Podcast Summary: The Dr. Laura Podcast
Episode: We Don't Want to Lose This Son Too
Date: January 5, 2026
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Featured Callers: Joe and Stephanie
Main Theme and Purpose
This episode centers on Joe and Stephanie, a couple grappling with their middle son’s long-term alcoholism and the family’s ongoing trauma after losing their eldest son to suicide. They seek Dr. Laura’s advice on whether to re-engage with their troubled son after a recent breakup with his long-time partner, and how to cope with the difficult emotions tied to their family’s painful history.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Family Background and The Problem at Hand
- Joe and Stephanie have been married for 47 years and have four children. Their eldest son died by suicide; their second son has been struggling with alcoholism for over two decades.
- Their alcoholic son recently separated from his partner of 10 years (engaged for 8), who reached out to the parents asking them to reconnect, claiming he is sober.
- Joe and Stephanie haven’t had contact with this son for a year and a half, having set a boundary that they’d only resume contact if he was sober for a year.
Notable quote:
- Dr. Laura: "So he's a drunk. And—" (03:07)
- Stephanie: "She just mentioned that they are separate—" (04:17)
2. Evaluating the Ex’s Motives
- Upon reviewing the partner's text message, Dr. Laura notes skepticism about the son's reported sobriety.
- Dr. Laura urges the parents to verify the claim and cautions them about being manipulated into resuming a destructive relationship.
Notable quote (to Stephanie, on the ex’s text):
- Dr. Laura: "You need more information. What's her proof that he's been clean and sober for a year? Ask her that." (05:16)
- Stephanie: "Oh, zero. He's not been. He has not been sober for a year." (05:24)
- Dr. Laura: "There's nothing. You're back to where you were. Just get on with your lives ... I don't put a lot of energy into this one." (05:29)
3. Firm and Compassionate Boundaries
- Dr. Laura strongly advises the couple to disengage:
- Ignore the ex’s messages
- Refocus on their own well-being and their healthy children
- Protect themselves from further emotional turmoil
Notable quotes:
- Dr. Laura: "She dumped his ass, okay? She had enough and she wants to pass him off to you two so she won't feel guilty." (08:33)
- Dr. Laura: "Don't answer that one either. She's trying to dump him on you guys. She’s trying to see which one is a softer touch." (09:26)
4. The Parental Guilt After a Child’s Suicide
- Joe and Stephanie reveal that a major source of their worry is rooted in losing their eldest son to suicide at age 29.
- They fear a repeat scenario with their second son.
Notable moment:
- Joe: "When our oldest boy was 29, he took his own life." (10:16)
- Dr. Laura: "I can understand then why you would imagine that if you don't do something, this could happen again. It could, but it wouldn't be your fault if it did because you couldn't stop it anyway." (10:27)
5. Insight into Suicidal Behavior in the Family
- The parents share details about their eldest son’s suicide:
- There were threats, but no obvious signs of depression or substance abuse
- They were unaware of a note, as the ex-daughter-in-law has kept it from them
- Their second son has also threatened suicide multiple times
Dr. Laura elaborates:
- Repeated threats can be a manipulation tactic, not always tied to actual suicide risk, but still a cause for concern.
- She emphasizes that even mental health professionals must accept the limits of their control over someone’s intent.
Notable quote:
- Dr. Laura: "When I was in therapy school … one of the things they told us is ultimately, if we have a patient who committed suicide, that we couldn't blame ourselves because if somebody's intent, they'll find a way." (13:05)
6. Requirements for Future Contact
- If the son attempts direct contact, Dr. Laura counsels the parents to:
- Only allow him into their lives if he commits to "intensive psychiatric help"
- Reinforce that personal suffering does not entitle someone to inflict harm on others
Notable quotes:
- Dr. Laura: "If he comes to the door, you don't let him in. You say you can come in on one condition—that you go into intensive psychiatric help. Because your sadness, anger, all the feelings you have about your older brother have caused you to hurt too many people." (14:00)
- Dr. Laura: "Your suffering does not give you permission to cause suffering in others." (14:35)
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
- On Boundaries:
- Dr. Laura: "Don't. Don't go see a good movie." (09:38) [on how to respond instead]
- On Parental Grief:
- Dr. Laura: "I gotta tell you as a mother to a mother and a father, it is very hard not to feel a worry when our offspring are screwed up or in trouble or whatever. Okay. But sometimes you have to let it go." (09:47)
- On Trauma’s Ripple Effect:
- Joe: "Our second boy, the one that's been the alcoholic, he's threatened suicide so many times." (13:05)
- Dr. Laura: "He should have been in intensive psychotherapy so he would learn something about tormenting the rest of his family because he's hurting." (13:43)
Timestamps for Key Segments
- Background & Introduction: 01:32–03:27
- Going Over the Text from Son’s Ex: 04:17–05:16
- Advice: "Get on with your lives": 05:29–06:01
- Caution About Manipulation & Dumping Responsibility: 08:25–09:47
- Discussion of Guilt and Grief After Oldest Son’s Suicide: 10:10–11:57
- Handling Ongoing Suicidal Threats in the Family: 12:50–13:54
- Setting Firm Requirements for Future Contact: 14:00–14:41
Tone and Style
Dr. Laura’s advice blends blunt honesty, empathy, and practical wisdom. She is direct yet compassionate, especially in addressing the family’s grief and fears. The tone is supportive but uncompromising regarding setting boundaries and not indulging manipulative or destructive behavior by adult children.
Summary
This episode is a deeply personal and instructive discussion about the limits of parental responsibility, the importance of healthy boundaries with adult children suffering from addiction or mental illness, and the enduring pain of losing a child to suicide. Dr. Laura guides Joe and Stephanie away from guilt-driven intervention, instead counseling self-care, family focus, and clear, compassionate boundaries—only welcoming the troubled son back if he genuinely commits to intensive help.