Should I Take a Stand or Take a Hike?

Summary

Podcast Title: Dr. Laura Call of the Day
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Episode: Should I Take a Stand or Take a Hike?
Release Date: July 1, 2025

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Introduction

In this compelling episode of Dr. Laura Call of the Day, Dr. Laura Schlessinger engages with a distressed caller grappling with significant marital and familial challenges. The conversation delves deep into issues of financial responsibility, social dynamics, and personal accountability within the framework of a long-term marriage.

Caller’s Background and Marital Overview

The caller, identified as Erin, provides a detailed account of her 24-year marriage to a man she has known for 28 years. She highlights a traditionally structured family life, where she has dedicated approximately 17 and a half years as a stay-at-home mother to two teenage sons. Erin emphasizes her commitment to self-improvement, focusing on education, fitness, and health, which she believes has positively influenced her family's success.

Erin (02:10): "I've focused on my own self-improvement. So that means education, fitness, health, things like that. And it's been a good model."

Issue of Financial Mismanagement

The primary conflict arises from Erin’s discovery of her husband’s mishandling of her mother’s finances. Her husband was entrusted with managing her mother’s funds, a role he had performed for his own father, reflecting his professional background. Initially, he invested the money conservatively, avoiding significant risks. However, over time, he ceased to monitor or manage the accounts, leaving them inactive for two years.

Dr. Laura (02:42): "And what was his explanation for this?"

Erin (04:24): "He apologized and said he was scared because it was declining, it lost about 20%."

Erin uncovered this negligence only after her mother's passing, during the process of settling her assets as the executor. The lack of proactive management led to financial losses, causing Erin to question her husband's reliability and commitment.

Social Exclusion and Its Impact

Concurrently, Erin faced social ostracism within her community. She recounts an incident where she and her sons were excluded from a planned outing to a water park, orchestrated by a specific woman who harbored ill feelings towards her. Despite being active in the thread arranging the event, Erin received no communication until it was too late, leading her to disengage from the social group altogether.

Erin (08:38): "So I knew...we were excluded. And I didn't even respond good, bad or indifferent. I just saw that happen and I didn't respond."

This social rejection compounded her feelings of isolation and neglect, further straining her relationship with her husband and sons, who were aware of the exclusion but reacted negatively to her decision to withdraw from the social circle.

Marital Strain and Consideration of Separation

Erin articulates a growing sense of being undervalued within her marriage, particularly in light of her husband’s financial irresponsibility and lack of support during social conflicts. This cumulative distress has led her to contemplate separation as a means to assert her needs and prioritize her well-being.

Erin (11:07): "I'm just considering separation because I feel like by continually turning the other cheek, I'm perpetuating this behavior."

Dr. Laura’s Guidance: Taking a Stand

Dr. Laura responds with a firm stance, advocating for Erin to confront the issues head-on rather than choosing to leave. She emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries and addressing the disrespectful behavior to foster a healthier family dynamic.

Dr. Laura (11:45): "Take a stand. Don't take a hike. Take a stand tonight. Don't take a hike that's not worth destroying a family for."

Dr. Laura encourages Erin to stop tolerating mistreatment and to demand respect and accountability from her husband and sons. By taking a stand, Erin can work towards reclaiming her agency and improving her family's relational dynamics without resorting to separation.

Conclusion

This episode underscores the complexities of maintaining familial harmony amidst financial mismanagement and social challenges. Dr. Laura’s decisive advice champions the value of confronting issues directly to foster personal and familial growth. Erin's situation serves as a poignant reminder of the importance of mutual respect, communication, and accountability within a marriage.

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Notable Quotes:

• Dr. Laura (11:45): "Take a stand. Don't take a hike."
• Erin (02:10): "I've focused on my own self-improvement. So that means education, fitness, health, things like that. And it's been a good model."
• Erin (11:07): "I'm just considering separation because I feel like by continually turning the other cheek, I'm perpetuating this behavior."

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For more insights and advice, visit DrLaura.com and tune in to Dr. Laura’s live radio program on SiriusXM Triumph 111.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Erin welcome to the program.

[Caller]

Hi Dr. Laura.

[Dr. Laura]

Hi. How can I help?

[Caller]

Actually, I just received a call from Dan after sending you what I thought would be a cookie and he notified.

[Dr. Laura]

Me it was a little long to be a quickie. I did read it and I thought better we talk it through. Some quickies are quickies, others require a little more attention. So I thought yours did. So tell me, tell me about it again now.

[Caller]

Fair enough. I have been married for. I'll just regurgitate it. I've been married for 24 years to a man I've known for 28. We have two teenage sons together, both in high school. And I've been a stay at home mom since they were born, which equates to about 17 and a half years. I have thought I've had a very good marriage, very what we considered a traditional marriage and have been very faithful and loyal as a result. I have prioritized my husband and boys given that I'm at home and that has proven really beneficial for all three of them in that, in terms of what I can see, you know, like I had mentioned, for example, you know, just my boy's success, my husband's success and on my part I've just really focused on my own self improvement. So that means education, fitness, health, things like that. And it's been a good model. What presented itself as an issue first was in roughly, well, 2023, my husband had been asked to manage my mom's finances and he did invest them.

[Dr. Laura]

And I'm sorry, who asked him to take care of mom's finances?

[Caller]

My mom.

[Dr. Laura]

Has he helped anybody else in the family with finances before? Did he have a track record?

[Caller]

Yes. His line of business and so yes, he's, he plays that role in his own family with his own father. He did that with his mom. And then he was asked by my mom and he did invest my mom's money very conservatively and There wasn't any apparent issue until my mom passed a few years later. And that was the first time I ever had looked into it because I had asked him continuously, is everything going okay? How are things going? And he just continuously assured me everything was fine. But as the executor, I was required to settle all of her assets. And so I looked into the accounts and that's when I was able to see that he had. He had invested her money really conservatively. But as a consequence of not managing it, he had never logged in again. It had been two years by then and he had just never logged in again.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, two out of how many years did he not manage it?

[Caller]

2. He.

[Dr. Laura]

So he signed up and then never managed it.

[Caller]

He invested it and then just did not manage it. So.

[Dr. Laura]

And what was his explanation for this?

[Caller]

He didn't have one.

[Dr. Laura]

Yes, he had one. Everybody has an explanation for why they do or don't do something.

[Caller]

Well, ultimately he apologized and said he was scared and that that was the.

[Dr. Laura]

Scared of what, ma' am? Scared of what?

[Caller]

Because it was declining, it lost. It lost about 20%.

[Dr. Laura]

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[Caller]

Well, I think being in the business, he was aware that in, in my view, that would have been his first responsibility to manage it, and he didn't have a further explanation than that. And. And with that, I chose to just move forward because, like I said, I have minor children and. But it was that same year that I also removed myself from a social situation that we had been apart in for years.

[Dr. Laura]

And are these things related? Your mother's money in a social situation, is that related?

[Caller]

No, they were just congruent. They were just happening at the same time.

[Dr. Laura]

What was the problem with the social situation?

[Caller]

Well, unfortunately for me, there was no problem with my husband and sons. They have had a lot of.

[Dr. Laura]

Tell me what the problem was with the social situation, not what it wasn't. Tell me what it was.

[Caller]

There was a specific woman that just did not like me at all. And so there were several incidences where that was just really made apparent. And I had.

[Dr. Laura]

Can you give me one example of that so I understand better?

[Caller]

One of the best is I was on a thread with several other moms. She was one of them. And it was an invite for all of the boys to go to a water park in a couple weeks and for everyone to agree on a date. So everyone did. And then I didn't hear anything. So it was a couple days before the event. And meanwhile, of course, I had told my boys, you guys are going to go and this is exciting. But I chimed back into that thread and just followed up because I hadn't heard anything. And one of the women said, oh, we already went. So then I knew. I mean, it was, like I said, totally unprovoked. We wouldn't have been any the wiser, but for whatever reason, we were excluded. And I didn't even respond good, bad or indifferent. I just, I saw that happen and I didn't respond. I just, at that point, I really just opted to disengage from.

[Dr. Laura]

And what is this social thing? This is a woman's club. What is this?

[Caller]

No, it's families related to sports, like school sports.

[Dr. Laura]

So you were not close to any other families who were going because nobody talked to you about it. So you're not friends with anybody? Wow.

[Caller]

No.

[Dr. Laura]

How did that come about?

[Caller]

Because I was always friendly, but I didn't ever really become very close with any of these ladies. Got it.

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[Dr. Laura]

So you don't want to be involved in that anymore.

[Caller]

Right.

[Dr. Laura]

And how is this a problem?

[Caller]

Well, that was in 2023. And at that point, I just disengaged, and my husband and sons got very upset with me for doing that. Regardless of knowing, I just want to.

[Dr. Laura]

Make sure that your husband and sons knew that you were. You and the sons were squeezed out of the event. Did they both know that?

[Caller]

Yes. Totally aware. And that that was one of the knees.

[Dr. Laura]

Why is your. Why are your sons okay with that? I don't get.

[Caller]

I don't. I don't either. They. And they. And it's more my husband. I. Is what my concern centers around because it's his behavior.

[Dr. Laura]

Where? In this. Let's just jump to how I might help you.

[Caller]

Okay. Well, I have continuously tabled the sense of not being prioritized.

[Dr. Laura]

How about ask me a question. How about that? So I know I have something to do here.

[Caller]

Okay. I guess at this point, I'm just considering separation because I feel like by continually turning the other cheek, I'm perpetuating this behavior. And I've been reluctant. Like, very obviously very reluctant, given the circumstances.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay. I don't really understand why you think you need a separation from your family. I understand that you're annoyed, but I don't see where that rises to. I should get the hell out of there. I think it does rise to giving them all the riot act. I've been tolerating bullshit and being mistreated so that you guys would have this social arena, you know, And I'm not doing it anymore. So you have to figure out how to invest yourself in this or some other social arena without me. So take a stand. Don't take a hike. Take a stand tonight. Don't take a hike that's not worth destroying a family for. My number, 1-800-375-2872. You're just a click away from some terrific deals being offered by companies that get the Dr. Laura stamp of approval. Visit drlaura.com Click on sponsor to take advantage of the special Discounts available to Dr. Laura listeners like you.

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