Stop Being Angry, Start Taking a Stand

Summary

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The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: "Stop Being Angry, Start Taking a Stand"

Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Date: November 6, 2025

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Overview

In this episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger holds a candid and pointed conversation with a caller, Candace, who is struggling with anger after a public altercation involving her husband’s inappropriate behavior at a family wedding. Dr. Laura challenges Candace’s reactions, urging her to stop being angry about patterns that are neither new nor unexpected, and instead to take accountability for her own choices. The episode explores themes of self-respect, agency in relationships, and the importance of acting with decorum, especially in sensitive family situations.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Describing the Incident ([01:30]–[02:51])

• Candace’s Story:
  Candace describes an incident at a recent family wedding where her 59-year-old husband was "flirtatious" and physically affectionate with a woman in her twenties.
• Dr. Laura’s Interrogation:
  Dr. Laura insists on clarity for the sake of honesty (“Can you stop fudging and just tell me?... Was it flirtatious?” [02:13–02:35]).
• Notable Insight:
  The younger woman reciprocated the attention, which complicated Candace's feelings.

2. Dr. Laura Challenges Candace’s Reaction ([02:57]–[04:11])

• Confrontation vs. Sarcasm:
  Dr. Laura sarcastically suggests a way to defuse the situation by joining in, exposing the absurdity of Candace’s response:

  “If I was standing there and that was happening, I'd walk right up to the two of them and say, ‘Can I join? … Rub me. You didn't do that.’” ([03:00–03:39])

• Candace's Reality:
  Candace admits she responded with anger and expletives, not humor.

3. Self-Reflection and Recurrent Patterns ([04:11]–[05:14])

• Dr. Laura's Pointed Rebuke:
  She underscores that Candace’s anger is misplaced because the husband’s behavior isn’t new—she’s accepted it multiple times:

  “So that you are still with him is your problem, not his behavior.” ([04:43])

• Candace’s Admission:
  Candace concedes she is not surprised by her husband's actions.

4. Consequences of Public Anger ([05:10]–[10:12])

• Embarrassment and Reputational Damage:
  Dr. Laura reiterates that Candace’s angry outburst made her an object of ridicule:

  “That righteous anger, it's silly. Makes you look silly. And it made you look really bad at the wedding.” ([05:10])

• Future Outcomes:
  Dr. Laura warns that if Candace ever leaves her husband, she’ll likely be blamed for being "the idiot" due to her public behavior, not his.

5. Responsibility and Acceptance ([08:31]–[11:47])

• Living with the Consequences:
  Dr. Laura asks why Candace continues to accept humiliation. She asserts that Candace's willingness to remain in the marriage is her real choice.
• Advice for Damage Control:
  Dr. Laura’s suggestion is direct:

  “So apologize to whoever is upset… Don’t blame him… nobody but you cares about that right?” ([11:50–12:21])

• Candace’s Honest Realization:
  Candace admits she struggles to find the “guts” to leave, but is not ready to do so.

6. Memorable Quotes & Dr. Laura’s Style

• On Agency:

  “Some people would rather the devil they know than to be free.” ([09:43])

• On Staying or Leaving:

  “You know what you just said. I'm not leaving. That is what you just said. And you can deny it all you want, but that is exactly what you just said.” ([10:23])

• On Public Behavior:

  “If you're gonna stay in this family milieu, you can't blame anybody who's mad at you because I would be in the list.” ([10:59])

• Closing Empathy:

  “And I don't want anybody thinking my Candace is a bitch, okay? So you go apologize... And remember, don't say anything about what he did.” ([12:36–12:54])

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Timestamps of Important Segments

• [01:30] Caller introduces the family wedding incident.
• [02:25] Dr. Laura presses for explicit details of husband's behavior.
• [03:00] Dr. Laura mocks a hypothetical humorous response.
• [04:44] Dr. Laura's assertion: “That you are still with him is your problem…”
• [05:10] Emphasis on consequences of public anger.
• [09:43] Dr. Laura offers a broader reflection on settling in relationships.
• [10:23] Pinpointing Candace’s real choice: she’s not ready to leave.
• [11:50] Clear roadmap: Apologize, own your actions, don’t deflect blame.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Candace: “I was angry, very angry. And I portrayed that.” ([03:50])
• Dr. Laura: “Stop being angry. There's no point to it. That righteous anger, it's silly.” ([04:59])
• Dr. Laura: “This is your man. This is the man you take to bed. This is the man you stay married to. This is your man. So why are you angry?” ([04:13])
• Dr. Laura (on apologies): “Say you never should have done that and would they please forgive you and it'll be done. Don't blame him. Don't describe his actions because frankly, nobody but you cares about that right?” ([12:13–12:21])
• Candace (on Dr. Laura’s style): “And sometimes you need a smack upside the head and just a different perspective at looking at things…” ([12:21])

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Tone & Style

Dr. Laura is blunt, irreverent, and unsparing, but ultimately aims to steer Candace toward self-awareness and personal responsibility—not only in her relationship but also in her public conduct. Her language is direct, often sardonic, and she does not soften her critique for the sake of comfort.

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Summary Takeaways

• Stop reacting with anger to situations you’ve come to accept—choose either to make a different decision, or carry on without public outbursts.
• Public displays of anger often harm only the angry party’s reputation, not the instigator's.
• Taking responsibility—through sincere apologies and self-reflection—restores dignity and can shift family dynamics.
• If you choose to remain in a painful or humiliating situation, own that decision fully and conduct yourself with grace.

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Transcript

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Thanks for listening to my call of the Day. Sponsored by Native Path Collagen, the collagen I take daily to support healthy joints, skin, bones. And go to getnativepath.com drlaura for free shipping and a special bundle deal at a fraction of the retail price. Remember, you can hear my radio program daily on Sirius XM Triumph. And connect with me 24 [e-mail] Candace. Welcome to the program.

[Caller]

Hi, Dr. Laura. Thank you so much.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Thank you. What's up?

[Caller]

So, my question is, I am at odds with my husband's family over a situation that took place at a family wedding. Of course.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And I don't know what of course means. I wasn't there. So how long ago was it and what happened?

[Caller]

So it was just in February, and what happened was is that there was a lot of drinking that was taking place. It was a wedding.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Very unusual for weddings. Yeah.

[Caller]

Yeah, exactly. And he was inappropriate with a much younger girl in her 20s, I guess. He's 59.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I'm sorry, I don't know what inappropriate means. Can you stop fudging and just tell me? He grabbed her boobs. He grabbed her ass. He threw her on the ground. What did he do?

[Caller]

He was rubbing her back, playing with her hair as they were, you know, standing up at the bar, buying her drinks. That type of thing was flirtatious?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Yes.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Did it look like she was sidling up to it, or did it look like this was making her uncomfortable and he was persisting? What did it seem? What? How could you read her body?

[Caller]

She was rubbing his back. Very much. Very, very much okay with what was going on? I stood for her.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, next question. No, not a question. I'm visualizing it. If I was standing there and that was happening, I'd walk right up to the two of Them and say, can I join? I'd like this. Black rubbing and sidling up. This looks good. I'd like some. That's what I would have done.

[Caller]

I did.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And you are such a liar.

[Caller]

I did.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Such a liar. Oh, my God. You did not go up and say, I want to join this. I want to get in this. Rub me. You didn't do that.

[Caller]

No, you are correct in that. What I did say was I said some expletives to them. I see.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

That's totally different. That's totally different. Okay.

[Caller]

Yeah, I was angry, very angry. And I portrayed that.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay. Now, are you surprised your husband behaved this way or have you noted over the course of your marriage this behavior from time to time?

[Caller]

Not surprised at all.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, then I don't know why you were angry.

[Caller]

Angry because I was witnessing.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

This is your man. This is the man you take to bed. This is the man you stay married to. This is your man. So why are you angry? You've seen this from time to time. He does it again because nothing bad happens. I keep her on the side and I get to play and feel good and get erections at the bar. Big deal. She's just going to come over and act vicious and embarrass herself in front of the family and everybody will look at my wife as though she's an idiot bitch. And I'm just going to go, what? I don't know what this is about. So that you are still with him is your problem, not his behavior.

[Caller]

Yep, yep. This is true. This is correct.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So stop being angry. There's no point to it. That righteous anger, it's silly. Makes you look silly. And it made you look really bad at the wedding.

[Caller]

Yeah, you're correct. It did. I didn't see it.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You lost again.

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[Caller]

My family is a lot.

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[Caller]

Hang out with them.

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[Caller]

Yeah, so I just don't say I.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Just makes you look silly. Don't say I just this is a bad man. I'm sure he has some qualities. Maybe even money. Maybe he's good in bed. I have no idea. But to be humiliated in public and not be surprised is a poor choice of how to live out the rest of your life.

[Caller]

Yeah, I wonder how to.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And if and when you leave him, everybody is going to point out that you're the idiot because that's all they've seen. You being angry.

[Caller]

Those family members that are angry at me for my behavior have told.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I would have been angry at you. I would have been angry at you for that behavior at a wedding. Yeah, I would have.

[Caller]

Yeah. I regret not having more self control.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I regret you being with the man.

[Caller]

Yeah, I regret that too. Yes, yes.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well, when you go anyplace, whether or not there's drinking, if there are some young sexy women, assume the behavior. Play partisi with somebody else if you want to stay with this kind of creep and be humiliated again and again. I don't get it. But some people would rather the devil they know than to be free.

[Caller]

Yes, it's. I'm mentally trying to work myself up to the point where I have enough guts, I guess, to go.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You know what you just said. I'm not leaving. That is what you just said. And you can deny it all you want, but that is exactly what you just said.

[Caller]

Oh, yes, I agree.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I'm working up to somehow making the decision. Yeah, yeah, you're staying. So my advice to you is stop reacting to what you know is there. I mean, that's just ridiculous, right? Acting like there's some. It's just silly what you did because right now everybody thinks you're the idiot.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So if you're gonna stay in this family milieu, you can't blame anybody who's mad at you because I would be in the list.

[Caller]

Okay?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

That's not how you behave at somebody's wedding.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Cursing and yelling and stuff.

[Caller]

I know.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And you don't even have the. To me, to my tiny mind, you don't even have the right to be angry because there's no surprise here. He doesn't and hasn't ever respected you and he's kind of a bum. You keep it around and that's what it's going to do.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So stop being angry. There's no point to it. It doesn't make you look better. It makes you look foolish. So apologize to whoever is upset, apologize to the bride, apologize to the parents of the bride, apologize to who's ever mad at you and say you never should have done that and would they please forgive you and it'll be done. Don't blame him. Don't describe his actions because frankly, nobody but you cares about that right?

[Caller]

Yeah. Okay. I appreciate that. Thank you. And sometimes you need a smack upside the head and just a different perspective at looking at things to realize that there is a different perspective, you know, so.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And I don't want anybody thinking my Candace is a bitch. Okay?

[Caller]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So you go apologize. Everyone will go, isn't she wonderful? Okay. And remember, don't say anything about what he did.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

All right.

[Caller]

All right. Well, I love you and I thank you so much. And I'm going to keep on listening. Thank you.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Thank you. And you're welcome. My number, 1-800-375-2872. Check out my social media on Facebook and Instagram. I post stories, photos and videos seven days a week and feature some of what you've sent me too. There's always something interesting going on there. You can find me at facebook.com drlaura and instagram.com drlauraprogram.

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