Talking to Kids About Their Deadbeat Dads - The Dr. Laura Podcast

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day Episode Title: Talking to Kids About Their Deadbeat Dads
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Release Date: June 12, 2025

Introduction

In the June 12, 2025 episode of Dr. Laura Call of the Day, Dr. Laura Schlessinger addresses a poignant and sensitive issue posed by a caller named Viviana. The episode delves into the challenges faced by children dealing with absentee or unresponsive fathers post-divorce, and offers no-nonsense advice on how parents can effectively support their children through such emotional turmoil.

Caller's Situation

Viviana reaches out to Dr. Laura seeking guidance on how to support her 15-year-old daughter, who has been struggling with her father's absence following a divorce four years prior. Despite the father's attempt to reconnect—evidenced by frequent excuses to avoid visits or communication—Viviana remains neutral in her stance. However, she observes the significant emotional toll this situation is taking on her daughter and is uncertain about the best approach to provide meaningful support.

Dr. Laura's Advice

Dr. Laura does not shy away from delivering candid and assertive counsel. She emphasizes the detrimental effects of parental neutrality in such circumstances and advocates for a more forthright stance that unequivocally communicates to the child the reasons behind the father's absence.

Key Recommendations:

Avoid Neutrality:
- Dr. Laura asserts that remaining neutral is "absolutely wrong," as it inadvertently places the blame on the child, making them feel inadequate or unworthy of love.
- Notable Quote [01:27]:
  Dr. Laura Schlesinger: "Being neutral is absolutely wrong. If he's not a shit, then she is."
Communicate the Truth:
- She advises parents to openly acknowledge their own mistakes in the marriage and to clearly convey that the father's unreliability is a reflection of his character, not the child's worth.
- Notable Quote [04:57]:
  Dr. Laura Schlesinger: "You need to say you made a stupid mistake, married a shitty man, made a baby, and then got rid of him. And now, honey, you're hurt because I messed up."
Redirect Focus to the Child's Aspirations:
- Encouraging Viviana to support her daughter's dreams, such as becoming an attorney, Dr. Laura suggests immersing her in positive and future-oriented activities.
- Notable Quote [03:22]:
  Dr. Laura Schlesinger: "Just name something quickly, please."
Empower Through Affirmation:
- By affirming the child's dreams and abilities, parents can help rebuild the child's self-esteem and reduce the emotional impact of the father's absence.
Acknowledge and Apologize for Mistakes:
- Dr. Laura recommends that mothers admit their own errors in the marriage, thereby fostering a trusting and honest relationship with their children.

Insights and Conclusions

Dr. Laura's approach is characterized by her unwavering support for accountability and personal responsibility. She underscores the importance of clear, honest communication between parents and children, especially in situations involving familial discord. By rejecting neutrality, parents can protect their children from developing misplaced self-blame and instead focus on building a resilient and positive self-image.

Final Thoughts [06:30]:
Dr. Laura Schlesinger: "Come on, please. You have so much power now. You used to not be able to get married unless Daddy gave permission. Now you can do any foolish thing you wish to do. And look what we're doing to kids."

Through this episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger reinforces her commitment to providing ethical and straightforward advice, aiming to empower parents to make decisions that best support their children's emotional well-being.

Connect with Dr. Laura Schlessinger:
For more insights and advice, visit DrLaura.com and follow her on Facebook and Instagram.

Transcript

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Dr. Laura Schlesinger (0:23)

Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on SiriusX. Viviana, welcome to the program.

Viviana (0:36)

Hi Dr. Laura. Thank you for taking my call.

Dr. Laura Schlesinger (0:39)

You're welcome.

Viviana (0:39)

I am reaching out because I was seeking your advice on supporting my 15 year old daughter who has had a hard time with a divorce from four years ago from her dad. He started a new family, has kids and is attempting to have a relationship with him, but keeps putting excuses. And as neutral as I try to stay, I find it hard sometimes to see how upset it makes her to reach out to me to tell me that he's denying seeing her, taking her calls or texting or replying to her. So I was just wondering the best way to support her.

Dr. Laura Schlesinger (1:27)

First, being neutral is absolutely wrong. If you've heard me talk to kids like I just did some moments ago on the air, I tell them your father is a shit. That's why your mother got rid of him. And now he's married to some other broad making new kids, taking care of them, and he can't be bothered with you because mom made a mistake and married a shit. And I think women ought to tell their children, I apologize. I married without really thinking it through. Whether or not this was a very good man, his behavior, his history, what have you, I made the mistake and you're hurt now. So we have to make it through life in spite of the fact that I made a mistake. He's a shit, so I expect a shit to treat you badly. He treated me badly, now he's treating you badly. That's what shitty men do. That's why you should never marry one. Meanwhile, now Viviana, does she want to be an astronaut? Does she want to be a pilot? Does she want to be a chef? What dream has she ever expressed? Just name something quickly, please.

Viviana (2:41)

An attorney.

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