Summary4 min read

The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: Top Reasons For Divorce

Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger

Date: November 16, 2025

Episode Overview

In this episode, Dr. Laura dissects the top 10 reasons couples divorce, synthesizing research findings, expert advice, and her call-in show experience. Her practical, candid advice is aimed at helping listeners become better spouses, partners, and family members by emphasizing accountability, self-improvement, and the realities of marital expectations.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Introduction to Divorce Causes

[00:54] Dr. Laura references marriage.com and data from the Austin Institute, noting the 10 most common reasons for divorce as reported by 4,000 divorced adults.
She frames the discussion with characteristic bluntness:
“You know all of these. You don’t want to know some of them because it means you’ll have to change how you behave … But you do know all of these.”
(Dr. Laura, [00:54])

2. Top 10 Reasons for Divorce

1. Extramarital Affairs

[01:32] 20–40% of marriages end because of infidelity.
Dr. Laura stresses that the motivations behind affairs are complex, often rooted in anger, resentment, lack of emotional intimacy, or unmet needs—not just a "bad character" trait:
“The reasons why people cheat aren’t as cut and dry as you would think … I try to ask, what need was he getting met that wasn’t happening at home? … No, I’m holding the wife accountable for the wife’s part. Holding the man, the husband, accountable for his part.”
(Dr. Laura, [01:53])

2. Financial Problems

[02:45] 41% cite trouble with finances: different spending habits, financial goals, or power imbalances due to income inequality can all sour a marriage.

3. Lack of Communication

[03:11] 65% blame communication breakdowns, which can present as yelling, withholding affection, or simply ceasing to talk altogether.
Dr. Laura is adamant about the importance of daily, loving exchanges (small calls, texts) and healthy communication:
“But if you’re not going to relate to the person you made vows to…”
(Dr. Laura, [03:34])

4. Constant Arguing

[03:55] Constant bickering—often about minor issues or parenting—erodes intimacy and partnership.
She urges empathy and trying to see from your spouse’s perspective:
“Just the next time you’re really annoyed with them, think: if I were defending them in a court of law for this, how would I defend them?”
(Dr. Laura, [05:03])

5. Physical Neglect: “Getting Fat and Out of Shape”

[09:44] Physical neglect is cited as superficial but real; loss of attraction often reflects not just looks but “an attitude of not caring” about what one brings to the marriage.
“You’re supposed to take care of yourself, brush your teeth, and don’t get fat.”
(Dr. Laura, [09:44])

6. Unrealistic Expectations

[10:08] Expecting an idealized version of your spouse (or marriage) sets everyone up for failure.
“Instead of working with what you got, you picked it, this is what you got. Work with it. Oh, but I really thought… yeah, no.”
(Dr. Laura, [10:15])

7. Lack of Intimacy

[10:25] Dr. Laura highlights the significance of staying physically, emotionally, and affectionately connected—not just sexual intercourse, but “touching, hugging, caressing, kissing, holding hands.”
She notes that ignoring sexual needs is increasingly cited as a top cause of divorce today.

8. Unbalanced Responsibilities

[11:04] When one partner feels all chores, childcare, or financial burdens fall on their shoulders, resentment breeds. Dr. Laura links this again back to poor communication (the absence of effective, respectful negotiation).
“This is what I would like to share with you … That’s communication again, without yelling, nagging, complaining and all of that.”
(Dr. Laura, [11:15])

9. Lack of Preparation for Marriage

[11:49] 75% of couples (especially under 30) cite not being ready for marriage’s realities.
“Most young people get married for what they believe they’re gonna get and they’re not focusing on all the obligations and blessings of giving.”
(Dr. Laura, [12:26])

10. Abuse

[13:12] About a quarter of divorces involve some form of abuse. Dr. Laura addresses both physical and emotional harm and the essential need to recognize and stop abuse.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On Accountability in Marriage:
“People get upset when they have to be held accountable sometimes.”
(Dr. Laura, [01:57])
On Seeing Your Spouse’s Perspective:
“You married somebody different from you. … Now the fact that they’re unique is annoying. So take some time to think about why they’re behaving that way, why they’re doing that, and how it does make some sense.”
(Dr. Laura, [05:32])
On Giving vs. Getting:
“Stop thinking about what the marriage is going to damn well do for you. Because if both of you are thinking about giving to the marriage, everybody’s going to be satisfied. There’s blessings in giving and there’s blessings in receiving. I’m not kidding. This is serious stuff.”
(Dr. Laura, [14:01])
On the Moral Obligation of Marriage:
“When you start making children, if you don’t do the marriage/family part right, they suffer. And their possibilities for happy marriages and families … are hampered. You have a moral obligation.”
(Dr. Laura, [14:36])

Timestamps for Major Segments

Introduction and Research Overview: [00:54]
Infidelity & Motivation: [01:32]
Financial Conflict: [02:45]
Communication & Empathy Exercise: [03:11]–[05:52]
Discussion Resumes with #5 (Physical Neglect): [09:44]
Intimacy, Responsibilities, and Preparation: [10:25]–[12:26]
Abuse and Final Thoughts: [13:12]–[14:36]

Takeaway

Dr. Laura closes with a resounding call for accountability, self-awareness, and the importance of giving in marriage—both for personal happiness and family well-being. She urges listeners to reflect honestly on their own contributions to their relationships.

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Transcript13 lines

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Who knew? Thank you for listening to my morning monologue brought to you by Vibriance Super C Serum, the skincare product I use twice a day. Visit vibriance.com drlaura to save 37% and get free shipping. Remember, you can hear my radio Program Daily on SiriusXM Triumph and connect with me 24 7@drlaura.com do you want to know the reasons for divorce? Yes. Good. I'm glad you said yes. Okay, Great article in marriage.com Advice Divorce 10 Most Common Reasons for divorce. You know all of these. You don't want to know some of them because it means you'll have to change how you behave. But you do know all of these. But I'm going to go over them again. Good article. There was research. The Austin Institute for the Study of Family and culture data from 4,000 divorced adults identified the top 10 reasons for divorce. So I thought it would be nice to boom boom boom. Go through them for you and with you. Number one extramarital affair number one reason for divorce. 20 to 40% of the breakdown of most marriages end in divorce when one of you has screwed around with somebody else. The reasons why people cheat aren't as cut and dry as you would think because you get angry and you stop looking. So they named some of the reasons. Anger and resentment are common underlying reasons for cheating. Resentment means some ongoing behavior or attitudes that are just unsatisfying and never seem to get resolved, along with differences in sexual appetite and lack of emotional intimacy. I remember had a high class hooker who went straight said that when she was a call girl that most of the men came for conversation and the sense of emotional intimacy and not so much for the sex which is why I get a lot of people angry when women call and say he did such and such. And I try to ask, you know, why? I mean, he's just a bad character or what need was he getting met? That wasn't happening at home. Oh, you're blaming the wife? No, I'm holding the wife accountable for the wife's part. Holding the man, the husband, accountable for his part. People get upset when they have to be held accountable sometimes. Trouble with finances. 41% of divorces have to do with money. Everything from different spending habits, different long term financial goals, to one spouse making a heck of a lot more than the other spouse and using it to be in control and to dominate. Not nice. All right, Lack of communication. That's 65% of why people divorce. Yelling, not talking enough through the day. You know, little calls, I love you, how are you doing? What's new? What's up? Little text, love you, thinking about you. What's new, what's up? Stuff like that, Making nasty comments to express yourself are all unhealthy methods of communication. Basically, you just stop talking altogether. You have a million excuses for it. But if you're not going to relate to the person you made vows to, and with 65% of you, constant arguing, bickering about chores, arguing about the kids, incessant arguing kills relationships. And that's mostly because people don't want to see the other person's point of view. Holy cow. I remember a long time ago, I was on the John Davidson program. That's a long time ago. It was a talk program, like so many. And I was on there once a week for a while. And I did this thing with audience members. I took a couple that came there as a couple. I would also do it with people who didn't know each other, didn't matter. And I would say, okay, tell the person what you're mad at. So they would say, I'm mad that you don't make coffee. I'm mad that you. Whatever, doesn't matter. Okay, now that you've told us what you're angry about, this is basically what would happen if you go into marital counseling. You walk in, the therapist says, so what's your problem with them? What's your problem with them? Okay, now you have to defend the other person's point of view. This works so well for communication. And maybe, you know, you don't even have to set this up with your spouse. Just the next time you're really annoyed with them, think if I were defending them in a court of law for this. How would I defend them? And it helps you see that there is another point of view. You married somebody different from you. They don't have all the same thoughts and experiences and reactions. They're unique and you loved their uniqueness. That's why you married them. Now the fact that they're unique is annoying. So take some time to think about why they're behaving that way, why they're doing that and how it does make some sense. It's amazing. Won't be any communication problems.
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Number five. You may think this is superficial, getting fat and out of shape. I've had so many calls. When we married, we were both into bicycling, hiking, running this, that, and working out with weights. And now he or she is just letting themselves get fat. And frankly, I'm not turned on anymore to them. Not simply because of how they look, but because of the attitude of not caring what they bring to the marriage in terms of their state of health. Okay? That's a big part of people getting divorced. You're supposed to take care of yourself, brush your teeth and don't get fat. Okay? Number six, Unrealistic expectations. Expecting your spouse in the marriage to live up to your fantasy image. Instead of working with what you got, you picked it, this is what you got. Work with it. Oh, but I really thought. Yeah, no. 7. Lack of intimacy. That's seven ways of not staying connected. Leaves people feeling like they're living with a brother or a sister. Now, people have different sex drives. People have different sexual appetites. That's kind of the beginning. Over time, sexual needs and abilities change, health and what have you. Aging. But ignoring your partner's sexual needs is being called the number one cause of divorce. In recent times. I think historically that was not considered the most important thing. Loyalty, family, kids, you know, the home. And I wonder if people were out fooling around and they sort of stayed with that. Now they're not staying, okay? So it's really important that you be touching and hugging, caressing, kissing, holding hands. It isn't all about intercourse, but satisfying each other's needs is very important. It's part of your commitment and marriage. Okay? Lack of an unbalanced sense of responsibility for children, for the household needs, for the lawn, for the money being taken care of, for shopping. When one or the other feels like, hey, I've got all the responsibility, this is what I would like to share with you. This is what I. That's communication again, without yelling, nagging, complaining and all of that. Number nine. I like this one the best. I like this one the best. Why? Because I work on this every day. On the program, 75% of couples of all ages have blamed not being prepared for married life for their divorce. And mostly these are people under 30. And this is why I tell people don't get married till 29, 30, 31 and above. You're not prepared, you're young, still self centered. A surprising portion. Let me read this. 75% of couples of all ages have blamed not being prepared for the demise. Divorce rates are highest among couples in their 20s, and lack of preparation is one of the most common reasons for divorce. He's cute, she's cute. It's time to get married. I like having sex every 20 minutes. It's not the reason to get married. Half the divorces occur in the first 10 years of marriage, especially between the fourth and eighth anniversary. People are not prepared to be loving and giving, understanding, loving and giving. Most young people get married for what they believe they're gonna get and they're not focusing on all the obligations and blessings of giving. Number 10, quarter of all divorces. Because people abuse each other one way or another. I help, not, not help. I believe that everybody listening is going ouch to at least one of these. When you realize you're not keeping up your end as well as you should think of the marriage is separate from you and separate from your spouse. So here's your spouse. Here are you and here's the marriage. Here's you. Think about what you can do for the marriage. Stop thinking about what the marriage is going to damn well do for you. Because if both of you are thinking about giving to the marriage, everybody's going to be satisfied. There's blessings in giving and there's blessings in receiving. I'm not kidding. This is serious stuff. Because when you start making children, if you don't do the marriage family part right, they suffer. And their possibilities for happy marriages and families in the future are hampered. You have a moral obligation. Okay, good. All righty. My number, 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.
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