Survivors Guilt

Summary

The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: Survivor's Guilt
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Date: December 19, 2025

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Overview

In this episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger explores the topic of survivor’s guilt—what it really means, when it’s appropriate, and how it sometimes gets misapplied to situations involving anxiety or regret. Drawing from recent listener emails and a memorable call from a woman haunted by past trauma, Dr. Laura untangles the nuances between true survivor's guilt and other emotional responses, all with her signature mix of candor, direct advice, and empathy.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

Listener Emails and Lighthearted Openings (00:59 - 02:56)

• Dr. Laura begins by sharing two “cute quickies” from her email inbox:
  • Aging with Gratitude: Carolyn reflects on growing older, suggesting aches and pains are “just the blessing of living this long,” and how too many friends never had that opportunity.
  • Mascara Talk: Deborah, 73, asks what mascara Dr. Laura uses since everything else is “clumpy and awful.” Dr. Laura has loyally used Chanel Black for 25 years, dismissing beauty advice about discarding mascara monthly:

    “Are you freaking kidding me? No. I have never had an eye infection for my mascara.” (02:20, Dr. Laura)

Survivor’s Guilt: Definitions and Real-Life Examples (03:07 - 11:09)

Recalling the Memorable Caller (07:08 - 10:30)

• Dr. Laura recounts a recent call that stuck with her: a woman described as “having survivor’s guilt” from a childhood incident.
  • Initially, Dr. Laura doubted that survivor's guilt was accurate for the caller’s situation, classifying it more as anxiety.
• After reviewing the call, Dr. Laura realizes the woman’s friend was murdered at home the very night she was supposed to be there, but her dad had grounded her.
• Classic survivor’s guilt does fit this case:

  “If she was supposed to be there, yeah, that’s survivor guilt.” (08:20, Dr. Laura)

Reference to Public Tragedy (08:42)

• Draws parallels to the survivor guilt felt by someone who missed a deadly D.C. plane crash after being bumped from the flight:

  “When I heard that, I said he better talk to somebody, because there’s going to be survivor guilt.” (08:58, Dr. Laura)

Clarifying Misunderstandings & Caller Technology Woes

• Dr. Laura expresses frustration over poor audio quality on calls, which can obscure crucial details and lead to misinterpretations.

  “With these little cell phones, sometimes when you folks call, it just sounds so muffled ... That’s what happened.” (07:30, Dr. Laura)

• She pledges to clarify audio with callers immediately (“this sounds muffled”) to avoid missing important context in the future.

Emotional Aftermath and Closure

• Ultimately, Dr. Laura emphasizes the importance of accurately identifying survivor’s guilt, while highlighting that—decades later—the precise label matters less than addressing the caller’s actual feelings.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Gratitude and Aging:

  “This is simply the blessing of living this long. Too many of my friends did not get to—they died with no aches and pains and no ripples on their skin.” (01:33, Dr. Laura reading Carolyn’s email)

• Mascara Wisdom:

  “Only use [mascara] for a month and throw it away. Are you freaking kidding me? No.” (02:22, Dr. Laura)

• On Survivor’s Guilt:

  “If she was supposed to be there, yeah, that’s survivor guilt.” (08:20, Dr. Laura)

• Recalling Public Tragedies:

  “I said when I heard that, he better talk to somebody because there’s going to be survivor guilt.” (08:58, Dr. Laura)

• Technical Frustrations:

  “...with these little cell phones, sometimes when you folks call, it just sounds so muffled ... That’s what happened.” (07:30, Dr. Laura)

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Important Timestamps

• 00:59 – Dr. Laura opens the show, shares listener quickies and mascara tips.
• 03:07 – Introduces the topic of survivor’s guilt and recounts previous call.
• 07:08 – Deep dive into the caller’s story and Dr. Laura’s realization on survivor’s guilt.
• 08:42 – Parallels with D.C. plane crash survivor’s guilt.
• 10:30 – Wrap-up: Observations on hindsight, audio clarity, and announcing call-in procedures.

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Tone and Takeaway

Dr. Laura maintains her direct, practical, and sometimes humorous tone throughout the episode. She voices empathy for callers struggling with guilt from past traumas, but also stresses precision in understanding emotional responses—reminding listeners both of the importance of clarity (technological and emotional) and of not letting labels distract from healing.

Listeners seeking insight into survivor’s guilt—whether for themselves or loved ones—will find encouragement to look closely at experiences, seek help if old wounds persist, and appreciate both the serious and everyday moments in life.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura]

Thank you for listening to my morning monologue brought to you by Golden Crest Metals, a new sponsor I want to welcome to my program Find out how gold and silver can protect what you have worked so hard to build. Learn [e-mail] Protect Remember, you can hear my radio program daily on Sirius XM triumph and and connect with me 247 drlaura.com I went through the emails again today and I just picked out two cute quickies and then I want to tell you something. The two quickies that are cute one is and to send quickie or lengthy whatever drlauractorlora.com just type it out. Okay? Don't make it too long. Keep to one screen and use a big font. Don't try to sneak in there with this tiny ant dropping size font because I can't read those anymore. I used to, but I can't. All right. Carolyn, just heard your opening. This was yesterday. Today. Yesterday. And I came to the same conclusion regarding my aging appearance, aches and pains. I say this is simply the blessing of living this long. Too many of my friends did not get to they died with no aches and pains and no ripples on their skin. This one I just felt I had a moral obligation to to answer. This is from Deborah. I listen to you whenever I can. I'm 73 years old. I heard you talking today about aging and you mentioned that you use mascara. I said yes I do because my eyelashes are blonde. So if I don't put mascara on top and bottom, it looks like I don't have any eyelashes, so I use mascara. May I ask what kind you use? Everything I try is clumpy and awful. And yes, when I FaceTime with my nieces, I have a rough time seeing myself there. But I'm getting more comfortable with it. Chanel Been using it for 25 years. Chanel Black. I think a gold trim on the top part a little bit. It's not cheap and I like the clever marketing. Only use it for a month and throw it away. Are you freaking kidding me? No. I have never had an eye infection for my mascara. I don't know what some of you people must be doing with your mascara brush, but no. And you can always clean your mascara brush. Okay. Yeah. Chanel. Okay. The thing I wanted to talk about is, you know when you go through something and then part of it just keeps percolating in your head and you don't know why? Took a call several days ago from a woman who started out saying that when she was a kid, she went through something and it gave her survivor guilt. Okay.

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[Dr. Laura]

I gave a little micro lecture on what survivor guilt was and I didn't think it was appropriate to her circumstance from what I heard from her. Then we went on and I thought we did a great job. Whether or not it was survivor guilt was anxiety and we did a great job. And she sounded happy at the end, but something bothered me. Why would she think after all these years it was survivor guilt if it wasn't? So I went back and listened to the tape and there are certain calls where people just do not see. I like the old fashioned phones where there was a part up here you could listen with a part down here that you could talk and they didn't get messed up. And now with these little cell phones, it's sometimes when you folks call, it just sounds so muffled and you've heard me say what are you doing? That sounds so muffled. And then all of a sudden they sound like that and it's like where did it come from? So I don't exactly know the difference, but that's what happened. In the beginning of the call it sounded very muffled and what I heard is her friend got murdered a little bit. A few seconds that came before that were just not clear. But I'll paraphrase it because I still didn't hear it clearly. I'll paraphrase it. She was supposed to go over a friend's house but her dad didn't let her go. I think she was being punished or something, I don't know. He didn't let her go and then her friend got murdered. It's a little on the periphery, but if she was supposed to be there, yeah, that's survivor guilt. Just like the news story that came out, the tragic crash of the plane in D.C. where everybody died because an Army Black Hawk helicopter slammed into seems pretty clear now it was the Black Hawk's fault. They were 150ft higher than they should have been. Who knows? But they slammed into the plane. A guy who I think is also involved in the skating part. There were a number of There were so many children aboard. He didn't go because they wouldn't let him bring his dog on because they decided his dog was too big. So pissed off, he got thrown off the flight, got in his car to drive to D.C. and I said when I heard that he better talk to somebody because there's going to be survivor guilt. So yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So. But it was so strange how it kept in the back of my mind something isn't right. And I was right. It wasn't right. So just wanted to clarify that it was partially. Yeah. Due to that, happily, it didn't really change because it's so many decades later. It didn't really change what we had to work on. Okay, so that's that. Just wanted to clarify if anybody else heard that and wondered. So when you call me, I'm immediately going to say this sounds muffled. That way I won't miss anything. All righty then. My number 1-800-375-286 72. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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