What to Do When in Serious Disagreement as Shack Ups

Summary

The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: What to Do When in Serious Disagreement as Shack Ups

Date: January 31, 2026
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger

---

Overview

In this episode, Dr. Laura responds to a listener's heartfelt question about handling a serious disagreement with his fiancée. The couple has been living together (or "shacking up") but now faces conflict after she has experienced a religious awakening. She wishes to stop having sex until marriage and move out to strengthen their relationship, claiming God instructed her to do so. Dr. Laura provides her direct, candid take on their dilemma, discussing boundaries, self-advocacy, and the importance of honesty and agency in relationships.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Caller’s Dilemma: Sudden Change in Relationship Dynamics

(01:17–05:03, 07:54–10:28)

• The caller (Jonathan) describes being engaged for five months and living together for two years.
• His fiancée recently became devoutly religious and insists on abstaining from sex until marriage and wants to move out—decisions she attributes to direct guidance from God.
• Jonathan feels betrayed when she rapidly secures her own lease and movers without his input, and he feels his accommodating actions ("religion, counseling, wait till marriage for sex") are insufficient.

2. Dr. Laura’s Analysis: Red Flags & Manipulation

• Dr. Laura seizes on the phrase, "Am I wrong to not agree to what God has told her on moving out?" with a mix of humor and concern:

  • Quote (03:32):

    “I'm sorry, you're going to disagree with God? The woman is saying she speaks to God and God gives her daily advice here. I think that's going to be a problem in your marriage because it's going to be hard for you to argue. Honey, that's it. God said, what are you going to use? Huh?”
    — Dr. Laura (03:32)

• She notes that, regardless of Jonathan’s feelings, his fiancée is acting unilaterally and using "God told me" as an unassailable argument—something Dr. Laura labels as "horrible manipulation."

  • Quote (08:11):

    “This is a horrible manipulation. Sir, your name is Jonathan. The way I look at this, you should get on your knees and thank God. …You just dodged a bullet. You really want to get married to somebody this manipulative? I mean, how can you debate God?”
    — Dr. Laura (08:11)

---

3. Autonomy, Agency, and Ownership of Decisions

• Dr. Laura stresses that while she's fine with the fiancée's decision to pursue what she sees as a more "saintly way" (purity before marriage), she objects to the use of "God told me" to sidestep communication and negotiation:

  • Quote (09:06):

    “She decided purity speaking, stopping sex and not shacking up with you before marriage was a more saintly way to go. I agree with her. And since you didn't agree, she wasn't looking for your permission. She took control of her own life. I'm good with that. …Except throwing God under the bus. In arguments.”
    — Dr. Laura (09:06)

• Dr. Laura distinguishes between making an empowered life choice and manipulating a partner by invoking larger-than-life, unquestionable authority (i.e., God).

---

4. Key Takeaways for Jonathan and Listeners

• If your partner is unwilling to negotiate and places the authority for every major decision outside the relationship, it’s a serious red flag for the health of the partnership.
• Taking personal responsibility for life choices is commendable, but claiming "divine directives" shuts down honest adult conversation and problem-solving.
• Dr. Laura encourages Jonathan to view this turn of events as "dodging a bullet," suggesting incompatibility at this fundamental level of communication and values.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On debating with God:

  “I'm sorry, you're going to disagree with God? …It's going to be hard for you to argue. Honey, that's it. God said, what are you going to use? Huh?”
  — Dr. Laura (03:32)

• On manipulation:

  “This is a horrible manipulation. …You just dodged a bullet. …How can you debate God?”
  — Dr. Laura (08:11)

• On autonomy and personal responsibility:

  “She wasn't looking for your permission. She took control of her own life. I'm good with that. …Except throwing God under the bus.”
  — Dr. Laura (09:06)

---

Important Timestamps

• 01:17 — Caller email read aloud (situation outlined)
• 03:32 — Dr. Laura humorously comments on arguing with God
• 07:54 — Dr. Laura returns to analysis after ads
• 08:11–09:30 — Main advice: manipulation, red flags, autonomy

---

Tone and Style

Dr. Laura maintains her trademark directness, combining empathy for the caller’s pain with a brisk, no-nonsense reading of the situation. Her tone is frank, occasionally humorous, and laced with her characteristic skepticism toward "excuses" or manipulative argument tactics—especially those cloaked in moral or religious rhetoric.

---

Bottom Line

Dr. Laura’s core message: Unequal power dynamics and "divine" justifications for unilateral decisions are incompatible with a healthy, communicative partnership. Taking personal responsibility for one's faith journey is admirable, but using it to bypass mutual decision-making signals deeper incompatibility.

Dr. Laura’s final note for listeners and Jonathan:
Getting out now is a "bullet dodged"; beware marriages where open discussion is replaced by non-negotiable “higher authority” decrees.

Transcript

[Expedia/Disney Cruise Line Announcer]

Packages by Expedia. You were made to occasionally take the hard route to the top of the Eiffel Tower. We were made to easily bundle your trip Expedia made to travel Flight Inclusive packages are atoll protected for adults with.

[Tremphya Pharmaceutical Advertiser]

Crohn's disease or ulcerative colitis symptoms. Every choice matters. Tremphya offers self injection or intravenous infusion from the start. Tremphya is administered as injections under the skin or infusions through a vein every four weeks, followed by injections under the skin every four or eight weeks. If your doctor decides that you can self inject Tremphya, proper training is required. Tremphya is a prescription medicine used to treat adults with moderately to severely active Crohn's disease and adults with moderately to severely active ulcerative colitis. Serious allergic reactions and increased risk of infections and liver problems may occur. Before treatment. Your doctor should check you for infections and tuberculosis. Tell your doctor if you have an infection, flu like symptoms or if you need a vaccine. Explore what's possible. Ask your doctor about Tremphaya today. Call 1-800-526-7736 to learn more or visit tremphyaradio.com thank you for listening to my.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Morning monologue brought to you by Golden Crest Metals. Helping everyday investors protect what they've worked so hard to build by adding gold and silver to retirement portfolios. Learn more @gold remember, you can hear my radio program daily on Sirius XM triumph and connect with me 247 rlaura.com send an email. It's drlauractorlora.com hello Dr. Laura, hoping to get some advice. Fiance and I have been together just over three years, engaged just over five months, with our wedding planned 10 months away. We've been shacking up for two years. We had a very serious disagreement in which I'm upset she doesn't accept my sexual advances and she's upset that I haven't followed her on her new journey with Christ. Her new journey with Christ started three months ago. The sexual issues have been on and off for the past year or so. At night we didn't resolve anything and talked about breaking up. The next day I came to her saying I would do Bible based counseling, attend church with her and give religion a real opportunity and lastly, wait until marriage to have sex again. As now, sex before marriage is weighing on her. She was thrilled and her prayers were answered, she said, although she thought it might be best to postpone the wedding. We seemed to get everything worked out, or so I thought. Fast forward Two days later she let me know she loves me, wants to continue our engagement and not postpone the wedding. But God spoke to her saying it would be best for her to move out until we're married as it will strengthen our relationship. I told her I did not agree and think her moving out would be more detrimental to our relationship being that we've already been living together for two years. Very next day she signed a lease elsewhere and scheduled movers for her stuff. Am I wrong to not agree to what God has told her on moving out? I'm going to read that sentence to you again because that cracked me up bad the first time. Am I wrong to not agree to what God has told her on moving out? I'm sorry you're going to disagree with God. The woman is saying she speaks to God and God gives her daily advice here. I think that's going to be a problem in your marriage because it's going to be hard for you to argue. Honey, that's it. God said, what are you going to use? What are you going to use? Huh?

[Dr. Horton Home Builder Announcer]

Your new home is now ready. Dr. Horton, America's builder, has new homes that are ready today with new construction communities in Ellensburg and throughout the Greater Seattle area. Dr. Horton has the right home for you. At Dr. Horton, we're still building with flexible living spaces, smart home technology and two and three car garages. More communities and more homes available every day. Find your new home in Ellensburg now [e-mail] Dr. Horton, America's builder and equal housing opportunity builder A dream is a wish.

[Expedia/Disney Cruise Line Announcer]

Your heart may step aboard a Disney cruise and discover where memories meet adventure, where escape meets imagination, where magic meets the sea.

[Tremphya Pharmaceutical Advertiser]

Disney cruise Line for adults with Crohn's disease or ulcerative colitis symptoms, every choice matters. Tremphya offers self injection or intravenous infusion from the start. Tremphya is administered as injections under the skin or infusions through a vein every four weeks, followed by injections under the skin every four or eight weeks. If your doctor decides that you can self inject Tremphya, proper training is required. Tremphya is a prescription medicine used to treat adults with moderately to severely active Crohn's disease and adults with moderately to severely active ulcerative colitis. Serious allergic reactions and increased risk of infections and liver problems may occur. Before treatment, your doctor should check you for infections and tuberculosis. Tell your doctor if you have an infection, flu like symptoms or if you need a vaccine. Explore what's possible. Ask your doctor about tremphya today. Call 1-800-526-7736 to learn more or visit tremphyaradio.com hey, Fidelity.

[Dr. Horton Home Builder Announcer]

How can I remember to invest every month?

[Fidelity Investment Advertiser]

With the Fidelity app, you can choose a schedule and set up recurring investments in stocks and ETFs.

[Dr. Horton Home Builder Announcer]

Huh, that sounds easier than I thought.

[Fidelity Investment Advertiser]

You got this?

[Dr. Horton Home Builder Announcer]

Yeah, I do. Now, where did I put my keys?

[Fidelity Investment Advertiser]

You will find them where you left them.

[Dr. Horton Home Builder Announcer]

Investing involves risk, including risk of loss. Fidelity Brokerage Services, llc. Member NYSE SIPC.

[Fidelity Investment Advertiser]

For my family, I'm always at my best. That's why I also want the best in my kitchen. And that means only Egglund's best eggs. They're always so fresh tasting and delicious, with 6 times more vitamin D, 10 times more vitamin E, and 25% less saturated fat than ordinary eggs. So why give your family less when they can have the best Egglands best? Better taste, better nutrition, better eggs. For added convenience, look for our hard cooked, peeled eggs.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I feel as if I'm doing everything I can. Religion, counseling, wait till marriage or sex. But it's still not good enough. I feel betrayed since she signed a lease behind my back. I don't think I can move forward with her leaving, but wanted to check to see if I'm not in the right since God told her. I mean, he's like, taking that seriously. Okay, I don't take seriously that God talks to people. I don't. I'm sorry. Somebody wants to have an intense relationship with Christ and God. I think that's wonderful. That's fabulous. Helps people. It's a real warm thing for a lot of people. But when there are dialogues, now I draw the line. Okay? This is a horrible manipulation. Sir, your name is Jonathan. The way I look at this, you should get on your knees and thank God. You almost. No, let me raise it. Get on your knees and thank God because you just dodged a bullet. You really want to get married to somebody this manipulative? I mean, how can you debate God? Aside from which, she's not negotiating with you. She's making her own decisions, you know, for which I don't have. I don't have anything negative to say about that. She decided purity speaking, stopping sex and not shacking up with you before marriage was a more saintly way to go. I agree with her. And since you didn't agree, she wasn't looking for your permission. She took control of her own life. I'm good with that. I am seriously good with what she's done. Except throwing God under the bus. In arguments, 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

[Expedia/Disney Cruise Line Announcer]

A dream is a wish your heart made. Step aboard a Disney cruise and discover where memories meet adventure. Where escape meets imagination. Where magic meets the sea. Disney Cruise Line.