Turn Off the Worry

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day – "Turn Off the Worry"

Episode Overview: In the August 3, 2025 episode of "Dr. Laura Call of the Day", Dr. Laura Schlessinger addresses a heartfelt concern from a listener named Chris. The episode, titled "Turn Off the Worry," delves into the challenges of parental anxiety over adult children’s lives post-divorce. Dr. Laura offers no-nonsense advice on letting go, fostering independence, and maintaining a healthy parent-child relationship without overstepping boundaries.

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Caller’s Concern: Parental Anxiety Over Adult Children

Chris reaches out to Dr. Laura expressing deep worry over his two adult sons, aged 28 and 26. He fears that his own divorce may have adversely affected them and feels a lingering sense of guilt and responsibility for their well-being.

• Chris: "I have two adults, beautiful young men as my sons, ages 28 and 26. And I'm just so worried about them. I feel like I messed up. Messed them up. I got divorced from their father." ([00:21])

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Dr. Laura’s Immediate Response: Letting Go and Focusing on the Present

Dr. Laura emphasizes the importance of releasing past mistakes and shifting focus to the present. She advises Chris that his sons are now adults capable of carving their own paths.

• Dr. Laura: "Turn the worrying off and get busy on your current life. Your job is done. Any mistakes you made, any terrific things you did, they're behind us." ([00:50])

She underscores that excessive worrying only detracts from his own life without benefiting his sons.

• Dr. Laura: "You worrying does not make it any better, worse, easier, harder. All it does is subtract your life from you at this point on." ([01:04])

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Analogy of the Mother Bird: Accepting Independence

To illustrate her point, Dr. Laura uses the analogy of a mother bird leaving her chicks to fend for themselves, highlighting that mothers naturally release their young without constant oversight.

• Dr. Laura: "Do you ever see a baby bird following the birds around as they fly out of the nest... Does a mother bird do that?" ([02:02])

Chris acknowledges that this is not something he observes, reinforcing his struggle to let go.

• Chris: "No. No. So I was like, let's assume." ([02:06])

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Prayer and Support: Constructive Ways to Cope

Dr. Laura advises that prayer should be a means for Chris to center himself rather than a tool to fix his sons’ issues.

• Dr. Laura: "I don't believe you're praying for God to interject into their lives something to fix what you messed up." ([02:06])

She recommends being supportive by reinforcing positive behaviors and ignoring negative ones, thus fostering a healthier relationship.

• Dr. Laura: "Compliment them every time you see... They do something nice. That's what you do." ([02:44])

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Facing Guilt and Letting Go of Control

Chris admits to feeling particularly concerned about his youngest son, but Dr. Laura remains steadfast in her advice to cease worrying.

• Dr. Laura: "I don't want to hear it. It's none of your freaking business. Anymore." ([03:13])

She reinforces that it’s essential for parents to allow their adult children the space to manage their own lives.

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Handling Requests for Advice: Maintaining Boundaries

When Chris discusses potential interactions where his son might seek his advice, Dr. Laura provides clear guidelines.

• Dr. Laura: "If he comes to you and he asks for an opinion... Then give your opinion." ([03:37])

However, she warns against overinvolvement, suggesting that unsolicited advice can be detrimental.

• Dr. Laura: "If you want to know what your job is from now on, ignore the stupid because you can't send them to their rooms without supper anymore." ([02:44])

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Addressing Helicopter Parenting: Recognizing Its Limits

Chris reflects on his parenting style, labeling himself an advocate for his sons. Dr. Laura challenges the notion of being a "helicopter parent," categorizing it as abusive due to its controlling nature.

• Dr. Laura: "I consider helicopter parenting abuse." ([04:10])

She emphasizes that true support comes from empowering children to make their own decisions rather than directing them.

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Encouraging Independence: Trusting Their Judgment

Dr. Laura highlights the importance of trusting adult children to make their own decisions, offering confidence in their abilities to navigate life.

• Dr. Laura: "Your mom tells you she believes in you. That's a big pump up." ([07:25])

This affirmation can significantly boost their independence and self-assurance.

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Closing Thoughts: Embracing Positive Reinforcement

As the conversation concludes, Dr. Laura reiterates the necessity of positive reinforcement and minimal interference, enabling adult children to thrive independently.

• Dr. Laura: "I believe that you have a good head on your shoulders and you'll make the right decision." ([07:25])

Chris expresses gratitude for the advice, acknowledging its impact on his perspective.

• Chris: "That's great advice. I'm so glad I called you. Thank you." ([07:42])

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Key Takeaways:

1. Release Past Mistakes: Let go of past regrets and focus on the present to improve your own well-being.
2. Foster Independence: Trust adult children to manage their lives without overstepping or controlling their decisions.
3. Positive Reinforcement: Encourage and acknowledge positive behaviors while minimizing attention to negative ones.
4. Healthy Boundaries: Maintain clear boundaries, offering advice only when explicitly sought by your children.
5. Support Without Interference: Provide emotional support and confidence in your children's abilities to make their own choices.

Notable Quotes:

• Dr. Laura (00:50): "Any mistakes you made, any terrific things you did, they're behind us."
• Dr. Laura (01:04): "You worrying does not make it any better, worse, easier, harder. All it does is subtract your life from you at this point on."
• Dr. Laura (04:10): "I consider helicopter parenting abuse."
• Dr. Laura (07:25): "Your mom tells you she believes in you. That's a big pump up."

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Conclusion: In "Turn Off the Worry," Dr. Laura Schlessinger provides practical and compassionate advice for parents grappling with anxiety over their adult children’s lives. By advocating for letting go, fostering independence, and maintaining healthy boundaries, Dr. Laura empowers listeners to support their children effectively while also prioritizing their own well-being.

Transcript

[Dr. Laura]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Chris, welcome to the program.

[Chris]

Oh, thank you. Thank you for having me.

[Dr. Laura]

You're very welcome. How can I help?

[Chris]

Okay, So I have two adults, beautiful young men as my sons, ages 28 and 26. And I'm just so worried about them. I feel like I messed up. Messed them up. I got divorced from their father.

[Dr. Laura]

Chris, Chris. Chris.

[Chris]

I'm here.

[Dr. Laura]

And whatever you messed up together with how you didn't mess up, they're adults now. Turn the worrying off and get busy on your current life. Your job is done. Any mistakes you made, any terrific things you did, they're behind us. And they are going to make their own way in life with whatever combination of their personalities, characters, energy, intelligence, combined with all their experiences up to this point. You worrying does not make it any better, worse, easier, harder. All it does is subtract your life from you at this point on.

[Chris]

That's so true. You're so right.

[Dr. Laura]

So stop it.

[Chris]

As a mother, though, you just never stop.

[Dr. Laura]

You have to. Do you ever see a baby bird following the birds around as they fly out of the nest going, I don't know if I gave you enough grubs to eat. Are you going to get along with people? You ever see a mother bird doing that?

[Chris]

No. No. So I was like, let's assume.

[Dr. Laura]

Let's assume you screwed. Okay. I think prayer is good for you to connect with a higher power that brings you into feeling centered. I don't believe you're praying for God to interject into their lives something to fix what you messed up. And if you're praying for that, I suggest you stop it and be very supportive of the wonderful things they do and keep your mouth shut on the stupid things they do. So if you want to know what your job is from now on, ignore the stupid because you can't send them to their rooms without supper anymore. And compliment them every time you see. They say something intelligent, do something intelligent. They do something nice. That's what you do. You reinforce the good and ignore the shit. And none of us have to hear about your guilt, discomfort, sadness of how you might have screwed up as a mother.

[Chris]

You're right. I hear. I heard everything you said and I believe you. It's. I just see especially my youngest having trouble.

[Dr. Laura]

I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear it. It's none of your freaking business. Anymore.

[Chris]

And what if he comes to me and wants.

[Dr. Laura]

Then. Then give an opinion. Then give an opinion. If he comes to you and he asks for an opinion. Asks, Asks, requests, Gives you permission to open your mouth.

[Chris]

I know.

[Dr. Laura]

Then give your opinion.

[Chris]

Correct. I do know. To stay in my lane. I do believe I was a helicopter mom, you know, and when they turn 18.

[Dr. Laura]

I'm sorry you waited this long to get me to stop you. Because I consider helicopter parenting abuse. I consider it abuse.

[Chris]

Well, I don't know if that. I was not like that. I mean, you're the one who used the phrase.

[Dr. Laura]

Woman. You're the one who used the phrase helicopter mom. I consider that abusive behavior of attempting to control and direct somebody, a kid, for your benefit, for your goals, your dreams. So you use the phrase. If you want to substitute it. I'm open.

[Chris]

I advocate. I. I've been their biggest advocate I have. And I feel like if the parents don't have their children's backs, nobody else will. And I've always had their back.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, that's not true. That is so not true. But that's. Yeah, I see what's not true. It's not true that nobody else has their back. There are other relatives, there are friends, there are ministers, there are rabbis, there are teachers at school. There are so many people who have interceded in your life, my life, everybody's life, and watched our back. But at some point, you gave him the. Or you should have given your kids the pink slip to their lives.

[Chris]

Right?

[Dr. Laura]

And for some mothers in particular, that seems hard to do. But it must be done or you keep them from becoming real men.

[Chris]

My oldest has been independent from day one. Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

Did you have a question? It doesn't matter which one it is or why.

[Chris]

I guess my question, you know. Yes. I feel like I. Okay, let that baggage go. I did the best I could with what I knew and what I had at the time. And looking back won't change anything. I heard what you said. Worrying doesn't add a day to my life. You're correct. But if my youngest comes to me and wants to talk about his relationships, I should listen and give my opinion.

[Dr. Laura]

I have an opinion on that. I don't know. It depends if he appears to be too. Let me finish my sentence, please. If he appears to have too much need of your impact, then he has a problem and should probably go into counseling. There's a difference between, hey, I'm going to ask mom her opinion, and I better ask mom her opinion. There's a difference. So if it's. Yeah. I better ask mom for her opinion then. You should definitely not give one. You should tell him I believe that you have a good head on your shoulders and you'll make the right decision. That's how you watch his back.

[Chris]

And that's powerful. That will give him. Yeah. Just independence and clarity rather than when.

[Dr. Laura]

Your mom tells you she believes in you. That's a big pump up.

[Chris]

That's huge. That is. That's huge. That's great advice. I'm so glad I called you. Thank you.

[Dr. Laura]

Me, too. You got me thinking. That's always a good thing. My number, 1-800-375-2872. You're just a click away from some terrific deals being offered by companies that get the Dr. Laura stamp of approval. Visit drlaura.com Click on Sponsors to take advantage of the special discounts available to Dr. Laura listeners like you.