What You Should Be Doing in Your First Couples Therapy Session

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: What You Should Be Doing in Your First Couples Therapy Session
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Release Date: February 15, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger presents a focused and practical approach for couples and therapists embarking on their first couples therapy session. Drawing from her extensive experience, Dr. Laura argues that rekindling positive emotions and memories at the start sets a productive tone for the work ahead, rather than immediately diving into problems and grievances. Through direct advice and illustrative scenarios, Dr. Laura’s playful yet no-nonsense style shines as she coaches both professionals and listeners on what actually works in launching meaningful change in relationships.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The Essential Structure for First Sessions

• Recommends Reminiscing:
  Dr. Laura encourages therapists (and couples) to begin their first session not with complaints, but with a guided reminiscence of how the couple met and what first drew them together.

  • Directive to Therapists:

    “Ask each other how they met, what it was like, how they saw each other, what they really liked about each other, what made them want to see the other person again and again? What made them excited about the other person? What were their dreams about the other person? What would they say to their best friends about the other person?”
    (Dr. Laura, 01:58)

  • Dr. Laura asserts that this approach helps clients reconnect emotionally and sets a more constructive stage for therapy.

2. The Emotional Impact of Positive Memory

• Predicted Effects on Couples:
  Dr. Laura explains that by having couples reflect on their early joy, therapists create the conditions for positive change.

  “Can you imagine going into couples therapy and having the therapist have you reminisce about all that beautiful stuff? Can you imagine how you're both going to feel when you go home. You're probably going to hold hands and not know why.”
  (Dr. Laura, 02:43)

  • This technique isn’t just for nostalgia; it’s meant to foster renewed affection and optimism.

3. Problems Don’t Vanish—But Mindset Changes First

• Strategic Sequencing:
  Dr. Laura acknowledges that underlying issues still require attention, but she stresses the importance of timing and mood:

  “Of course there are things that are going to need attention. So what? You can't make people pay attention when they're not in the attentive mood. After an hour of a couple going over all of this joy, they're going to be more interested in recreating it because that's basically what we're going to try to do, recreate it.”
  (Dr. Laura, 03:15)

  • The implication: Focus on joy first, because it opens people up and motivates them to address the hard stuff afterwards.

4. Critique of Conventional Couples Therapy

• Why Many Sessions Fail:
  Dr. Laura is unsparing in her critique of the “traditional” session structure:

  “That's why a lot of couples therapy is just nonsense. We're just going to listen to both of you complain. Then the other person gets defensive. Then it makes you more frustrated. And that goes both ways. And just when nothing was accomplished, the therapist says, see you next week.”
  (Dr. Laura, 06:44)

  • She suggests that merely alternating complaints and defensiveness gets couples “nowhere,” and calls for a more proactive, positive approach.

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Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• On the Power of Positive Recall:
  “You're probably going to hold hands and not know why.”
  (Dr. Laura, 02:43)

• On the Limits of Complaint-Based Therapy:
  “A lot of couples therapy is just nonsense… you complain, the other person gets defensive, then nothing is accomplished.”
  (Dr. Laura, 06:44)

• On the Purpose of Therapy:
  “After an hour of a couple going over all of this joy, they're going to be more interested in recreating it because that's basically what we're going to try to do, recreate it.”
  (Dr. Laura, 03:15)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:58–03:11 — Dr. Laura introduces her first-session strategy for couples therapy: reminisce about early days and positive memories.
• 03:15–03:54 — Further reflections on the usefulness of positive recall and preparing for more difficult conversations later.
• 06:44–07:49 — Dr. Laura critiques conventional, complaint-focused therapy and reiterates her method’s advantages.

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Tone and Language

• Direct, practical, and candid: Dr. Laura’s advice is clear, straightforward, and laced with her characteristic wit and skepticism about “what everyone else does.”
• Encouraging and optimistic: She frames relationship work as hopeful and actionable rather than dire or punitive.
• Conversational and relatable: Examples and metaphors (like unconsciously holding hands) make the concepts accessible.

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Takeaway

Dr. Laura’s core advice for couples (and their therapists):
Start with what’s right before addressing what’s wrong. Spark the positive memories and feelings that drew you together—then, and only then, work on the problems with a refreshed spirit. Her memorable “marching orders” offer a simple, actionable framework that underscores the power of reconnecting with joy as the true foundation of repair.

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For full episodes and listener call-ins, visit: DrLaura.com

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Let me suggest to you folks who are going to go into couples therapy and you therapists who do couples therapy to do this thing. The first session, the first session you have with the couple. Ask each other how they met, what it was like, how they saw each other, what they really liked about each other, what made them want to see the other person again and again? What made them excited about the other person? What were their dreams about the other person? What would they say to their best friends about the other person? Can you imagine going into couples therapy and having the therapist have you reminisce about all that beautiful stuff? Can you imagine how you're both going to feel when you go home. You're probably going to hold hands and not know why. So if you're a therapist, those are your marching orders. Have them tap into the joy that.

[Jamie Syer]

Was.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Of course there are things that are going to need attention. So what? You can't make people pay attention when they're not in the attentive mood. After an hour of a couple going over all of this joy, they're going to be more interested in recreating it because that's basically what we're going to try to do, recreate it.

[Jamie Syer]

The best stories are inspirational about people following their dreams and achieving their goals. And that's the main ingredient in in the Food Network Obsessed Podcast each week, Food Network Obsessed host Jamie Syre sits down with your favorite show hosts and chefs to dish on all things delicious in the food world. Yep, Food Network Obsessed is about food, but it's also about the people behind the restaurants and the cookbooks you love. You'll get a taste of Food Network's hottest shows and a sprinkle of history too. Chef Duke Chase shares how his grandmother, the Queen of Creole cuisine, became the inspiration behind Disney's first black princess. And food stylist Christine Tobin shares what it was like to recreate Julia Child's iconic dishes for television. Even if, like me, you're not into cooking, you'll discover a story to savor in the Food Network Obsessed podcast. So dig in and listen to Food Network Obsessed wherever you get.

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

What do you think about that? That's why a lot of couples therapy is just nonsense. We're just going to listen to both of you complain. Then the other person gets defensive. Then it makes you more frustrated. And that goes both ways. And just when nothing was accomplished, the therapist says, see you next week. Okay, closing in on the top of the hour, remember. By the way, you can make an appointment to speak with me on the air by visiting the [e-mail] and specifying day and time. Please also consider subscribing to our YouTube [e-mail] drlaura like the videos? Leave a comment and be sure to hit that notification bell so when we drop new content throughout the week, you can hear bells ringing. And here's a reminder.

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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