Some Moms Give Life and Not Much More

Summary

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Dr. Laura Call of the Day

Episode: "Some Moms Give Life and Not Much More"

Date: September 28, 2025
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Caller: Jennifer

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Episode Overview

In this emotionally charged episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger offers her characteristic direct and compassionate guidance to Jennifer, a longtime listener struggling with the painful reality of her relationship with her mother. The discussion centers on coming to terms with a parent's emotional absence, the difference between biological and actively nurturing mothers, and learning to cease the futile search for validation or connection from someone fundamentally unwilling or unable to give it. Dr. Laura employs tough love, clear analogies, and a memorable letting-go exercise to help Jennifer find a path forward.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

Jennifer’s Story: Years of Hurt and Disappointment

• (01:14 – 07:44)
  • Jennifer recounts decades of rejection and being consistently deprioritized by her mother, who moved away, missed major life events like her baby shower, and avoids her and her children.
  • A recent episode involved Jennifer driving hours to help her grandfather, only to find her mother had intentionally avoided her.
  • Jennifer describes feeling raw, "burnt out," and deeply hurt. She acknowledges her daughter’s advice to stop reaching out but struggles to accept it.

Dr. Laura’s Analysis: Naming the Pain

• (07:44 – 08:12)
  • Dr. Laura gets straight to the heart of the matter:
    • Dr. Laura (07:53): "Yes, but why does. Ah. Because you want a mom. That's the correct answer."
  • She affirms Jennifer's grief, recognizing she is mourning the lack of a true mother figure rather than the loss of her biological mother.

Reframing the Parental Role

• (08:12–09:21)
  • Dr. Laura distinguishes between giving birth and being a mother:
    • Dr. Laura (08:12): "You have a woman who got knocked up with you and gave birth. It's not the same thing as having a mother. A mommy."
    • She names Jennifer’s persistent hope as a misunderstanding:
      Dr. Laura (08:47): "[You keep] thinking, that simply because a woman has a baby come out of her vagina, that she's going to be a good, loving mother."
  • Jennifer tries to defend her own parenting as different, but Dr. Laura cuts her off, redirecting focus to Jennifer’s unfulfilled longing.

Letting Go: Acceptance and Tough Love

• (09:21–10:48)
  • Dr. Laura encourages Jennifer to accept her reality and be grateful only for the gift of life:
    • Dr. Laura (09:44): "The only thing you need to be grateful for is that she had sex. She gave birth to you, didn't suck you into a sink or leave you by the side of the road or drop you into a toilet. And she got on with her life, and you have to do the same."
    • Dr. Laura (10:02): "What she gave you was life. And you're messing with that gift."
  • She urges Jennifer to stop seeking love or closure from her mother and focus on the fulfilling relationships she does have, including her husband and stepmom.

Call for Action: The Balloon Exercise

• (11:02–12:55)
  • Dr. Laura leads Jennifer through a striking visualization to symbolically release her mother:
    • Dr. Laura (11:11): "Let the string go and stop it. I don't want to know that you ever brought it up again."
    • She instructs Jennifer to physically enact letting go—close her eyes, picture her mother's face as a balloon, walk outside, thank her for giving life, and let the balloon go.
    • The moment is cathartic, ending with Jennifer weeping openly as Dr. Laura says:
      • Dr. Laura (12:55): "That's a good cry. Hang up now and have a good cry."
  • The segment closes with Jennifer expressing gratitude and a newfound resolve to embrace her present life and stop pursuing her mother's affection.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Jennifer's Pain, Raw and Honest
  • (04:26) "It just hurts so much that I can't stop thinking about it."
• Dr. Laura’s Distinction
  • (08:12) "You have a woman who got knocked up with you and gave birth. It's not the same thing as having a mother. A mommy."
• Harsh Gratitude
  • (09:44) "The only thing you need to be grateful for is that she had sex. She gave birth to you, didn't suck you into a sink or leave you by the side of the road or drop you into a toilet."
• No-Nonsense Call to Let Go
  • (10:02) "What she gave you was life. And you're messing with that gift."
  • (11:11) "Let the string go and stop it. I don't want to know that you ever brought it up again."
• Closure and Release
  • (12:42) "[Jennifer: I did. It's gone.]"
  • (12:55) Dr. Laura: "That's a good cry. Hang up now and have a good cry."

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:14 – Jennifer introduces her family history and struggle.
• 04:26 – Jennifer describes her emotional pain.
• 07:44 – Dr. Laura zeroes in on Jennifer’s core anguish.
• 08:12 – Dr. Laura explains the difference between giving birth and mothering.
• 09:44 – Dr. Laura’s advice on gratitude and letting go.
• 11:11 – Balloon visualization and practical release exercise.
• 12:55 – Emotional conclusion and catharsis.

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Tone and Language

Dr. Laura maintains her trademark blunt, direct tone, blending empathy with uncompromising realism. She uses vivid language ("got knocked up," "didn't suck you into a sink") to emphasize her points and break through Jennifer's long-standing pain. The episode is marked by both compassion and a refusal to enable self-pity or wishful thinking.

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Summary

This episode of "Dr. Laura Call of the Day" is a profound guide for anyone grappling with the absence of a parental bond. Through Jennifer’s story, Dr. Laura illustrates the lasting wounds of emotional neglect—and the possibility of healing once you accept reality, redefine gratitude, and release unhealthy hopes. The episode’s practical release exercise and memorable tough-love moments make it a touchstone for those struggling to let go of unloving relatives and cherish the life and relationships they do have.

Transcript

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[C]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Jennifer, welcome to the program.

[D]

Thank you, Dr. Laura, longtime listener, first time caller. You're welcome. My question, my question for you, I'm sorry, I'm so nervous is should I just cut my losses with my mother and just stop trying to reach out? I haven't spoke with her since June because many years, because I haven't. The situation that happened was I hadn't seen her in two years. She was up from Florida in Massachusetts. I live in New Hampshire and I was trying to get down there to visit her. My busy season is summertime, so I had a day that I could go down and she kept saying no, don't bother, you know, Papa has an appointment, etc. So I said, well, I'll drive down and I can. She didn't want to drive over the bridge onto the Cape. So I said I'll drive down and I'll take both of you. So she's like, well, I don't know. So she calls me back and says, yes, drive down. You can take him over the bridge. You know that I don't like to go over the bridge and I know she doesn't, so it really freaks her out and she gets scared. So I said okay. So I drove down three hours to get there, take my elderly grandfather who's 94, to his appointment. And my aunt calls me and says, is your mom with you? And I said no. She's like, well, she's on the Cape. She had drove over the bridge after I left the house at my grandfather's house to someplace on the Bridge. So I'm like, where? What? So I'm looking at the 360 app and I'm like, she's not only on the Cape, she's further on the Cape than I am. So I was only at the house for like half an hour when I was loading up my grandfather and his oxygen and everything. And so we leave the appointment and we drive back onto the mainland and my mother, I get back to the house and I get my grandfather situated. My aunt lives there to help him. And I said, well, where's my mother? Oh, well, you know, she's. Bobby's been in the house for a long time. You know, since they got here. They had been there a month, right? He's been in the house since that time, which is her husband. She took him down to the canal to go, you know, get out of the house. And I'm like, took him down on the canal? No, she took him over the Cape and didn't even, like she could take him over the Cape. But she couldn't go with a ride with me with her own father, which I haven't seen my mom in two years. So I said, okay, I'm, I'm good. I'm gonna head back. I had a three hour drive home, so I got situated. My mom wasn't even there and I didn't bother to call her since then. And this goes back years of her choosing. Moving to Florida for 15, 15 years ago. Doesn't communicate with my children. Doesn't. She's always didn't go to my baby shower because the guy she was married to at that time, her second husband, his family wanted to get together and they were in the process of splitting up. So she wanted to be there for that event and not at my baby shower. Like it just years of picking men in her life or other situations over. So I'm just so over it and so burnt out and that my daughter tells me, mom, don't even call her again. Just let it go. And it just hurts so much that I can't stop thinking about it.

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[D]

I think it hurts because I Feel like she chooses everything else but me, and it just bothers me.

[C]

Yes, but why does. Ah. Because you want a mom. That's the correct answer. Now calm it down, because this is going to be maybe one of the most important conversations of your life.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

You never had a mom outside of birth.

[D]

That's true.

[C]

I know you want and wanted and would like, but you don't. You have a woman who got knocked up with you and gave birth. It's not the same thing as having a mother. A mommy. And you have spent over half a century trying to wrap your head around that thinking, that simply because a woman has a baby come out of her vagina, that she's going to be a good, loving mother.

[D]

That is true. Because I am so involved with my mental.

[C]

Don't talk. You got defensive. I'm so involved.

[D]

Just.

[C]

Your kids got lucky. They came out of your vagina and you wanted to be a mommy. You got to give it up because it's something you never had and won't. Sorry. Accept it. You didn't get as lucky as your kids.

[D]

Thank you.

[C]

So you got to stop searching for what you can never find, ever.

[D]

That is so true. I've been being told that by my husband, by my children. And then I was like, I need to talk to Dr. Laura, and this is where I'm gonna cut it once I talk to you.

[C]

The only thing you need to be grateful for is that she had sex. She gave birth to you, didn't suck you into a sink or leave you by the side of the road or drop you into a toilet. And she got on with her life, and you have to do the same.

[D]

I will do that.

[C]

What she gave you was life. And you're messing with that gift. She gave you your life. You're expecting her to be part of it. That's not the deal with this woman.

[D]

True. Yep. I've had other people in my life that have been mother figures, and I have an amazing mom.

[C]

So there you go. But you got to stop this shit. You're annoying everybody.

[D]

That is true. That is true. That's why I'm like, I have to call Dr. Laura, because if my husband hears this one more time.

[C]

That's right. He deserves better than for you not to accept reality. He deserves better.

[D]

He sure does. He's amazing.

[C]

That's right. So you have a stepmom, a husband, kids, and you're still crumbing about this bitch. What the hell, woman? Leave her alone.

[D]

Yep, I won't bother. Then I'll just let it Go and be done with it. So, yes. Like a balloon.

[C]

Let the string go and stop it. I don't want to know that you ever brought it up again.

[D]

Okay, I won't bring it up. I will let it go.

[C]

That's right. Are you driving?

[D]

No, I'm home.

[C]

Okay, then. Close your eyes. Are you sitting?

[D]

I can sit?

[C]

Sit.

[D]

I'm sitting.

[C]

Close your eyes. Which hand is holding the phone?

[D]

My left.

[C]

I want you to take your right hand. Put it up at right angle to the shoulder. Right angle to the elbow, like you're holding a balloon. And I want you close your eyes and see your mother's face as the balloon. Tell me when you can see it clearly. Take your time. Sometimes it takes a bit.

[D]

I can see it.

[C]

Okay, I want you to stand up. Go outside. Tell me when you're outside.

[D]

I am outside.

[C]

I want you to look at the balloon and thank your mother for giving you life.

[D]

Thank you, mom, for giving me life.

[C]

And when you're ready, let the balloon come. Go.

[D]

I did. It's gone.

[C]

That's a good cry. Hang up now and have a good cry.

[D]

Okay, I will. Thank you so much.

[C]

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