The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: Top Reasons For Divorce

Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger

Date: November 16, 2025

Episode Overview

In this episode, Dr. Laura dissects the top 10 reasons couples divorce, synthesizing research findings, expert advice, and her call-in show experience. Her practical, candid advice is aimed at helping listeners become better spouses, partners, and family members by emphasizing accountability, self-improvement, and the realities of marital expectations.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Introduction to Divorce Causes

• [00:54] Dr. Laura references marriage.com and data from the Austin Institute, noting the 10 most common reasons for divorce as reported by 4,000 divorced adults.
• She frames the discussion with characteristic bluntness:
  “You know all of these. You don’t want to know some of them because it means you’ll have to change how you behave … But you do know all of these.”
  (Dr. Laura, [00:54])

2. Top 10 Reasons for Divorce

1. Extramarital Affairs

• [01:32] 20–40% of marriages end because of infidelity.
• Dr. Laura stresses that the motivations behind affairs are complex, often rooted in anger, resentment, lack of emotional intimacy, or unmet needs—not just a "bad character" trait:
  “The reasons why people cheat aren’t as cut and dry as you would think … I try to ask, what need was he getting met that wasn’t happening at home? … No, I’m holding the wife accountable for the wife’s part. Holding the man, the husband, accountable for his part.”
  (Dr. Laura, [01:53])

2. Financial Problems

• [02:45] 41% cite trouble with finances: different spending habits, financial goals, or power imbalances due to income inequality can all sour a marriage.

3. Lack of Communication

• [03:11] 65% blame communication breakdowns, which can present as yelling, withholding affection, or simply ceasing to talk altogether.
• Dr. Laura is adamant about the importance of daily, loving exchanges (small calls, texts) and healthy communication:
  “But if you’re not going to relate to the person you made vows to…”
  (Dr. Laura, [03:34])

4. Constant Arguing

• [03:55] Constant bickering—often about minor issues or parenting—erodes intimacy and partnership.
• She urges empathy and trying to see from your spouse’s perspective:
  “Just the next time you’re really annoyed with them, think: if I were defending them in a court of law for this, how would I defend them?”
  (Dr. Laura, [05:03])

5. Physical Neglect: “Getting Fat and Out of Shape”

• [09:44] Physical neglect is cited as superficial but real; loss of attraction often reflects not just looks but “an attitude of not caring” about what one brings to the marriage.
  “You’re supposed to take care of yourself, brush your teeth, and don’t get fat.”
  (Dr. Laura, [09:44])

6. Unrealistic Expectations

• [10:08] Expecting an idealized version of your spouse (or marriage) sets everyone up for failure.
  “Instead of working with what you got, you picked it, this is what you got. Work with it. Oh, but I really thought… yeah, no.”
  (Dr. Laura, [10:15])

7. Lack of Intimacy

• [10:25] Dr. Laura highlights the significance of staying physically, emotionally, and affectionately connected—not just sexual intercourse, but “touching, hugging, caressing, kissing, holding hands.”
• She notes that ignoring sexual needs is increasingly cited as a top cause of divorce today.

8. Unbalanced Responsibilities

• [11:04] When one partner feels all chores, childcare, or financial burdens fall on their shoulders, resentment breeds. Dr. Laura links this again back to poor communication (the absence of effective, respectful negotiation).
  “This is what I would like to share with you … That’s communication again, without yelling, nagging, complaining and all of that.”
  (Dr. Laura, [11:15])

9. Lack of Preparation for Marriage

• [11:49] 75% of couples (especially under 30) cite not being ready for marriage’s realities.
  “Most young people get married for what they believe they’re gonna get and they’re not focusing on all the obligations and blessings of giving.”
  (Dr. Laura, [12:26])

10. Abuse

• [13:12] About a quarter of divorces involve some form of abuse. Dr. Laura addresses both physical and emotional harm and the essential need to recognize and stop abuse.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Accountability in Marriage:
  “People get upset when they have to be held accountable sometimes.”
  (Dr. Laura, [01:57])

• On Seeing Your Spouse’s Perspective:
  “You married somebody different from you. … Now the fact that they’re unique is annoying. So take some time to think about why they’re behaving that way, why they’re doing that, and how it does make some sense.”
  (Dr. Laura, [05:32])

• On Giving vs. Getting:
  “Stop thinking about what the marriage is going to damn well do for you. Because if both of you are thinking about giving to the marriage, everybody’s going to be satisfied. There’s blessings in giving and there’s blessings in receiving. I’m not kidding. This is serious stuff.”
  (Dr. Laura, [14:01])

• On the Moral Obligation of Marriage:
  “When you start making children, if you don’t do the marriage/family part right, they suffer. And their possibilities for happy marriages and families … are hampered. You have a moral obligation.”
  (Dr. Laura, [14:36])

Timestamps for Major Segments

• Introduction and Research Overview: [00:54]
• Infidelity & Motivation: [01:32]
• Financial Conflict: [02:45]
• Communication & Empathy Exercise: [03:11]–[05:52]
• Discussion Resumes with #5 (Physical Neglect): [09:44]
• Intimacy, Responsibilities, and Preparation: [10:25]–[12:26]
• Abuse and Final Thoughts: [13:12]–[14:36]

Takeaway

Dr. Laura closes with a resounding call for accountability, self-awareness, and the importance of giving in marriage—both for personal happiness and family well-being. She urges listeners to reflect honestly on their own contributions to their relationships.