Times Change

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day – "Times Change"

Episode Information:

• Title: Times Change
• Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
• Release Date: January 20, 2025
• Platform: SiriusXM Triumph 111

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Introduction

In the episode titled "Times Change," Dr. Laura Schlessinger addresses the evolving dynamics of parenting adult children, particularly focusing on maintaining connections with grown sons. The conversation delves into the challenges faced by parents in fostering relationships with their adult children while respecting their independence.

Caller’s Dilemma: Staying Connected with Adult Sons

The episode begins with a caller reaching out to seek advice on maintaining a strong connection with her four children, specifically her two sons who are now in college.

Caller:
"I have four children, two in college that are boys and then two in high school that are girls. And I wanted to get your advice on how you think it's best for me to stay connected to my boys now that they're young men."
— [00:46]

Dr. Laura's Advice on Parenting Adult Sons

Dr. Laura responds by emphasizing the importance of allowing adult sons to establish their own identities and responsibilities. She advises that while maintaining a connection is crucial, it's equally important to give them space.

Dr. Laura:
"You're connected through your history, love. ... But you're off duty as their full-time mother. Don't call them, don't keep texting them, don't keep questioning them. Leave them alone."
— [01:10]

She reassures the caller that her sons will not forget their mother's presence and love, even with reduced daily interactions.

Dr. Laura:
"They're not going to forget you, I promise."
— [01:32]

Differentiating Mother and Father Roles

The conversation shifts to the distinct roles that mothers and fathers play in a son's life. Dr. Laura highlights that while mothers nurture and protect, fathers encourage risk-taking and personal growth.

Dr. Laura:
"These children are males. Your husband is a male. There are a lot of things he needs to still teach them about becoming men and dealing with certain things. ... You have the protect and nurture. He has. Go take risks and man up."
— [01:46 – 02:54]

She underscores that as sons mature, they naturally gravitate towards seeking advice and guidance from their fathers, who embody different life lessons.

Dr. Laura:
"You don't think your answer would be really very different from his? He has."
— [02:44]

Balancing Connection and Independence

Dr. Laura further elaborates on the subtle yet significant differences in parenting approaches between mothers and fathers. She provides examples, such as the way mothers typically comfort children versus how fathers engage them in activities that promote independence.

Dr. Laura:
"And when we hold little babies, we hold them facing in toward us. When dads hold babies, they usually flip them around outside to the outside world, which is. It's just different."
— [02:22 – 03:02]

This analogy illustrates the broader theme of providing support while encouraging self-reliance, which is essential as children transition into adulthood.

Managing Parental Expectations and Future Relationships

Towards the end of the conversation, Dr. Laura touches upon the anticipated changes in the parent-child relationship as children move towards significant life milestones, such as marriage.

Dr. Laura:
"The next time you go through this is going to be when they get married. You think this bothers you? Wait."
— [07:12]

She humorously acknowledges the emotional complexities parents face during such transitions, especially when dealing with daughters versus sons.

Dr. Laura:
"If you have daughters, that's one thing. If you have sons, you're on the outside of everything the way it is."
— [07:37]

Conclusion

In "Times Change," Dr. Laura Schlessinger provides insightful guidance to parents navigating the delicate balance between maintaining strong connections with their adult children and respecting their autonomy. By differentiating the roles of mothers and fathers and emphasizing the importance of allowing children to grow independently, Dr. Laura offers a roadmap for fostering lasting and meaningful relationships as children transition into adulthood.

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Notable Quotes:

• Dr. Laura on Boundaries:
  "Don't call them, don't keep texting them, don't keep questioning them. Leave them alone."
  — [01:10]

• Caller on Son-Father Relationship:
  "They're connecting so much with their dad, which makes sense because they're all men now, divorced. They're asking grown up advice."
  — [01:36]

• Dr. Laura on Parenting Differences:
  "You have the protect and nurture. He has. Go take risks and man up."
  — [02:54]

• Dr. Laura on Future Challenges:
  "The next time you go through this is going to be when they get married. You think this bothers you? Wait."
  — [07:12]

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Key Takeaways:

• Respecting Independence: Allowing adult children the space to make their own decisions fosters trust and self-reliance.

• Balanced Parenting Roles: Understanding and embracing the distinct roles of mothers and fathers can enhance parental support systems.

• Future Milestones: Anticipating and preparing for future changes in the parent-child relationship helps in maintaining strong bonds.

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For more insights and advice, tune into Dr. Laura Schlessinger’s daily radio program on SiriusXM Triumph 111 or visit DrLaura.com to become a Family member.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura]

Thanks for downloading my Call of the Day podcast. You too can participate in my live radio program heard weekdays from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Chris welcome to the program.

[Caller]

Dr. Lara. Thank you for taking my call. You've helped me so much over the years. I so appreciate your wisdom. I have four children, two in college that are boys and then two in high school that are girls. And I wanted to get your advice on how you think it's best for me to stay connected to my boys now that they're young men.

[Dr. Laura]

You're connected through your history, love. You're connected through the history you have with them and holidays and sending notes now and then being cute. But you're off duty as their full time mother. Don't call them, don't keep texting them, don't keep questioning them. Leave them alone.

[Caller]

Okay?

[Dr. Laura]

They're not going to forget you, I promise.

[Caller]

Okay. I guess I just. They're connecting so much with their dad, which makes sense because they're all men now, divorced. They're asking grown up advice. No, no, no, no. Not at all.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay. Can I explain something to you? These children are males. Your husband is a male. There are a lot of things he needs to still teach them about becoming men and dealing with certain things. In the beginning, your husband could have called and I don't know how to get connected to my sons. They're always on my wife's breasts. Yes, there are eras.

[Caller]

Okay? Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

They love you, they know you're there, but they're budding men and they talk to dad. Your approach is going to be extremely different because you're a mommy. So if they have a question, they need answering. You don't think your answer would be really very different from his? He has.

[Caller]

Oh, it would be very different.

[Dr. Laura]

You don't. You have the protect and nurture. He has. Go take risks and man up.

[Caller]

Okay.

Very Few daddies kiss the boo boo.

[Dr. Laura]

That's primarily a mama thing.

[Caller]

Yes, you're right. I knew you were going to say that.

[Dr. Laura]

And when we hold little babies, we hold them facing in toward us. When dads hold babies, they usually flip them around outside to the outside world, which is. It's just different. And at this time in their lives, they're needing the man stuff. You did your job. They love you. They always will. Curling up on the couch for a movie is one of my favorite ways to end the day. Lily's always right there with me. And we have a new addition to our movie nights. The fluffiest pretty rosewater pink Lola Blanket. Lola blankets are unbelievably soft double sided faux fur blankets with a huggable stretch that molds to your body. Lola blankets come in a beautiful array of colors and three different sizes so you can find just the right fit for your family. They even offer weighted blankets for better sleep and relaxation and super cute knotted faux fur pillows. With thousands of five star reviews, Lola Blankets are the must have upgrade your home and comfort deserve. So go to Lola blankets.com, use my code DRLAURA at checkout for 40% off. An incredible discount just for you, my listener. What are you waiting for? Go to lolablankets.com today and experience the life changing softness for yourself. Let's be real. Doing laundry stinks. Except the folding. I actually find that pretty meditative. But those heavy detergent jugs that spill and all those chemicals you don't really need. No thank you. Earth Breeze has changed the game with their detergent sheets. It's like a dryer sheet, but for your washer. Just toss in an Earth Breeze laundry sheet. Walk away. You get a powerful clean without the unnecessary chemicals. It's hypoallergenic, so no irritation or itching. Earth Breeze is all about making life easier and they do so by keeping things simple. So here's the deal. Go to earthbreeze.com drlora for 40% off with your subscription. If you don't love it, they'll give you your money back, no questions asked. Just go to earthbreeze.com drlaura if you want 40% off with your subscription. Once you try Earth Breeze, you'll never go back. See for yourself.

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[Dr. Laura]

The next time you go through this is going to be when they get married. You think this bothers you? Wait.

[Caller]

Oh God, no. Yes.

[Dr. Laura]

Oh God. You have two girls. Don't worry. Two girls.

[Caller]

Don't worry. It's very different with the girls. Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay.

[Caller]

Okay. All right. Thank you Dr. Laura.

[Dr. Laura]

You're very welcome. That's kind of funny. Yes. Just thinking about the weddings. If you have daughters, that's one thing. If you have sons, you're on the outside of everything the way it is. Okay, give me a call at 1-800-375-2872. Ah, Dan just wrote on my screen. We have a first time listener just called with the usual reaction to a first time listener. Told her to keep listening. It will all make sense. Yep, it will. I'm pretty shocking when you first hear me.

[Caller]

Absolutely.

[Dr. Laura]

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