Podcast Summary: The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: What Cheaters Are Really After
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Date: November 14, 2025

Overview

In this episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger unpacks the hidden motivations behind infidelity and what those who cheat are truly seeking. Using an insightful article from The Good Men Project as a springboard, Dr. Laura discusses psychological drivers of affairs, explores recurring patterns, and shares advice rooted in her signature direct tone. Listeners are encouraged to reflect on their relationships and personal accountability rather than seeking shortcuts for happiness.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Core Question: Why Do People Cheat?

(00:56-02:00)

• Dr. Laura sets up the episode’s focus: examining what drives people to risk their relationships through affairs, even though the consequences can be severe.

• She refers to an article by Tim Dahl from The Good Men Project, appreciating its male perspective and research.

  "It's mostly guys. Not totally, but mostly guys who fool around." — Dr. Laura (01:20)

2. The Thrill of the Affair

(01:40-03:45)

• One of the biggest motivators is the thrill and excitement of being with someone new, which can be intoxicating but inevitably short-lived.

• Dr. Laura notes that the novelty fades and reality sets in, leaving people back where they started but with more complications.

  "The thrill seeker is seeking the new. Well, as the affair goes on, the new becomes routine…and they're back to where they started. Except they might have a mess to clean up." — Dr. Laura (02:30)

• Reference to research: 44% of men cheat due to wanting more exciting sex, largely stemming from newness.

3. Escaping Routine and Rekindling Spark

(06:22-09:10)

• For many, affairs serve as an escape from a stagnant, routine marriage.

• Dr. Laura highlights the importance of treating your partner like a boyfriend or girlfriend, doing loving and playful things, and not taking each other for granted.

• She humorously recalls a listener’s negative response to her advice for couples to run and hug each other, then challenges that view.

  "'Why don't we ask him if feeling needed by his woman makes him feel good or bad? Why don't we ask him?'" — Dr. Laura (07:05)

• She playfully suggests reigniting marital intimacy with small rituals, even using humorously vivid imagery.

  "Go take a shower together. Rub soap all over each other, everywhere… delicate soap." — Dr. Laura (08:01)

• Dr. Laura stresses ongoing effort and contribution in relationships, equating men to water pumps that need to be "primed" by women moving them out of their "cerebral space, into their soul space, sensuality space."

• If couples focus on resentment rather than love and tenderness, affairs may start to look like an appealing "escape route."

  "So between now and dead, you're going to live on resentment instead of love and tenderness? That's seriously stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid." — Dr. Laura (09:22)

4. Ego Boost and Validation

(09:30-10:20)

• Some people cheat for an ego boost—a temporary rush of feeling wanted, attractive, and sexy.
• For women specifically, 33% cheat to see if they've "lost their charm." Dr. Laura notes that, for everyone, the effect is fleeting.

5. Cheating for Power & Control

(10:30-11:15)

• Certain cheaters get a sense of empowerment from their secret. The affair gives them the upper hand by creating a private world that their spouse is unaware of.

• Ultimately, these affairs become traps rather than sources of freedom, requiring constant vigilance and deception.

  "Except affairs end up controlling you... until the thing you thought was going to empower you ends up being an ugly trap." — Dr. Laura (11:00)

6. Looking for Yourself in the Wrong Places

(11:20-12:00)

• Dr. Laura uses her "sock drawer" analogy for people searching for themselves through affairs.

• She encourages self-examination instead of looking for meaning in external or secretive experiences.

  "You're not finding yourself in an affair… it rarely leads to any true long lasting fulfillment." — Dr. Laura (11:40)

7. Unmet Needs and the Shortcuts Trap

(12:00-12:30)

• Affairs reflect deeper, unmet emotional needs—whether neurotic or valid.

• Cheating is a shortcut that rarely leads to positive change or fulfillment.

  "Shortcuts rarely get you to any positive destination. You want a better life? Make an effort. Communication. Better choices. Better behavior." — Dr. Laura (12:22)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote | |-----------|--------------|-----------------------------------------------------------------------| | 01:20 | Dr. Laura | "It's mostly guys. Not totally, but mostly guys who fool around." | | 02:30 | Dr. Laura | "The thrill seeker is seeking the new…they're back to where they started. Except they might have a mess to clean up." | | 07:05 | Dr. Laura | "'Why don't we ask him if feeling needed by his woman makes him feel good or bad?'" | | 08:01 | Dr. Laura | "Go take a shower together. Rub soap all over each other, everywhere… delicate soap." | | 09:22 | Dr. Laura | "So between now and dead, you're going to live on resentment instead of love and tenderness? That's seriously stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid." | | 11:00 | Dr. Laura | "Except affairs end up controlling you... until the thing you thought was going to empower you ends up being an ugly trap." | | 12:22 | Dr. Laura | "Shortcuts rarely get you to any positive destination. You want a better life? Make an effort. Communication. Better choices. Better behavior." |

Important Segment Timestamps

• 00:56: Main topic introduction (what cheaters are really after)
• 01:40-03:45: The thrill and excitement of affairs
• 06:22-09:10: Escaping routine & marital stagnation
• 09:30-10:20: Ego boost and seeking validation
• 10:30-11:15: Cheating for power and control
• 11:20-12:00: The "sock drawer" analogy and search for meaning
• 12:00-12:30: The problem of unmet needs and shortcuts

Tone and Takeaways

Dr. Laura delivers her commentary with characteristic directness and wit, combining sarcasm, humor, and empathy for listeners’ struggles. The message is clear: cheating is not a solution—it’s a maladaptive response to deeper issues that require honest reflection and active effort. Dr. Laura wraps the episode challenging listeners to choose effort, communication, and positive behavior over risky shortcuts.