Supporting Children After a Loved One’s Suicide

Summary

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Podcast Summary: The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: Supporting Children After a Loved One’s Suicide

Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Caller: Lee
Date: April 3, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode centers on supporting children after losing a family member to suicide, specifically in challenging and complex circumstances. Dr. Laura consults with a caller, Lee, who seeks advice on what—and how much—to share with her children after their uncle died by suicide in connection with a crime. The conversation explores honesty with children, managing family grief, and whether therapy is needed in the aftermath.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Caller’s Situation: Family Suicide Connected to Crime

[01:38]

• Lee seeks advice on what to tell her kids after her husband's brother (their uncle) committed suicide.
• The uncle, in his 40s, died after committing an armed theft at an ATM and being tracked down by police.

2. Details of the Incident

[02:16–04:13]

• Dr. Laura asks for clarity around the circumstances, pushing for openness:
  • The uncle stole money during an ATM servicing, using a gun.
  • He did not shoot at police; instead, he shot himself when confronted.

Dr. Laura: “Nobody just picks up a gun and goes to an ATM knowing when it’s serviced. That took time.” [05:23]

3. History & Family Context

[05:23–07:38]

• No prior criminal background is known; employed but with recent work instability.
• Possible family history of mental illness, though details are vague.

4. Telling the Children the Truth

[08:51–10:17]

• Lee initially told the kids their uncle had passed away but decided to tell the full truth to prevent them hearing rumors from cousins.
• Dr. Laura prompts Lee to recount exactly how she spoke to her children.

Lee (to her children):

“He had taken his own life. They wanted to know why, and I said he had made a bad decision, stole money, and maybe didn’t want to face the consequences.” [09:46]

Dr. Laura:

“Perfect. Can’t improve on that.” [10:17]

• Emphasizes not sugarcoating facts for 10 and 12-year-olds.
• Warns not to induce excess sympathy:

  “Don’t make your kids feel sympathetic. Because if you make them feel sympathetic, my concern is that they now think of that as an option.” [11:19]

5. Should Kids Attend Therapy?

[11:35–12:38]

• Lee asks about counseling due to a relative’s suggestion.
• Dr. Laura strongly advises against unnecessary therapy:

Dr. Laura:

“I think it is destructive to start taking them into therapy when there’s no problem evidence. It makes kids feel like there’s something wrong with how they’re reacting… If they’re eating, sleeping, playing, doing their stuff, they’re OK.” [12:38]

6. The Impact on Children

[13:06–13:41]

• Lee clarifies they didn’t see the uncle regularly; Dr. Laura observes their shock may be more about discovering the uncle was an armed robber than grief.
• Stresses not to romanticize or “make this sweet and adorable.” [13:41]
• Notes that if children aren’t exhibiting issues, “keep it minimal…if there’s no problem, they’re fine.” [14:24, 14:31]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Dr. Laura:

  “Don’t make your kids feel sympathetic…my concern is that they now think of that as an option.” [11:19]
  “If they’re eating, sleeping, playing, doing their stuff, they’re OK.” [12:38]
  “Trust yourself.” [14:37]

• Lee:

  “We told them pretty much the truth, everything that I told you.” [09:31]
  “They, of course, knew him and loved him…but we weren’t interacting with him on a consistent basis.” [13:06]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:38 – Caller presents the situation: uncle’s suicide after crime; seeking advice
• 02:16–04:13 – Detailed breakdown of the crime and death
• 07:38 – Family’s emotional state; what children knew
• 09:39–10:17 – Lee recounts, word for word, how she spoke to her children
• 10:17–11:35 – Dr. Laura’s validation of Lee’s approach: “Perfect. Can’t improve on that.”
• 11:35–12:38 – Discussion on therapy/counseling needs for children
• 13:06 – Lee clarifies emotional connection and contact with the uncle
• 14:22–14:37 – Final advice: keep things minimal, watch for signs of trouble, and trust your instincts

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Tone & Takeaway

Dr. Laura’s tone is direct, practical, and reassuring. She advocates for honesty, simplicity, and trusting parental instincts, discouraging unnecessary intervention unless children show signs of distress. The guidance provided is grounded, empathetic, and focused on empowering parents to handle difficult family crises with transparency and resilience.

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Transcript

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Caller (Lee)]

Hi.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Hi, Lee. How can I help?

[Caller (Lee)]

Thank you. I. I was calling to get some advice on how much information I ended up having. We ended up having to tell our kids because I didn't know you weren't live on the air and I had called the other day, but there was recently someone in our family that committed suicide and we were.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And who is the someone in our family? Who. Who is that?

[Caller (Lee)]

It was an uncle.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

The kid's uncle?

[Caller (Lee)]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So your husband or your husband's brother?

[Caller (Lee)]

Yes. Yes.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, and how old. How old was he and what were the circumstances?

[Caller (Lee)]

He was in his 40s and he. He actually committed a crime and then was ended up. Instead of being apprehended by the authorities, he just ended his own life.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

What was the crime?

[Caller (Lee)]

Theft.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, what does that mean?

[Caller (Lee)]

Like money?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Why are you trying to be vague?

[Caller (Lee)]

Oh, I didn't know. I didn't know how vague I should be. But it was like bank stealing from a bank.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

He was robbing a bank?

[Caller (Lee)]

Well, an ATM machine.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And the cops caught him in the act?

[Caller (Lee)]

No, but they were able to pretty quickly. Like you know, track it down.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Does he have a history of being arrested, being in jail?

[Caller (Lee)]

No. No.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So this stealing from an atm, what does that mean? There was a person standing there and he was having them take out money. How did he steal from an atm?

[Caller (Lee)]

Yes, there was. It was being like serviced, I guess, or refilled or whatever they do whenever they're servicing it, I guess, or to either take money out or put money in. There was a security guard there.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

He was using a gun.

[Caller (Lee)]

Yes.

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[Caller (Lee)]

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So tell me something about his background. Nobody just picks up a gun and goes to an ATM knowing when it's serviced. That took time. So is this guy sort of a bum? What?

[Caller (Lee)]

No. I mean, not that we. Not that we know of him. And where. They're still like trying to figure out, you know, there's still. We don't know all the details yet because it just happened pretty, you know, pretty recently. But he. He was working. I mean, he does have a job. He was employed, but I think it was like low, maybe like not as much work as it had been in the past. So.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So he had no history of crimes that you know about?

[Caller (Lee)]

No, not that I know about.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, so the cops came to his house. What was the circumstance under which he.

[Caller (Lee)]

No.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Shot himself?

[Caller (Lee)]

I think he was just able to track down his vehicle on the. On the road.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So they stopped him on the road?

[Caller (Lee)]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And he did not shoot at the Policeman. He shot himself?

[Caller (Lee)]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

History of mental illness in him or the family?

[Caller (Lee)]

Oh, in the family, I would say yes. Yeah. And him, I don't know if anything diagnosed, I know for sure.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

No, tell me about the history in the family.

[Caller (Lee)]

I had was always, you know, had been told that maybe the father had some mental issues. I didn't really know the dad. He wasn't in their life for a long time and he passed away already, so that's always what I've been told, but I don't know exactly the history on that.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

What does your husband, his brother, say? What has he been saying around the house to you

[Caller (Lee)]

since this happened before? Oh, well, I mean, as soon as it happened, you know, he just let me know that, you know, his brother had. What had happened and yeah, he was. He was able to be off of work for, you know, personal family. I mean, a death in the family. So my kids, you know, automatically knew something was different because he wasn't going into.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Yeah, but I want to know what your husband has been saying about it, about his brother since this happened. What has he been spontaneously saying?

[Caller (Lee)]

Oh, you know, just sadness and, you know, missing him and wondering, you know, lots of questions of, you know, why and. But not a lot.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, so what. So what did you tell the kids?

[Caller (Lee)]

At first we only said that he had passed away and then a few days had gone by and we were going to be with. With other family and we knew that other cousins, you know, knew the full story and we didn't know. We didn't want our kids to. To hear from someone else and not.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So what. What exactly did you tell them that closed in on the truth?

[Caller (Lee)]

We told them. We told them pretty much the truth, everything that I told you.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So would you mind telling me the way you told them? Make believe I'm your kid. If you could just relive that.

[Caller (Lee)]

And yeah, yeah, we just said that he had taken his own life. And then of course, they wanted to know why. And I said he had made a bad decision and, you know, stole money and then just maybe didn't want to face the consequences.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Perfect. Can't improve on that.

[Caller (Lee)]

Okay, that's perfect. So I didn't tell you their ages, but they're almost 10 and 12.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

It's perfect what you did. He was. He was robbing the bank. They caught him and he didn't want to live through the consequences and he shot himself to avoid going to jail, I guess, and embarrassing the family or whatever. You did fine. You did good. Just stick with that. It's the truth. But they must know that he was doing something wrong. He was armed robber. They caught up to him on the freeway or what have you, and he shot himself rather than being caught. 10 and 12 year olds understand that completely. Don't sugarcoat it. Don't make him. Don't make your kids feel sympathetic. Because if you make them feel sympathetic, my concern is that they now think of that as an option.

[Caller (Lee)]

Right. Okay. And I just had one other question. Now that it's happened. I know we told them if they have, you know, they can ask us any questions or if they, you know, want to ask anything, they can. But it was suggested by another family member that we, like, take, you know, get some kind of grief counseling or, you know, have them talk to somebody.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

But you know, something. I don't know that they're feeling grief. I don't know that you're feeling grief. Your husband might, but no, you don't teach kids that there's no way they can handle something with family.

[Caller (Lee)]

Okay. Okay. I just, I didn't. Didn't want to put it on them like it was something that they. Yeah, what you said. I don't know how much they're thinking about it, so. And I think that they do feel like they can talk to us about it if they want to. But I also know that it's a lot to put on them, like to process in their mind. So I just want to make sure.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I think it is destructive to start taking them into therapy when there's no problem. Evidence. It's destructive. It makes kids feel like there's something wrong with how they're reacting. There's something wrong with them, and they have to then please the therapist and come up with emotions. So if they're eating, sleeping, playing, doing their stuff, they're. Okay.

[Caller (Lee)]

Okay. That makes me feel better. And yeah, they were. They, of course, knew him and loved him, but it wasn't. We weren't interacting with him on a. On a consistent basis and we hadn't actually seen him in several months. And so in that way, I don't know how much of it. It's on there.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Mostly I think their reaction is that he was an armed robber.

[Caller (Lee)]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

That's a mind blower.

[Caller (Lee)]

Okay, well, so please don't.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Don't make this. Don't make this sweet and adorable. Make sure they understand he was an armed robber. Now, between you and me, since you're telling me you're unaware of any history of doing this sort of thing, he got a gun from somewhere and he was willing to use it in a holdup. And I don't know, because he wasn't working or whatever. I mean, we could get into the drama of it, but still, he did it and he didn't want to face it, so he needed help. So I don't know who was close to him, but he needed help. This might have been able to be cut off at the past that they say.

[Caller (Lee)]

Yes, I agree.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Right now, keep it minimal. Watch your kids, see if there's any problem. If there's no problem, they're fine.

[Caller (Lee)]

Okay. Okay. That's what I needed help with. So thank you.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Yeah, it's what you already felt and knew, so trust yourself.

[Caller (Lee)]

All right. Well, I appreciate it. Thank you.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You're very welcome. My number, 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course. I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.