What Changes at Age 18?

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day

Episode: What Changes at Age 18?
Release Date: March 5, 2025
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Platform: SiriusXM Triumph 111

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Introduction

In this episode of Dr. Laura Call of the Day, Dr. Laura Schlessinger addresses a heartfelt call from a grandparent raising their grandson. The discussion revolves around the impending milestone of the grandson turning 18 and the subsequent changes in family dynamics and personal responsibilities.

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Caller Background and Situation

Timestamp: [01:13] – [03:35]

The caller, a grandparent, shares their experience of adopting their grandson ten years ago. Initially, the child lived with them due to his biological parents' inability to provide a stable environment. The grandparent explains:

“My daughter didn't want the responsibility with them and they were being dropped everywhere and with whoever she found so that she could go and travel.”
— Grandparent Caller [01:26]

They reveal that both grandchildren were formally adopted eight years prior, providing a stable home environment. Despite the secure setting, the grandparents express concerns about the emotional impact of the children’s biological mother's absence.

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Emotional Impact on the Children

Timestamp: [02:00] – [03:08]

The grandparent discusses the emotional challenges the grandchildren faced due to their mother's abandonment:

“It was hard for them because she was around 8 when she came with.”
— Grandparent Caller [02:33]

While the children have adapted academically and socially with support from counselors, the emotional scars remain significant:

“They never get over actually. Really. And it's a heartbroken thing. But with help from counselors in school, they have overcome.”
— Grandparent Caller [02:39]

The grandparents express gratitude for effective parenting and supportive counseling in helping the grandchildren navigate these challenges.

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Main Discussion: Turning 18 and Gaining Independence

Timestamp: [03:11] – [09:22]

The central focus of the call is the grandson approaching his 18th birthday and his inquiries about newfound freedoms that come with adulthood. The grandparent seeks advice on how to address his questions regarding independence and responsibilities.

Grandparent Caller’s Question:

“Our son, our grandson is turning 18 in March, so he come to us with the question about what's going to change when he's 18, is he going to be able to come and go? Does he have to report to us what he's doing? Or can he have that freedom of being a young adult.”
— Grandparent Caller [03:11]

Host’s Initial Guidance:

Dr. Laura and the host emphasize that turning 18 does not automatically grant complete freedom. Instead, the transition to full independence requires demonstrating responsibility, such as obtaining employment, securing personal housing, or enlisting in the military.

“You will not have complete freedom until you have total responsibility for yourself. Which means you're in the military, you got yourself a job and a place to live. That's when you don't have to answer to anybody.”
— Caller Host [03:39]

The host further clarifies that while the grandson remains under their care, he must adhere to household expectations and responsibilities.

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Advice and Recommendations

Timestamp: [04:07] – [09:22]

Dr. Laura and the host provide structured advice to the grandparents on handling their grandson’s quest for independence:

1. Clear Communication:

   • Dr. Laura advises setting clear boundaries and expectations.

     “It's not a negotiation. You will not have total freedom. You have to leave and take care of yourself.”
     — Caller Host [07:30]

2. Encouraging Responsibility:

   • Emphasizing the importance of the grandson taking steps toward independence, such as securing employment or further education.

3. Positive Reinforcement:

   • Acknowledging the grandson’s proactive approach in seeking clarity:

     "I like that he asked."
     — Caller Host [08:28]

4. Maintaining Loving Relationships:

   • Balancing firmness with affection to ensure the grandson feels supported while understanding the boundaries.

     “As long as you respect our decision, we're happy to have you. We love you and you're cute and cuddly.”
     — Caller Host [09:15]

5. Preparation for Future Conversations:

   • Advising grandparents to anticipate such discussions and prepare their responses accordingly.

     “Think those in advance so that when he asks that question, because he sounds like a kid who will ask that question.”
     — Caller Host [08:16]

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Conclusion

The episode concludes with Dr. Laura reinforcing the message that reaching adulthood is not solely about gaining freedoms but also about embracing increased responsibilities. She commends the grandparents for their dedication and encourages them to continue fostering open and honest communication with their grandson.

“It's wonderful. You have an answer.”
— Caller Host [08:28]

Dr. Laura reminds listeners of the importance of balancing love with firm boundaries to guide young adults toward successful independence.

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Key Takeaways

• Adulthood and Responsibility: Turning 18 marks a significant milestone, but true independence requires demonstrating responsibility.
• Effective Communication: Clear and compassionate dialogue is essential in navigating the transition to adulthood.
• Support Systems: Professional counseling and a supportive family environment play crucial roles in overcoming emotional challenges.
• Preparation: Anticipating and preparing for conversations about independence can lead to healthier family dynamics.

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Notable Quotes

• Grandparent Caller:
  “They never get over actually. Really. And it's a heartbroken thing. But with help from counselors in school, they have overcome.”
  [02:39]

• Caller Host:
  “You will not have complete freedom until you have total responsibility for yourself.”
  [03:39]

• Caller Host:
  “It's not a negotiation. You will not have total freedom. You have to leave and take care of yourself.”
  [07:30]

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Additional Information

For more insights and personalized advice, listeners are encouraged to tune into Dr. Laura’s live radio program airing Monday through Friday from 2 to 5 PM Eastern Time on SiriusXM Triumph 111. Visit DrLaura.com to become a Family member and access exclusive content.

Transcript

[Dr. Laura]

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[Caller Host]

Maria, welcome to the program. Thank you.

[Grandparent Caller]

I, I'm calling to pick up your ring on our grandson, he's. He lives with us. He's been living with us for 10 years. We adopt.

[Caller Host]

Why? What's his. Why is he living with you and not his mommy and daddy?

[Grandparent Caller]

Yeah, that's. They. My daughter didn't want the responsibility with them and they were being dropped everywhere and with whoever she found so that she could go and travel. And so we decided to take them over and about eight years ago we adopted both of them.

[Caller Host]

And how are the kids dealing with rejecting mother? Ma'am, I'm talking to you. How have the kids dealt with a rejecting, abandoning mother?

[Grandparent Caller]

She lives in a different state.

[Caller Host]

How are the kids dealing with a mother who abandoned and rejected them? How are they dealing with that?

[Grandparent Caller]

Okay. It was hard for them because she was around 8 when she came with.

[Caller Host]

Are they having troubles in school? Can they go to the bathroom? Can they eat? Do they have friends?

[Grandparent Caller]

Yes, yes, they do. They're doing fine in regards to that. It was hard, but they got over that. But my question. Yeah, well, they never get over actually. Really. And it's a heartbroken thing. But with help from counselors in school, they have overcome.

[Caller Host]

And good grandparents. And good grandparents.

[Grandparent Caller]

Thank you.

[Caller Host]

So what can I help you with today?

[Grandparent Caller]

My question. Yeah, my question is our son, our grandson is turning 18 in March, so he come to us with the question about what's going to change when he's 18, is he going to be able to come and go? Does he have to report to us what he's doing? Or can he have that freedom of being a young adult? She says and I remember can you.

[Caller Host]

Stop for a moment? Can you stop for a moment?

[Dr. Laura]

Woohoo.

[Caller Host]

Thank you. That was well presented. I think an appropriate answer is no. You will not have complete freedom until you have total responsibility for yourself. Which means you're in the military, you got yourself a job and a place to live. That's when you don't have to answer to anybody. While you live here, you still have to answer to us. Yes.

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[Grandparent Caller]

That'S what I thought. Thank you so much. And yeah, we're gonna sit and have a chat with him and we, we will talk about this thing so that he knows where he stands.

[Caller Host]

Okay, let me make one thing perfectly clear before you leave. I think you know this already, but it makes me feel good to say it. He doesn't have a vote. It's not a negotiation. It's an announcement. If you want total freedom as an adult, you have to leave and take care of yourself. Otherwise, if we're still kind of taking care of you with the food and the electricity and the roof over your head, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Yeah. Then we have a say. And you don't have total freedom. So if you'd like total freedom, plan to get a job, a place to live or join the military or something like that, when you don't exactly have.

[Dr. Laura]

Total freedom there either.

[Grandparent Caller]

But you know, okay, we will go over that with him. Thank you so much, Dr. Laura. I appreciate it.

[Caller Host]

But I like that he asked.

[Grandparent Caller]

Yeah, he did ask.

[Caller Host]

No, what's good about that is a lot of young people in his age group are just such asses. And they're arrogant and they're disrespectful to their parents or grandparents or who's ever raising them. That they command and demand that now that they're 18, this is, you know, you can't touch them. That's when you drop, kick them out of your house. So I like, you know, you've raised him really well because he asked. So then he'll say, well, okay, I won't have total freedom if I stay here. I understand that. What freedoms do I have? So think those in advance so that when he asks that question, because he sounds like a kid who will ask that question. And that's wonderful. You have an answer.

[Grandparent Caller]

Yes, he will. Okay, well, I'll sit with my husband and go over that. Thank you so much. I appreciate it.

[Caller Host]

You're very, very welcome. Thank you for saying that. Yeah. It's not a negotiation. You will not have total freedom. Well, what freedoms might I have? That's a good question. And these are the ones we think you will have and these are the ones you will not have. And as long as you respect our decision, we're happy to have you. We love you and you're cute and cuddly. I guess you don't say that to a 17 year old male. No. Okay. My number, 1-800-375-2872.

[Dr. Laura]

If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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