What the Bible Says About Helping Others

Summary

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Podcast Summary: The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: What the Bible Says About Helping Others
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Date: October 29, 2025

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Overview

This episode of The Dr. Laura Podcast revolves around a poignant call from Janet, a listener overwhelmed by years of caring for her older, self-destructive sister. Janet, guided by her Christian beliefs, seeks clarity from Dr. Laura regarding the boundaries of her responsibilities. The main theme is the intersection of religious obligation, personal boundaries, and morality when helping those who continually reject assistance.

Dr. Laura uses biblical references and practical wisdom to help Janet—and the broader audience—understand when it is appropriate to step back for one's own well-being.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Janet's Struggle to Set Boundaries with Her Sister

[01:13 - 03:35]

• Janet (64) is the youngest of six, with a sister who has been widowed and battling mental health and substance abuse issues.
• Over two decades, Janet and another sister have repeatedly helped, but the aided sibling remains unresponsive and her life stays chaotic.
• Janet expresses feeling "burnt out" and wonders where her responsibility as a Christian begins and ends:

  "I'm having a hard time deciphering where and when my responsibility begins and ends. ... I am burnt out. I'm tired. I'm burnt out." — Janet [03:15]

The Role of Faith in Responsibility

[03:35 - 04:32]

• Dr. Laura inquires about Janet's Christian faith and points out that Janet may be using biblical teachings to judge herself harshly.
• Dr. Laura asks Janet to get her Bible, suggesting there are scriptural limits on repeatedly helping self-destructive individuals.
• The conversation briefly pauses for ads, resuming with the Bible in hand.

  "And is that what you're holding over your own head also?" — Dr. Laura [03:41]
  "I think so, yeah." — Janet [03:45]

Scriptural Foundations for Setting Limits

[06:24 - 08:10]

• Dr. Laura guides Janet to references like Matthew 18:15-17 and Proverbs 14:7 as evidence that biblical doctrine supports setting healthy boundaries:

  "Jesus made it very clear that, that in dealing with people who are self-destructive and no matter how much you help them, it isn't helpful that ultimately you back away. Jesus said that." — Dr. Laura [06:39] "...limits are placed to how much you’re supposed to cater to sacrifice for self-destructive people." — Dr. Laura [07:09]

• Dr. Laura urges Janet to review these passages and "limit my exposure at this point." Janet expresses relief but grapples with guilt.

Affirmation and Emotional Support

[08:10 - 09:56]

• Dr. Laura reassures Janet that even Jesus “backs you up” in setting boundaries.
• She also reframes the question of endless responsibility:

  "You don’t waste your energy when it’s not being used constructively. Why would Jesus even tell you to keep wasting yourself when it’s not being used effectively? … That would be a bizarre thing, I think, for Jesus to require of anybody." — Dr. Laura [08:29]

Coping with Guilt and Unresolved Obligations

[09:03 - 09:56]

• Janet worries about leaving her sister without help.
• Dr. Laura reminds her that not all burdens are hers to bear:

  "But not all of it is your obligation or responsibility or concern anymore. You can feel bad, but you don’t have to waste yourself away." — Dr. Laura [09:08]

• Dr. Laura uses the metaphor:

  "You keep digging, pushing the dirt out of a hole. She keeps pushing it to fall back in. Read the scriptures and stop berating yourself." — Dr. Laura [09:36]

The Question of “Evil” and Personal Responsibility

[09:56 - 11:22]

• Janet suggests that people who self-destruct must have suffered trauma.
• Dr. Laura challenges this, insisting personal choice matters:

  "There’s a mentality that makes being evil, being destructive, that something must have happened to you that's nonsensical." — Dr. Laura [10:12]
  "You don’t think that some people are evil? Some people are evil. Do you hear me?" — Dr. Laura [10:23]

• Dr. Laura notes many have come from difficult backgrounds and chosen to become “beautiful flowers,” arguing against automatic victimhood.

Closure and Affirmation of Janet’s Efforts

[11:02 - 11:22]

• Janet reflects with gratitude on her own resilience.
• Dr. Laura encourages her to be grateful for her good choices and reaffirms Janet's right to protect her own well-being:

  "Be grateful to yourself. Yes, I’m with that." — Dr. Laura [11:22]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Biblical Boundaries:
  "Jesus made it very clear… that ultimately you back away." — Dr. Laura [06:39]
• On Endless Sacrifice:
  "You don’t waste your energy when it’s not being used constructively." — Dr. Laura [08:29]
• On Guilt and Duty:
  "Not all of it is your obligation or responsibility or concern anymore." — Dr. Laura [09:08]
• On Individual Choice:
  "That’s nonsense. A bad childhood means you have to be a bad, self-destructive, destructive person. That’s nonsense." — Dr. Laura [10:51]

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Important Timestamps

• [01:13] Janet introduces her family situation and exhaustion
• [03:15] Janet articulates her struggle with Christian duty and burnout
• [06:39] Dr. Laura begins citing scripture to support setting limits
• [08:29] Dr. Laura gives her core message about not wasting one’s energy
• [09:36] Dr. Laura’s “digging the hole” metaphor about repeated help
• [10:23] Dr. Laura distinguishes between trauma and personal responsibility

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Takeaways

This episode centers on the delicate dance between compassion and self-preservation, particularly when faith and morality seem to demand self-sacrifice. Dr. Laura guides listeners to consult scripture not merely for inspiration to help, but also for justification to set boundaries. The message is clear: enduring self-destruction for others, even loved ones, is not a biblical requirement—and sometimes, stepping back is the most loving, responsible choice for both parties.

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Transcript

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Caller (Janet)]

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Janet, welcome to the program.

[Caller (Janet)]

Thank you, Dr. Laura. I appreciate you taking my call. I am. Thank you. I'm 64 years old, the youngest of six siblings and I have a sister who is 10 years my senior. She has no children and her husband has been gone for since she has been since she was 50. So 24 years. She hasn't really done much to help herself over these 20 years and in the last 10 years she's been hospitalized in a psychiatric hospital four times. And my other older sister and I have facilitated all these visits and helping her get in and out and getting back on her feet. And then she would kind of reabuse, I think marijuana and possibly some other drugs that had led her to her last visit in the hospital, which she had that electrical therapy on her brain and two years ago August she got out. So now for the last year I have really kind of stepped back and tried to my children have kind of stepped in and tried to help and I have two children, an intact family myself, healthy family, functioning children. And I guess what my question to you is I've tried to help this sister so many times and when I go over there, you know, she's not really open to suggestions for organizing or getting it together and she just keeps making big messes out of her house and just it's like chaotic. They're hard to always find things. Now you know it's coming time again Dr. Laura where. Like, she needs to be taken to doctor appointments and.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay. Do you have. Okay, I got it. All right.

[Caller (Janet)]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And your question for me?

[Caller (Janet)]

My question for you is I'm having a hard time deciphering where and when my responsibility begins and ends. I will. I'll be a good Christian person, you know what I mean, and help those that are less fortunate than myself. And I am burnt out. I'm tired. I'm burnt out. I'm becoming.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, I get it. Are you a religious woman? Are you a Christian?

[Caller (Janet)]

I am. Oh, very, yes.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And is. And is that what you're holding over your own head also?

[Caller (Janet)]

I think so, yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay. You have a Bible around?

[Caller (Janet)]

I do.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Go get it.

[Caller (Janet)]

Okay.

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[Caller (Janet)]

I was sitting in my car listening to your program. Okay, I'm here. I have my Bible.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay.

[Caller (Janet)]

Yep.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Number of places you might want to write them down so you can do some of this on yourself because basically biblically speaking.

[Caller (Janet)]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Jesus, who was a nice Jewish boy, you do understand that Jesus made it very clear that, that in dealing with people who are self destructive and no matter how much you help them, it isn't helpful that ultimately you back away. Jesus said that. So I want you to look at a couple of things like Matthew 18, 15, 17.

[Caller (Janet)]

That's 1, 15 through 17. Okay.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Proverbs advises you to stay away from a fool, for you will not find knowledge on their lips. That's Proverbs 14, 7. All the way through your texts it's clear that limits are placed to how much you're supposed to cater to sacrifice for self destructive people.

[Caller (Janet)]

Yeah, okay. I mean, Dr. Laura, I've studied this my whole life. Okay. Since I was 26 years old. You know, codependent.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Yeah, but you weren't, but you weren't looking for this.

[Caller (Janet)]

Okay. So, okay, I'm going to refer to these passages that you've suggested and we'll just limit. I'm just trying to limit my exposure at this point. And yes, and yes. Jesus helping her.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Jesus. I don't need to hear any of that.

[Caller (Janet)]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Jesus backs you up.

[Caller (Janet)]

Yeah. Dr. Laura, thanks. Thank you. I will review these. Good. It's a tough one.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well, it wasn't to Jesus. It's his teachings that you don't waste. I'll put it in my own words. You don't waste your energy when it's not being used constructively. Why would Jesus even tell you to keep wasting yourself when it's not being used effectively? I mean, think about it. That would be a bizarre thing, I think, for Jesus to require of anybody.

[Caller (Janet)]

Yeah. Okay.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And that's just two. There are so many others. So look them up, read them and give yourself some peace.

[Caller (Janet)]

So you let these people, like what's going to happen, you know, I don't know.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I don't know. But not all of it is your obligation or responsibility or concern anymore. You can feel bad, but you don't have to waste yourself away.

[Caller (Janet)]

Yeah. Every time I leave church on Sunday, I come back thinking, jeez, I should help her. You know, no one is here to help her.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Janet. Janet. You keep digging, pushing the dirt out of a hole. She keeps pushing it to fall back in. Read the scriptures and stop berating yourself. And yeah, at some point there will be no one to help her. You're right.

[Caller (Janet)]

Isn't that sad?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Yes.

[Caller (Janet)]

Yes, it is. Because I really believe all these people in the world that are destroying themselves, something happened to them, you know, something along the way that.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well, I tell you, there's a mentality that makes being evil, being destructive, that something must have happened to you that's nonsensical.

[Caller (Janet)]

Really?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You don't think there's some people are evil? Some people are evil. Do you hear me?

[Caller (Janet)]

Yes, I do.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

They don't have to have had an ingrown toenail and their mother kicked them. Yeah.

[Caller (Janet)]

And if they have, then what? What if they have?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

We have. We have all known people who came from shit.

[Caller (Janet)]

Yeah, that's true.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And created themselves into beautiful flowers. So don't tell me it's cause and effect. A bad childhood means you have to be a bad, self destructive, destructive person. That's nonsense.

[Caller (Janet)]

I agree. Yeah. I always thank God for my strong brain that I could get out of any of these bad situations. I could have gone down. I'm grateful for that.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You made better choices.

[Caller (Janet)]

I did, yes. I'm grateful. Right. I feel very grateful to yourself.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Be grateful to yourself. Yes, I'm with that.

[Caller (Janet)]

All right. Thank you so much.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

My number, 1-800-375-2872. Check out my social media on Facebook and Instagram. I post stories, photos and videos seven days a week and feature some of what you sent me, too. There's always something interesting going on there. You can find me at facebook.com drlaura and instagram.com drlauraprogram.

[Commercial Narrator]

Tis the season of gifting and holes to deck and the who's and who. Louisville were in love with new tech. Where can we find Sonos and Samsung and Nintendo? They shouted. Would they find it in one place? This they questioned and doubted when suddenly a who yelled, walmart's the place to start. And Dichu added headphones, TVs and games to their carts. With Walmart, their shopping was done in a flurry. They cried out, who knew? And ordered their gifts in a hurry. Shop the latest tech gifts in the Walmart app.