Sometimes You Just Have To Take Life as It Comes

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: Sometimes You Just Have To Take Life as It Comes
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Date: November 28, 2025

---

Episode Overview

This episode of The Dr. Laura Podcast centers on the complexity of foster-to-adopt parenting, the enduring emotional impact of disrupted adoptions, and the art of accepting life’s painful, uncontrollable outcomes. In particular, Dr. Laura advises a caller struggling with her relationship—or lack thereof—with a foster child removed from her care decades ago. Through compassionate, yet direct advice, Dr. Laura emphasizes the necessity of surrendering to circumstances beyond one's control, highlighting resilience and boundaries in matters of grief, parenting, and personal responsibility.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Heartbreak of Foster-to-Adopt: A Caller’s Story

• Background:
  • The caller and her late husband were foster parents 30 years ago with a goal to adopt.
  • They fostered multiple children and adopted four, but lost a two-day-old boy they hoped to adopt due to late intervention by biological relatives.
• Systemic Failings:
  • The child’s biological family, previously absent and described as unfit (unemployed and school dropouts), returned to claim all siblings after custody was awarded to the foster parents.
  • Allegations of severe prior child abuse among siblings, including disturbing behaviors and trauma.
  • The family spent tens of thousands of dollars attempting to keep the child but lost due to "reunification rules" (see [04:12]).
• Painful Departure:
  • The child was taken abruptly, under the pretense of a visit, without his belongings or explanation, resulting in what was described as “a level of evil that is hard to imagine” ([04:49]).

---

2. Reconnection Attempts and Lingering Wounds

• Contact Years Later:
  • Decades later, the caller reached out to the child, now an adult, via social media.
  • The relationship is fraught and awkward, as the now 25-year-old has no memory of his time with the callers ([07:44]).
  • The caller shares the boy’s baby book and photos; interactions are sporadic and he “is very guarded.”
• Discovering Lies:
  • The child reported being told untrue, damaging stories about his foster family (e.g., being kept in a cage, abused) ([08:15]).
• Maternal Instinct:
  • The caller struggles with her “mama bear” instincts and feelings of helplessness at not being able to “fix” what happened ([09:01]).

---

3. Dr. Laura’s Guidance & Tough Love

Acceptance Without Expectation

• Key Advice:
  • “There is no advice. Take it as it comes. There's no advice, sweetheart. You're not going to get him as your child back. That's probably never going to happen.”
    — Dr. Laura ([09:16])
• Release Control:
  • Dr. Laura reinforces that the caller cannot force a relationship or undo the trauma.
  • “Don't try to make anything happen. Don't try to fix all that he's gone through. There's nothing you can do about any of that. ... Depending upon how healthy he is, he will connect. And you're not in charge of that. You have no control over that.” ([10:38])

On Emotional Self-Management

• Letting Go:
  • Dr. Laura insists the caller stop pursuing contact:
    • “I wish you'd stop that. I wish you would stop that. I just said let him make the [first move]... He knows you're there and available. Leave him alone. Let him come to you.” ([12:10]-[12:22])
• Dispelling Excuses:
  • Dr. Laura repeatedly dismisses the phrase “easier said than done,” urging action over excuses:
    • “I don't care if something is easier said than done. Brushing my teeth, walking across the room is easier said than done. I don't know why anybody uses that phrase. There's nothing that isn't easier said than done. So what?” ([09:59])
    • “If something needs to be done, it needs to be done, regardless of how you judge it in its difficulty quotient.” ([12:52])

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On systemic injustice:
  • “This was a travesty. This was disgusting. This was child cruelty. This was insanity. ... But I'm not surprised with judges. I think most of them are idiots and are on power struggle or getting paid under the table. I have no idea why they do the dumb things they do, especially in these situations. Nonetheless, it happened.”
    — Dr. Laura ([10:21])
• On acceptance:
  • “One [option] is to enjoy the good quality of the life you have and take this as it comes. Don't search it out.”
    — Dr. Laura ([11:38])
• On self-care and boundaries:
  • “Don't make him feel obligated to you.”
    — Dr. Laura ([12:27])
• On facing emotional pain:
  • “It's difficult.” — Caller
  • “People say difficult. ... Folks, when you talk to me, don't tell me anything is difficult, hard, easier said than done. There's no point to saying that. If something needs to be done, it needs to be done.”
    — Dr. Laura ([12:36])

---

Important Segment Timestamps

• [01:55] — Caller introduces long-term foster/adoption heartbreak
• [03:28] — Explaining family/sibling relationships and legal battle
• [04:12] — Court rules for biological family, child removed abruptly
• [07:05] — Attempt to reconnect as an adult via social media
• [08:15] — Son reveals lies told to him about his foster family
• [09:16] — Dr. Laura issues her central advice: “Take it as it comes”
• [10:21] — Dr. Laura critiques the legal system’s role
• [12:10] — Dr. Laura urges caller to stop reaching out; wait for son
• [12:36] — Dr. Laura’s final thoughts on doing the hard thing anyway

---

Conclusion

This episode delivers a raw, empathetic look at the long-term wounds of disrupted adoptions and the limits of what adults can control in the lives of children they once loved. Dr. Laura’s tone is unwaveringly direct—sometimes bordering on brusque—but deeply compassionate, pushing listeners (and the caller) toward acceptance, relinquishing control, and focusing energy on living a fulfilling life despite heartbreaking loss. Her candor about the emotional realities of such situations, as well as the failings of the foster and judicial systems, offers comfort and actionable wisdom to anyone wrestling with similar pain.

---

End of Summary

Transcript

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

When you think Dr. Laura a web based store is not what comes to mind. But I have one and my Dr. Laura store, filled with fun, thought provoking merch is powered by Shopify. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses from household names like Mattel and Magic Spoon to brands that are just getting started. Shopify can help you build a beautiful online store to match your brand style. Their AI tools can assist you with product descriptions and page headlines. And of course, Shopify has world class expertise in everything from managing inventory to international shipping, to processing returns and beyond. If you're ready to sell, you're ready for Shopify. Turn your big business idea into With Shopify on your side, sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com DRLaura go to shopify.com DRLaura shopify.com DRLaura.

[Chevrolet Equinox Commercial Voice]

The 2026 Chevy Equinox is more than an SUV. It's your Sunday tailgate and your parking lot snack bar. Your lucky jersey, your chairs and your big cooler fit perfectly in your even bigger cargo space. And when it's go time, your 11.3-inch diagonal touchscreen's got the playbook, the playlist and the tech to stay a step ahead. It's more than an suv. It's your Equinox Chevrolet. Together, let's drive.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day brought to you by Vibrance Super C Serum, the skin care product I use twice a day. Visit vibriance.com drlaura to save 37% and get free shipping. Remember, you can hear my radio program daily on SiriusXM triumph and connect with me 24 [e-mail] Kathy welcome to the program.

[Caller (Foster Parent)]

Hi Dr. Laura, I have never called.

[Caller (Foster Parent's Husband)]

You before but I have listened to you off and on for years and I appreciate.

[Dr. Laura's Advice Voice]

Well, welcome. Thank you.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Welcome.

[Dr. Laura's Advice Voice]

What's up?

[Caller (Foster Parent's Husband)]

Mine is a slightly different situation.

[Caller (Foster Parent)]

About 30 years ago, my late husband.

[Caller (Foster Parent's Husband)]

And I became foster parents and we were foster to adopt and you know.

[Caller (Foster Parent)]

You know, with a foster parent that if a child comes to you, there's no, certainly no guarantee that they'll stay with you.

[Caller (Foster Parent's Husband)]

And we had a few, you know, that were transient and that was, that was, we're at peace with that. You know, we had a little boy, we did four adoptions and we had a little boy who came to us when he was two days old and.

[Caller (Foster Parent)]

He had four older biological siblings for.

[Caller (Foster Parent's Husband)]

Whom no adopt, no relatives, no biological relative had ever come forward.

[Caller (Foster Parent)]

So they brought him to us at Two days old with a letter where we could state our intent to adopt.

[Caller (Foster Parent's Husband)]

Him, which, of course, we signed when he was close to two years old. They obtained permanent custody. And at that point, biological relative who were unemployed in 8th and 9th grade, dropouts who can't make the step up, moved back into town and wanted to adopt all five children. Four siblings he'd never had any interaction with in the county.

[Dr. Laura's Advice Voice]

Oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Did I misunderstand you? You had already adopted him?

[Caller (Foster Parent)]

No, I adopted four other children.

[Caller (Foster Parent's Husband)]

There were four biological siblings who were placed.

[Caller (Foster Parent)]

All four of them were placed in special needs foster homes because of their severe.

[Caller (Foster Parent's Husband)]

They had lived with the biological parents.

[Caller (Foster Parent)]

There was a severe amount of abuse where they acted out sexually.

[Caller (Foster Parent's Husband)]

They killed small animals.

[Caller (Foster Parent)]

There was a lot going on.

[Caller (Foster Parent's Husband)]

So when all this came about, my husband and I, we actually cashed out a retirement account and spent tens of thousands on attorneys.

[Caller (Foster Parent)]

And ultimately, we. We did not win. Because reunification, no matter how ugly it seems, does rule. Okay, so fast forward. He's 25 years old now. A couple years ago, through the magic.

[Caller (Foster Parent's Husband)]

Of social media, I looked him up. I'm always.

[Caller (Foster Parent)]

He's always going to be special in my heart.

[Caller (Foster Parent's Husband)]

He was my child for two years and three months.

[Caller (Foster Parent)]

In fact, the day that they took.

[Caller (Foster Parent's Husband)]

Him from our house, they said it was a visit.

[Caller (Foster Parent)]

And they called me, my attorney, and said he's never coming back. And that was it. They didn't take any.

[Caller (Foster Parent's Husband)]

Any of his belongings.

[Caller (Foster Parent)]

They didn't take his baby book.

[Caller (Foster Parent's Husband)]

They wouldn't.

[Caller (Foster Parent)]

In fact, I pleaded with them to take things he was familiar with, and they. They were. It was a level of evil that is hard to imagine.

[Fandango Commercial Voice]

Family movie night just got easier with Fandango. Reserve seats in advance, skip the lines, and even cancel if plans change. Plus, with Fandango's fan club, save on every trip to the movies. Want to stay in with Fandango at home? You can stream your family favorites right from the couch. Whether it's a weekend outing or a cozy night in Fandango makes movie magic simple for the whole family. Download the Fandango and Fandango at Home app today.

[State Farm Commercial Voice]

If your small business is booming, you might say Cha Ching.

[Chevrolet Equinox Commercial Voice]

But you should say like a good.

[Caller (Foster Parent)]

Neighbor, State Farm is there and we'll.

[State Farm Commercial Voice]

Help your growing business. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

[Pillsbury Commercial Voice]

Holidays feeling hectic? Pillsbury is here to lend a hand. Roll out some magic with cookies, crescents, crusts and more. Fresh from oven. Tis the season for big smiles and easy wins with Pillsbury.

[Volkswagen Tiguan Commercial Voice]

A massage chair might seem a bit extravagant, especially these days. Eight different settings, adjustable intensity plus it's heated and it just feels so good. Yes, a massage chair might seem a bit extravagant, but when it can come with a car, suddenly it seems quite practical. The Volkswagen Tiguan packed with premium features like available massaging front seats, it only feels extravagant.

[Lowe's Commercial Voice]

At lowes before the holidays is the perfect time for upgrades and upkeep. During Black Friday, get up to 50% off, select major appliances and buy more to save more with up to an additional 25% off when you bundle select major appliances plus grab select Dewalt 20 volt mount, max drill or impact driver kits for just $99. Lowe's we help you save valid through 123 selection varies by location while supplies last. See lowe's.com for more details.

[Caller (Foster Parent's Husband)]

So I reached out to him a couple of years ago through social media.

[Caller (Foster Parent)]

Because it's been an open wound in my heart for many years and he was very receptive.

[Caller (Foster Parent's Husband)]

I told him I did not in any way want to cause stress or drama in his life, but I did want him to know that he wasn't at home and he was loved and.

[Caller (Foster Parent)]

I've always kept his baby book and for me it was important to get that to him. He was very receptive at first. It's an awkward situation to say the.

[Caller (Foster Parent's Husband)]

Least, because certainly I know him, but.

[Caller (Foster Parent)]

He was two years and three months and so his recollection of us is non existent.

[Caller (Foster Parent's Husband)]

So.

[Caller (Foster Parent)]

We talked and I, you know.

[Caller (Foster Parent's Husband)]

Through messenger, I sent him photos and, and then, then he would stop and I, I respected that, you know, because.

[Caller (Foster Parent)]

It'S, it's such an unusual situation. About a year ago he reached out.

[Caller (Foster Parent's Husband)]

To me and he said, listen, I want to be straight with you.

[Caller (Foster Parent)]

I've come to realize that most of.

[Caller (Foster Parent's Husband)]

My childhood was filled with lies. I was told that you and your husband kept me in a cage.

[Caller (Foster Parent)]

And your husband, who is now my.

[Caller (Foster Parent's Husband)]

Late husband, was an alcoholic and beat me and horrific things that were not even close to the truth about us. So in the past year we've had conversations. He's very guarded.

[Caller (Foster Parent)]

He was raised in certainly a different.

[Caller (Foster Parent's Husband)]

Atmosphere than, you know, he would have been in our house.

[Caller (Foster Parent)]

He was raised in poverty inner city and that isn't, you know, where we are. And I just feel like I'm floundering. The mama bear in me just wants.

[Caller (Foster Parent's Husband)]

To swoop in and, you know, fix.

[Caller (Foster Parent)]

Things and I obviously, I know I.

[Caller (Foster Parent's Husband)]

Can'T.

[Caller (Foster Parent)]

And I didn't know in your.

[Caller (Foster Parent's Husband)]

Vast experience if you've seen situations like.

[Caller (Foster Parent)]

This and you could give me advice.

[Dr. Laura's Advice Voice]

There is no advice. There is no advice. Take it as it comes. There's no advice. Sweetheart. You're not going to get him as your child back. That's probably never going to happen.

[Caller (Foster Parent's Husband)]

Correct. Correct.

[Dr. Laura's Advice Voice]

Even though it would be the best thing for both of you, your husband's gone. It would be very nice if he connected as, quote your son. It's probably not going to happen. But take it as it comes. Just drop the expectations and the hopes.

[Caller (Foster Parent's Husband)]

Yeah, easier said than done, right?

[Dr. Laura's Advice Voice]

I don't care if something is easier said than done. Brushing my teeth, walking across the room is easier said than done. I don't know why anybody uses that phrase. There's nothing that isn't easier said than done. So what? The truth is, this was a travesty. This was disgusting. This was child cruelty. This was insanity.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

This.

[Dr. Laura's Advice Voice]

But I'm not surprised with judges. I think most of them are idiots and are on power struggle or getting paid under the table. I have no idea why they do the dumb things they do, especially in these situations. Nonetheless, it happened. Every now and then he makes an attempt to connect. Take it as it comes. That's all I want you to do. That's your advice? Don't try to make anything happen. Don't try to fix all that he's gone through. There's nothing you can do about any of that. But every now and then he'll connect. Depending upon how healthy he is, he will connect. And you're not in charge of that. You have no control over that. And I don't want you to rely on this for the quality of your life.

[Caller (Foster Parent's Husband)]

I'm fortunate to have four great, amazing grown up kids.

[Caller (Foster Parent)]

And you know, I do count my blessings.

[Caller (Foster Parent's Husband)]

I was fortunate enough to remarry nine years ago.

[Dr. Laura's Advice Voice]

Well, good. Well, good. I hope what I said is advice you'll take.

[Caller (Foster Parent's Husband)]

Yeah, well, there's probably no other choice in the matter, you know, I mean.

[Dr. Laura's Advice Voice]

Yeah, there is. I talk to people all the time who drive everybody in their lives crazy and they start drinking, they use drugs and they do this, they screw around, they do all. There are all sorts of options for you. One is to enjoy the good quality of the life you have and take this as it comes. Don't search it out.

[Caller (Foster Parent)]

All right, well, I will continue to do.

[Caller (Foster Parent's Husband)]

I reach out to him from time to time. He always responds.

[Dr. Laura's Advice Voice]

I wish you'd stop that. I wish you would stop that. I just said let him make the.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You put pressure on him.

[Dr. Laura's Advice Voice]

He knows you're there and available.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Leave him alone.

[Dr. Laura's Advice Voice]

Let him come to you.

[Caller (Foster Parent)]

Okay?

[Dr. Laura's Advice Voice]

Don't make him feel obligated to you.

[Caller (Foster Parent)]

Okay?

[Caller (Foster Parent's Husband)]

It's difficult.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura's Advice Voice]

You have a good day. People say difficult.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

It's more. It's easier. I don't.

[Dr. Laura's Advice Voice]

Folks, when you talk to me, don't tell me anything. Is difficult, hard. Easier said than done. There's no point to saying that. If something needs to be done, it.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Needs to be done, regardless of how.

[Dr. Laura's Advice Voice]

You judge it in its difficulty quotient. Okay? So don't bother telling me that. It's just annoying. Totally annoying. What am I supposed to do with it? It's easier said than done. Okay, then don't do it. Just keep talking about it.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Just keep saying it.

[Dr. Laura's Advice Voice]

But don't do it because that's easier. Is that what you expect me to say? I don't think so.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

My number 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

[Chevrolet Equinox Commercial Voice]

The 2026 Chevy Equinox is more than an SUV. It's your Sunday tailgate and your parking lot, snack bar, your lucky jersey, your chairs and your big cooler fit perfectly in your evening. Bigger cargo space. And when it's go time, your 11.3-inch diagonal touchscreen's got the playbook, the playlist, and the tech to stay a step ahead. It's more than an suv. It's your Equinox Chevrolet. Together, let's drive.