The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: What to Do When in Serious Disagreement as Shack Ups

Date: January 31, 2026
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger

Overview

In this episode, Dr. Laura responds to a listener's heartfelt question about handling a serious disagreement with his fiancée. The couple has been living together (or "shacking up") but now faces conflict after she has experienced a religious awakening. She wishes to stop having sex until marriage and move out to strengthen their relationship, claiming God instructed her to do so. Dr. Laura provides her direct, candid take on their dilemma, discussing boundaries, self-advocacy, and the importance of honesty and agency in relationships.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Caller’s Dilemma: Sudden Change in Relationship Dynamics

(01:17–05:03, 07:54–10:28)

• The caller (Jonathan) describes being engaged for five months and living together for two years.
• His fiancée recently became devoutly religious and insists on abstaining from sex until marriage and wants to move out—decisions she attributes to direct guidance from God.
• Jonathan feels betrayed when she rapidly secures her own lease and movers without his input, and he feels his accommodating actions ("religion, counseling, wait till marriage for sex") are insufficient.

2. Dr. Laura’s Analysis: Red Flags & Manipulation

• Dr. Laura seizes on the phrase, "Am I wrong to not agree to what God has told her on moving out?" with a mix of humor and concern:

  • Quote (03:32):

    “I'm sorry, you're going to disagree with God? The woman is saying she speaks to God and God gives her daily advice here. I think that's going to be a problem in your marriage because it's going to be hard for you to argue. Honey, that's it. God said, what are you going to use? Huh?”
    — Dr. Laura (03:32)

• She notes that, regardless of Jonathan’s feelings, his fiancée is acting unilaterally and using "God told me" as an unassailable argument—something Dr. Laura labels as "horrible manipulation."

  • Quote (08:11):

    “This is a horrible manipulation. Sir, your name is Jonathan. The way I look at this, you should get on your knees and thank God. …You just dodged a bullet. You really want to get married to somebody this manipulative? I mean, how can you debate God?”
    — Dr. Laura (08:11)

3. Autonomy, Agency, and Ownership of Decisions

• Dr. Laura stresses that while she's fine with the fiancée's decision to pursue what she sees as a more "saintly way" (purity before marriage), she objects to the use of "God told me" to sidestep communication and negotiation:

  • Quote (09:06):

    “She decided purity speaking, stopping sex and not shacking up with you before marriage was a more saintly way to go. I agree with her. And since you didn't agree, she wasn't looking for your permission. She took control of her own life. I'm good with that. …Except throwing God under the bus. In arguments.”
    — Dr. Laura (09:06)

• Dr. Laura distinguishes between making an empowered life choice and manipulating a partner by invoking larger-than-life, unquestionable authority (i.e., God).

4. Key Takeaways for Jonathan and Listeners

• If your partner is unwilling to negotiate and places the authority for every major decision outside the relationship, it’s a serious red flag for the health of the partnership.
• Taking personal responsibility for life choices is commendable, but claiming "divine directives" shuts down honest adult conversation and problem-solving.
• Dr. Laura encourages Jonathan to view this turn of events as "dodging a bullet," suggesting incompatibility at this fundamental level of communication and values.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On debating with God:

  “I'm sorry, you're going to disagree with God? …It's going to be hard for you to argue. Honey, that's it. God said, what are you going to use? Huh?”
  — Dr. Laura (03:32)

• On manipulation:

  “This is a horrible manipulation. …You just dodged a bullet. …How can you debate God?”
  — Dr. Laura (08:11)

• On autonomy and personal responsibility:

  “She wasn't looking for your permission. She took control of her own life. I'm good with that. …Except throwing God under the bus.”
  — Dr. Laura (09:06)

Important Timestamps

• 01:17 — Caller email read aloud (situation outlined)
• 03:32 — Dr. Laura humorously comments on arguing with God
• 07:54 — Dr. Laura returns to analysis after ads
• 08:11–09:30 — Main advice: manipulation, red flags, autonomy

Tone and Style

Dr. Laura maintains her trademark directness, combining empathy for the caller’s pain with a brisk, no-nonsense reading of the situation. Her tone is frank, occasionally humorous, and laced with her characteristic skepticism toward "excuses" or manipulative argument tactics—especially those cloaked in moral or religious rhetoric.

Bottom Line

Dr. Laura’s core message: Unequal power dynamics and "divine" justifications for unilateral decisions are incompatible with a healthy, communicative partnership. Taking personal responsibility for one's faith journey is admirable, but using it to bypass mutual decision-making signals deeper incompatibility.

Dr. Laura’s final note for listeners and Jonathan:
Getting out now is a "bullet dodged"; beware marriages where open discussion is replaced by non-negotiable “higher authority” decrees.