes relationship as companionship, not romance
- 13:19: Suggestions for Michelle to enrich her life further
Summary and Takeaway
Dr. Laura guides Michelle to an honest self-appraisal: her years with this man were likely motivated by loneliness and a desire for steady companionship. The relationship hasn’t delivered love or official commitment, but has offered her a sense of security and company that her family cannot provide. Dr. Laura encourages Michelle to see her own agency—her ability to take up new hobbies, travel, volunteer, or find enrichment—with or without leaving her current companion, reframing the notion that companionship must be conflated with love.
The core message: Accept responsibility for your own life choices, recognize the true needs those choices serve, and enrich your life in ways that matter to you—regardless of age or relationship status.